A/N: rewritten due to changes in writing style
Hani was in a turmoil as she walked back to the cabin after her meeting with Jimin. After finding out that Jungkook hid from her that the pack had been attacked, she didn't know what to do or think about it. Yes, when she found out, she couldn't help but be disappointed and angry at him. Now, thinking about it further, she couldn't help but get confused at herself. Hani was keeping things from him as well, he would be feeling the way she is feeling, right? She couldn't help but feel guilty and that she was in no position to ask him about it or to even get mad. Still, she couldn't help but wonder why he had hidden this from her, what was the motive behind it? Or to be worried about the pack and want to know what had happened on that attack. It was her pack too, afterall. Even if she had only recently become their Luna, she wanted to protect them, the best that she could.
Maybe what bothered her the most was that Jungkook was breaking promises, she believed were eternal. Maybe that's where the huge weight on her chest derived from. Maybe it was not about the lie but about the fact he sold her pointless words and she had believed him. It made her wonder, if he had broken more promises and she knew nothing about them. It was the feeling of dread, of an imminent presence of fragility, as if she could see with her own eyes, a fend, a crack in their bond.
The girl had been too caught up in her own confusion, that she failed to realize that her feet were already inside the cabin.
"Baby!"
Jungkook's excited voice, snapped Hani's attention away from her thoughts. Her heart beat really fast in her chest due to the nerves, she was not ready to face Jungkook, yet. The Alpha almost ran towards his mate, wrapping his arms around her body happily and pressing small kisses all over her face. Had it been the day before, Hani would be giggling and smiling ear to ear at him. However, today, after finding out his secret, all that she could do was give him a small smile.
"What do you think?"
Jungkook whispered in her ear as he back hugged her. He had decorated the living room, more specifically, the big dining table with candles and all sorts of flowers. If Hani was confused before, this whole surprise event had her even more confused. She could tell by the way his eyes twinkled and the way he smiled like a little kid, that he had worked really hard to surprise her. Hani didn't want to ruin the mood.
"What's wrong?" He said, turning her around to face him. "Don't you like it?"
"I love it, I really do"
Hastily, Hani replied, eagerly hoping to shake the Alpha's disappointment away from his body. It seemed that her plan to not ruin the mood had backfired.... gravely. Attentively, Jungkook scanned her with worried eyes.
"Okay, then what's up with you? You look... sad"
Jungkook gazed at her with a sad look on his face, his eyebrows scrunched together in confusion. He had no idea what had happened, what could have possibly made his mate look so hurt and sad. Maybe it had something to do with her meeting with Jimin, maybe she missed her parents again. Whatever it was, he wanted to make her feel better and go back to putting that beautiful smile, he loved so much, back on her face.
"Can we sit down?"
Her voice was weak and her words slightly trembled at the end – it was all it took for Jungkook's knees to get wobbly. He quickly nodded his head at her and lead her to the table with his hand resting on her back.
Hani didn't know what she was doing or if this was the right thing to do, at all. She just wanted to know why. Why the lies? All that she wanted was to let go of that huge weight on her chest, so that she could go back to breathing normally.
"Is it a-"
Jungkook started by asking, but quickly Hani cut him off, not wanting to beat around the bush.
"I know about the attack, the patrol attack. I know people died, Jungkook"
At that moment, the Alpha's breathing stopped. He didn't know what to tell her. Just this morning he had reminded himself that he couldn't keep this secret hidden for long, despite that, he was not ready for her to find out about it. His eyes were wide open and he was frozen in his seat. His mind rambled and screamed at him with different things to say.
In reality, Jungkook had two options. He either told the truth or he continued on lying and sugarcoating the whole situation. Perhaps it was stupid and foolish of him to keep the lie up for as long as he could. But Jungkook genuinely believed he could solve all of this, without Hani ever worrying about it. He believed he could keep her in his little magical bubble, where she lived happily and safely, without knowing how dangerous the outside world was for her – like she was his little yellow bird trapped in a cage.
Frustrated with the position he was in, he felt like punching himself, like ripping his own head apart from his body. Jungkook didn't want to lie, he didn't want to make her feel naïve or that she wasn't part of the pack. However, his desire to keep the new found family safe, was the only thing he thought about.
"It was just an attack from a rogue. I didn't want to worry you, plus, we solved it really easily. The rogue that attacked them died. From our group of 6 only 2 survived, they are both healing. They were patrolling as usual and were surprised by a rogue attacking them. The two that survived were able to kill the rogue and ran back to the pack."
The lie slipped so beautifully and smoothly from Jungkook's tongue, almost as if it was second nature to him. It was the side effects of lying so much during the past few days. It became easy and natural to him. The lie sugarcoated the whole situation, insensitively downplaying it. There was no mention of the names of those who died, no name of those that attacked them, no mention of how horrifying the attack was, no mention of how their pack member's bodies were gruesomely displayed on their territory like they were trophies, no mention at all of how this was all connected to Jungkook's past. He told the gruesome event like it had been a fairy tale, only to protect his precious mate and to protect himself from meeting his own reflection.
"You should have just told me, Jungkook. I don't like feeling left out and you s-" Hani stopped herself for a few seconds, not knowing if she should say it or not. "You said that we were going to raise this pack together..."
Jungkook could hear the evident hurt in her voice. Hani had her head bent down low; her eyes focused on the empty plate in front of her. The Alpha's heart seemed to break inside his chest. Jungkook remembered making that promise to her. He cursed at himself internally, once he understood why was Hani so upset about the whole situation. It was not because he kept something from her... it was because he broke a promise. Although, that was never his intention, it never would be, that's exactly what he did – and he couldn't forgive himself.
"I'm sorry. I just didn't want to worry you more or make you feel unsafe here. Baby, I j-"
"Jungkook. I don't care about how much it worries me, hurts me or scares me. I don't want secrets. I don't want to feel like I don't matter."
Hani's voice broke at the end, just like Jungkook's heart for the second time that night. He watched, frozen in his seat, a tear falling down from her eyes – the tear he had caused. Hani quickly wiped it off, not wanting to ruin the mood even more. Jungkook had already seen it, though. Swiftly, he got up from his seat and trailed towards her. Hani looked away from him, unable to put a strong face right now. When he reached her, Jungkook crouched down and placed his hands on her knees. Even though, she still refused to look at him, he honestly apologized for what he had done.
"I'm so, so, sorry Hani. I never meant to make you feel like this. It was not my intention but I'm sorry for making you feel that way. I don't know what it is but I know something is bothering you and I didn't want to add to that. The situation was solved as soon as it happened. I am sorry that I kept things from you, I shouldn't have done it. I'm so sorry that I broke the promise I made to you" Hani, finally looked at her mate with glossy eyes, overwhelmed with his apology. "And I'm so sorry I made you feel like you don't matter"
"Listen" Jungkook said, cupping Hani's face with his hands. "I don't want you to ever feel like you don't matter. You matter so much to me. I think of you even in the simplest of things I do. Every single thing, every single emotion you feel matters to me. I want to make you feel like you matter, always. I want to make you happy. I want to make you feel loved and wanted. I want to make you feel special. You are special. I may have kept things and I am sorry for that. But please understand my intentions behind it. Understand that the promise I made... I made it with all my heart. And I'd rather not have a pack at all, than to raise one without you."
Hani softly smiled at Jungkook's words. The honest and sincere sparkle in his eyes filled her heart with even more love and adoration for him. He meant the things he said and Hani believed him, wholeheartedly. She knew that love was like riding a bicycle. It is scary at first; there's the fear of following there, following your first steps, lurking on every curve or slight bump on the road. Quickly, you learn that you need to fall in order to learn how to ride it, so you embrace the fall. And you will continue on falling, even after believing there is no better rider than yourself, you will still fall countless of times more; because we all get distracted sometimes, or explore paths we are not familiar with. Love needs time and mistakes to grow. It is the mistakes you make throughout it, that defines you. The Alpha didn't mean to hurt her– that's what Hani held on to. The girl was sure the she too would make her own mistakes in due time. Afterall, she had secrets of her own that she refused to tell.
Upon realizing how similar her situation was with Jungkook's, Hani started to believe that, perhaps, she was being overly dramatic and was, in fact, in no position to make him feel bad about this, when she was doing the exact same thing. She was being a hypocrite and childish.
On the other hand, guilt crawled Jungkook's throat. Despite his words and promises being true, he still lied and kept secrets – it was like his apology was worth nothing, it just had a date until it expired and he would have to come up with something better to excuse his actions. Jungkook was, ultimately and perfectly, a walking contradiction. He had felt horrible for not spending more time with Hani, so, he decided to prepare a small surprise for her. Jungkook had planned for them to enjoy each other's company, have fun, talk... just like when they first met. He was frustrated with himself to say the least. Jungkook even lied to himself, trying to convince his own self that all of this was to protect Hani – when in reality it was just his selfishness showing.
"I'm sorry I ruined this... You probably had so much work preparing all of this and I j-"
"You didn't ruin anything, baby" Jungkook rapidly cut his mate off, not wanting to make her feel even worse – he had done enough damage already. "We just had a little bump on the road, that's fine"
The Alpha went back to the kitchen before returning with the food and serving them both. They ate in silence, the only sound in the room coming from the clinking of the silverware. Hani and Jungkook were too focused on their own thoughts and guilt, to actually use this time to bond. The food was swiftly forgotten after a while, none of them really had an appetite. Hani helped Jungkook clean everything up and then both went upstairs. They changed clothes and jumped into bed, still in silence, not even exchanging one look between each other. Instinctively, Hani laid down her head on Jungkook's chest, his arms wrapped around her bringing her closer to him. They stood like that for hours, or maybe it had been just for a few minutes, and then Jungkook spoke.
"I've been thinking about the cave in the Endymion forest" Hani looked up at him, already guessing his next words. "I want to go there"
"Take me with you, then"
Jungkook's heart skipped a beat in his chest. The fear that still lingered in the back of his mind reminded him of how dangerous the trip would be. He had done some research about the forest a few days ago. It was located at the most northern point of the country, like he had been told, and that territory was not his. It belonged to that exact person he hated the most. If Hani came with him, there was no way of knowing what would happen. Not only it is the one part of the country where Jungkook is the weakest but it is also the part where his death is the most desired. On top of that, the forest is unknown territory for both of them, he doesn't even know how long it will take to find the cave or what kind of enemies he will face. It was a risky adventure by itself, bringing Hani along was too big of a risk. A risk that Jungkook wasn't willing to take.
So, he opened up his mouth to tell her "no", however, the word refused to leave his throat. The moments before, reminded him of the pain in her voice, of the promise he made. This adventure was not only for him to find out more about himself but also for both of them to find out about themselves. It would be selfish of him to not let her join. Jungkook sighed, not liking the feeling of dread and fear that trapped his heart whenever he thought about bringing Hani along. When he really thought about it, she might not even be safe in the pack without him, nowadays. A new attack can happen any day now. Leaving her there, without him, was a risk as well.
"Okay, we will be leaving in 2 days."
‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾
The full moon was shining brightly on the sky by the time the Alpha left his cabin. Loudly, the cold winter made itself known. It blew against the trees, causing them to tremble and waver, threatening them to be ripped off the ground. Yet, Jungkook, too determinate and set on his goal, did not shake, neither quiver, under the harsh weather.
It had been a hard task to sneak away from his mate's arms without waking her up. Hani was holding onto him for dear life, as if she was scared of someone stealing her away from him or if the Alpha was going to run away. So, only after a lot witty tracks and acrobacies, was Jungkook able to leave her arms.
The Alpha and his beta had planned to meet up with Minki at the training grounds, on that night. Eagerly, Jungkook wanted to meet their potential spy before sending him off. He needed to explain to him the plan and actual see for himself if he was up for the task or not.
The training grounds were the farthest place away from the pack, for clear and obvious reasons. It was the best place to meet up without arising any suspicion, especially in the middle of the night. Jungkook spotted two figures in the distance, their profiles only being illuminated by the moon above their heads. The two figures immediately recognized the Alpha, even from afar his power and dominance made itself known. In an instance, the 3 males were standing in front of each other all ready to discuss the future to come.
"Alpha, it is a pleasure. I am very honored to be given such a task, so I wanted to than-"
"Do not thank me." Jungkook's words were harsh and short. "The task I am offering is not kind or easy. I cannot assure your safety. If you do accept to do this, you might be digging your own grave."
The blond hair, brown eyed, young male in front of Jungkook, whose name was Minki, shivered. Truly, he did not know what he was signing up for. All that his mind could focus on when Hoseok reached out to him, was how honored he was to be picked by the Alpha himself. In his mind, that meant that the Alpha trusted him and saw his potential. Yet, hearing the harsh tone and noticing the seriousness in the Alpha's eyes, he soon realized whatever he had been picked to do, would not be kind.
"What I am going to tell you, Minki, must be kept as a secret even if you choose to not accept what I'm here to propose to you. It is a crucial task in preventing and preparing the pack for the war to come"
Jungkook's arms were crossed on his chest, he looked taller and stronger than ever, in Minki's eyes. The young boy's eyes widened, almost popped out of his face, as he heard the word "war". A war he had heard nothing about.
"War?"
"The patrol attack, it was not random."
At last, Hoseok joined the conversation, adding to Minki's shock with his statement. The boy looked utterly confused and lost at what Jungkook and Hoseok were telling him; his head shifted between the two, unsure as to who gaze at.
"To cut this short, it was a pack I have a history with. Me and their Alpha do not get along that well. After many years, he decided to attack our pack. He left his mark to prove it had been him to order the attack. The wolves that we lost their..."
Minki was struggling to control his wobbly legs, his hands shook against his body, as he felt the atmosphere around him become more and more tense.
"Their bodies were cut into pieces, their heads ripped from their necks. They were put on sticks, like they were trophies, and their remains surrounded them, forming a mountain"
Minki felt his whole body go numb and cold almost as if he was the one whose head was on a stake and his body parts were piled up. He blinked his eyes rapidly, as if trying to wake himself up from a nasty nightmare. His eyes stared agape at Jungkook and Hoseok, desperately praying that this was some kind of sick joke they were pulling on him. However, both of them remained serious and stiff, letting him know their words were true.
"I will dare to say you know me fairly well Minki" Jungkook started talking, walking slowly towards the scared boy, his piercing eyes studying his body language. "You do know, I don't let people that hurt my pack walk away unpunished, so we have a plan and if you want to help, I'll give you your task, right now"
Jungkook watched the boy fight his own thoughts, battling with himself about what he wanted to do. The Alpha nothing said, he just observed: how the boy fidget with his fingers, his gaze shifting from a scared look to an angry one and changing back, in seconds, how his feet anxiously tapped the floor in a steady rhythm. The Alpha wanted to know which emotion would dominate him, which one would he succumb to, fear or anger.
"I will do it." Minki said, his hands balled into fists and his eyes closed shut. "Just tell me what I need to do it and I'll do it"
"Don't do this for me, do this if you want to"
"I'm not doing this for you Alpha or for me. I'm doing this for the pack, I'm doing this for the ones that were taken from us"
Jungkook grimaced, pleased with the reaction Minki was giving him. He got exactly what he wanted. The Alpha got to see the anger building up inside Minki, the burning flame in his eyes, the determination in his gaze. He got himself the warrior he needed - the little young boy that challenged him for a fight many, many, years ago. Jungkook extended his hand and Minki quickly accepted it, shaking assertively and proudly the Alpha's hand.
"The task is simple" Jungkook started explaining, a victorious smirk imbued in his lips. "We will help you infiltrate his pack, Jin hyung has a rogue that can smuggle you in. For as long as necessary, you will act as if you belong there. While doing it, you will report to us every 3 days. Taehyung will let you know who you give your report to, he has connections on the northern side. From those reports, I will decide how we strike them back. All you need to worry about is blending in and keeping us up to date with their plans"
"Wait" Minki fired back, confused at the plan. "That's all I do? I'm just your mail bird? I want to fight, Alpha"
"And you will. For now, we need to be smart and wait."
Hoseok chimed in, placing a comforting hand on Minki's shoulder, understanding the younger's frustration.
"Anger is not productive when it's spontaneous. I want you to take this time to watch them, learn about them. Their weakness, their strengths, anything that we can use against them. I want you to build that tiny little flame you have inside you. You need to learn to control it or else it will control you. And no wolf fights well when he's in rage."
"But, when you fought against your old pack Alpha, you were in rage and y-"
"Do not think that just because I made out of it alive, I won."
Jungkook snapped at the young wolf, his eyebrows scrunched together in anger. Hoseok slightly stuttered his words out, telling Minki to not say a single word. Everyone knew to not bring up what happened that night around Jungkook.
"That was the one battle I lost. But you" Jungkook said, grabbing the boy's shoulders harshly. "You will help me win the war"