Aubrey died.
Mara and Genevieve were sentenced to life imprisonment for the attempted murder of the Royals and the murder of Aubrey Lancaster.
The next two days were spent with me sitting on the steps of Grandma Penelope's home.
After Genevieve and Mara were arrested, Nolan had been moved to Grandma Penelope's home and Henry to the nearest hospital. Grandma Penelope moved all of Nolan's belongings and regarded me with a cold shoulder.
Hours passed and the Queen Dowager, maids, guards, doctor and nurses ignored me each time I asked how Nolan was faring. From time to time, I would pace around the front door and wipe at stray tears.
The morning of the third day found me weak and thirsty.
“Your Highness, you must eat.” My newly assigned head maid pleaded.
“I can't eat. Not until I know if he is okay.” My voice was faint, barely above a whisper.
She placed a water bottle in my hand and urged me to drink. Shaking my head, I pushed it away.
Heels clicked as the Queen climbed up the stairs and walked into the building, ignoring me. I lowered my head, guilt, and pain eating at me.
Some minutes later, she stepped out. I was expecting her to ignore me as before but, to my surprise, she stopped in front of me.
“Get up and come with me.”
Quiet, I got up from my knees and followed her. Woozy, I tried hard not to faint and place a foot in front of the other. Queen Gabrielle brought me back home. The house felt different without Nolan in it. She sat me on the couch beside her and watched as the maids brought porridge and warm water.
She took a spoonful of porridge and brought it to my mouth, “Eat.”
Slowly, I opened my mouth and chewed. She continued to feed it to me until the bowl was empty. I sipped the water while ignoring the ache in my stomach.
“Thank you, Your Majesty but-” I start to say.
“Don't go back there. Don't beg anymore. Don't cry or starve yourself anymore.”
“Nolan-”
“He is awake and does not want to see you.” She placed her hands on mine and looked into my eyes. “I am sorry for all the pain you had to endure, for using you. You must stop begging to see him, stop begging for him to forgive you because you did nothing wrong.”
“You have owned up to your mistakes,” she continued. “If he doesn't forgive you, it's his loss and my fault. I am a terrible mother and failed in my duties. You might have made him love you but I didn't teach him how to hold on to that love and forgive.”
“I'm sorry. It was partly my fault too.” I hugged my arms around me.
“We really do have mistakes we need to correct.” she sighed heavily.
“What do I do now?”
“Yes. What would we do now?” She had a smile on her face. “For so long, we all had an agenda in mind and now we seem at loss for what to do.” She crossed her legs and slouched on the couch.
I almost laughed. The role seemed reversed now. Usually, I would be the one slouching and the Queen gazing at me disapproving.
“I saw the divorce papers, Anna. What were you two thinking?”
Ashamed, I sighed and fiddled with my jeans.
“I will keep it with me in the meantime. Whatever the two of you decide, I will support it.”
“You will?”
“Forcing teenagers to get married when they each had someone they liked is wrong.” she looked weary and older as she stared into space. “I heard you got into the Cordonian University. Do you still want to go?”
“I don't know anymore. I need to think about it.”
She nodded and hugged me, “Take your time.” She got to her feet and brushed her dress. She scrunched up her bose and glared at me. “Bathe too. The Crown Princess of Lilaria must always be presentable and clean. When was the last time you bathe?”
Blushing, I gave a small bow and hurried to the bathroom.
I brushed my hair thinking about the conversation I had with Queen Gabrielle. Do I stay and wait for Nolan or leave to continue my education? Leaving seems reasonable but what about Nolan?
Lack of communication led to our misunderstanding of the other person's intentions and covering it up with hurtful words when we could have easily told the truth.
I think of how we first met, when I had bumped into him, spilling all those books. I chuckled as I remember hitting him in the nuts with the journal.
When did it happen? When did I start to fall in love with him? And why?
I pull out from the drawers the pictures we took when we visited my parents and when we went on a date. I continued to look at one picture in particular; the one of Nolan, Choco, and I smile at the camera.
Speaking of Choco, the little one stayed away from me probably furious I didn't give him attention the past few days. He growled, nipping at one of my pillows.
I gathered the pictures together and put them back in the drawer. An envelope with the Lilarian emblem beamed at me. I opened it and pull out a picture of Nolan and me on our wedding day. Neither of us was smiling and stood awkwardly next to each other.
I rolled my eyes at how silly we were. I'm glad it was not enlarged and framed. I wish we were smiling and hugging each other in the picture. It would have been so much better.
I walk over to a furious Choco and nuzzled against his furry body. “I'm sorry, Choco. Please forgive me.”
He seemed to accept my apology when he licked my face and rest against me.
Do I stay or leave?
My mother's words come dancing in my head. Is it time to do something for me? Just this once?
I opened my laptop and searched for universities that were not in Paris.
“I have decided.” I announced. Queen Gabrielle looked at me curiously as she closed the book on her desk.
“I will leave and I will continue my education.” I slowly said clasping my hands.
She gave me a sad smile before turning her attention to the book. “That's good.”
“I'm not going to the University in Paris either.”
She paused and gave me her full attention. “Why?”
“Well for one, it will keep reporters off my track and second, I am afraid. Afraid that if Nolan comes finding me, he will ask for divorce and I don't want to. I want to go somewhere he will not find me.”
“You know that one day, he is going to find you.”
“Hopefully,” I hesitated, “hopefully I would have the courage to let him go.”
She gave me a quizzical look before nodding. “Where would you be going then?”
I gave her the name of the University. With tears in my eyes, I pleaded, “Please don't tell him where I will be going.”
“I promise,” She grinned at me. “I hope I can be a mother and knock some sense into him before he finds you. Whatever you need, don't hesitate to ask.”
I nodded and bent down to hug her, “You already are a mother. You just need to be a great mother.”
“Can I have another plate?” I asked my dad as he turned off the gas cooker and chopped onions. His restaurant business is booming and the number of customers never seemed to die down. He had a name tag on his white chef uniform: Chef Tom.
I blinked away tears as I watch him smile and move around the kitchen. “Sure, honey.” he said and handed me another full plate of creamy Tuscan chicken thigh and sweet potato gnocchi.
I ate as much as I could wanting to remember the taste of my father's cooking before I left the country.
I hugged my mom as much as I wanted and requested to visit my biological mother's grave. Mom was shocked at first but she agreed. The two of us knelt at the cemetery in front of the grave of Dawn Schafer Bill. I placed a white rose on her grave and smiled.
“Hi, mother.” I cleared my throat. “It is me, Anna. I'm a bit nervous but I'm okay. I am all grown up now and I am married to Crown Prince of Lilaria. Shocking, right? I'm glad to finally meet you. I will come visit as much as I can. I hope you are proud of me.” I placed a hand on her name.
When we got home, I spent the rest of my time playing video games with Vic. Evening came and I had to leave. We shared teary hugs before parting and I told them I was moving away to study.
“Eat well.” Dad wagged a finger at me.
“Study hard and be yourself.” Mom said.
Victor, reluctant, said in a small voice, “Come visit from time to time.”
“I love you guys.”
The next morning, I had my luggage packed. Choco sat on top of my bag tongue lolling out. I hugged her for as long as I could. I wouldn't be taking her with me and it hurt.
“Stay with Nolan, okay?” I admonished her. “Make sure he doesn't work himself to death. Keep him company and make him laugh.”
I strolled over to the Queen Dowager's home with Choco and a letter in hand. Choco, oblivious, pounced at everything in our path. I had to pull her away from barking at a bird. When we finally arrived, I gave her nose a small kiss before giving her away to the maid with the letter for Grandma Penelope.
I waved until she was out of sight. I waited even as a part of me hoped Nolan would come out. He did not.
I take in the building one last time before turning on my heels and walked away.
Goodbye
Countdown with me...
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