Bethany's POV
Do you ever have those nights where you just simply set aside time to think. Like, there is nothing else that you can even physically make your body do rather than think. Usually those nights are nights where something bad has happened. It's depressing yes, but what more can you do? I'm not one to simply forget something that hurt me. I let it take over my mind. Every thought some how ties into the subject at hand.
I am having one of those nights.
The t-shirt and panties covering my body on a good day wouldn't keep me warm at this time of night. But I feel numb. Physically and emotionally, nothing is really seeming to get to me. The cold wind outside was unusal for LA, but I took a liking to it. Although I couldn't physically feel cold, I could see the goosebumps on my skin rising, letting me know I was at least functioning.
I feel over dramatic to some extent, but at the same time, I know I need to allow myself some pity. I'd been running from my feelings for two damn long. The pain I felt after what happened between Chace and I was horrendous. I spent four days letting out emotions I hadn't felt since my parents death, only to have to bottle them up and hide them.
Harry was my escape. The past week with him had been incredible. Sure, we hadn't seen each other every day, but he made an effort to talk to me somehow. Whether it'd be over text or twitter, he'd somehow manage to remind me he was thinking of me. The simple actions were like little bits and pieces of comfort I needed. They let me know at least someone was still here for me. At least someone was still thinking about me.
But maybe that's just it. Maybe I was seen as vulnerable- an easy target? I was hurt and he had the right idea by comforting me. It made me grow attached. I thought he felt something for me, but in reality, I'm assuring myself it was all just simply a lie. I was in pain, and he was the one to take it away. I was a fucking idiot for trusting him.
He told me to trust him, but look how that turned out.
Sometimes I wonder if anything with any relationship I'll have will be real. When I look in the sky, I see starts and a moon. There aren't many stars due to light polution, but the few that still stand out obviously mean they're still there. Isn't that what a relationship of any sort is suppose to be like. Even when it's the hardest for them to show, you get through it anyways and you stay with them for anything? I feel like the stars do that for the moon. It was a relationship I was jealous of. It had gotten to the point where I wanted a relationship at least as good as the moon and the stars.
Knocks were heard at my door, breaking me completely of my thoughts... thank God. I think I'm going crazy just thinking about it.
I screamed towards the door, telling them it was open. I wasn't in the mood to see anyone right now, but I'm assuming I needed to see someone. I didn't want to sit alone on the couch and do nothing. I needed to paper work, but even I knew that wasn't going to happen. I needed to talk about something to get my mind of whatever happened tonight.
"Pretty night it is." There was a raspy voice, a bit of nervousness to it. I knew he'd follow me here, but for some reason, I was glad he did.
"Mmm." I respond. There was a hint of appreciation in my voice, a small smile taking over my features. He was still behind me, though his presence wouldn't have gone unnoticed. I could feel him glaring at my back. He walked to stand in front of me, his boots clacking along the way.
"You just ruined the view." I pout.
"You ran tonight." He states, completely ignoring my insult. I nod my head, not really knowing what to say.
"I found the shirt, on the floor." He continues, taking a seat in front of me on the coffe table. Our eyes were level, though, there couldn't be more room between us.
"Woah. I'd say that's impressive, only I found the shirt first." Venom was spitting out of my mouth at him, making him flinch backwards.
He was obviously frustrated. The signs of his frustration were obvious. He had his lips rolled in, obviously trying to stop himself from saying anything. His eyebrows were knitted together and his hand was roughly pushing through his hair. He was upset, though I didn't know why. I should be the one doing this, but I'm not. There was no emotion on my face because I could not feel anything.
"I can explain it." He pleads, and for some damn reason, the pout at the corner of his lips makes me let him.
"Then please, explain. And I suggest you don't lie because lies always come out." I give him a bit of a sarcastic smile, making him groan.
He scoots the table in closer to me, making his knees touch the couch. His face seemed almost ten miles closer and all I wanted was the back up, but I couldn't. I wanted to cry when I felt his hands rest on my crossed ankles from sitting indian style. The feeling of him touching me caused enough pain in me, it was like every damn emotion came flying at me at once. Going an hour, pretending you can't feel anything, is the absolute worse when the one thing that can bring any emotion to you physically touches you.
"I'll start off honestly." He sighs, his fingers start to tickle my ankles as he moves them anxiously up and down. "
"I- I did have sex with Vicky. Um, that was her name if she didn't tell you that. I uh, I know this isn't going to be the best way to tell you how I figured out my feelings for you, but I guess I should just say it." He coughs awkwardly and looks down to where his hands are placed. Another breath of air is taken, probably as encouragement to spit out whatever damn shit is in his mouth.
"I ran that night I kissed you, because it felt weird. And before you say anythin', it was a good weird." A dimple popped into his cheek and I imediately felt my heart flutter... damn it.
"Uh, guess I kinda dunno... freaked out? Ran towards the closest club, found a pretty girl cuz I thought I was losin' my mind. Dunno, thought if I did anythin' with her, I'd feel the same feelin' I did with you..." He shakes his head before running a hand through his curls again.
"Hmm... don't really know how to explain it. Well, uh, I guess I could tell ya how I said your name by accident once. Things kinda stopped? Yeah. Excused myself to the bathroom to finish, and when I came back she... hmm, how do I put this nicely? Well, she threw my clothes at me. Took my shirt though and wouldn't give it back." He frowned at the thought.
"Guess it all makes sense why now. Anyways, um. I really didn't know what happened. Really, really drunk that night. Went back to the hotel and crashed on the floor of Niall's room. It wasn't exactly the best sleep I'd gotten I guess, though don't really think I deserved a good sleep now that I think 'bout it. Well, I woke up, remembered what happened and I realized somethin'." He paused for dramatic affect before continuing.
"Realized, I really fuckin' like you Bethany Smith. Of course it took me fuckin' up to figure that out, but damn. I realize how much I like you more and more every damn day. I see things when I'm walkin' around and I automatically think of ya. I could see a damn butterfly and I'd think of you cuz you're both pretty. So damn beautiful. Can't get you outta my mind. I wasn't lying when I told you I'd wait for you. Haven't done anything with a girl since then. Kinda don't want to mess things up, but I guess I already have haven't I?" He pouts, squeezing my ankles which he has yet to let go of.
"I don't know, Harry" I tell him honestly.
"Then tell me what's going on in that head of yours."
"A lot. I um- I'm hurt as fuck. Like, this is so much damn pain for a two week span." I shake my head, swallowing back the tears that were trying to escape.
"You should have told me. You should have told me last week." After I said those words, I realize how weird that was. It had been exactly one week since Harry had kissed me. This time last week, he'd been fucking that girl. The bile in my throat continued to rise.
"You promise me you haven't been with anyone else since then?" I ask, a small waver in my voice gave away that I was holding back tears.
He took it as his cue to jump right next to me on the couch. He wrapped his arm around me, pulling me into his chest. I would be lying if it didn't feel like home. The smell was so familiar now. It was appalling how I let myself crumble into a ball for him.
"I promise you, across my damn heart, I haven't kissed or touched any other female on the planet except for you in any intimate way. You're it for me right now. Really." He pulled my head up so I was looking at him.
Looking into his eyes was enough to let the tears run slowly down my cheeks. We were both quiet except for the whimper he let out. My face scrunched up in confusion when I heard the noise, making him chuckle a bit.
"i don't like looking at ya like this bub, especially when I'm the one who caused the pain." He kisses my temple, making the skin on my head burn.
"How'd you even get here so quick?" I ask.
"Mmmm..." He gives me a small smile, making my heart flutter. " Watched you sprint into a car when I ran after you down the hallways. Couldn't find ya anywhere though. When I got outside, you were running into a car and you took off. So, I sprinted through the crowd of girls and then I got caught so, I had to push my way through till I saw a taxi. Took the taxi to your house, but I probably would have been here a good half hour earlier if I hadn't gotten stuck in that damn crowd." He was shaking his head, but I was smiling because I realized something.
He did care.
AN: Hey guys, I know this chapter is short, but I needed to update. Where I live is very cold right now so I hope if you're in a bunch of this shitty cold weather you guys are staying warm!
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