I glanced at the royal blue dress, hanging on the wall which Taehyung has gotten trailored for me while nervously nibbling on my lower lip and walking up and down the room.
I ran a frustrated hand through my hair while walking, after crying my eyes out the whole night until the sun started rising and my sobs led me into my sleep, I felt uneasy, almost at the verge of throwing up.
Only 3 hours were left until the grand masquerade
And only 7 more hours until midnight,
my heart sank deeper while hammering painfully inside my chest, it feels suffocating I can't breathe, I can't eat and I can't sleep, whatever I do hurts, whatever I think of hurts and wherever I look at hurts.
Why? Why did everything slipped into this downfall just when it started to bloom into something so magical.
I was crazy about him, I loved him with every limb and every breath and the thought of something happening to him is pushing me into my own death, and leaving him in order to save his life turns my body into a shaking mess.
I wanted to scream, scream my lungs out
The painful lump was scratching my throat almost screaming at me to let the tears fall but I was afraid, afraid that Taehyung would sense that something was going on.
I couldn't break his heart, I couldn't..not when I promised him to trust him, but this time I couldn't.
Forgive me my love
I bit on my trembling lips and gasped when the door to my room suddenly opened and Jugyeong stepped in.
"What are you doing Y/n ? Get ready" She clapped her hands but frown when she saw the awful state I was in.
"Aren't you feeling well Y/n?" The lump inside my throat was burning and I had to fight my tears even harder back after she asked me the question I would rather run away from.
I've never thought that my decision to become her handmaiden in order to find the little door would turn her into a friend I don't want to lose anymore, our bond has turned into something so special and unique that the thought of leaving her breaks my heart even more, we would spent nights on her balcony talking and laughing about everything, she would sneak out of her room when Prince Byungsu fell asleep only to sneak into my room and listen to the everything what has happened between Taehyung and I.
She had sensed it from the very beginning that something was about to develop between him and I and after our first night that changed my entire life in a way I only could dream of,
I couldn't hide my flushed cheeks and wide smile from her, I couldn't hide my nervousness and shaking hands around her whenever he would appear and teasingly catch my stares while talking to Jugyeong.
I thought she would ban me from the castle and do anything in order to keep me away from her brother, the King, but this wasn't the case.
She told me that the afternoon when she opened up about their painful past, she gave us her agreement.
I shook my head when suddenly a sob which I held back with all my strength escaped my trembling lips along with heavy tears.
"Oh my.." Her eyes widened before immediately pulling me gently inside her embrace and caressing my hair.
"Let it out" She said calmly while I shut my eyes and let the tears float.
After crying for a few minutes in her arms until I calmed down and wiped my tears away while sniffling she looked at me with a worried expression.
I took a deep breath, my breath was shaking while looking into her eyes which reminded me of him and increased the pain inside my chest.
"Is it Taehyung?" She asked while tilting her head to the side and wiping a tear of mine away.
At the call of his name my heart skipped painfully, a name which is engraved deeply into the depths of my heart.
I nodded while lowering my eyes and biting on my lower lip.
"Aera might be a princess but she is nothing compared to you, it's you who has Taehyung's heart" She gave me an encouraging smile and I gulped while pushing my wet hair out of my face which got mixed with my salty tears.
"I-It hurts" I whispered
~
Jugyeong comforted me without asking anything until I would be ready to upon up but little did she know that it was already too late.
Afterwards she called her maids to make my hair, the hair of a handmaiden herself. This siblings have done so much for me even though I was a stranger but they welcomed me into their family and turned into the biggest part of my life.
I was still sniffling when the maids started doing my hair which made Jugyeong chuckle while looking at me with a smile remaining on her lips.
"Who would have thought that I would borrow you my maids" She grinned while my eyes widened and she quickly pressed her lips togther.
"No no don't start crying again, my mouth just can't keep quiet aish" She looked away while trying to not burst into laughter which made me smile without realizing it.
"Thank you Jugyeong for everything you have done for me until now.." I quickly wiped the escaping tear away when she turned her head and her chocolate brown eyes softened.
"Stop talking as if you're going to leave us" She pouted while my heart sank deeper and my sad smile grew wider
"Sister's don't thank each other, am I right?" She tilted her head to the side while her pout turned into a beautiful smile
"Right" I smiled back at her as the maids were done with my hair and held a mirror in front of me.
I gasped when I saw how beautiful the upper half of my hair was braided and gave me a royal look I never knew I could be able to have.
"You can leave now" Jugyeong told them while I thanked them happily
"Look at our farmer which has turned into a beautiful princess" She joked while smiling and nodding proudly
Just like Taehyung, sometimes I could really feel how old they are but that's what makes it even more beautiful.
They grew up in a different environment, different era but still we managed to get along and understand each other.
But just sometimes it still peeks through and I enjoy every bit of it.
"Now it's time for the dress, hurry up the guests will be here faster than you think darling."
I nervously glanced at the royal blue dress with blue rose petal prints running down into the organza sleeves.
My finger traced the lines of the dress hanging on the wooden closet. I bit on my lips while capturing every little detail of the dress, a dress made for every girl's dream, I gulped down the lump in my throat while glancing at the blue roses.
"Do you know why he chose blue roses ?" I asked her while caressing the beautiful blue roses sewed on the dress.
"Don't you know the meaning of a blue rose ?" She asked me confused which made me turn around and glance at her confused expression and furrowed eyebrows.
"All I know is that blue roses don't exist" I chuckled but regretted it immediately because it hurted, how could I chuckle ?
"One thing you should know about Taehyung is that he likes to express himself by using symbols." She smiled while standing up and walking towards me and the hanging dress.
She was right, that was one thing which caught my attention too, from the very first moment he referred to me as his moon, a moon which got marked by his love.
"Our mother used to love roses, I'm sure you have seen our rose garden which the maids have planted by the wish of our mother.
Except Taehyung, we all fell in love with the rose garden which started to bloom and fill the castle with the scent of our mother, she would pick up every fallen petal and carry it with herself.
You might ask yourself why Taehyung disliked such a breathtaking garden.." Her breath started to shake while slowly walking towards the wide windows and blankly starring out.
My eyes followed her and nervously waited for the answer of my question
"Because the red color reminded him of the one and only color of blood and hatred, that one thing which used to fill our castle, that one thing which has scarred him the most.
He sent off the guards to discover blue roses all over the country and replace them with the red ones after the death of our parents, but his wish remained unfulfilled because they remained undiscovered even after a year of searching. It was only alive in his fantasy and he never learned that the color of red was also the color of love where on the other hand blue roses are a symbol of unfulfilled longing except for Taehyung, for him they make the impossible possible, they turn fantasy into reality by the great power of love...
He is madly in love with you Y/n and when you step out with this dress the nation will get to know our future Queen and that's why he chose blue roses..." She sniffled while gracefully wiping her tears away, I blinked a few times, trying to steady my breathing while feeling the heavy tears once again escaping my swollen eyes.
"Oh I apologize I have made you cry again right when you began to feel better" She walked towards me while I shook my head, my heart hammering inside my chest while her words were ringing inside my ear pushing down the suffocating weight on my shoulders.
"I am just very emotional today but I promise I will feel better once I see him." I smiled at the thought of his dark chocolate eyes which caught my world inside them, his luxious and fluffy hair, his scarlet lips and the one thing which would surely be the death of me, his sinful smile which made all the butterflies in my stomach go crazy for him.
"I know very well that these gowns are heavy but wear it proudly Y/n, as if it is a feather, show the determination in your eyes when you wear the mask and step out,
make Aera understand that even if she has royal blood running in her veins it doesn't give her the authority to think of herself as the future wife of this nation. There is strength within the walls of a Queen's heart which she doesn't have because all she craves for is wealth and admiration of men, words that are unknown to a future Queen.."
I puffed out a painful breath while nodding and shamefully averting my eyes from hers.
I was suffocating and drowning inside the pain which was increasing with every passing second while time was moving fast towards the grand masquerade.
"T-Thank you for everything Jugyeong, you are truly a sister I never had before, ah the tears" I chuckled while wiping them away which made her smile sadly as her eyes also turned teary
She warned me with her eyes in the most innocent way which made my heart break even more.
But little did she know that this was the last time we laughed and cried together despite the pain surrounding us
~
I tilted my head to the side while staring at my own reflection in the mirror, the corner of my lips turned into a smile which didn't reach my teary eyes which is why the smile disappeared.
Wasn't it always our dream to wear a big gown and dance with Prince Charming until midnight and then run away, leave our shoe behind which would help the prince to find us among all the other girls?
But the truth was that the thin line between the fairytale we have created in our mind and the reality can never be crossed and unit after midnight.
I watched the tear rolling down my cheek and falling on one of the blue roses on my dress right above my heart.
I will carry your love inside me until my last breath Taehyung,
because I was born to love you.
"I would sacrifice my happiness over you and share your pain with you.
I assure you, that I will always belong to you because this is my only wish."
——————
Ahh my heart hurts so much after writing this chapter 😭😭
So many of you got the hint regarding the end of this book which makes me really happy so in case you want to find the right answer just search for it in the comments of the last chapter 😏
*tries really hard not to drop more hints*
Any ideas what will happen at the masquerade ?
Stay safe and healthy ily! 💜