Scratching The Surface

Chapter 21

The beeping of the monitor was what Lexa heard when she blinked her eyes open. Her head hurt along with her side when she tried to move. She moved her head to the side and caused her vision to swim and the smell of Anya's perfume overpowered the stench of wherever she was. Her friend was asleep in a chair nearby, a thin blanket covering her. Bags were under Anya's eyes as though she hadn't slept well which she possibly couldn't have in a hospital recliner.

She felt the scratchy sheets on the bed and kicked the covers up and realized she was lying in a hospital bed. Lexa clenched her hands into the blanket and looked around wildly, she didn't think she was hurt that bad on the field, than the realization dawned.

Clarke...

Right as Lexa received the ball, she looked towards the stands to find nobody there and her heart plummeted in her chest.

Clarke...

Anya looked directly at her and the look on her face told Lexa all she needed to know.

Clarke...

What do you mean, you can't find her, she wasn't supposed to go anywhere alone.

Clarke...

It was a text that read, 'She's mine now.'

Someone took Clarke. The beep of the monitor sped up as Lexa's heart rate did. Cold fear gripped her body as she tried to get out of the bed in a panic.

"Lexa!!" Anya's hands grabbed at her arms.

"Let me go!" Lexa shouted, fighting back. She struggled against her friend, "they have Clarke!" she fought with everything she had, but her body felt weak. Unbidden tears started streaming down her face.

"I know!" Anya shouted back, "I know, Lex, but we're gonna fix it! We're going to find her."

Lexa got her legs over the side of the bed, "let me go, An!"

"Lexa, Lexa, stop!" Anya fought back.

Out of the corner of her eye Lexa saw people running into the room. Nurses. Shouting things at ler. Her head felt dizzy. Her vision swum, "someone took Clarke!...." she tried getting up again.

"Lexa, no!" Anya shouted. Then she was in Lexa's face and pushing her down onto the hospital bed. Lexa fought back, "I have to!" she shouted out, hitting her friend's shoulders as hard as she could not realising how feeble and weak the motions were, "Clarke's gone! I have to.. Clarke...." Lexa's eyes rolled back in her head as she fainted again.

The sun shined brightly over the water at their spot on the beach and Clarke was sitting there in her blue sundress and her hair down in waves across her shoulders. She was in her arms and they were staring out over the water at the waves crashing to shore.

It was the perfect afternoon and Lexa laid a kiss on Clarke's bare shoulder, "I love you."

"I love you too," Clarke smiled, "My dad should be here any minute."

"Your dad," Nerves fluttered in her stomach at the mention of Jake Griffin, "I can't wait to meet him."

"He's gonna love you, don't worry," Clarke squeezed her hand.

"I'm not worried," She said and laid her head on Clarke's shoulder, "What's not to love?"

Clarke laughed and it was music to her ears, "So full of yourself, aren't you love?"

"Never," Lexa kissed her cheek and then the corner of her lips, "I got you to fall in love with me after all."

"I think you got that backwards," Clarke kissed her lightly on the lips, "Hey, he's here."

Lexa looked up to see a man with sandy blonde hair walking toward them. Clarke was standing up and so Lexa got to her feet as well. The little bit of nerves she had turned into butterflies when he stopped where they were. Jake Griffin had blue eyes exactly like Clarke's. He smiled at Clarke and hugged her, "hi honey."

"Hi dad," Clarke hugged him back.

When Jake let her go and turned to Lexa she noticed his eyes danced like Clarke's did too, "and who is this?" he smiled at her.

"Dad, this is my girlfriend, Lexa." Clarke introduced, smiling first at him and then at her, "Lex, this is my dad Jake Griffin." Clarke brushed hair out of her face and stepped back with a small smile.

Lexa swallowed her nerves and stepped in to shake his hand, "It's so nice to meet you sir, Clarke has told me so many wonderful things about you."

Jake Griffin laughed, "oh she has, has she?"

The next time she woke Lexa couldn't open her eyes. They felt too heavy. She remembered she the hospital, but her first thought was Clarke. She pried her eyes open slowly hoping it had all been a dream.

It wasn't.

She fainted and woke up here...

That was embarrassing, Lexa really hoped someone had informed her coach of the ordeal because he had a right to know at least that she normally didn't walk off the field. Anya was no longer beside her and she was all alone.

Not knowing how long she'd been out of it drove her insane, so she struggled to sit up again, but the wires connected to her stopped her in her tracks. Lexa fumbled for the button to call a nurse when the door opened and Lexa's gaze whipped over hoping it was Clarke.

Octavia walked in on the phone, and Lexa zoned in on the conversation because she hadn't realized Lexa was awake yet.

"No, we haven't heard anything. We have no idea who-" Octavia said into the phone. "Yeah, I know." She sighed and wiped a hand across her face. "Thanks for calling and checking in. Of course I'll let you know. I love you too. Bye." She smiled sadly and hung up.

Lexa groaned again and Octavia's eyes flicked to hers, "Who was that?"

"My brother," She made her way over to her. "How you feeling?"

"Hurts, but none of that matters now. How long have I been out?"

"A few hours," Octavia answered and looked down at the ground, "Listen, Lexa...I-"

Octavia's phone went off again and she answered it quickly, "Hello, Miss G..."

It took a moment for Lexa to know who was on the phone and tears welled in her eyes. She had failed Clarke, she failed Clarke's mother and her friends. The crushing guilt settled on her chest and she found it hard to breathe. She tried to suck in air, but it hurt to do so and she panicked. Lexa vaguely heard Octavia still talking to Abby.

"Yes, we're at the hospital. No she has to stay the night for observation. It was a nasty hit she took. No, nothing's broken, but she has a couple bruised ribs and a concussion. She was so distracted. It's my-" Octavia nodded her head. "Yes, ma'am. See you soon."

The heart monitor went ballistic as Lexa's heart rate shot through the roof and a nurse came bustling in.

"Miss. Woods," The nurse came to her side, "you need to calm down or you're going to do more damage."

"Damage, what damage?" Lexa flitted her eyes back and forth around the room and to the nurse's kind face. "I need to get out of here, I need to-"

"You need to rest, you're lucky you only bruised your ribs, that was a nasty hit you took, not to mention the concussion you sustained." The nurse pushed on her shoulder to get her to lay back. "I'm going to give you something that will calm you down."

The nurse went around and injected something into her IV against Lexa's protests, "No, I don't need anything, I just want to leave, please. I need to, I need-" Her eyesight got blurry and Octavia and the nurse swam in and out of focus before the haze of sleep pulled up under.

The tile floor felt like ice against her bare legs. But Lexa couldn't stand if she wanted to. Clarke glared down at her with angry blue eyes, "you don't really love me or you would have fucking told the truth!"

Clarke stormed out of the room leaving Lexa cold and shivering by the washer, "but I love you Clarke!" she crawled after her reaching to the closed door. She should have told her. She shouldn't have fucked her on the porch when she had a stalker...

Her phone rang. Sobbing Lexa answered it, "hello?"

"Is this Ms Lexa Woods?" Officer Green's voice asked her.

Lexa got up on shaking legs, "this is Lexa. Who is this?"

"This is the police department, we need you to come down to the station and identify a body. Your number is the last contact called. Can you come down?"

"I...umm...sure," Lexa stumbled over her words, "But who do you think it is?"

"Ma'am, just please come down to the station and we can talk about it then," Officer Green asked politely.

Lexa opened the laundry room door and she was in the waiting room of the police station and looked around for the officer, "I was told to come down here asap, I'm..."

"Miss. Woods, thank you for coming down so quickly," The officer shook her hand, "If you could follow me, please," She gestured for her to follow.

She did, and the officer led her down a long gray corridor with bad lighting. She could hear the sound of their steps echoing and the occasional person they passed would look at her in pity and quickly scramble away. They stopped outside a door at last and the officer opened it, "she's in here." they said to her, motioning Lexa to go in first.

With her heart in her throat she stepped into the room and only managed a few steps horrified by the sight of a body under a sheet on a steel autopsy table. The officer loudly whipped the sheet back revealing Clarke's body naked and sallow under bright light and Lexa screamed and scrambled backward until she hit the door biting her hand.

The television was the first thing, Lexa heard when blinked her eyes open again. Her heart was pounding out of her chest and tears streamed down her face that she wiped away. It was just a dream, only a dream. She kept repeating to herself over and over again, but it didn't help because her life had become a living nightmare.

The room was dark and the drapes were open and she could see the streetlamps shining in through the window, so it had to have been a few hours since she woke up before. She glanced up at her friends who were all their talking in hushed voices.

"We need to talk to her," Octavia hissed.

"No, she needs to rest," Anya stood with her arms folded in front of her bed.

"Shouldn't Lexa make the decision on her own," Lincoln suggested.

"Whoever sent the picture must like watching Lexa hurt." Anya spoke up.

"I think hurting Lexa is just a bonus because they took Clarke and the texts started with her and maybe Lexa was just in the way," Lincoln shrugged his shoulders.

"Linc, I think you have a valid point, but right now our main focus should be finding Clarke first," Octavia leaned against her boyfriend.

"There's obviously more going on then we know," Raven stood side to side with Anya. "Look, I have Lexa's phone, so maybe we can use it somehow. I've started to look at it, but I'll need more time to-"

Their conversation was interrupted when the news story broke across the screen and they all fell silent when a picture of Clarke filled the screen. The caption at the bottom said, 'Champion surfer missing.' Lexa's eyes filled with tears at the sight of Clarke's pretty face. The image changed to an announcer walking along the beach, "we're here continuing coverage of the disappearance of local surfer, Clarke Griffin-"

A myriad of emotions flooded through her and Lexa couldn't handle it.

The news report went on, "who disappeared from a local game. From what we've just been told her girlfriend, Lexa Woods," an image of herself in her football gear showed up, "is also in the hospital we don't know the extent of her-"

Lexa felt numb, "this isn't about me..." she snarled quietly, her eyes swimming with anger and tears. Everyone's eyes whipped to her and she tried to move but all she could barely manage was to lift an arm and half sit before flopping back to the bed, "turn it off!"

"Lexa?.." Anya spoke up.

The angry tears fell down Lexa's face, "I said turn the fucking tv off!" she shouted.

"Lex.." Lincoln approached the side of her bed and Lexa shifted away from him, "We're here to help."

"I don't fucking deserve it! I lost her!" Lexa snapped, "this is my fault!" she saw them all look at each other, How long?" Lexa looked around at each of them. "How long since I fainted?"

"You've been in and out of it for a little over a day," Anya answered when everyone else stood frozen.

"A day!" Lexa exploded, "And you all are in here with me and not out there trying to find CLARKE!" Lexa went to sit up and pain exploded in her side. "Why aren't you doing something? She's your friend too!" Tears streamed down her face and she looked away

"Lexa..." Anya reached for her, but Lexa flinched back and shouted, "don't fucking touch me!"

"We just want to help," Octavia took a step forward which was a mistake when Lexa shot a death glare at her.

"You..." Lexa hissed, "Where were you? Where the fuck were you when Clarke got taken? You should have been watching her. I thought you were her friend and you failed. This is your fault! This is all your fault!" She screamed and Octavia took a couple steps backwards.

"She was like ten feet from me!" Octavia shouted back, her eyes filled with tears and she started to tremble, guilt written all over her face, "the food stand was right there! I could see her! I saw her talking to someone, but she seemed okay with it when I looked at her! I went to pay! I looked away for a second! And she was gone. I shouldn't have fucking turned my head! I shouldn't," Octavia choked up, "I shouldn't have left her....." she sank into a chair sobbing.

"No you shouldn't have, you knew, you all knew! I trusted you!" Lexa put her head in her hands and groaned in pain. "I trusted all of you!" Lexa's voice broke, "Get out!"

"Lexa," Anya spoke up quietly in the cold silence that followed, "there's cops right outside. They can explain better. It might help you-"

"Fuck!" Lexa leaned her head back because the last thing she wanted to do was talk to them, but its not like they care, "Fine, send them in, but it better not be the first two. I swear to god if I see them, I won't be able to control myself. They fucking failed at their job."

"I promise it's not them," Anya reassured her, " I wouldn't let them in if it was I promise," Anya walked over to the door, "Are you ready?"

"No, but isn't like I have a fucking choice now do I?" Lexa grimaced when she shifted in bed and when Raven stepped forward to help, she waved her away. "Don't, just don't."

The door opened and in walked a man and a woman who both had serious expressions on their faces. They were followed by Abby and Lexa didn't want to see her, didn't want to admit to her that she failed to protect Clarke like she promised.

"Ms. Woods," The man stepped forward and pulled out a pen and notebook, "I'm Detective Marcus Kane and this is my partner, Detective Callie Cartwig." They strode forward to shake her hand, but Lexa refused. "First of all, we want you to know we are doing everything in our power to find Ms. Griffin."

Abby had made her way around to Lexa's side and she didn't have the heart to make eye contact with her. She felt Abby's hand on her shoulder and tried not to shrug it off. "Listen to them, Lexa. They only want to help."

Lexa nodded at her.

"How do you expect me to believe that? The other two cops were supposed to protect her and they didn't do their job. They told us everything would be okay, they promised and so now you expect me to believe that you're actually gonna help," Lexa glared at them, but neither backed down.

"We understand what you're feeling, ma'am," Detective Cartwig spoke up, "We-"

"Don't pretend for a second you know how I'm feeling," Lexa snarled, "What good are you cops anyways if you can't even do your fucking job."

Detective Kane spoke up, "actually, there were many things that officer's Byrne and Green should have told you especially about being in protective custody, and we have discovered they did not."

Cartwig spoke up, "They should have told you that you couldn't continue your normal activities during the duration of the investigation and not to contact anyone you knew or hand out your new phone number. For some reason they also had not assigned a protective detail to Miss Griffin." Cartwig shook her head as though she was at utter loss of words for this behavior and glanced at Kane.

"The negligence on their part was inexcusable," Kane offered, "As a result of which they have been suspended from duty and removed from the case."

"You gotta be kidding me, we trusted you. You're the fucking cops. What a crock of shit that is. I don't care for your apologies. They don't mean shit to me," Lexa tried not to let more tears fall but her anger, fear and despair burned hearing this. "We did what we were told to do, but all that matters right now, is finding Clarke. So why don't you go out there and do your job!"

"We are doing everything in our power to help. We've been briefed by the officers, and we spoke to your friends as well," Kane spoke, "it might interest you to know we've been going over security footage from the game we do have and one of our strongest leads is a man Clarke was last seen talking to at around 9:31 right before she disappeared." Kane pulled a photo from his pocket and approached the side of the bed, "it coincides with the statement Ms. Blake has given us about seeing your girlfriend talking to someone." he held the picture out for Lexa, "do you know him?"

"No, I've never seen him before," Lexa stared hard at the grainy picture of the man. She didn't like it at all how close he was standing to Clarke. It made anger boil in her stomach and tears well in her eyes again. Clarke looked happy and excited, and was reading something hard to see off a business card, "is this..." Lexa croaked out, "is this your main suspect?" her throat went utterly dry. Was this who took Clarke from her?

"It is, yes." Cartwig confirmed. She cast a glance of disappointment toward Kane that said they had been hoping Lexa knew him somehow, "we don't who he is yet, but we are trying to clear up the picture enough to see what is on the card. It might help identify him."

Kane pulled the picture back carefully and folded it and put it in his pocket, "we have also taken Ontari North in for questioning."

"Good, that bitch has something to do with it, I just know it," Anya said.

"Anya's right, she's had it out for me for years," Lexa agreed.

"But you haven't seen the man in the photo?" Cartwig pressed carefully, frustration evident in her eyes, but not directed at Lexa, "you are sure?"

"Isn't that what I just said," Lexa growled, "If I'd seen him, I would fucking tell you."

"We understand Miss Woods," Cartwig answered, "we just need to be absolutely sure because-"

"But what would he want with her?" Abby demanded shortly, having seen the picture.

"We don't know him," Lexa snapped at Cartwig and Kane, "what about Ontari, or Finn or Nia? They at least have a fucking reason!" And yet, he was the last one seen with Clarke. Lexa desperately wiped at the tears that were falling down her face and panic threatened to overtake her mindset.

"And we will talk to them." Cartwig said.

"But first is there anything else you can think of?" Kane asked, "anything that we need to know?"

"These questions aren't helping Clarke," Lexa rasped quietly, "Are we done now?" Lexa closed her eyes and pictured Clarke's smile to calm down, but it just made her heart hurt, "Please, I just...I just need-"

"We will be on our way. We were informed they wanted to keep you tonight as well for observation. We will keep you updated and we wish you a speedy recovery," Kane nodded politely.

"Feel better and remember we are doing everything in our power to find Clarke," Cartwig promised and made her way out of the room, followed by Kane.

"Do you want us to go too?" Raven asked warily. She laid Lexa's phone down beside her, "Thought you might want this..." She trailed off and left the rest unsaid.

Lexa just nodded and slumped back into the pillow exhausted. She just wanted to be left alone. The only thing that would make her feel better is Clarke by her side, "yes." she mumbled, closing her eyes. Lexa listened as everyone stood up and left the room. Someone was sobbing quietly, probably Octavia. But right now she didn't care.

"We're going to be right outside, at least one of us at all times." Anya spoke.

Lexa didn't answer. She didn't even nod her head. Because out there somewhere someone had Clarke. She didn't know what the man in the picture could want with her. But the sound of the door closing told Lexa she was finally all alone.

She rolled onto her side and let out a broken sob that filled the room. Her sobs continued to echo in the room and tears soaked the pillow. Her ribs ached, but it wasn't anything compared to the pain in her heart. She deserved the physical pain and even the emotional as well because it was her fault that Clarke was gone.

The game could've been missed, it should've been missed because nothing was more important than Clarke's safety. Instead of being with her and protecting her, she was out on the field playing in a game that didn't matter. She made the mistake of trusting the cops and she wouldn't make the same mistake twice. Lexa hiccuped and decided that she would sneak out and fuck what anyone else thought.

Her sobs stopped finally and with a shaking breath she put her hand under her pillow and pulled out her phone. She took a deep breath before she turned it on. Lexa just wanted to see Clarke's face because she hoped it would help. Her phone lit up and graced her with Clarke's smiling picture she took right before her game. She lingered on Clarke's face when a text popped up on her screen. She felt her heartrate speed up and the baby hairs on the back of her neck stood up.

It was another unknown number and fear and apprehension prickled over her body like ice. Lexa pressed open on the text and braced for whatever the kidnapper would torment her with next. But she still wasn't ready for the three letters on the screen of her phone. The text read 'LOL'. Her hand started shaking as she understood what she was looking at. Lexa dropped her phone. They were fucking taunting her.

Enough was enough.

She unhooked the monitors from her and and gingerly got up from the bed. Lexa searched around for her clothes and relieved to see that someone had brought her some clean ones. She winced and groaned as she got dressed, and she made her way out of her room.

Lexa didn't make it two steps out the door before a voice stopped her.

"Where do you think you're going?" Anya stepped into her line of vision.

"I can't sit around and do nothing," Lexa croaked, "I can't An. She's out there somewhere and whoever the fuck has her is taunting me," Lexa handed over her phone. "Look..." Lexa leaned against the wall for support, "I mean at least maybe this means she's alive at least, but-"

Anya thrust her phone back at her and she fumbled to pull up the text from the game, "Check this out! The picture at the game is from a different number than the text you just got," Anya grabbed Lexa's arm and helped her back into her room, "But first, you need to get back in that bed. Don't make me call the nurse, Lex."

Lexa stared at the bed and then glared across at Anya for suggesting it, "I don't need to go back to bed," she stormed over to the window and stared into the night, "this never should have fucking happened. It's all my fault." She saw Clarke blowing kisses to her again from the stands. What if she never saw her again? What if it that was the last time she kissed her or touched her or felt her body against hers? And since that moment on the field when she saw Anya alone at the rail her whole body ached with fears that would not stop.

"Lexa," Anya's voice sounded distant but calm, "it's not your fault."

Guilt piled onto Lexa, crushing her, "but it is. There is so much I should have done differently." She turned to stare her friend down if Anya tried to challenge it again. But the quick movement felt like a knife in her ribs and made her dizzy. Her vision blurred and she caught herself on the edge of the window.

Anya was at her side in a instant and put a hand on her shoulder to help steady her, "it's not your fault, c'mon, you need to get rest. You're not doing Clarke nor yourself any favors if you hurt yourself worse, okay?"

For a brief moment, Lexa took comfort in Anya and leaned into her, "Fine," Lexa grumbled and let Anya guide her back to bed.

"You're an idiot, only you with multiple bruised ribs and a concussion would be stubborn enough to attempt what you did," Anya helped lower her in bed and took off her shoes.

"Where is she, An?" A sob broke through and Anya sat down beside her on the bed. "I just want Clarke home. I should have been more careful, I shouldn't have played in the game, I shouldn't have-"

"Lex, none of this is your fault. Whoever is doing this is at fault, not you," Anya tried to reassure her, but it didn't help.

"Yes, it was." Lexa countered definitely angry, "I mean! How fucking stupid could I be to have sex out on the porch when I knew she had a stalker?!" Lexa dragged her hands down her face in frustration, "I wasn't thinking clearly-"

"That much was clear at the Dropship." Anya put in, "but for what is worth, Clarke was drunk too.."

"Anya stop," Lexa snapped and glared at her, "there is no way you're putting any of this on Clarke. It was my responsibility. But we were drunk-"

"Exactly, you were drunk," Anya agreed finally, fiercely, and for some reason it stopped Lexa cold from what she was about to say especially when Anya pushed again, "you were both drunk and drunk people do stupid shit all the time, Lexa. It was a mistake, that's all. Everyone makes mistakes. I mean c'mon, who the fuck would think of something like that during sex?" Anya smiled.She shouldered Lexa carefully, "all you were thinking about, was each other. And that's how it should be."

Lexa clutched the edge of the bed until her knuckles were white, "I fucked up. I was only thinking of her. She was the only thing I thought about.. She means everything to me. I'm so in love with her and if I lose her-" Lexa clenched her fists into the sheets.

"We aren't going to let that happen. Don't think like that, please. I know it's hard not to," Anya put a hand on her leg, "Clarke wouldn't want you to-"

"You don't know what she would want," Lexa breathed out, "You don't even like her."

"I was wary of her, yes because I saw the way you looked at her in the beginning and I knew she held the power to wreck you," Anya stood up and started to pace, "I was just looking out for you, but Clarke is the best thing that's happened to you and I've never seen you so happy. Besides Blondie isn't so bad," She stopped her pacing, "Speaking of the porch, you do know that they gave you a break on the indecent exposure right considering everything that's happened."

"I could care less about that. It wasn't my finest moment, besides now that video is out, it makes me look like a monster, but I'm not. I would never hurt her ever. I love her," Lexa's watery gaze met Anya's. "You've always been a good friend, you're my best friend, but I really don't care about the exposure. Besides our balcony faces the woods, who was I going to expose myself too? Woodland creatures."

Anya laughed, but sobered quickly when Lexa slanted a look at her, "We know that, I know that, Lex. The video has gone viral, this could affect the scouts and your NFL dreams though and-"

"Nothing is more important than Clarke." Lexa cut in, "The NFL is a still a dream of mine, sure, but without Clarke none of it means anything. She's my dream." Lexa slammed her head back into the pillow and hated that she was hurt and couldn't go find Clarke. She wanted more than anything to be out there to look for her, but knew Clarke would kill her if she didn't follow doctor's orders. She could picture her right now, her arms folded across her chest, and glaring at her. She thought she could even smell her vanilla shampoo and inhaled deeply.

She wanted Clarke.

"We will find her. Do you really think we would leave this to the cops?" Anya smirked at her and raised an eyebrow, "I mean my girlfriend is basically a genius and we will be doing our investigating. After the cops fucked up especially."

"They were supposed to be at the game," Lexa snapped out of frustration, "they said, a car would be around. How can I ever trust any cop after this? Even Kane?" Lexa was barely starting to finally register what the new pair of detectives had said. She sat in disbelief for a few seconds but it was long enough for anger to build, "I trusted them," she swallowed bitterly. Lexa looked at Anya sitting there next to her and snarled, "I got in that car and I went with them the minute I knew my home wasn't safe. Did those two cops just forget us?" Lexa demanded trying to understand how such a fuck up could happen, "were they in on it? Were we just another job to them and they just shoved us into a hotel room and walked away?"

"I don't think they were in on it. From what we overheard, they were caught up in something else," Anya looked at her, "Before you ask, no we don't know what, but whatever is was is just a fucking excuse. I'm sorry, Lexa."

"Sorry for what?" Lexa asked skeptically, but she had a feeling what she was referring to.

Anya rushed, "I should have protected her better, I shouldn't have let her out of my sight. I'm so sorry. I didn't think anyone would be stupid enough to try something at a packed game, I've been racking my brain trying to figure it out, but I can't come up with anything."

"It's not your fault. it's mine. All mine." Lexa was strangled by the guilt because she'd failed to protect the woman she loved. Nobody else. Just her. She sighed. She looked at Anya. She knew Anya was going to say it, again, just by the look in her eyes so she cut her off before she could, "don't say it isn't." Lexa sat up too fast and pain stabbed through her bones. Her vision swum a little and she held her ribs. Lexa sank back onto the bed.

"Don't move." Anya said.

Lexa looked up to see her leaving, "where are you going?"

"To get a nurse for your stubborn ass." Anya walked out of the room before Lexa could protest. Not even two minutes later, a nurse came in and shook her head when she saw everything unhooked.

"I need to reinsert the IV, you shouldn't have pulled it out like that," The nurse set about getting it back in and Lexa tried not to let either of them know it hurt. It didn't take long until she was hooked back up. "I'm going to give you something for the pain and to help you sleep."

"No, I don't need anything, I'm fine..." Lexa gritted out, "I just want to go home," Right now though she wasn't sure where she'd want to go. Everyplace reminded her of Clarke and going back to any of those places. It would feel empty without her. Clarke was her home and those places just reminded her of what she lost.

"Too late," The nurse patted her on the shoulder, "It will take effect shortly. Rest now, I'll check on you in a few hours," She excused herself and left the room.

"Damn it, Anya. I didn't need anything...I'm fi..fine," Lexa's speech started to slur and before she
knew it, sleep pulled her under once more. She didn't see Anya make herself comfortable in the chair next to her.

She dreamed about Clarke.

-=-

The next morning, Lexa woke up groggy and disoriented from the pain medicine. She didn't want to open her eyes because she knew she wouldn't see Clarke next to her. Lexa took a couple breaths before she pried her eyes open and the first thing she saw was Anya asleep in the an uncomfortable looking chair. Her heart ached and she rubbed at her chest trying to stop it, but it was no use.

It wouldn't go away until they found Clarke.

Her mind replayed every text, picture and video that she say and wondered if there were more that they weren't even aware of. Lexa couldn't help but wonder if this had been going on longer than either of them even realized. The thought made her sick to her stomach, but the more she thought about the more legit it seemed to be. Whoever this was had to have been planning this for a long time. Maybe even before she even met Clarke. Lexa's head started to throb in pain and she grabbed at it in vain.

Her thoughts were all over the place and she couldn't think clearly with the stupid concussion. But she knew it had been almost two days since the incident and all Lexa wanted was to get discharged so she could go and find Clarke. Nothing was going to stop her. Nothing was going to get in the way of her bringing Clarke home safe and sound. Staring at Clarke's picture in her phone she vowed with every fiber of her being that would happen one way or the other.

Deciding she wanted to hurry the process along because she felt useless stuck in the hospital bed, Lexa pressed the button for the nurse. A few minutes later, the same nurse came in with a smile.

"Good morning!" She said cheerfully and Lexa wanted to smack the stupid smile off her face. It was anything but a good morning.

"Morning," The nurse went about and checked her vitals, "When can I be discharged?" Lexa got straight to the point and cut off whatever the nurse was going to say.

"The doctor should be in shortly to see you," She answered with another annoyingly bright smile.

"Any chance, the doc could come in now," Lexa's voice started to get higher, before she restrained herself. It wasn't the nurse's fault.

"I'm sorry, but you aren't her only patient, I do promise she'll be in as soon as she can," The nurse finished checking everything before looking at her. "Is there anything else you need right now?"

"No, thank you," Lexa grumbled and closed her eyes. She could feel the inquisitive gaze of the nurse, but chose to ignore it. Only when she heard her door close did Lexa open her eyes again. She met Anya's gaze that was full of understanding and sadness and she had to look away. Lexa didn't deserve any of that and Anya was such a good friend, but Lexa just couldn't handle it right now.

"Please don't," Lexa didn't meet her eyes again.

"Don't what?" Anya's voice was still thick from sleep, "Care about you, be here for you, help you, what?" Anya's voice changed towards frustration. Lexa didn't blame her, she wasn't exactly the most pleasant person to be around right now.

"Don't look at me like that, like I'm something you need to fix," Lexa buried her face into the lumpy hospital pillow.

"I'm not, I'm your best friend and I'm only trying to help," Anya snapped irritably, "You don't have to go through this alone, Lex."

"I deserve to, I know you want to help, I know you all do, but what good is that gonna do? Clarke is missing and we are no closer to finding her and it's been almost two days..." Lexa's heart was in her throat and she punched her pillow hard. Lexa felt like a broken record, but it was all that was on her mind. It was the only thing that mattered.

"Well, I'm not going anywhere, so go ahead and push me away, Lex, but I'm not budging. Whether you realize it or not, you need help and I'll be there when you finally come to your senses," Anya stood up and stretched. Lexa could hear her back popping as she did so, "I'll be back in a little while."

Lexa didn't say anything as Anya made herself scarce nor did she want to admit that she was correct. Part of her wanted more pain medicine so she could slip into sleep and not think about how her life turned upside down, but the other part was telling her to do everything she could to get out of here and find Clarke.

She knew what she had to do. She had to get out of the hospital. She had to go home, and then she had to go back to the place Clarke was last at. She didn't know why, and as the tears came again because all of this was just reminders that Clarke was gone. But she knew she had to go find that place.

The cops meant nothing to her. Not even the new pair could fix what had been done. No, that was up to her. She was going to have to find a way to find out how long this had been happening to Clarke. Lexa's heart squeezed a little more realising it meant she'd have to go by Clarke's house. Lexa moved and sank down on the edge of the hospital bed. She didn't know if she could do this. The quiet knock that sounded on her door made her look up quickly. Anya wouldn't knock. Her friends had cleared out and the nurses just came and went as they pleased. Her brain shot to the stalker automatically because she was in overdrive and even though she knew realistically, they wouldn't dare.

The door pushed open, "can I come in?" her coach's voice asked.

Lexa exhaled in frustration and relief. She really didn't want anything to do with anyone and she hadn't expected him. But probably should have, "yeah." she spoke at last. But didn't move her eyes from the floor. The door pushed open more and he entered the room and came to a stop right in front of her, "I heard," he said.

Clearly, she thought. But didn't look at him. Lexa took a deep breath and tried to find a way to start to navigate this world Clarke was missing from, "everyone has."

"I'm sorry, Lexa." he said to her next.

She just shrugged.

"I just wanted to let you know you're benched until your ribs heal, so no practice for you. I also contacted your professors and let them know the situation and everything. I will collect your schoolwork for you. Also, in light of everything that's happened, I have a place on campus you can stay at if you'd like. You don't have to, but it's there if you need it," He handed her a key that she took and laid on the table next to her.

"Thank you," Lexa tried not to let her weakness show because if there was anything her coach hated more, it was weakness. "I'll consider it. Anything else, coach?"

"That's all, I just wanted to check up on you and didn't want you to stress about practice or school right now. Just get better. I need my star player in top form, okay?" Her coach stood and looked at her.

She raised her eyes from the floor and met his steely gaze, "Yes, sir," Lexa nodded.

"Oh, before I forget, can I get your new number?" He asked and pulled out his phone.

"I'm not supposed to-" Lexa cut herself off. What did it matter now if someone else had her number. The stalker had it and it was a police issued phone so did it really matter if her coach had it, She rattled off the numbers and was relieved when he made his excuses and left the room as quickly as he came.

She wrapped an arm around her ribs as she moved over to the recliner. She hated being stuck in a bed like an invalid. She was the Commander and needed to act like it. Lexa closed her eyes and listened to the silence of the room minus the beeping of the monitors that she'd grown used to.

The chair wasn't an uncomfortable as she'd originally thought as she dozed off in it only to be woken by another knock at the door. She groaned when it was pushed open to reveal the doctor. Lexa sat up straight and tried not to the pain the movement caused to show on her face, but she didn't do a very good job as the doctor was by her side in an instant.

"No sudden movements," She tsked. Lexa spied her name tag that read Dr. Trikru, "You have bruised ribs on your right side, not to mention a bruised shoulder and a severe concussion. You need to take it easy if you want me to discharge you."

"I promise I will, I just want to go home," Lexa pleaded because spending another night in this hospital wasn't an option. Not for her, "I'll do whatever you say and follow your instructions, I swear."

"Okay, but you need to have someone with you 24/7..." At that Lexa rolled her eyes. Of fucking course, "I'll prescribe you painkillers for your injuries, but take them as directed. Do you understand?" Dr. Trikru's voice was stern and didn't leave room for argument.

"Yes, ma'am, I understand. I'm an athlete, the last thing I want to do it get addicted and I have someone who can stay with me," Lexa grumbled the last part because she hated being a burden to anyone.

"Okay," Trikru said, though seemingly unsure as she looked Lexa over as though trying to figure out if she was lying. Lexa didn't move and had become quite good at hiding what she was feeling or thinking. The doctor moved forward, taking her stethoscope off as she did, "I just need to check you." she motioned to the bed again, "if you can go sit."

Lexa groaned inwardly but moved stiffly back to the bed. Why everyone was determined to make her stay there, she couldn't fathom. She sat anyway and looked up at the ceiling as the doctor moved in to listen to her heartbeat but all she could think of was Clarke.

"You're heart is good." Trikru commented, "sound's strong."

It wasn't, Lexa thought. The doctor had no idea how badly it hurt or that it felt ripped into pieces. She bit her lip a little when she felt it start to tremble and looked down as Trikru moved the stethoscope over her lungs, "might hurt a little, but breathe in deep."

Lexa did, or tried to, "ah fuck..." she muttered, when pain exploded through her ribs.

Trikru looked up at her but only told her to do it again and Lexa breathed in deep despite the hurt. She was getting used to the pain as though it was something that was always there and always would be and she wondered if that was what it would be like living without Clarke every day? It wasn't something she could fathom. The doctor had continued to examine her even while her thoughts had wandered and finally stepped back, bringing Lexa's attention back to the moment as Trikru spoke up, "so you're good, except those ribs." she nodded at them in indication.

"So I can go?" Lexa asked. Right at that moment the door behind them opened and Anya came back in, looking refreshed and better except for the bags under her eyes that Lexa was noticing only for the first time.

"Yes, you're good to go, I'll have you discharged. I'll get the papers together and have a nurse take care of the rest. If you need anything at all, don't hesitate to call," She held out a card that Lexa didn't take, but Anya strode forward and took.

"Thank you, Dr. Trikru," Anya said for her, "She's appreciative too, but with-"

"Don't worry about it, she's not the worst patient I've ever had. It's quite alright. Don't forget the orders I gave you, Ms. Woods," Lexa shrugged and played with her fingers, her hand ghosting over her left hand. She fiddled with the ring a little, her 'fake' wedding ring that burned her hand. She was so lost in thinking about the moment that Clarke had put it on her finger and about how she had said she would marry her one day that she didn't hear Anya at first until the third time she said her name. Torn from the memory Lexa looked over, "what?" she asked.

"I said, Raven's bringing the car. We're going to take you home."

Lexa looked over her best friend and twisted the ring on her finger just a little more. Home. She thought. Then find Clarke-

"What you don't want to go?" Anya sounded surprised.

"I want to," Lexa spoke, "hell, I need to get out of this place and find her. I was just thinking, that's all."

"You know you're going to have to talk to them, sometime." Anya spoke up. Lexa just stared at her blankly. She knew who Anya was talking about, but she wasn't sure she could face them just now. Anya clarified anyway, "your friends? Especially Octavia." she said, "and Clarke's mom."

"I'm well aware of that, thank you very much. Do you think I hadn't thought of that?" Lexa asked, her gaze burning a hole, "I'll talk to them when I'm ready too and right now I'm not," She said with finality.

"Have it your way, but just so you know, Lex..." Lexa looked up at her, "You're aren't the only who lost Clarke, we all did. They...they need you too," Anya gave her the look that Lexa had grown accustomed to. The 'Dont fuck with me' look so Lexa just nodded, "I'm going to go find Raven. We will be waiting at the car." Anya went around the room and put everything into the bag that had been brought except for Lexa's phone and she pocketed the key that Titus left.

"Okay," Lexa watched Anya leave with a heavy heart. Clarke would be so mad at her if she knew how she was acting, but she couldn't help it. Nothing made sense without Clarke. She didn't have time to dwell on the negative thoughts when the nurse came in with her discharge papers.

"Ready to get out of here?" She asked as she wheeled in a wheelchair.

"You have no idea," Lexa eyed the chair warily, "That isn't necessary though."

"It's hospital protocol, I'm afraid. If you want to leave, this is the only way," She handed Lexa papers to sign which Lexa quickly did. She stood up too quickly and wobbled a little, but the nurse gripped her elbow and guided her into the chair. It felt weird and it made her a little uncomfortable because it felt like everyone was watching her as the door of her room was opened and she was pushed out of the room. She felt vulnerable as she was rolled down the busy hall.

The elevator ride down was uncomfortably quiet and nerve-wracking as she sat in the chair in the small space with the nurse behind her and other people crowded around. Lexa was grateful the nurse didn't try for small talk. The door finally opened and she was pushed out into a waiting area that was flooded with people. Lexa's heart started skipping and she felt self-conscious. Her palms became sweaty and she all the sudden was nervous of all the people surrounding her.

"Here!" Anya's voice called out suddenly and Lexa looked in time to see her friend and Raven coming through the people toward them. Soon as they reached her her heart clenched because no matter how strong Raven was trying to act her eyes were red and puffy and she could tell she had been crying, "Raven..." Lexa croaked at last as the nurse started pushing her chair toward the glass doors and Raven and Anya started following.

"Don't you fucking tell me to leave, Lexa." Raven said automatically as they passed through the doors, "we got you ok. And we're gonna-" her voice broke a little before she added a little more determinedly as they approached the car that was parked at the curb, "we're going to fix this."

Lexa blinked back her own tears. Because Raven, just like Anya, would be the one that would still be there even when she said not to be. It seemed like a dream or a nightmare how everything around them was just continuing on when Clarke was missing. Lexa stood up when they arrived at the car, shaking off the hand of the nurse. Anya unlocked the car doors and she only moved from her spot when Raven helped her into the backseat and even buckled her in. The motion made her ribs sting a little. Out of the window she watched the nurse start rolling the chair away.

Raven moved to the driver's seat after shutting her door and started the car, "Where to?" Raven asked. Lexa watched from the backseat as Anya got into the car and immediately reached for her girlfriend's hand and she had to look away. It was too much for her and her mind flashed to the last time she held Clarke's hand and prayed it wouldn't be the last, "Lex?"

"The hotel," She murmured and looked out the window as they started to drive away, "I need to get ou...the stuff that's there."

"Okay, where were you staying?"

"Best Western," Lexa watched the scenery flash by, but didn't linger on any of it. It was all bleak without Clarke. It was like her world had all the sight sucked out of it and nothing would be the same until they found her.

"Better than I expected you to get, honestly, but it's not like I expected them to put you up in Polis or something," Raven tried to joke, but it fell flat and she kept her eyes on the road.

"It's okay, Rae, everything is going to be okay, I promise," Anya whispered to her girlfriend, but Lexa still heard. Every touch, every whisper, every shared look was a knife to the chest and silent tears crept down her face as she pulled out her phone once again to look at the pictures she took of Clarke. Over the past few days she had snapped dozens of them, pictures of Clarke at breakfast, drawing at the table, heating food up in the microwave or on the phone ordering a pizza for lunch. There were one or two where she had just woken up and looked really sleepy. For just a minute she was able to lose herself in the pictures. Pretty soon though the car was slowing down and she looked up to find them pulling into the parking lot of the hotel.

Raven looked up at her in the rear-view mirror, "we're here." she said, "which room is yours?"

"Room 114," Lexa answered, wiping back half-dried tears she cleared her throat and put the phone away again, "in the corner in the back."

The car slid to a stop in front of the door. Lexa saw Raven get out. It hurt to move but she was faster and opened the door of the car herself. Brushing past Raven she moved to the sidewalk and stopped in front of the door. Lexa stared at it and her heart started pounding insanely hard at the idea that last time she was here, she had been here with Clarke. Last time was before Clarke was taken. If only she could go back, she would change so many things now. She would have made sure to know what Clarke's plans were for the game. In fact they would never have gone to the game in the first place. She would have stayed in bed with her longer that morning and she would have kissed her longer the night before.

"You're going to need this." Anya spoke suddenly near her shoulder. She looked at her realising she hadn't seen her walk up. Anya was holding out the key card. Lexa took it slowly, "I shouldn't have gone to the game, An," she whispered, her breath dry, "if I had just known..."

"You can't change it Lexa," Anya said, "you didn't know. You couldn't. I told you, the person who did this is the one to blame. Not you. Okay?"

Lexa nodded, but she didn't believe it.

Anya motioned to the door, "need me to come in there?"

"No," Lexa said quickly, "I got it." She needed to be alone.

"Okay," Anya said, "get your stuff," she squeezed Lexa's arm gently, "we'll wait in the car."

Walking into the room, Lexa was assaulted with the smell of Clarke and the shower gel she used that morning. She breathed in like air and images of Clarke and her flashed through her eyes. She ran a hand through her hair and ignored the pain that came with the action. Nothing had changed in the room since she stepped foot in it last time. The 'Do Not Disturb' still hung on the door and they'd rushed out of the room in a hurry to get her game.

The game she never should have gone to. That she wouldn't have gone to, if she knew they needed to cut activities. Lexa felt her lower lip start to tremble, standing there. She felt a tear slide down her face, and hated it. She hated this happened and she wanted to fix it. She just wanted Clarke home and safe. Moving to the bed she sat on it and grabbed Clarke's pillow and held it hard for a minute to get her breath. The pillow smelled like Clarke and she held it tighter. She thought about taking it with her for a few seconds, but she knew suddenly where she wanted to go to next if she could get Raven and Anya to take her there. She didn't want them coming in here seeing her like this. So slowly, after giving herself another minute to breathe Clarke and, Lexa put the pillow aside and stood.

Mechanically, she started picking up Clarke's clothes from the floor. The stuff she had on the day before it happened, the shorts and shirt she'd slept in. Lexa shoved everything into their bags as quickly as she could. Lexa grabbed Clarke's laptop, gave the room one final sweep with her eyes and turned to go back to the car.

Raven and Anya were at her side to take the bags and throw them in the trunk. Anya helped her into the car and Lexa nodded in thanks. She didn't know for sure why they were doing all of this, but she realized she needed them. Clarke would never want her to go through any of this alone, "Can we...can we go to your house, Rae?"

Raven had started the car, but looked back at her in surprise. She and Anya looked at each other for a second and Lexa took a deep breath and tried not to demand she needed to go there right now. As the car sat there running Anya finally asked, "you're sure you're ready for that?"

"I have to start looking," Lexa answered firmly. She sat back against the seat, "and that's a place to start."

"Okay, Lex. Whatever you need," Anya answered. She nodded to Raven who started to drive in that direction and Lexa's heart beat rapidly the closer they got. They arrived at the house before she was ready, but she steeled herself and opened the door.

"We are going in with you," Raven said firmly, "You aren't alone."

Lexa just nodded, but wouldn't admit that their support would be appreciated. She stepped into the house with her friends beside her and took a deep breath. The house was so irrevocably Clarke, it made her hesitant to even go to Clarke's room.

"Where do you want to start? The police have already combed through the house," Raven admitted and stared at Lexa, "And your apartment as well."

"They don't know Clarke like we do though," Lexa squared her shoulders and headed towards Clarke's bedroom. That was the logical place to start even though it was the last place she wanted to go. "I'll start with her room," She called over her shoulder.

"Okay, we'll look around here," Anya called back to her. Lexa walked into Clarke's room and shut the door quietly behind her. Her eyes were dry and scratchy from crying but soon as she stepped into Clarke's space it made her miss her more and feel helpless that much more and soon she felt tears dripping down her face again. Clarke being gone hurt so bad that it felt like the tears would never stop. Lexa wiped at them anyway and for just a few seconds looking around the room it felt like Clarke might walk through the door any second after a day out surfing. For a minute it felt like a normal day where they would greet each other with a kiss, order a pizza for dinner and watch t.v.

But it was only for a minute before reality that Clarke wasn't going to walk in came crashing back, and Lexa made herself move forward. She crossed the space of Clarke's room and moved first to the dresser drawers. Tugging one open she could tell the cops had already been through them because everything was scrambled. She pushed the drawer closed again. What she needed to find, whatever it was, wasn't going to be in one of these drawers. It wasn't going to be something Clarke would wear or maybe even place in there. No, it was going to be buried a whole lot deeper than just on the surface like that. It would be something personal and something that was very Clarke, "baby, talk to me," Lexa's voice was a thready whisper in the still of the room, "help me find you," She looked over the room again. Her eyes landed on Clarke's closet.

Pushing away from the dresser she went to it and opened it up. There were boxes of things in here. Earlier, she had thought that this might go further back than before they had even met. Reaching up Lexa pulled down a box.

It was full of sketchbooks. Lexa stared at it for a second before setting it down on the floor. She reached for the next box on the shelf and frustration hit her because she didn't even know what she was looking for. She pulled down the next box and when she opened it, her heart broke for Clarke. Inside this box was mementos of her father. Not wanting to intrude on her girlfriend's memories, she sealed the box back up and put it back. There was another box that she grabbed that was filled with yearbooks and etc, she didn't get a chance to adequately look through it before Anya and Raven came into room.

"Find anything?" Raven asked and looked at the box she was looking through.

"No, but I might take this with me and look through it more thoroughly, that okay?" Lexa asked, unsure if Raven would take offense or not.

"Of course, whatever you think will help, I know Clarke wouldn't mind, so I don't either," Raven faked a smile at her.

"Did you all find anything?" Lexa stood and went to pick up the box, but Anya beat her to it.

"No we didn't and you're not supposed to lift anything heavy," Anya sighed and carried the box out of the room.

"You coming?" Raven turned and looked at her.

"In a minute," Lexa needed another minute in Clarke's space and Raven seemed to understand and gave her some privacy. She heard the door click shut and Lexa sat on the edge of Clarke's bed and looked at the blanket that she loved. She never knew the story behind the blanket, but found comfort in it and decided to take it with her. She needed a piece of Clarke with her and she could give it back to Clarke after they find her.

Getting up Lexa carefully took the blanket from the bed and folded in her arms. Hugging it close she breathed in the scent that was Clarke and for a minute stood shaking where she was. It felt like she was on a roller coaster, get to the top only to come crashing back down. Taking several deep breaths Lexa took one last look around Clarke's room, caught sight of the framed picture of herself and Clarke from a few weeks ago, and went and took it too. She'd bring it back, she told herself, when she brought Clarke back. And she would. Turning at last Lexa moved toward the door. She turned the handle and opened it slowly. It didn't make a sound.

But she could hear Anya and Raven talking.

"I've never seen her like this." Anya was mumbling, and her usually strong voice sounded almost broken, "and she's been through alot you know, and now this. And she's blaming herself. And Clarke? Raven, we have to find her."

"We will," Raven's voice was quieter. Lexa heard her sniffle, "we will An. She's my friend. I did keep the damn phone they gave Lexa. Told that Kane guy it got lost..."

"Can they trace it?" Anya sounded a little distressed.

"No. It might be police issue, but it's just a normal phone. I checked. It would help if it wasn't. We could trace Clarke."

"You lied to the cops?" Lexa spoke, coming into the room.

They both looked over at her. Anya straightened her back and got up from the couch, "hey."

"They wanted it for evidence." Raven said quickly, "and," she shrugged doubtful, "we sort of already did that once. And if we can just keep whoever did this texting you?.."

"That's not going to be a problem." Lexa whispered, remembering the text from that morning. It was just three letters, internet shorthand. But it made her blood boil all over again. Her voice cracked, "I.. they've already..." but she couldn't finish the thought.

"Texted again." Anya told Raven for her. Lexa nodded.

"They did?"

"This morning, yeah," Anya answered, "the sick bitch loves taunting her on top of everything else."

"We should go," Lexa changed the subject because the memory of the taunt was a painful reminder that the stalker had Clarke and she felt helpless. So if she didn't focus Lexa knew she would break and that wouldn't help anyone.

"Okay, I get you not wanting to stay here, but where are you going to stay? Your apartment?" Raven stared at her in question.

"No, I'm not going there, I...I can't. My coach got me a place to stay on campus if I want to use it, so I may take him up on that, but first I want to go the stadium."

"That's not a good idea, Lex," Anya put a hand on her shoulder that Lexa shrugged off.

"I need to go back there, I have to," Lexa narrowed her eyes at them daring them to argue with her more.

"What good is that gonna do? The cops have been all over the area and they didn't find anything. The only decent lead they got was security footage which they showed you," Raven argued back of course.

"I just need to do it, you wouldn't understand, I-" Lexa broke off and looked at the floor.

"Try us," Anya touched her shoulder again and this time Lexa didn't shake it off.

"I just need to see where she was last, I just need to sit there and feel..." Lexa didn't know how to explain it right and her face flushed red.

"It's okay, Lex, we get it. We'll take you, right Rae?" Anya looked over at her girlfriend.

Raven nodded, '"yeah." she answered. She motioned toward the door, "lets go."

-=-

Anxiety was like a knife. It cut into Lexa deeper and deeper the closer they got to the stadium. By the time the car had stopped in the parking garage she was sitting stiffly in the back seat, her face impassive. But you couldn't see her hands where her knuckles had gone white, where they were buried into and tightly gripping Clarke's blanket.

The car shut off. Anya and Raven looked back at her, "are you sure?" Raven asked.

Lexa closed her eyes slowly and let out an exasperated sigh, "I wish people would stop asking that." Lexa let go of the blanket and turned and opened her car door. Soon as her feet touched the concrete under her Lexa had to take a deep breath. Even here in this garage she saw Clarke everywhere; from the first time she had brought her here up to the game before last, when the bus had dropped them off outside the stadium. The memory of the bus ride here from the hotel for the last game was suddenly painful to think about, the way Clarke had laughed and pointed at things outside the windows as they passed. Lexa hadn't known then it would be the last bust ride and here she was having to go through the 'firsts' of everything without Clarke. She had to catch herself on a support column at the thought, her bruised ribs protesting the movement painfully, as her eyes fell closed for a moment.

"Lexa, we don't have to do this. You can come back tomorrow." Anya said somewhere behind her.

"Yes, Anya, I have to," she said back. Without another word Lexa started walking forward. She knew her friends were following her, but they kept their distance. Once she was outside the stadium and standing in the exact spot she parted from Clarke with a kiss and a good luck like it was something they would do everyday for the rest of their lives. Lexa wanted that more than anything. She had no idea when they parted then that she would win the game, but lose it everything else.

She stepped into the stadium and nodded at the security guard who averted his eyes, but Lexa didn't pay him any mind. She stood in the endzone where she mouthed the last I love you to Clarke not knowing that was the last time she would see her. She looked towards the rail where she stood and could almost picture her there, but wait, there was someone there. Her heart sped up and she started to jog forward only to realize it wasn't Clarke like she wished it to be.

It was her mother.

Lexa didn't want to talk to her, didn't want to see her, but now she had no choice and approached Abby with caution. She could feel Abby's eyes on her the entire time as well as her friends. But when she looked behind her, they'd disappeared, but knew they weren't far. She dragged her feet up the steps and into the stands and gingerly sat next to Abby who was in the same row that Clarke and their friends occupied every home game. It was almost too much for her to handle, but knew she didn't have a choice.

Neither spoke for a moment, just sat side by side and looked out on the field and Lexa could almost feel Abby's pain. It was the first time since it happened that she let herself feel for someone other than herself. She'd been so wrapped up in her own pain, she forgot about everyone else's.

Looking around the stadium, Lexa imagined it full with the fans and the roar of the crowd cheering for her and her team, but it all faded away when she noticed a single tear slip down Abby's face.

"Abby...I..." Lexa had no idea where to start because in the end, she failed in her duty to protect her girlfriend. She knew there had been many mistakes that led to this point and most could have been prevented and she only had herself to blame.

Abby wiped away the tear, "you know," she spoke at last, without looking at Lexa though, just staring out at the field. When she lowered her hands again her knuckles went white on the bench where she was holding it, "when Clarke was a little girl Jake brought her here often to watch the college play-" her voice broke a little and she looked down at her lap, "he really liked football. You would have loved him, and I think he would have loved you."

Hearing the words felt like a knife. Lexa couldn't speak, after that. She closed her eyes and lowered her face a little. It felt like she had failed both Clarke's parents and there was quiet for another moment. Abby finally looked over at her, "I've never seen her happier then she is with you-" another tear slid down Abby's face.

Lexa sat there shivering in spite of the warm night. She tried to find her voice, but only managed a small pathetic noise that said everything about how scared she was, how angry she was and how guilty and frightened she was because of that little voice inside her she'd been trying to drown out that said what if Clarke wasn't coming back. Lexa turned her head away fast to study the blank scoreboard. She looked at it so often during games that it should seem familiar to her, but it felt foreign as sitting here did, "I should ...I should go." Lexa spit out, "I shouldn't have bothered you. I should have stayed and watched Clarke-" she jumped up but a cold hand quickly found and grabbed hers and pulled her back down onto the bench.

"Lexa, I-" Abby's voice was broken when Lexa turned and looked at her and Abby wasn't even trying to hide the tears falling down her face as she said in a watery voice, "I wasn't around after Jake. I didn't even try and I just got her back and now...." Abby put her forehead in her hands and started sobbing without sound, but her voice was strangled and her shoulders shook, "now I might have lost her too and I never even had a chance-"

"I'm sorry, Abby...." Lexa finally croaked and she started crying right there in the stadium that she was the Commander in, tears streaming down that she couldn't stop, her lip trembling and her skin shaking as she tried to talk as the emotions she'd been holding in spilled out of her, "I didn't protect her. I didn't keep her safe and and I tr ...tried. I left my own house to live in a hotel as soon as I knew it wasn't safe ..I.. I.... I ruined it all!"

"Lexa... you didn't ruin it all. You tried to get her somewhere safe..."

"I tried, but I failed. All I wanted was to keep her safe from this, and I couldn't!"

"You didn't make them take her, Lexa. Kane says this may have been happening longer than we think. This isn't your fault."

"But it is," Lexa insisted, "I shouldn't have gone to the fucking game! I should have stayed with her. We should have watched old shows on hotel t.v.! I should have watched her more carefully! But I messed up!"

"Lexa, no... stop."

"It was a mistake to call the cops!"

"It wasn't!" Abby tried to touch her arm but Lexa pulled away. Abby spoke anyway, "those officers should have told you."

"I should have asked them more questions. I should have done something when the texts first started happening!"

"They shouldn't have assumed you knew what you could and couldn't do." Abby countered.

"And I should have said something to Clarke sooner! But I didn't! And now ...and now..." she fell to the bench in a sobbing mess, "and she's gone now. She's gone. She got taken away from me when I wasn't looking and I don't know where to find her and I don't know if I'm ever going to get her back or see her again!" she started shaking harder, "or get to tell her I love her or kiss her again or....or anything! And when I sleep, her being taken away is all I see!" Lexa kicked the bench in front of her and dragged her hands down her face, "and I just can't stop crying!"

Abby stood up and put her arms around Lexa's body and sat them both down and held her while they both sobbed, "My daughter wouldn't want you to blame yourself, she wouldn't want this. I may have been a shitty mother the last two years, but I still know my daughter. She loves you and when we find her, she won't blame you, I know it. She'll just be happy to be with you again."

Lexa pulled back from the embrace and wiped her eyes, "Everyone keeps telling me that, but I know you are all just telling me what you think I want to hear," Lexa went to stand, but Abby grabbed her hand and kept her in place.

"Sit down, Lexa. My daughter would never forgive me if something happened to you," Abby demanded softly and Lexa complied, "People make mistakes, it's normal. Things happen that you can't predict. If you had thought for even a second that your game wouldn't be safe, I know you wouldn't have played or brought Clarke here. You thought here," Abby gestured around them, "was a safe place, you let your guard down, it happens," She squeezed her hand, but it did nothing to reassure her at the moment. "There was nothing you could've done different. Whoever this is would have found another way, they were determined to get to Clarke..." Abby's choked on Clarke's name.

"I just want her back in my arms safely. That's all I can think about," Lexa admitted and ran a hand over her face, "I appreciate what you're trying to do, I do, but nothing you say will make me feel better about the situation. I wouldn't be surprised if you'd blame me, I deserve it," She stood up and pulled her hand away. She saw Anya and Raven in the distance and waved them over, "I need to go, but I promise I won't give up until I find her, Ms. Griffin."

"I know you won't, Lexa and it's Abby. That hasn't changed. If you need a place to stay, I have an extra room that is open to you. Please take care of yourself and let others help you," Abby stood up and pulled her into a hug.

"That's very sweet of you to offer, but I have a place to stay right now. I'll do my best," Lexa promised. It was a least she could do to give Clarke's mom peace of mind.

"It's a standing invitation," Abby wiped her eyes and nodded at Raven and Anya who were standing on the field, "After everything, it's the least I can do," Abby looked her in the eye, "Please, please keep me in the loop, Clarke...she's the only thing I have left...I..."

"We will, Mama G, we promise," Raven bolted up the stairs and into her arms so fast that Lexa had to stumble back, but Anya caught her before she fell.

"Thank you, you all take care, please and I'll see you soon," Abby made her way down the steps and out of sight.

"You need to rest, Lex," Anya guided her down the steps and towards the dorms, "Fuck, where are you staying?"

"Coach told me room 307 and it was the closest dorm to the stadium, Ark dormitory," Lexa rolled her eyes when Anya refused to let go of her arm, "I'm not an invalid, I'm more than capable of walking without help."

"Maybe," Anya agreed as they kept moving. She still didn't let go.

As they left the stadium Lexa shot her friend a look, "I get that you want to help. But I can walk alone, really." she was getting frustrated. Worse, Raven's hand was in Anya's other one and it made her heart ache more.

"Yes, you can." Anya stopped them on the sidewalk, "but you should never have to."

The implication was there in the growled words and it made Lexa jerk her head up to look at her friend. It was quiet for a few seconds after that. Lexa could hear cars passing by. Finally she shook her head in a way that said she was deciding to just let it go for now, "I guess it's this way." she said starting off again. As she did she added, "I would really just like some time alone."

"I get that," Anya agreed, "and you'll have it. I have to sleep sometime." She was trying for humor to lighten things up. But Lexa wasn't really feeling like laughing. As they arrived at the building and stopped in front of it Lexa pulled the key out of her pocket and checked the address on the tag attached to it to be sure it was the right place. When it was, wIthout another word to the pair behind her she dragged herself up the short flight of steps and went inside.

The entry reminded her of the hospital, old but clean, with linoleum floors. The room was on the third floor. Lexa made her way over to the elevator to wait. The building was under renovation and she understood why her coach recommended it because there would be less people around.

"Are you sure this is safe?" Raven asked when the elevator doors opened and Lexa shot her a look, "I meant with it being under construction and all, not the other thing."

"It's fine, it just means less people I have to deal with it and I have no problem with that," Lexa pressed the button for the third floor and leaned back against the cold metal wall. She closed her eyes and images of the last elevator ride with Clarke invaded her mind. A smile crossed her face just thinking about how desperate they were for each other when they were just 'fuck buddies.'

The elevator stopped and the door took a few seconds before juddering open loudly, Anya's eyebrows went up as they did, "I might have to agree with Raven." she muttered under her breath. Lexa didn't care. She just pushed between them and left the elevator for the corridor.

It smelled strange and was darker than she liked. With faded light bulbs and a window at each end of the hallway. She made her way to the end of it anyway, reading door numbers as she passed them before finally stopping outside of the one marked 307 with the 7 hanging sideways just a little bit. Lexa fit the key into the door and had to jiggle it a little to get it to unlock. When it finally did she turned the handle and pushed the door open, putting the key back into her pocket.

Lexa stepped inside. The room was small and empty, except for two beds pushed one against each wall with a window centered between them. There was also a desk and a bare light bulb that hung over her head. As she was looking up at it, it turned on and she was blinded. Lexa whipped about. With spots in front of her eyes she could just make out Raven standing with her finger still on the switch, "oops."

Anya strode into the room, "so this is home for now?" she asked, moving over to the window. Anya looked out of it, "you can see the field from here. But what else to expect from a football coach."

"Oh!" Raven sounded excited and came toward the window, "we can have a stake out!"

Anya looked at her girlfriend, "you are not stake out material, Raven, you are hardly quiet enough."

"I can be quiet." Raven folded her arms.

"No you can't," Anya argued back. "You're always blowing shit up."

"That doesn't count." Raven argued, "because I'm not the one making the noise."

"But you're the cause of it," Anya countered, letting her eyes roam over Raven, "not to mention how loud you are when we-"

"Okay," Lexa cut them off. She didn't want to hear this, now or ever. She moved and sat on the edge of one of the beds. The mattress was thin and she wished she had Clarke's blanket with her. She wished she had Clarke with her, "my home for now. You guys don't have to stay here too." She cut into their arguing. Her stomach growled just a little. She didn't know how long it had been since she'd last eaten and despite her stomach growling she wasn't really hungry. She wasn't sure if she cold keep anything down right now.

"Lexa, come here and see the field." Raven prompted.

"I'm good, I've seen enough of the field for awhile," Lexa didn't move from her spot and her stomach rumbled louder.

"Oh shit, you're hungry. Crap when was the last time you even ate?" Raven looked back at her.

"I think it was with Clarke...umm before the game, we had pizza," Lexa looked at the crack in the wall and sighed.

"Alright, well I'm going to go pick up some chinese and I'll be back in a little while. You need to eat, Lex and I know An can't say no to dumplings so I'll be back," Raven kissed Anya on the cheek and made her way out of the room. The door closed with a click behind her.

Lexa could feel Anya staring at her, but refused to look at her. She already knew the conversation they were about to have.

"You're not staying here alone," Anya sat down across from her.

"I'll be fine." Lexa wasn't so sure though if she would be. She wasn't going to say that though.

"You're lying."

"I'm not."

"Lexa, I can tell when you're lying. You sit there all drawn in like that." Anya motioned toward her, "I know you didn't want to go home. I get it. But you can't be by yourself yet. You won't even get up to feed yourself and even if you did decide to just to make me leave, the doctor still told me 24/7."

Of course, the doctor would. Lexa said nothing else for a second and glared across at her friend.

"Besides," Anya said to her, "even if she hadn't. I'm not going anywhere and you can't make me."

"Yes I can!" Lexa bristled and stood up.

"No, you can't," Anya snapped, and just looked up at her from where she stayed sitting on the opposite bed, "how can I? How can you expect me to when you are hurting like this-"

Lexa's expression darkened.

"-yes, Lexa! Hurting. Besides," Anya got up, "how many times do I have to say I'm not leaving before you get it through your head?"

"How many times do I have to say I want you to!" Lexa finally asked back words she'd been holding back. When Anya's face fell a little she almost regretted them.

"Well you did manage to scare everyone else off!" But it only took a second before Anya shrugged them off and barreled on, "if it was me. If the situation was reversed. You would do the same! Or would ..." Anya's face fell a little as she looked Lexa up and down, "or I thought you would!"

"You have no idea what I'm going through! Do you have any idea what it's like to lose the person you love!" Anya stood there in silence, "No you don't, so don't stand there and tell me what I would or wouldn't do," Lexa hit her chest and made pain erupt in her side, but it only urged her on, "It hurts, it hurts so much and I just want to be left alone!"

"To wallow in your misery, is that it?" Anya retorted and got into her face, "and how is that helping the woman you love?" Lexa took a step back at that, "This is exactly what they want. They want you to fall apart, they want to break you and they're succeeding. Don't give them the satisfaction, Lex. You're better than that!"

"Maybe I'm not," Lexa said dejectedly and slumped back on the bed, her ribs on fire, her soul aching worse with a hurt no pill or doctor could stop, "I don't want you here, I just-" Her phone dinged in her pocket and she closed her eyes because she knew exactly who it was. She was in no hurry to pull it out though.

"Take a look, Lex," Anya sat down beside her and reached for her hand, "We need all the help we can get even if it comes from them. Maybe they will make a mistake-"

"Not likely, they've been meticulous and I don't see them making a stupid mistake, but fine, let's see what new thing they have to torture me with this time," Lexa yanked her phone out of her pocket and took a deep breath.

It was another text that read 'Missing someone?'

Lexa pulled back her arm to launch the phone across the wall, but Anya took the phone from her grasp at the last second, "That's not going to make you feel better and you'll end up regretting it. Right now, this is our only connection to Clarke."

"It would make feel better if it was their face, I swear to god when we find them, they're going to wish they were dead."

Anya nodded her head, "we'll make sure of it. But you have to stay strong." she took Lexa by her good shoulder and stepped in to look at her, "think of this like one of your games. It's a battle, and we will win it."

"That was horrible, An," Lexa just stared at and a chuckle escaped.

Anya snorted and rolled her eyes and ran a hand through her hair, "well I don't know what the fuck to say. I've never been inspirational." she muttered and dropped onto her bed. But she looked up, "but you laughed." she said. Anya smirked at Lexa and folded her arms.

'You got that right and a chuckle isn't a laugh. Nice try though," Lexa tilted her head.

"Well, it was more than the grunting and glaring you've been doing." Anya countered. She sat up though, "and constantly insisting I just leave you. So, what's the plan?"

Lexa shrugged her shoulders, "I have no idea, but you don't have to stay here, I meant that. However I know how fucking stubborn you are and you will anyways, so how about calling Raven to pick up extra food and call the others as well."

"That's much better," Anya commented, "and we thought I wasn't inspirational."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, don't let it go to your head," Lexa rubbed her eyes, "And you aren't."

"Well the Commander's back, I see. That's more like it." Anya muttered. She started sending a text to Raven, "besides, I thought you said you didn't have a plan. Sure sounds like one."

"No, she's not," Lexa protested, "And I don't have a plan actually, but you all keep harping on me to let you help so..." Lexa gestured around the room.

"Okay, Lex," Anya rolled her eyes, "And yeah, you do need help," She sent the text and raised an eyebrow to Lexa and also looked around the room, "but whatever you say," she paused and looked down as a text hit her phone. Anya checked it, "Raven says she's bringing lots of blankets for everyone," Anya looked up at Lexa, "but, we get the bed," she kept her face stern on this one.

"Why am I friends with you again?" Lexa nudged her shoulder, "That's fine, I don't care either way. You all can fight over the bed, but I get this one as it's my room."

Anya ignored the question, "you sleep wherever you want to sleep," Another text came in, "she's also bringing donuts and your stuff from the car."

"How in the hell is she going to manage bringing all that up?" Lexa asked.

"She's picking up Lincoln and Octavia so they will help," Anya answered and looked at her, "Speaking of, are you okay if she comes too?"

"Yeah, I guess so. She's Clarke's friend too," Lexa looked down at her ring again and sighed, "She's the one who saw her last and I need to know every detail, so just send the text I know you already have typed up," Lexa gave her a pointed look.

"Okay," Anya answered, and hit send.

-=-

Lexa looked around the small room that was now cramped with five people. Anya and Raven were on the opposite bed going through her phone. Lincoln was staring out the window and Octavia was sitting in a chair by the door staring off into the space. The room was littered with empty soda cans, chinese containers and half eaten donuts.

She pulled back the collar of her shirt and fanned herself because she felt crowded even with the bed to herself. They'd been at for hours and they'd gotten nowhere and she was exhausted. Lexa was at her wit's end with the lack of progress and right now it all felt pointless. They were nowhere closer to finding Clarke than they were before.

Lexa felt hopeless and was tired of it. She looked over at Octavia and waited to catch her eye and nodded towards the hallway. Octavia looked surprised, but stood and up and escaped out of the room and Lexa quickly followed. She found her leaning against the wall a few doors down from her assigned room.

"Where did you last see her exactly? I need to know what happened down to the last detail, please," Lexa blinked back tears and made herself comfortable against the opposite wall and stretched her legs out in front of her.

Octavia wiped back a tear, "out..." she tried again, "outside the bathroom by the f ..food stand. I was just a few feet from her Lexa, I swear." she started sobbing in the hall. Octavia tipped her head back a little and slid down the wall to sit on the floor, "I never left. I just had to pay for our food. It was just a few fucking seconds. You have to-" she stopped and cleared her throat and looked across at Lexa, "you don't have to do anything. I shouldn't have looked away. I'll ..I'll tell you whatever I can." she dragged the sleeve of her shirt over her eyes and looked across slowly at Lexa.

Lexa didn't know what to do or say to make her feel better because there was nothing anybody could say or do to make her feel better, "A few seconds was all it took, Octavia," She tried to keep her voice even, "No you shouldn't have looked away no matter how close you may have been. You shouldn't have left her, but I need to know where exactly you saw the Murphy guy lead Clarke to?"

"I didn't see him lead her off anywhere! I've already told the cops that!" Octavia answered, "I mean, fuck. If I saw her leaving with him don't you think I would have gone after them? She was there, talking to him. She had a lot of sponsors walk up to her the past few days so when she didn't seem alarmed, I wasn't. I looked, she was there.. I looked again... she wasn't. She didn't seem afraid of him. She seemed excited. I'm sorry. I know this was because of me...."

"Fuck, did you tell the cops all this?" Lexa asked and Octavia nodded rapidly, "Just because she wasn't alarmed doesn't matter. He was a stranger. Answer me this? When she was approached by other sponsors, did you leave her side when she talked to them? Because when they approached us, I stayed glued to her because you never know if someone is a friend or foe."

"No, I never left her alone with the others," Octavia's eyes shot up suddenly, "but it's different. Because all those times I was already with her already and ...with... him......" the words trailed off brokenly, "I wasn't. It was like he was waiting or something. I...." she sniffled hard and stared at the floor.

"And that didn't alert you to something being wrong?" Lexa's voice got higher, "You gave him the opportunity he was looking for!"

"It's not like I knew he was waiting. It's not like I saw him standing there and decided, 'oh shady looking guy, lets walk away!' He wasn't there. She told me to go get food I tried to talk her out of it but ...Clarke..." Octavia's words trailed off, "I did though. You're right. I shouldn't have left. I shouldn't have fucking looked away. There's nothing I can say or any excuse I can make for it. I'll never forgive myself." she lowered her eyes.

"No, there's not, but I'm not trying to make you feel worse," Lexa's voice broke, "I'm just trying to understand. Clarke told you to go, I get that, but you shouldn't have listened," Lexa felt tears run down her cheeks, "The guy you saw her with could be doing god knows what to Clarke and we're sitting here no closer to finding her. Walk me through it. The moment you left the stands to the moment you couldn't find her. Please!"

"Yeah, okay." Octavia took a deep breath, "so she'd been staring at you all night and I guess putting off getting up to pee until the last possible minute and so ...she was about to go off by herself, but Anya grabbed her by the arm and wouldn't let her go. She said that you would kill her if she let Clarke out of her sight and Clarke was insisting it was just a trip to the bathroom but Anya wasn't buying it and started talking about how it didn't matter if everything seemed better so I just stepped in and said I would go with her..." Octavia paused for breath, having said all that at once,

Lexa made a mental note to thank Anya for trying, but damn stubborn, beautiful Clarke. Of course she would insist, but that didn't mean it made it okay that Octavia listened when she told her it was okay to go, "Okay, then what happened?"

"We got over there you know," Octavia sniffled, "and Clarke was like, 'I'm drawing the line at you coming in the stall with me' and I thought, okay. That's fine. I can wait outside the door here. So I was going to do that and she was like, 'go get food, go, look, its right there,' and she pointed to the food line and teased me about how I'd be able to see her the whole time..." Octavia ran an arm across her face again and shook her head, "Lexa...." she choked out, "I didn't want to fucking go. I knew better. You know that feeling you get when something's wrong and nine times out of ten you ignore it and everything is fine? I felt something wrong about it, but I fucking ignored it because we were at your game nothing bad happens there and I know, I shouldn't have thought that and and......" she took several deep breaths, "anyway she went into the bathroom. I got in the line."

"Well, we've learned that isn't true anymore. They struck when she felt safe, when we let our guard down. You're not the one to blame, not completely. I shouldn't have gone to my game and if I hadn't then Clarke would be here and not..." Lexa's lip started to tremble again and she looked at the ceiling, "Okay...I know how persuasive Clarke can be, I just wish you didn't listen is all. What happened next?"

"I wish I hadn't," Octavia whispered. She took a deeper breath and looked over at Lexa," But its not your fault, at all. It was your game. You were playing and I was supposed to watch her..." Octavia's eyes closed slowly, "I was the one that saw her last," She sighed heavily, "anyway, she came back out of the bathroom a few minutes later. I'd been looking over at it all the time to make sure I didn't miss her and ...and.. She was on her way over when this guy approached her. And she was startled a bit and I was about to go over and then I saw him pull out this business card and she didn't seem nervous after that. I couldn't hear what they were saying but--"

"You should have gone over there immediately," Lexa banged her hand on the floor next to her and hissed in pain, "I trusted you to watch her for me, and I know you made a mistake and I know you'd do it differently if you could, but can't. So you turned your back to pay and what?" Lexa met Octavia's gaze.

"Guy in the food stand said I had to pay now. But before I did..." Octavia dug in her back pocket and pulled out her phone. She wiped her eyes a little as she turned it on and started to scroll through it before stopping at last, "I took this." she said, "in everything that happened I barely remembered about it now." weakly she handed her phone out, "the guy was demanding money again and again so I turned and paid him."

Lexa took the phone from her and looked at the picture and back at Octavia, "I would've told him to fuck off, but that's just me," Lexa stared hard at the phone and her heart ached that this was the last picture of Clarke. Her girl, her love, "And when you turned back around, they were gone so than what did you do?"

"I...." Octavia's breath caught, "I looked around fast, expecting to see her. But I didn't. So I ran to where she was standing to see if she'd ..gone anywhere, around a corner, behind a person. Or something. I just knew I had to find her. I couldn't fucking see her anywhere so I ran to the bathroom and checked each stall. Some girl was in one and screamed at me but ...but..." Octavia started crying and wiped at her tears uselessly, "it wasn't Clarke. I'd asked if she'd seen her. I asked the people outside if they saw her. They said no. I called ..I called Raven and ..and I didn't leave the spot. They told me to stay and keep looking and came to find me."

"In a crowded stadium, how in the hell did he get Clarke out of there without someone seeing something? I don't understand that. I remember that because I looked up at the stands and you two were gone, but didn't think anything of it, but when I looked up again and you all were gone, I started to get worried and I got distracted hence why I ended up in the hospital," Lexa leaned her head back against the wall, "When...when I saw Anya standing there at the rail by herself, I knew something was wrong, I just want her back, and I know you and Raven have known her a lot longer than I have, but Clarke means everything to me and I just want her home where she's safe," Lexa closed her eyes and didn't notice Octavia move until she felt her beside her. She opened her eyes and leaned her head against her Octavia's shoulder.

They sat leaning against each other for a moment when they heard the door opened and footsteps head towards them.

"I was looking for you two," He said and laughed when they jumped apart, "I've spent the last two days pulling words out of her, but yet here you are babe having no problems at all getting her to talk."

"We had a lot to talk about." Lexa spoke up. She pushed to her feet then offered a hand down to help Octavia up. Octavia took the hand and stood up.

"I messed up, Linc." she weakly said.

"We all did," he answered, putting an arm around her waist he pulled Octavia into his side.

"I'm sorry, I've been a bitch, I just want to find Clarke," Lexa blinked back tears that were common these days, "It's my fault, I just don't feel complete without her and I lashed out."

"You don't have anything to be sorry for," Lincoln answered. He was careful when he set a hand to Lexa's good shoulder. He looked at Octavia, "neither do you. Though I know it's something you both will never believe. But people make mistakes all the time, things they don't think about and do anyway. Maybe one day they turn left when they should have turned right instead and everything changes into something different. Because you are just going and doing what you know to do in that minute, even if it's wrong. I haven't known Clarke for long, but I can say that she already knows that too and wouldn't want you two blaming yourselves or each other," he said at last, "we'll find her."

"We better," Lexa and Octavia said at the same time and shared a small smile before they made their way back to the room with the others.

-=-

Outside the window the morning was the gray that came just before dawn. It spilled feebly through the window, falling over Anya and Raven curled into each other on the other bed and Lincoln and Octavia in blankets on the floor. It gave the room a sense of false peace and security, despite the noise of the occasional car passing on the street outside. But Lexa wasn't sleeping, and couldn't feel that kind of peace. She had laid there sobbing quietly as she could most of the night with Clarke's blanket in her arms where her girlfriend should be, trying not to wake the others up, waiting for it to be just light enough outside.

Like the others, she still had on her clothes from the day before and putting the blanket aside at last, she sat up. Letting her tears fall without checking them, she stared out at the gray light for a second. She had to go. She didn't really know why. She knew her friends wanted to help her, that Clarke was their friend too, but she really just wanted to have a minute alone. Wiping her face at last, she leaned over, found her shoes and stood up. Careful not to step on Lincoln and Octavia, Lexa snuck as quietly as she could to the door and turned the handle. It creaked a little as she cracked it open. Chancing a glance back at her friends to make sure they were all still sleeping she slipped out into the hall.

She hadn't taken a pain pill, so her ribs and shoulder were throbbing, but she ignored the pain and put her shoes on. Lexa made her way to the stairs, not wanting to alert her friends with the sound of the elevator.

Once outside the building she started walking. Lexa had no real direction. Or so she had thought, but somehow the gaping hole she felt in her spirit and the need to be close to Clarke as possible had led her to the place where Clarke had last been standing.

The closed food stand was just a few feet away like Octavia had said it was. Octavia really hadn't been far. But it was still far enough and for a second Lexa tried to envision what it would have looked like here the night of her game and for a second, like ghosts, she could see this space filled with people. The mirage of it all faded quickly as it had come and she shivered in the morning light and had to wonder if she was standing in the same spot Clarke had been when the guy in the pictures she'd seen approached her. She remembered the pictures, the one from the night before and the one from the security footage and goosebumps raced down her spine when she realised she was.

A breath of despair puffed out of her lips. Because on game night, this spot would be extremely busy with the food and the bathrooms right here and Lexa's lungs felt like they wouldn't work and her eyes stung again because she had to wonder how could he possibly have taken Clarke away from here with it busy as that.

He had to have tricked her. There was no way in all these people that if someone saw her girl getting dragged off they wouldn't help. Would they? Lexa wiped her eyes, but it didn't help. The tears streamed anyway falling quietly down her face so she settled on taking a shuddering breath. He had to have tricked her into following him somewhere away from this busy place. But where? It had to be close. It had to be off camera, but that was nearly impossible because this area was closed in on all sides by the field, the stands, the bathrooms and the food stands. Her wet eyes finally saw it when they landed on a secluded spot under the stands off the side of the building. It showed a door there, and Lexa raced over. It read 'maintenance access' on the front and her heart started slamming too hard against her aching ribs. She yanked on the door, but it was locked. She pounded on it in frustration, but it was no use. Lexa stepped back and glared at the lock.

It hadn't been something she'd considered doing since foster care, but didn't hesitate now. Lexa found the safety pin she kept on her keychain, opened it, and worked it into the lock. She was glad it wasn't a fancy lock, just a normal one because the pin shifted in the lock and within a few minutes the lock clicked and the door swung open into a darkened maintenance hallway.

She swallowed as her gut felt suddenly sick because he could have used this. The shapes of brooms and mop buckets and utility shelves took form lurking against the walls past the reach of the light of the door and a feeling of dread and fear crept over her body and settled in her stomach. If she could get into this door, he could have. And he could have taken her away through here.

Lexa stepped into the hallway nervously and reached up for the string dangling down from a bare bulb and pulled. The light overhead flickered on, revealing in fact - it was a passage through this part of the stadium, cluttered and filled with supply boxes and mop buckets and brooms, "oh fuck...." she whispered with a shuddering breath. He could have taken her through here. She wondered if the new cops knew about this place, but she'd already lost faith in them. Lexa started off down the passage slowly, her heart thundering hard. She was sure if anyone else was in here they would hear it. She turned on more lights as she went, stepping around clutter. At one corner after turning on a light she saw a large pile of boxes had been tipped over and countless cleaning bottles and rolls of paper towels carpeted the hall. Lexa picked her way through them carefully, and finally found herself standing at another door. She stared at it for a second, feeling numb inside. As if she was watching someone else do it, she turned the deadbolt at last and pushed the door open.

When she stepped outside she found herself outside the stadium, on a sidewalk in front of an empty street. Across that street was a empty parking lot, insignificant except that would be packed on nights when there was a game and as she looked at it an eerie feeling came over her. In her time at college she'd probably passed this parking lot countless times driving to and from the stadium without a passing thought, and yet all she could do today was stare because it's existence was giving her chills until a car passed in front of her in the street breaking her out of the trance she'd slipped into.

She found a rock. She used it to keep the door cracked open. Lexa turned slowly and crossed the street. Arriving in the empty lot she stared down at cracked pavement half-hidden in fallen leaves. Lexa started walking slowly across the empty lot. Wind stirred at her hair and rustled leaves. As she walked she imagined it full of cars. She imagined Clark being brought though here, and could almost see her fighting to get away from him. If she was awake. Fresh tears started down the dry tracks left on Lexa's face. Clarke would have fought and she would have been afraid but she would have been so brave. And Lexa hadn't been able to save her. She hadn't even known what was going on when Clarke might have been dragged through here. Her legs gave out at the terrible thought and she hit her knees in the middle of that empty lot.

Despair hit her fresh. She bowed her head and started sobbing because she didn't know what to do, who had her, or how to fix it. She didn't even know if she was racing to conclusions because she wanted Clarke back and safe so badly that she was making it up believing that she might have been brought out of the stadium and to this exact place. She wiped at her eyes with her arm and sniffled hard. The pain in her chest was not from her ribs, though they hurt all the time, this was worse and it wouldn't go away. She heaved for breath. She trembled. She hated she brought Clarke here every second she was gone. Lexa finally had to open her eyes and when she did she saw a small glint of the corner of a sliver phone looking up at her mostly buried in leaves.

She stared down at it numbly a few more seconds knowing it couldn't be Clarke's. What were the odds in the first place that the cops would miss it and she'd walk right up to it in the whole parking lot? The odds were stacked and impossible, but yet there was a phone. Lexa took a deep breath and reached for it anyway. Picking it up slowly, she flipped the phone over in her hand.

But when she turned it on and the lock screen came up, a picture of herself stared back at her. Shock hit her first and she froze not able to understand it really was Clarke's. But as it hit her, that it was, grief and regret slammed into Lexa causing her to shake and panic and she dropped the phone.

It fell to the leaves and she scrambled to pick it up again. Unable to breathe at all and feeling dizzy from it all she clutched the phone to her chest as though it was a lifeline. Her brain was spinning uncontrollably and she fumbled and swiped at the lock screen. Trying to breathe, trying to get her fingers to work she opened up Clarke's pictures just wanting to see her.

But what she saw wasn't what she was expecting. The last few picture Clarke had taken was a half picture of the guy's face and it made Lexa's heart tumble when her hopes that she had been wrong went crashing. But she made herself keep scrolling back through anyway because the last didn't make any sense. There were pictures of the parking lot at odd angles. She could see different cars parked here. There were pictures of tires, of shoes, then of the sidewalk, road, and the hall she had just come through, all at odd angles and not too clear. Finally she got to the end of them and found herself looking at shots of her game and suddenly she realised what Clarke had been trying to do with these pictures.

Lexa jumped up. Holding the phone close she dashed off back the way she had come. Barely looking for cars as she shot across the street she threw the door open and ran back up the hall as quickly as she could. The door that she'd opened up with the safety pin banged behind her as she slammed it open and dashed across the stadium. Her focus was only on Clarke and the phone clutched tight in her hand so before she knew it she'd left the stadium again, found her building and ran inside and up three flights of stairs not wanting to wait on the elevator.

Lexa threw open the door of their room, "I found something!" she shouted, skidding out of breath to a stop inside. Every muscle in her body burned and her injured ribs protested madly at the treatment. But she gulped air into them anyway, moved to her bed and collapsed onto it in agonizing pain.

"Lexa, what the hell? Have you taken a pain pill?" Anya asked and Lexa shook her head, "Of course not and to think I heard you leave this morning, but wanted to respect your space. That won't happen again if you won't take care of yourself, Lex."

Lexa rolled her eyes and handed the phone to Raven who had come up beside her rubbing her eyes, "I get it, okay, but I found Clarke's phone."

"You what?" Octavia exclaimed and than yawned, "What, how?"

"I found it in a pile of leaves next to an empty parking lot where the guy took Clarke," Lexa mumbled face planted in the stiff pillow of the bed that wasn't her own. Her thoughts swam with the thought of Clarke locked in a trunk, "She took some random pictures and I tried to make sense of them, but-"

"She's trying to send us clues I think," Raven scrolled through them, but sighed and shook her head, "None of these make any sense!"

"You're supposed to be a genius!" Octavia snapped, "We have to find Clarke!"

"Have you even met me?" Raven glared at Octavia and then started scrambling to get the phone on a charger while Octavia tried in vain to pull a still half asleep Lincoln out of her way. But she wasn't fast enough because Raven stepped on his hand by accident and that made him yelp and move and sit up. Ignoring him Raven connected the phone, "it does say a couple things though..." she mumbled. She turned around, "one, these were taken while she was being kidnapped. Two," Raven sighed and ran a hand through her hair and sank onto the bed next to Anya, "the cops were right. That bastard took her."

"Think we should give this to the police?" Octavia asked, "I mean they are pictures of the crime as it happened. It could help their investigation."

"It shows that the suspect they have is the one who really took her, the police could use that information, Lex-"

Lexa reached across the space, "no fucking way." she grabbed the phone back quickly and held it protectively to her chest looking at the others defiantly. She glared at Octavia who just raised her hands and sat back in defeat. Lexa was not giving up her lead, her lifeline, to Clarke. She felt herself struggling to breathe at just the idea, "The cops are already going to question him when they find him, but I'm not giving this to them, so drop it."

"I'm not sure that's a good idea, he-" Raven started to say, but Lexa cut her off.

"Is the one who fucking took her, that's what." Lexa spoke up, startled that it even needed to be said out loud.

"Exactly, that's imperative information for the cops. To them, he's just a suspect, but this is proof he actually did take her!" Octavia sighed and stared at her, but Lexa ignored the look, "Try and think rational."

"Do not tell me what to do," Lexa snarled and held the phone tighter in her hand, "We can't trust the cops and you know it!" She reached for her bottle of pills and popped a pain pill into her mouth and followed by some water, "The clues were left for us, not the police!"

"We don't know that for sure, hell that guy could've been the one who tossed it, not Clarke," Raven put a hand on her shoulder, "I know how much you want this to be from Clarke, but we don't know anything for sure."

Lexa sat glaring at her when suddenly her phone started to ring in her pocket. It startled her at first because she hadn't been expecting it, and scared her the next second and then really pissed her off because with everyone else here it could only be one person. Everyone in the room stared at her when she finally whipped the phone out and answered, "where the fuck is she! I swear to God if you've hurt one hair on her head-"

"Miss Lexa Woods?" the male voice on the other end was calm and professional, making only a small dent in her mindset enough to realize it probably was not the stalker, but it still could be even if they hadn't called before the stalker-turned-kidnapper could be finding new ways to taunt her.

"Is it him?" Raven demanded, "is the fucker deciding to take it up a notch?"

Apparently she had been thinking the exact same thing Lexa had been thinking. She shrugged at Raven and snapped at the caller, "this is. Who are you? What do you want?"

Raven went on, "if it is, keep him talking." she started digging around in one of her bags.

"This is detective Kane," the voice on the other end of the phone announced. Dread coursed through her and the phone slipped from her grasp and clattered to the floor. The nightmare she had in the hospital played vividly through her mind. This was eerily similar to it and she prayed it wasn't the same. She braced herself and scooped the phone from the floor and pressed it back to her ear.

"Yes, sir, how can I help you?" Her voice was calm and collected, but her heart wanted to pound out of her chest.

"We found the man in the security footage, he's currently being interrogated," Kane spoke reassuringly.

"You did?" Lexa couldn't believe what she was hearing. The angwish from the past few days let go of its iron grip and relief flooded her and question after question escaped her rapidly, "did you find her? Was she with him? Is she okay? Can I talk to her? Please I--"

"They found her??" Raven stopped digging. She reached and grabbed Anya's hand. Octavia's eyes shot up hopefully and Lincoln seemed to be holding his breath.

"Miss. Woods, we haven't found her, only him, I'm sorry," Kane spoke slowly, "But this is good news and it's a step in the right direction."

"Why are you calling then," Lexa bit out and sunk onto the bed and tears gathered in her eyes, but she didn't let any fall. She felt her friends staring at her so she just shook her head and watched all their faces crumble as well. The hope she had for a brief moment was crushed and it took her a few seconds to pull herself together, "Why are you fucking calling me?" She growled out.

"We want you to come down to the station now if you can," Kane asked, but Lexa froze and didn't reply right away,
"Miss. Woods?"

"Fine, I'll be there shortly," Lexa hung up the phone and maybe under normal circumstances she'd feel bad, but at the moment she didn't care at all. The others were waiting to know what the call was about so she spoke up, "they want me to go in. But I don't see the fucking point if they don't have her."

"They're trying to keep you in the loop," Lincoln said.

Lexa just snorted. She was past caring about what they had to say unless it was the three words, 'we found Clarke'

"We'll, you're not going alone," Anya stood up.

"We're going with you," Raven stood up as well, "I want to see this shit-head and give him a piece of my mind.

"We're with you, Lex," Lincoln stood as well followed by Octavia, "We're in this with you, no matter what."

Lexa was overwhelmed with emotion at the solidarity and support of her friends. She blinked back tears and gathered her keys again, "Thank you."

-=-

Walking into the precinct was not what Lexa wanted to be doing, but with her friends beside her, she felt a little less alone. They didn't have to wait long in the lobby until they were greeted by Detective Kane who led them back toward the interrogation rooms.

"Thank you for coming in on such short notice," Kane said as they walked. He looked sincere, but Lexa didn't care. All she wanted to do was see the man who took Clarke.

"Why am I here?" Lexa asked when they stopped.

"Because we have the guy who took her. He confessed this morning," Kane spoke up, "Callie is with him right now going through it all again to make sure. He signed a confession on a plea bargain when he realised we had him and he was just the fall-guy."

Right now, Lexa didn't care about the how's or the why's. She only wanted to know one thing, "where's Clarke?"

"We still don't know that," Kane answered honestly, "he says ...he says he doesn't have her anymore."

Anger swept through her, "Who the fuck has her? I need to ask him myself! Obviously you're not doing your job. I'll get him to talk," She clenched her hands into fists and stormed forward, but was stopped when Kane stood in front of her.

"I mean that we have the man who took her. But we don't know who has her now," Kane took a deep breath, "or where she is, yet. But we're going to-" his eyes studied her. Kane ran a hand over the back of his neck, "listen to me. His name is John Murphy. He's a janitor for hire best we can tell. Miss Woods," he raised his voice to get her attention, "You can't storm in there, but you can come back with me, okay?"

"Okay," Lexa squared her shoulders, "I want to see this Murphy and see what he has to say for myself, I-" Janitor rang a bell, with the door she found and all. Whoever this is was who hired him was smart, sneaky and played their cards right. She just wanted Clarke back.

"I don't think that's a good idea," Raven started to say, but Lexa shot her a glare and she promptly shut her mouth.

"I don't care right now, I have to see him," Lexa demanded and turned to Kane expectantly who sighed.

"Maybe, your friends are right," Kane offered, "It might not be the best idea."

"You can't offer and just take it back, I need to see him and to know why he did it!" Lexa's voice rose and she crossed her arms.

"We already know why he did it, Miss Woods. He confessed already. He did it for money and he has no idea who has her. He spoke to a middle man, we're tracking his calls to see who he's been in contact with, but no luck yet. Just give us some time. We are doing everything in our power to find Miss Griffin."

"I need to know more, I need to know everything that transpired between them. I can't sit here and take you at your word. I don't trust you, any of you," Lexa stepped up close and got in his personal space, "I tried that, it didn't work so well for me, obviously."

"Lexa, you need to calm down," Anya said carefully.

"Stop telling me to stay calm! They have the guy who took her and they asked me to come down here. I need to see him!" she looked at Kane again.

A few seconds past. Lexa could hear them with each tick of the clock on the wall that seemed too loud in the silence. Finally Kane took a deep breath and nodded, "I will," he said at last, "but I'm going to put this bluntly. Don't do anything that is going to make me have to arrest you too," He looked up, "but the rest of you are going to have to stay here."

"Fine, but better have an officer in there just in case," Octavia said and tried to smile, "We will be out here waiting."

'Since we're not allowed in, even though she's our friend too," Raven grumbled and glared at Kane.

"I won't do anything because if I did, it wouldn't help Clarke and I won't do anything to jeopardize finding her," Lexa stared them down and dared them to question her, but nobody did, "What are we waiting for?"

"This way," Kane finally said and led off down the hall. Lexa could feel the eyes of the others on her back until they took a corner and started down another hall. The white linoleum floor matched the stark white walls back here. They passed several doors before finally stopping at one. Without a word Kane pushed it open and motioned Lexa through first and stepped through it to find herself in a small dim room with a few rows of seats, facing a wall that the top half was a see through security mirror. She took a few steps toward it and caught sight of the room on the other side.

It was small and spartan, with a table and two chairs in the middle and a light overhead. In one of those chairs, was the woman officer she had met at the hospital, Cartwig. The table had file folders and papers across it, but in the other chair a man near her age or younger was slouched back. His greasy stringy hair unmistakable as was his wiry frame. Bags were under his eyes and he looked defeated. Lexa bristled on sight of him. He was the man from the pictures. Bitter anger tore through her and she charged the glass until she was right up against it and all she wanted to do was break his neck. She almost slammed a hand against the glass, but stopped at the last minute and had to gulp down her tears and rage because she could feel Kane's eyes pin her in the back.

"Miss Woods? Are you okay?" Kane asked and came to stand next to her.

Lexa lied bitterly through clenched teeth, "I'm fine."

The speakers overhead in the ceiling crackled to life and Cartwig's voice flooded through, "and you're sure you didn't see who came for her?"

"Look," Murphy sounded tired and bored and like he really just wanted to go home, "I already told you --I don't know who has her. I grabbed her, drugged her, took her to where I was supposed to, dumped her there, grabbed my money and left. I didn't stick around to see who came for her. I was told to just dump her and leave and that someone would get her. So I did. And besides, I didn't fucking care."

"...when did you drug her again?" Cartwig's asked calmly. Lexa felt herself getting sick, and angry, knowing this was him and hearing these words. Dizzy suddenly with shock she leaned her forehead into the glass for support and settled her hand on it as raw emotion ripped through her.

"After we got to the car," Murphy rubbed his face in exasperation.

"What did you use?" Cartwig asked.

"I don't know what it was. Whatever shit they gave me. It put her out quickly though," he shrugged, "bitch struggled the whole way. They warned me she might fight. I had to drug her or never would have got her out of there," he snorted a little and ran his hand through his greasy hair.

Just hearing him refer to Clarke that way had Lexa clench her hands in anger. How dare he speak that way of her? She was up against the glass and could feel the white hot rage boiling up, but did her best not to explode, "He...he...how dare he?" Lexa was shaking she was so mad.

"Wait here with this officer and I'll go in and have him start at the beginning. I need you to stay here and remain calm. If you cannot, you will be removed," Kane gave her a stern look before he opened the door and went in.

Lexa stood there frozen, but believed Kane meant what he said and didn't feel like testing that theory. She kept her gaze on the man in the chair and barely heard when they started to question him again. All Lexa could see was that this man took Clarke, this man drugged her, this man gave her to someone and who knows where she is now.

She wished that this was the end, but instead it seemed like this was only the tip of the iceberg.