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The room was big enough to fit a crowd of fifty people yet with only him there, it felt suffocating and as if it was closing in on him. He took a deep breath still sitting on the only chair in the room, a cold metal table pushed against the wall with nothing but a file he had placed there upon arriving. Harry could feel himself slowly start to shiver when the cold temperature of the room started getting colder due to the high temperatures outside.
He hated the summer.
He let out a shaky breath realizing how cold it really was when he could see his own breath yet didn't dare himself to leave just yet. He couldn't stop looking at him, couldn't leave him alone...at least not yet. When he finally got up he made his way to the front of the room placing his hand against the freezing glass of the only capsule in the room per Mark's orders that held his whole life. Ice crystals were slowly forming on the glass giving him an angelic look, his light brown hair brushed back where it would stay forever frozen in place.
He felt the tears prickling his eyes biting on his bottom lip to keep himself from sobbing when even after nine years he still looked the same, and Harry still loved him with all his heart. He took a step closer until he was right against the frosty glass and face to face with him wanting to see his bright blue eyes that used to look right back at him with as much love as Harry still did. He never stopped feeling the same.
He rested his forehead against the glass not caring how cold it was and finally let the tears fall wondering why everything had gone wrong. Wondering why life had been cruel to them, why they hadn't been allowed to be happy when they had the chance.
When his forehead started hurting he pulled back wiping his tears away as he did so knowing it was time to go for the day, time to go back to the only thing he had left of Louis. Time to go and spend his time trying to find the only way that would give him his love back.
"I love you, Lou." He whispered fighting the tears that felt so good yet brought the most painful emotions along with them, "Blake loves you too, he always asks me to tell you." Harry whispered then left the room without looking back.
He knew that if he did, he would never leave again.
He walked through the corridors of Tomlinson's Cryogenic Institute ignoring everybody on his way back to his office Mark had given him so he could have somewhere to stay whenever he would visit Louis. When he was there he took a seat on the chair rubbing his hands on his face trying to calm down. Once he was finally calm he got up and took his white coat off replacing it with his black suit jacket just wanting to go back home to Blake and spend the rest of the day with him.
"Leaving already?" Mark asked poking his head in after seeing the door was open.
"Yes, I promised Blake we were going to watch The Avengers." Harry responded without looking at him.
"You've been crying again." Mark stated making Harry roll his eyes, "I told you that as soon as you find a way to get and keep his heart going after resuscitation so it regenerates we ca-"
"And what if I don't, Mark? What if I never do and he stays like that forever..if you hadn't- forget it, I'm going home."
"I know it was my fault Harry. I know it was and trust me that I've lived the past nine years wanting to go back and change everything, change the way I acted and the way I did things. It kills me to see him like that everyday and not being able to do anything. I hate myself because it's my fault he missed all these nine years and my grandson never got to have his father around."
"Too late, now if you'll excuse me I have to go home." Harry grabbed his stuff then left leaving Mark alone.
"1, 2, 3, arms above your head."
Harry would hear it everyday whenever he would mop the floors right outside the dance studio and every time he would stop to look at him through the small window on the door. He was always fascinated by the way he moved, so graceful yet so strong, Harry didn't know how he was capable of doing both.
He loved the way the blue eyes of the boy would shine whenever he would land rather gracefully, the only thing missing were white wings and he would look like the angel Harry thought he was. He loved the way he would pirouette across the dance floor stealing his breath away every single time he would see his bright smile loving what he was doing. He hated how in love he was with someone he had never spoken to and could never have when he was a nobody and the boy going by the lovely name of Louis had everything in life and was way out of his league.
He would still remember the grace which Louis will dance with, how he made it look easy when in reality it was the hardest thing one will ever have to do. He knows it, he tried when Louis had begged him too. He tried to concentrate on the road seeing the many kids outside with their parents eating ice cream and walking around the park. He would never forget the many walks in the park he would take with Louis, the way the petite blue eyed boy loved to do so never missing a day if he could help it. Harry always made sure to take walks with Blake on the weekends ever since he was a baby and it was just them.
"It's healthy for you love, plus the park is lovely."
Harry sighed rather loudly trying to shake those thoughts away as soon as he was parked outside the house he had bought two years ago when he finally had enough for it. It was exactly like Louis always dreamed of, a two story house with the biggest backyard and the biggest and well equipped kitchen.
He shut the engine off then got out of his car making sure to lock it then walked inside furrowing his brow when everything was way too quiet. He made his way to Blake's bedroom hearing Jay's soft voice talking to his son and when he peeked inside his bedroom he saw her sitting next to him as he ate cherries. Those had been Louis' favorites just like they were Blake's.
"Papa!" Blake interrupted Jay then shot up from his spot without spilling the cherries launching himself at Harry who managed to catch him just in time. He was the most affectionate and sweetest child.
"Hi buddy! How was your day, did you behave for grandma Jay?" Harry kissed the top of his head then his forehead smiling when he finally made eye contact with his son seeing his bright blue eyes just like Louis'.
"I was good papa. Did you see daddy? Did you tell him I love him this big?" Blake made sure to extend his arms out as far as they would go to make his point, "I even wrote it in your calendar." Blake said narrowing his eyes at his father.
"Yeah bud, and he loves you even more." Harry said ignoring the sad looks Jay was directing his way.
"He told you? When is he coming home?" Blake asked furrowing his brow.
"I don't know baby, I don't know." Harry hugged him close to his chest finally making eye contact with Jay who looked away, "But I know that he loves you with all his heart."
"He loves you too, right?" Blake placed his hand on Harry's cheek then glanced at Jay before looking back at his father, his brown curly locks bouncing as he did so, "Grandma Jay told me he loves you too...with all his heart."
"Yeah Blake, he loves us both with all his heart." Harry confirmed cupping the back of his head to hug him closer never wanting to let go when his son started squirming wanting to set himself free.
Yes, Louis had loved them with all his heart. Had loved them too much, had given all his heart to him and their son expecting nothing in return and in the end, it's what had killed him.
"He died of a broken heart."
That's what Jay had told him that time when she had placed his one month old son in his arms and he had been too broken to say anything else other than hold his baby close to him. He still couldn't get those words out of his head even after nine years, they still echoed around in his head.
"Thank you for watching him, Jay." Harry tried to smile but failed.
"You don't have to thank me sweetheart, I'm here whenever you need me." Jay got up putting the plate of cherries on top of the nightstand.
"I hope he didn't give you any trouble, I know how he's like." Harry finally smiled remembering all of his son's antics.
"He's an angel." Jay assured him as she picked her bag up and took a step forward to hug Harry and her grandson goodbye, "I'll see you later loves."
"Yeah, thank you Jay." Harry hugged her back then walked her to the door still holding onto Blake.
"Bye grandma Jay!" Blake waved goodbye giggling when she kissed his cheek before leaving.
Once she was gone he let Blake take a shower then took one himself and when he was done he busied himself with making dinner while his son talked about his day. He would make sure he was always paying attention to him answering whenever he had to and asking questions when he got too curious. By the time dinner was ready they sat down to eat always trying to ignore the empty chair where Louis was supposed to sit on and when they were done, Blake was more than ready to sit down and watch his favorite movie.
"Papa, when I grow up I'm going to be like Black Widow. I want to be a spy, like a real one!" Blake exclaimed and when Harry saw his eyes were a bit droopy he knew it was time for him to go to bed, "I read about them in school and Jason said he wants to be one too."
"Okay Black Widow! Time for you to go to bed, mister." Harry stopped the movie then made Blake get up who was already pouting.
"But I'm not tired." Blake yawned then started rubbing his left eye, "Movie's not over yet."
"We can finish it tomorrow love, but now you have to go to sleep so you can wake up early tomorrow for school."
"Okay." Blake nodded.
They brushed their teeth together and when Harry was sure he had gone to the bathroom he walked him to his bedroom where he tucked him in in his bed and kissed his forehead. He was about to leave when Blake's hand stopped him and when he looked back, his son was already looking right back at him with wide blue eyes and pouty lips.
"Can you tell me a story...about daddy?" Blake asked smiling when Harry sighed and lay down next to him making sure he had enough space. His papa was so tall.
"What kind of story do you want me to tell you?" Harry asked getting comfortable next to his son.
"Nana Anne told me how she met Grandpa Robin and Grandma Jay told me how she met Grandpa Mark. How did you meet daddy?" Blake asked as he fiddled with the edge of his Captain America bedsheets.
"Well, when I was younger I used to work at this dance studio cleaning everything and your daddy used to dance there." Harry started.
"Daddy liked to dance?" Blake interrupted him, "I like to dance too! Uncle Niall showed me how to dance the macarena, I am the bestest...better than uncle Liam and uncle Zayn." He proudly told him.
"I bet you are the best." Harry kissed his forehead then grabbed a picture frame sitting on the nightstand and that held a picture of Louis and himself five months after they had met and were already so in love.
He smiled remembering that day as if it had been only yesterday but it had been ten years ago when Louis had been only seventeen and he only eighteen. He still blushed remembering how he had made a fool of himself when all he could see was his Louis and hadn't seen the wet floor sign he himself had put there to warn the others.
The day seemed as if it was never going to end and when some of the snotty students kept leaving trash behind he knew he was going to have to stay there longer than necessary. He sighed as he placed the wet floor sign to make sure no one slipped then looked across the hallway to see his friend Niall who was in his second year while he was in his last one taking out the trash out of one of the trashcans in the hallway.
He tried to focus on mopping the rest of the floor when the door of one of the studios opened and he couldn't help but smile knowing he would get to see him again. By the time he looked up Niall was already staring at him with a raised brow and a smirk then looked straight ahead where Harry knew Louis was.
Like always, Louis took his breath away when he saw him walking out of there with his bag over his shoulder and a bit sweaty from the exertion. He had his friend Zayn next to him that lucky for him and Niall, was just as nice as Louis and Liam, Zayn's boyfriend who was studying to be a pediatrician.
"Mate," Niall sighed, "Just go and talk to him, he's not gonna bite your hand off or be rude to you."
"No! I'm just gonna make a fool of myself...plus I think he's already dating that douchebag Nick." Harry said looking at Louis and blushed a million shades of red when he saw him already looking right back at him.
"Louis detests Nick, Liam told me and Liam knows since he's dating Zayn and Zayn is best friends with Louis." Niall informed him.
"Still, he's out of my league. Why would he date someone like me, a nobody? I've known this ever since I saw him at the beginning of the year." Harry continued mopping the floor and completely ignoring Niall until he heard his voice right in front of him.
"That's horrible." Louis frowned, "You shouldn't think so low of yourself. Harry, right?"
"I uh...I." Harry stammered not knowing what to say then glared at Niall when he burst out laughing, "M'Harry."
"Louis. Nice to meet you." He extended his arm out waiting to shake his hand.
He was just about to lower it when Harry snapped out of his trance rushing to shake it completely forgetting about the wet floor and not seeing the sign at all. That day he did end up making a fool of himself in front of the most beautiful boy he had ever seen. He knew that after that embarrassing fiasco his chances with Louis, if he had any before, were now completely gone.
He thought about getting up and running out of there, never come back when he could hear a few people laughing at him thinking Louis was too. That's what he thought until he looked at him seeing Louis already offering his hand to help him up and without hesitation, Harry took it feeling how warm and soft it was compared to his calloused ones after many years of hard work just to get by.
"Are you okay?" Louis asked as soon as he made sure the lovely boy with green eyes wouldn't slip again.
"I'm fine, thanks for helping me up." Harry blushed.
"Glad I could help." Louis smiled.
"And then what happened next?" An impatient Blake asked after Harry had taken his time to tell the whole story with details.
"We started spending time together, we fell in love and then a year and two months later your cute self was born." Harry concluded the story.
"Why did daddy have to go?" Blake asked blinking up at Harry with sad blue eyes, "You said he's very sick and he's asleep but when is he going to wake up and come home to us?"
"I'm hoping he'll come home soon but I don't know when." Harry said fighting the sadness away.
"Grandpa Mark and me watched movies and he told me he's like Sleeping Beauty and Elsa from Frozen so I guess he's okay, the cold doesn't bother him papa." Blake yawned while Harry tried not to break down crying right then and there.
"Goodnight buddy, I love you." Harry kissed his forehead then got up fixing the blankets around his son.
He smiled when Blake never said anything already asleep holding onto a stuffed teddy bear Harry had gotten him soon after Jay had given him his baby back. He had forbidden Harry from telling people he still slept with it. He turned the light off making sure to leave his night light on then went to his bedroom getting ready to go to bed.
As soon as he was in bed he closed his eyes trying to suppress the memories that for some reason were coming back hitting him full force. The most painful of them all making his chest hurt and almost impossible to breathe. He turned around on his side with his back to the door trying to suppress it by curling up into a ball under the covers and just disappear.
The last time he had seen Louis had been five months earlier when after waiting for the five month pregnant boy so they could run away together, Louis never showed up. He ended up staying to look for him but by the time he had gotten to his house, they were already gone and the house was empty as if it had never been occupied before.
He had been forced to spend the next five months without him and their son and when he was sure Louis had already given birth without him there, he wanted to hunt Mark down. It was no secret he had never been fond of Harry for not being of the same social status as them considering him a nobody and not worth Louis' time. But Harry was in love with Louis, he was so in love he would have done anything for him and their baby he knew nothing of.
He could feel the lads eyes on him as he paced back and forth in the living room of the shitty apartment he shared with Niall. After drilling Zayn for answers when it was clear he and Liam were just as clueless as to where Louis was he started losing hope not wanting to hurt again. When his phone started vibrating and an unknown number showed up on the screen he froze not knowing what to do until Liam urged him to answer the phone.
"H- Hello?" Harry's voice trembled hearing a bit of static before it went silent then heard someone on the other line breathing heavily almost as if they were trying to catch their breath yet sounded weak, "Hello, who is this?"
"Ha- Harry." Louis' whimper sounded through the phone making Harry almost panic at how sick he sounded.
"Lou! Lou, love where are you? Is our baby-" Harry started seeing the others sitting up looking at him.
"Harry, I- I don't have time." Louis said then Harry winced when he started coughing.
"Tell me where you are...I- I can go get you, but please just tell me where you are." Harry started crying again hearing Jay in the background telling him to hurry up. "Lou..."
"I just...I want you to know that I will always love you okay. No m- matter where I go, or how much time passes, I- I will always love you. I lo- love you f- forever..." Louis was barely able to say before Harry heard them.
A baby crying, a flatline, and finally Jay's sobs begging Louis to wake up.
He stood where he was clutching the phone close to his ear desperately trying to figure out what was going on while hearing Jay's sobs mixing with the baby's cries. He fell to his knees barely holding in the scream threatening to come out hearing Mark shouting that he was gone and Jay's shouts blaming him for it before the line went dead.
When he couldn't hear them anymore was when he finally let out the loudest scream ever feeling arms around him trying to hold him down as he struggled to get up. When he was pushed flat on his back against the floor and felt Niall's body on top of him was when he finally stopped struggling and lay there letting everything out.
"And ever..." Harry whispered before he closed his eyes feeling nothing at all.
His Louis was gone.
Harry sat up with tears in his eyes trying to shake the memory away that still haunted him everyday when he was awake and in his sleep, never leaving him alone. That was the day he had given up wanting to go too, he wanted to be with Louis no matter where they went or who they left behind. He wanted to die along with him.
He still remembers how he thought he wasn't going to be allowed to go to the funeral and when he got a call from Jay he thought he would. Except, there hadn't been a funeral and he never got an explanation from Mark other than he was going to right his wrongs.
That day he got another reason to live when he held his one month old baby in his arms for the very first time cradling him close to his chest. He wanted to see Louis at least one more time not knowing that he would get to see him everyday, just not the way he would have liked.
Since that day he spent his time working, studying like never before and taking care of his son to be someone in life and now at the young age of twenty eight, almost twenty nine, he was one of the best cardiac surgeons. Being a genius and skipping up to three grades back in grade school and two years of medical school had had its perks because now he could give his and Louis' son everything he never had as a child. Yet he hated the fact that being one of the smartest man in the world, he still had failed him.
The day he had graduated from Uni at the age of only nineteen with the highest honors and just a month after Louis' death, he had immediately gone to his family taking Blake from his sister's arms not expecting it when he heard Mark's voice. The atmosphere had gotten so tense and when Harry turned around to look at him, he found Jay standing next to him. He could still remember the whole conversation he had had with Mark and the shock when he had finally gotten to see Louis again.
He felt numb as he made his way inside the private hospital feeling out of place when he wasn't dressed his best, but who was after working half the day and taking care of a child suffering from colics the other half of it. He didn't even have to give his name to the receptionist when Mark was already waiting for him. Without saying anything he followed him through many corridors until they were standing outside a door, that's when Mark turned to look at him.
"Blake?" He asked forcing himself to look Harry in the eye after everything.
"He's doing well...he's with my sister right now." Harry answered wondering what was going on, why was he there.
"What I'm going to show you might be a shock to you but I want you to understand that I'm doing it for his own good. I need to right my wrongs, Harry." Mark's voice trembled making Harry bite the inside of his left cheek in anger.
"Just show me. I have a son to take care of and homework to complete." Harry snapped.
Mark nodded then opened the door, both of them shivering at the cold rush of air that seemed to seep all the way to their bones. Everything was made of metal but what sent shivers down Harry's spine was the capsule in front of him and the keypad on the wall next to it. He braced himself for what was behind it and when Mark finally opened it he waited for the mist to clear out letting out a loud gasp when he finally saw what it was. He stumbled backwards unable to believe he was there, frozen and no longer alive but there.
"Lou..." Harry let out a choked sob wanting to get closer but too afraid to do so.
"Jay wanted a funeral but I couldn't do it, I- I couldn't let him go. His heart failed but I know we can find a cure in the future, Harry. You're a genius, y- you could help." Mark begged seeing Harry staring at his son and just like that, he watched him break down in front of him.
When Harry finally made it home he felt completely drained going straight to his bedroom where he laid on bed staring up at the ceiling. That image of Louis was all he could see, it stayed in his nightmares for years to come never leaving him alone.
When he fell asleep again it was with the thought of Louis when he had seen him again after his death, frozen and trapped in a capsule. Since that day he would always go and see him everyday never missing one when he had free time from completing medical school and years later a residency at the hospital Mark was the director of. He had insisted that as part of setting everything right again, he wanted to help him with expenses even though Harry had scholarships and who was he to reject the offer when he had a son to raise even if he deeply disliked Mark.
The next day he was up bright and early trying to get everything ready on time and as soon as they were out the door he dropped Blake off at his school then went straight to the hospital where he had a surgery scheduled for that day. As soon as he got there he only had two hours to get ready and have everything ready.
Almost five hours later he was out of the operating room in a great mood since the surgery had been a success. He smiled when the patient's family thanked him over and over for saving the man's life, it made him feel great to save them and give them another chance.
He went to his office to take a break as he checked his phone seeing a text from his mother telling him he had picked Blake up from school. When he got there he took a seat rubbing his hands on his face as he wondered whether to take a nap or read over patients files and try and find something he probably missed before. He looked over his desk spotting that one file he always read over and over ever since it had been given to him by Mark himself.
Name: Louis Tomlinson
DOB: 12/24/87
Cause of Death: Takotsubo Cardiomyopathy
Date and Time of Death: May 24, 2005. 18:24
Takotsubo Cardiomyopathy, those words and the disease itself seemed to mock him the longer he stared at it until he let out a low growl slamming the file on top of the desk. He then let out bitterly laugh hating how it was also known as Broken-Heart Syndrome but to Harry it was the culprit that had taken Louis away back when they didn't know a thing about it.
Before he knew it, he was already up and out the door making sure to lock it before heading to the lab where work awaited him. When he got there he greeted his colleagues before he completely lost himself into his research needing to find something new, something that would help Louis. Something to make the pain in his heart stop once and for all, he didn't know if he could live much more.
Time passed by without him noticing until he snapped out of it needing a break and when he looked around, he was alone but it didn't bother him when it always happened. He wanted to get back to it when he heard a door opening then closing seeing Mark making his way to him, his hands in his coat pockets and a mask over his mouth just like himself.
"It's almost five o'clock." Mark informed him.
"I was about to leave...gonna go see him first." Harry said as he started putting everything back where it belonged.
"Still nothing?" Mark asked.
"No, I lose hope and determination everyday...feels like I'll never figure out a way. Mark, it's been nine years already...there is no way we can ever get his heart going again much less keep it that way. If we do...if we do, we'll just watch him die again." Harry swallowed the lump in his throat at the thought.
"There's always a way." Mark raised his voice, "You are an eminence, a genius in this field, Harry. I know you can do it, I know you can bring him back." He insisted seeing Harry growing frustrated by the second.
"Why is it always on me!?" Harry yelled not caring who could hear him, "Why am I the one who has to bring him back when it's your fault he died!? You could have let us be and he would still be here." Harry's eyes filled with tears that he was quick to wipe away, he hated showing weakness in front of Mark.
"I'm sorry." Mark swallowed the lump in his throat knowing that all of it was true.
"Just..I'm gonna go see him." Harry finished putting everything away then walked out of there after washing his hands leaving Mark alone, he didn't want to see him for the rest of the day.
He went straight to his car then drove to the institute glad that no one stopped him on his way there until he stopped right outside the doors. He placed his hand on the hand scanner then his eyes on the biometric eye scanner hearing a confirmation beep then pulled away just as the doors were opening letting out the freezing cold air making him shiver.
He walked inside staring straight ahead at the capsule where Louis still looked the same, forever eighteen and frozen while he was nearing his twenty-ninth birthday. He grabbed the chair placing it in front of the capsule taking a seat soon after, wondering why he liked to torture himself the way he did.
"Hi love." Harry greeted him just like he did everyday, "I couldn't find anything again...I'm sorry." Harry said before he couldn't hold it in anymore and started silently crying. The pain never seemed to go away.
"I'm sorry you're like this...y- you've missed so much, Lou. I wish I could do more to help you, t- to bring you back but I also wonder if letting you go will be the best choice. Maybe you want to rest in peace and we're being selfish by not letting you, maybe you're done being here."
"I promised Blake you will wake up one day and be with us like a proper family, but I don't know how much longer I can keep that promise. I don't know what to do." Harry hugged himself as his shivers started getting more violent and after saying goodbye, he left heading back home after the long day.
He didn't dare look back once again.
Thoughts? :)