I down another shot of tequila, gagging at the taste..
I think I've had enough to drink...
I grab my smokes and stumble out onto the balcony.
I light my smoke, inhaling and exhaling. The feeling of relief flowing through my body, as the nicotine takes over.
My vision hazy, I gaze into the living room. Everyone seems so happy.
The stress of the album is gone, and for tonight we were free. Free to be ourselves, without a care in the world.
I'm snapped out of my thoughts, jumping at the feeling of warm skin brushing up against my arm.
Calum laughs, "Sorry love, didn't mean to scare you", he lights a smoke, allowing the flame to continue burning, "Do you need a light?".
Hesitant, I look at the now unlit smoke in my hand, I place it in my mouth, directing it into the flame.
I take a long drag, pulling away from the flame.
As I exhale, I freeze, locking eyes with Calum.
I don't know why I feel so intimidated by him, I should say something.
I quickly turn away, my gaze now looking out over the city, "So, tonight's been fun".
Calum chuckles, "So, this is how things are now?".
I roll my eyes, taking another puff, "What do you mean?".
Calum sighs, looking out over the city, "You can't even look me in the eyes and have a conversation". He pauses, taking a drag, emphasis on the exhale, "Did I mess up that bad?".
I shrug, not sure how to respond.
I don't know why I feel so intimidated by him tonight..
His calm voice, the way he looks under the moonlight, he's an angel..
But I'm in a relationship, I can't think about this.
Calum moves across, his arm pressed right up against mine, hands so close to being held as they dangle off the edge, "I'll never forget the time we spent out on the balcony, Y/N", he chuckles, "If we weren't in relationships, I would kiss you.. You look so beautiful tonight".
My chest feels heavy, the feeling of my heart screaming at me. Screaming at me to kiss him, but I can't.. and I won't..
I can't say anything, frozen by his words, his warmth.
Calum breaks the silence, "I know I shouldn't be saying any of this, but I have too", he sighs, looking around to make sure no ones near, "I love you Y/N, and I know I've hurt you but I can't go on like this. We leave Monday to go home and see our families before going on tour, and I want you to come with me. I know it sounds crazy, but Ashton will understand", he grabs my hand, placing it in his, "Ive only been 100% sure of 2 things in my life, this band and you, and I'm not going to take the chance of losing you, you don't have to say anything, I'll give you time to think. I'll text you my flight details, if you don't come, I understand but I hope you do. Follow your heart Y/N". He squeezes my hand before walking off.
I can't believe he just said all of that..
I'm meant to be meeting Ashtons family, this would break his heart..
Am I a terrible for even contemplating it? I love Ashton. I mean, we haven't said it but I'm sure I love Ashton..
But apart of me loves Calum, and as much as I try to deny it, the more it fights back.
Arms wrap around me from behind, spinning me around, "Hey babe, you alright?".
It's Ashton, I wrap my arms around him, pulling him in tight, "Yeah babe, actually.. Can we go home?".
Ashton places a kiss on my forehead, "Are you tired or something? It's not like you to leave early?".
I nuzzle my head into his chest, "No, I just feel like spending some time with you".
He holds me tight, running his hands through my hair, "Anything for you gorgeous, let's get you home then".
We say our goodbyes and head off, Calum's face burnt into my mind, he's not going to make things easy.
Thanks for reading x
More coming soon!