*That night* (Continuing on from the last chapter)
Calum's P.O.V
So we ended our NYC trip with some drinks.
Molls was a bit strange on stage, but she somehow pulled it off.
One thing though, we were all somewhat drunk, but Molls was drunk on another level.
We headed back to the hotels and the guys and I helped Molls get upstairs.
Something was up because she never gets wasted like tonight.
She kept slurring things on the way up but none of us understood what she was saying.
Once we got to the rooms, I propped her onto the couch.
We all were up until we could somewhat understand what she was saying.
"You know when- you feel pain-but that person it happened to-you somewhat don't know what to do?" Molls slurs.
"Do any of you know what she's trying to say?" Michael says.
We all were silent trying to put the pieces we got from what she said until Luke spoke up.
"Guys, something happened after soundcheck." Luke says.
"What happened?" I ask.
"She looked like she was about to sleep. Then I woke her. We talked for a bit, and then she got this unknown number. So we were gonna do some prank call. It turned out to be her dad and she found out her mom died." Luke says and all of us go silent.
"Is that why she was a bit strange on stage tonight?" Michael says and Luke nods.
"Is that the reason she's basically wasted?" Ash says.
"Basically." Luke says.
*A few hours later*
Molly's P.O.V
I literally woke up with the urge to puke, so I got out of Cal's grasp and ran into the bathroom.
How much did I drink last night?
Nevermind, the huge headache and the amount of vomit I let out explains it all.
I lay on the bathroom floor cause I couldn't get up, then a few minutes later Michael ended up helping me up.
"Molls?" Michael asks.
"Yeah?" I say as I take the Advil.
"You okay?" He asks.
"Why wouldn't I-" I say and then it hits me. I told them. Well, I tried to, but Luke helped.
How did my hungover mind remember that?
All he ends up doing is just wrapping me into a hug. It's literally all I need right now.
I need comfort. These guys can give that to me.
Then Cal gets up and then he does nothing but join.
God, it feels good to have them.
*1 month later*
So, I still feel like a shitbag.
Sometimes I wouldn't even know how to act.
Like, I feel bad because she's my mom, and Joanne was saying that I should do some sort of thing to like, settle things.
I never knew what she meant, but I was gonna figure it out and do something, but looks like I was too late.
I always think and criticize myself for not trying sooner, and now I feel like I hold this guilt.
So, I've been pretty quiet about it. This past month, it's been somewhat easy to 'keep it together' only cause we've been performing for a few nights and then we get a day off. But I've surrounded myself with people so I wouldn't have to grieve. One thing I did differently was that I didn't push anyone away. I think this helped me become more closer to the people I surrounded myself with.
Kate has called me more often than usual to do some sort of check-up and all we've done is just talk about random stuff. If we ended up talking about 'that', then I wouldn't have a stable mind. I told her from the first time she called since that incident, and thankfully she listened.
I don't think me grieving for her will do me good. I've grieved before, I don't need to go through it again.
So, as usual, we're in soundcheck. Well, I finished mine, now I'm just watching the guys act like idiots.
I felt like if I went into the room on my own, that feeling of loneliness will rise quickly, and at the moment, I'm not very good at handling it.
So, I decided to go live on Instagram and talk with fans for a few minutes and show them what the guys are like when it comes to soundcheck. It seemed like the only way to distract myself from my clouded thoughts.
"Alrighty. So, we are 5 months into tour guys. 5 effing months. For those who have came to the shows, I just want to say a massive thank you. Like, from the bottom of my heart, you guys have been such amazing crowds and for this being my first tour and opening for anyone, in general, have been amazing. Opening for these dorks has been fun, I really couldn't have asked for a better act to open for." I say.
I just watch the comments roll by and I say some shoutouts while I'm at it. Then there are a few questions that trickle in so I decided to answer them.
"Are you planning on making music after the tour?" I read.
"Yes, hopefully. I need some lessons on songwriting with the guys. The ones I've performed on tour sound a bit 'rushed' so I want to definitely make some stuff. Oh, this may be a good time to say it. I am now signed with Capitol Records along with these dorks and a friend of mine named Kate Windsor. You all may have heard of her. So after the tour, I think that's when I'm gonna start." I say.
I just keep reading more comments and make some more shoutouts as I go. I also did a couple of calls with fans while I was at it.
"How long have you and Calum been together?" Someone said.
"It's been 4-ish months. Yeah, 4-ish. I am really bad at these types of dates." I say. I didn't want to make that question go for too long, so I just said the simple straight forward ones. Then more questions about the two of us came up so I decided to skip those ones.
"What are the plans after tour?" Someone said.
"Well, I'll hopefully be moving into my own place. Since the tour ends in December, I honestly don't know what will happen. At the moment, I'm just focusing on tonight's show. I am not the type to plan my whole life out. Like, I'm a planner, but only if I have a goal that I want to reach, like condo shopping. For all of you who have gone through the process, I honestly don't know how you did it." I say.
"Why do you keep calling the band dorks?" Someone says and I laugh a little.
"I mean, they are. But all jokes aside, they are an amazing group of guys. Even if I didn't grow up with that feeling of having girls as friends, they really filled that hole. Like, if I'm being honest, I'm glad that I met them at the early stages of my life." I say as I smile to the stage.
"Who would you say you're the most closest to?" I read after the one I answered.
"Uhh, I mean. I'm close with all of them in some way. Ash gives me really good advice. Michael and I have a ton of fun when we hang out. Luke and I have this love-hate friendship where we'd bicker one second and then we're besties the next. And then Cal I've known each other before we met the other guys." I say.
"Okay, watching them right now and it seems like they're just doing nothing, so let's go see what's up. I've been sitting in some area of the arena seats. Let's do a stage tour." I say to the camera.
"Ok, another comment reads what has been your favorite show to open? Uhhhhh. New York, especially since I got to open 2 nights in a row." I say that part a bit shakily.
"Alright, what do we have here...we have boys playing instruments. Guys say hi." I scream.
"Hiiiiii Molls' people." Michael says.
"For your information, I am a man." Ash says.
"Hi guys!" Cal says as he comes and wraps his arms around mine and then we end up lying down on the stage.
"Omg heyyyy!" Luke says in this girly voice.
"Ash if you a man, act like one." I say.
"Oh, I can, princess." He says.
"Damn someone didn't have their coffee." I say.
"How long have you been on here?" Cal asks.
"Can someone say in the comments how long it's been?" I say to them.
"20 minutes. Damn Molls love y'all." Cal says.
"From the bottom of my heart. Alright, I think I will wrap it up here. Once again, thank you all for making a little girl's dream come true every night. I couldn't have done it without you." I say as I stay lying on the floor.
"And US!" Luke and Michael both scream.
"Yes, and them too...I think. But, it was fun, hope I do this again. You know, the more I do them, the more fun they become." I say.
"Why do you think we did these so much back then?" Cal says.
"That is true. You guys did them before shows. Alright, imma end it now. It was fun answering questions, and I guess have a good day or night." I say and then we all say bye.
"Damn, doing those lives are fun." I say.
"Maybe we'll do one when we're off and all 5 of us can be together." Michael says.
"At the same time, it's easy to hide the pain online." I say as I stay lying on the floor of the stage.
"Oh Molls, stop beating yourself up. You did nothing wrong." Cal says.
"But sometimes I feel like I did. I mean, if I didn't just walk out like that, maybe I could've worked something out." I say.
"Molls, it's the past. That was all in the past." Cal says.
"But now I can't do anything about it." I say a bit louder and then it goes quiet for a good second.
I decide to get up and then I made the last-minute decision in my mind to get out of this place.
"Alright, I'm heading out to get some ish, y'all want anything? Ash for sure I'm getting you an espresso." I say.
"Why don't you send someone to go for you?" Luke says.
"I need a change of scenery." I say.
"Heyyy, can we come?" Ash says.
"You guys gotta finish soundcheck, I'll be back quick, I promise." I say as I head out before they could stop me.
I decided to go on my own so then I can I guess, be alone.
It's been a while since I've been on my own and just thinking in my mind.
All of a sudden, my mind becomes clouded with thoughts, the first one that comes to mind is Lyss.
God, it's like after mom is gone, she'll come back in. All I can think about was the last time I saw her, which was at her gravestone.
I think after the tour, I'm gonna go back to her gravestone. I mean, I would be heading back there to get a few things if I end up moving to LA.
So, I head into the coffee shop and I order the ish.
I just wait in a corner, until I hear a fan say "Is that Molly?" and next thing you know, I shot up and my first instinct was to run.
I would've stayed, but there were too many people to talk to, so I just ran. I darted maybe 2 blocks until I reached an alleyway and the fans kept running straight.
God that was hella scary.
I thought I was gonna get mobbed.
So, I figured that since I can't walk the rest of the way, I may just call someone, until I heard a car honk. I look up and it's Dave as he rolls down the windows.
I smile as a huge sigh of relief comes to me.
"Thank. YOU!" I say.
"Oh Molly, when will you realize?" He says.
"How did you know I was even here?" I say.
"Your very protective boyfriend and his crew asked me to follow you so if 'that' happened, then I would be here to help." Dave says.
"They really are protective of me." I say.
"Let that be a good thing. Molls lemme tell you something. You are now on the verge of stardom. People may start to follow your every move and find any way to meet you. At this stage, you need some sort of backup so whatever just happened won't happen again." Dave says.
"I mean, I guess I just wanted to clear my head. I didn't know that was gonna happen. Speaking of which, can you head back to the coffee shop and then pick up our stuff?" I ask and Dave just laughs.
"You forgot the stuff?" He says.
"Yes, because I was running for my life a few seconds ago." I say.
"Alright, alright." He says and he heads back to the shop.
*Back at the arena*
Calum's P.O.V
So we just finished our soundcheck, and then Molls comes back but looking very exhausted.
"Molls, what happened?" I ask as I run over to her.
"Well, getting back in here was a hassle. Getting the stuff was a hassle as well. Be lucky I got Dave to go back inside to get it." She says.
"Did what we think would happen, happened?" Luke says.
"Did what we think would happen, happened?" She mocks.
"I think imma just catch some shut-eye. Wake me up half n hour before the show." She says and then she heads out.
"Should I follow?" I say.
"I think she needs to be alone right now. We've all been there the past month. Let her have some time to herself." Michael says and I plop back onto the couch.
Molly's P.O.V
So I left the room, and then I head into some darkroom.
I tried to fall asleep to the music, but the only images coming into my mind are basically all the bad stuff.
As soon as the images of the last interaction I had with my mom came, I shot up. I can't even sleep.
Then again, I've had sleepless nights.
There are nights where I just can't sleep only cause I'd just be clouded with dark thoughts.
Like all of the bad things that have happened would resurface and I can't seem to wrap my head around everything.
So, since I couldn't sleep, I just decide to go into a room with people and just chill there till the show.
*During the show.*
So, my show actually didn't end up going the way I wanted.
I just wish I could've given them more. I feel like I didn't give my all. It was like I felt so unenergetic and I didn't give the performance I wanted to give.
So, it's around the time where I would go on stage with them.
For tonight, I feel more shakey to go on stage. I don't know what it is.
So, they start singing the song.
Luke starts the song, and then they all would come in for the chorus.
I don't know why but I was so deep into my thoughts that I didn't realize what was happening. It was like everything I would feel when I was alone comes onto the stage when I'm surrounded by people.
Calum sings his part of the second verse, but when it was my part of the verse, I froze.
I never froze on stage till now.
Were the feelings hitting me now? Why out of all times is the feeling hitting me now?
"Cal I can't do this." I whisper to him and then I run off the stage.
I felt like I was having some sort of anxiety attack. It was like everything I wanted to feel for the past month has come to me, and it's like a mix of grief and anxiety.
My mind was so clustered and I was looking for someone familiar, and then I see Joanne.
I scream her name and she looked towards me.
Thankfully Joanne was there to catch me before I almost fell to the ground.
She handed me a glass of water, and I tried taking a sip.
My hands were shaking and the glass just poured on me.
Then all of a sudden I get this massive headache and all I could do was just scream.
It was like I was being controlled by someone and I couldn't gain my conscience. Then a ton of tears just starts to come down. Joanne holds me tight until I end up seeing Cal and the rest of the guys come to me.
Calum's P.O.V
So, Molls runs off the stage, but she really wasn't okay.
Her part of the show tonight, she wasn't in it. Fans were trying to radiate their energy as hard as they could. You could even see it in her that leading up to the show, she wasn't feeling right. It was like as soon as she was on stage with us, it was like that trigger point. She never froze on stage till now. I whispered to her if she was okay before the song and she slightly nodded her head.
We ended up finished the song, but we all ran off the stage to go see where she was.
During Michael's part, I somehow heard someone scream, and the first person I thought off was Molls. The rest of the song, I could barely focus. After hearing that scream, all I wanted to do was run off that stage.
Then as soon as the song was done, I put my bass down and then darted off the stage to find her, and then the rest of them follow afterward.
We found her on a couch holding onto Joanne.
"Molls?" I say as I crouch down to her.
"Guys, you got a show to finish." Joanne says.
"We came to see if she's okay. She whispered something to Cal and then ran off." Michael says.
"She kept saying she felt 'attacked' but she probably felt all of that emotion rushed into her. She was never able to process her feelings properly. So she had some sort of anxiety attack. I mean, I got her to calm down for a bit. But you guys go back on stage and finish the show." Joanne says.
We all look at each other and then we nod. I give Molls a kiss before we head back.
We ran back onto the stage where the fans brought back the screams as soon as we stepped foot.
"Alright, guys. Sorry to keep you waiting. We just had to go backstage to see if she was okay. And she's all good." Luke says.
"She may not hear this right now, but can we give it up for Molls for everything she's done in the past 5 months." Michael says and a ton of screams and cheers erupt into the arena.
"She has done these shows effortlessly and with all her heart. It really is something to enjoy every night." Ash says.
"If she were here right now, she would love to thank you all for being here, and still being supportive from the beginning." I say.
"Alright, we still have a few songs left, so let's get going. This isssss Vaaaaaporrrrrrrrr." Michael says and the crowd erupts in loud screams once again.
*After the show*
So once we finish the show, we all head back to where Molls and Joanne were and seems like they didn't leave that spot.
Joanne was giving her a head massage while she lays on her lap.
"Hey, Molls." I say calmly.
She probably wouldn't want to in a loud area.
"Heyy." She says in a somewhat sleepy voice.
"You ok?" Michael says.
"I think." She says.
We help her get to the tour bus and then it was just me and her in the back room.
I continue the massage Joanne was giving her while singing softly to her at the same time and then she ends up falling asleep to it.
I think this may have to be one of the scariest things that happened during this tour.
*A few hours later*
I woke up, but Molls wasn't in my arms. So I shot up and then headed to the front of the room where she was getting cereal out of the box.
"Hey, you okay?" I say.
"Cal, what happened?" She says.
"You don't remember?" I say.
"I mean, the last thing I remember was that I was on stage, and then I ran off, and then Joanne caught me. Everything else felt like a blur." She says.
"Well, you stayed somewhat asleep until Michael and I helped you back onto the bus, and then it was just you and I in the backroom for the night." I say.
"Were you singing?" She asks in a little kid's voice
"Yes, yes I was. Now, why are you up at 7 in the morning?" I say.
"I just couldn't sleep. So I saw the sunrise, and then came to the front of the bus." She says.
"You know, we were all worried last night." I say.
"I didn't mean to scare anyone, let alone myself." She says.
"What made you run off though? Cause Joanne was saying how you kept feeling 'attacked' " I say.
"I don't know. I guess maybe all those feelings you're supposed to go through with grief, it was like a wave of emotion coming through me, and then when it was my part, I could barely talk." She says.
"Molls, it's okay to greive. It's natural." I say as I bring her back into my arms.
"I know. It's just, I don't know what to feel. At the same time, when my dad did call, he wanted me to go back home. But I ended the call before he could say something else." She says.
"So why don't you go back?" I say.
"How can I? I already left the tour for a few days, then at one point, I couldn't even sing a few shows. At the same time, I want to perform." She says.
"Here, maybe, for now, make some sort of video briefly explaining what happened. Fans were pretty worried about you last night. And about the going home part, do what you think is best. If you want to stay with us, stay. Otherwise, we can find some way to get you home with your dad" I say.
"I think me going back home would make me feel something else. I'd rather avoid that. Plus, why would I want to leave you." She says as she leans back and then she makes the video.
"Alright, guys, Molls and this dork here to say hi. It's early morning and we still trying to get up. Whoever was at the show last night, I apologize for that run-off I did. I wasn't feeling right, and so my first instinct was to run. Also, to the fans who had spotted me at the coffee shop, I didn't mean to run off like that. I just felt overwhelmed and I didn't know what to do. So, I just wanted to say that, and I cannot wait to come to the next shows and to give you a great performance. Soooo yeah, see y'all later." She says and then she uploads the videos.
"Awww, well if it isn't our favorite lovebirds." Ash says as Luke and Michael come out with him.
"Do y'all like to come out as a little squad?" She says.
"No. We just didn't feel like coming out till now." Michael says.
"You guys are also loud." Luke says.
"Well, Cal was the one who came out like the flash." She says.
"Hey! I was worried about where you went." I say.
"Awww." The three of them say and we both actually threw the pillows at them.
"Don't even think about attacking. Remember the last time we had a pillow fight." She says and both Michael and I laugh while Luke and Ash look confused.
"Now, how are things, cause you gave us all a scare last night." Ash says.
"So I've heard. I mean, I guess better now. From what I'm hearing, it was some sort of 'attack' I felt. I mean hopefully, it was the first and last I'd have to go through." She says.
"Now, before we get all mopey again, let's play something." Luke says as he brings out the guitar.
"What do we play?" I say.
"HeyHey, hey, hey, hey
Hey, hey, hey!" They all start to sing and then I join along.
"Isn't it too early for that song?" She says.
"Who said there's a certain time to play anything?" Michael says and then we just continue on with the song.
It may have been an eventful night for us all, but this is how you start off the day.
**************************************************
(June 29, 2020)
Ok so. I guess this was a somewhat heavy chapter.
Then again, Molls is going through something....once again.
It's like there are all these good things, and then now it all becomes bad.
Let's just hope things go well moving forward.
Also, might I add, this chapter was about 4000+ words.
I don't know how I wrote 4000+ words, but I did.
Anyways,
Comment and Vote
And I'll see ya on the next one