Once heard, it made no sense, but now it made more sense and held me captive.
Many would give everything for a cheat code that could aid them to navigate through life, but the sad truth slapped them in the face.
Life was no ordinary game like others.
Its few cheat codes weren't permanent.
They faded away in seconds and became history in minutes, yet I needed one of these to set me free.
My friendship with Dwain had officially hit rock bottom.
Was this the bottom line for us?
It was time for us to say goodbye.
Did we have to say goodbyes?
I squeezed a white heart-shaped pillow in my arms and leaned on the headboard while peeping out of the open windows.
Why would the sun stay huge in the sky, casting its glow on the earth without any conflict with the clouds or the moon?
I envied this peaceful relationship between the sun, the clouds, the moon, and the earth.
Someday, will Dwain understand me?
Will he forgive me for slapping him?
I hoped that one day everything falls into place.
The loneliest people were the kindest.
I was lonely, so I cared for Dwain.
The saddest people smiled the brightest.
I was sad for growing up in a family that hated my guts, that was why I couldn't forgive myself if my mood made Dwain worry.
So, I smiled through the pain of isolation and rejection.
The most damaged people were the wisest.
Hence, I'd invested all my efforts into making Dwain a better person.
I'd gone as far as pushing him to sort things out with Tasha, just because I didn't want him to suffer like me.
I knew the fragrance of betrayal.
It was acidic like limes.
I didn't wish to betray Dwain.
So, I had to slap him and stop the madness between the two of us from progressing.
I didn't want to hurt him.
Rubbing my swollen eyes to ease the sting of the afternoon glow, I stumbled out of bed and slipped into comfortable pink flip-flops.
With the pillow buried under my arm, I pulled my legs to the terrace, not giving a thought to the alluring aroma floating in the air.
On the brown coffee table, my breakfast rested untouched.
Dwain was hurting because of me, that was why I couldn't get my mind off him to munch food.
It would be selfish to eat while Dwain was still mad at me.
"Elisabeth, open up. It's me, Brielle."
Her knocks busted me and I halted at one foot from slumping into the giant cushions on the sofas at the terrace.
The knocks on the door persisted and I groaned, knowing that it won't get calm over time.
Pulling out the rubber band in my hair, I let my hair cascade to my back and retired to the room.
"I can't believe you stayed in there without food. C'mon, you can't be starving yourself. Open up."
I folded the sleeves of my sweater to hold my arm and ran my hands through my hair, before cleaning my face with a face wipe.
Breathing in and out, so deep that it drummed at my chest, I closed my eyes and stood next to the doorknob.
"I'm fine."
I stuffed a breath and opened the door to her motherly lessons.
"Awesome!"
Her signature smile stretched her lips to her ears, complimenting her hair which was pulled up in two horsetails.
She balanced a bowl of some strange soup in one hand and walked past me.
I sighed and banged the door with a thump which made her shake.
"Don't you try scarring me, I won't be living anytime soon."
She placed the bowl and a teaspoon on the cupboard by the bed.
I rolled my eyes to the back of my head.
Brielle hissed. "What was that?"
"Nothing."
Not pleased with my reply, she thumped an impatient foot on the wooden floor which pulled her red crop top further from her stomach.
"Roll those eyes one more time and I will spoon-feed you this soup. "
"Whatever!"
She didn't blink an eye and pointed a manicured finger at me while the other circled her waist, creasing her black booty shorts.
"I won't roll my eyes. Happy?"
"Not yet."
I steadied my hands over my head.
"Can you leave out the drama? The serious look sucks."
"Life without drama isn't real life. It's like two double D's without nipples."
"What?!"
"No nipples, no pleasure."
She sat on the bed and patted an empty spot. "You didn't know? That's proof that my brother sucks in bed."
I frowned, bracing my arms around my chest. "Brielle?!"
She giggled and stopped when her eyes caught my seriousness. "I can't help it. I'm sorry."
"Better be!"
I hopped on the bed and cuddled a pillow at my chest, before tilting my head to her shoulder.
She stroked my disheveled hair in silence.
I stared at the room.
The fragments of the kiss buried in my heart assaulted me and I touched my lips to make sure the kiss was real.
Brielle lowered her lips to the nape of my hair and dropped a quick kiss.
"Eat something." She caressed my cheeks and didn't move her bright eyes from mine. "You can't continue like this. Please, eat something, then we can talk."
I tucked my lower lip and stayed silent.
I didn't mouth a word because moisture had spread throughout my lashes, hence, an attempt to talk would have led to a breakdown.
I didn't want Brielle to keep worrying about me.
Will she smile when the truth is out?
I was lying to her and every other Horton.
Their attention held me, hostage, in the fangs of guilt.
I didn't want them to hate me.
That was going to be possible if only they stopped caring about me.
"You are a hard nut to crack."
Brielle heaved a sigh and sauntered to the towering glass windows.
She gripped the curtains and pulled them to reduce the lighting in the room, before strolling to the coffee table. "He made this for you?"
I nodded. "Kind of."
"I thought he had a guest in the office."
She moaned at the taste of brown biscuits shaped like cookies.
I smiled at her mannerism.
The way she handled the biscuit at her lips was very enticing.
"You might want to take some of these, they are so heavenly."
She closed the distance between us and shoved a cookie into my mouth, cheering me to sink in a bite.
"C'mon, I saw him put in all his efforts this morning."
The instant fresh chocolate chip cookie melted my taste buds.
It was crispy and chewy.
The milk and chocolate blend was perfect.
Dwain made the pastries for me.
He had taken an eternity to shape them so flawlessly but all I could do was spank his cheek and yell at him.
What came over me?
Did I overreact?
These questions goaded me as I savored the fresh strawberries in my mouth.
"How is it?"
Brielle wiggled my cheeks for me to open my eyes.
I didn't realize that my thoughts trapped me for long, sadly I wasn't ready to let go of this feeling.
The feel of chocolate on Dwain's lips when we kissed was marvelous.
"Answer me!"
I snapped out of my trance. "He is a good cook. The cookie is delicious. "
I smiled at Brielle and fought the urge to ask for another cookie.
It was torture.
How was I to let loose my pride and ask her to give me more cookies?
I began reminiscing about Dwain's eyes.
His blue eyes, filled with shock and dilating in confusion blurred my line of sight.
I shook my head, forgetting those eyes along with the desire of getting another cookie.
Brielle hurried around the bed and picked up the bowl of soup from the cupboard. "You should taste this too, Camilla always made this soup for me whenever I had stress issues worrying me. I told her to make a bowl for you so that it will cheer you up. So, sip a little."
She held a teaspoon at my lips, blinking her emerald green eyes and shooting me a sinusoidal smile.
I tasted the bitterness of the green soup. "If I die, you won't sleep."
I was grumpy but she didn't quit smiling as she fed me, stuffing all that green soup down my throat.
I drank five glasses of water to flush the bitterness at my throat.
"So, what's this attitude? Is my brother giving you a hard time? I swear if that's it, then he's gonna be in deep trouble with me."
She placed the bowl on the floor and crossed her legs on the bed.
"You won't stop until you know won't you?"
I took in a fresh breath and nurtured her with lies.
Later, I distracted her from my issues and asked her about the preparations downstairs.
I took Brielle's hands in mine. "Why the sudden quietness?"
"Sorry, something popped up in my mind."
"Mind telling me what's about?"
"You remember the guy who introduced himself to us at a coffee shop right? The afternoon of family brunch."
She started pacing around the room and nibbled her thumb.
I scrunched my brows in deep thought and nodded at the memory.
"It's the Alister guy right?"
Letting his name slip from the folds of my lips this loud made my heart clench in disgust.
I didn't know why, but everything, concerning this guy, irritated me.
Maybe it was due to his sour manners and Dwain's hate towards him.
"Yes, " Brielle snapped her fingers and shortened the space between us. "He has been making moves on me for a month now and we have been circling each other. He asked if I wanted to be his girlfriend and I freaked out."
"What? I don't want to even imagine you with that sour-mannered guy."
She smacked my arm hard.
I winced, giving her puppy eyes while a smug expression plastered on her face.
She glared at me with resentment.
"Why did you say such a thing?"
I gulped. "He's not a serious guy. Plus, I'm sure you are joking."
"I'm not joking. This guy is serious. I'm thinking of inviting him to Liam's birthday party."
She crossed her hands at her chest and her face contorted in a stern frown, not even sparing me a glance.
I warmed up to her and brushed a hand on her arm. "I wasn't trying to make fun of you. It's just that, I don't like this Alister guy, and inviting him to the house won't be a good idea, Dwain hates him. You won't want two guys fighting on such an important day would you?"
"I know that they aren't on good terms and that's because Dwain is misunderstanding Alister's motives towards the company. If you got to know him, you will see that he's a good guy. I can't sacrifice my happiness because Dwain is being bossy or egoistic."
"Watch your mouth. It's my husband you are talking about not an outsider."
She sulked. "He's my brother. I can say whatever I want to say. I'm not scared of him."
"You are not serious." I playfully squeezed her cheeks. "Talk to Dwain first before deciding if you will invite Alister or not. Okay?"
She wrapped me in a hug. "Sure, you are my lifesaver."
Brielle's mobile vibrated on the cupboard and she broke our hug to go answer the call.
I didn't stop thinking of the proposal Alister made to her.
I took in a breath.
Let her make the right choice.
Brielle returned to bed after her call to inform me that Victoria's Elegant Designs had finished working on our outfits for tomorrow.
"Come with me, I don't want to be at their boutique alone. Please."
She didn't spare me with her begging.
"I would have come if I didn't have to go visit my relative."
It was over three years now since Evelyn died and I didn't go talk out my worries with her.
I had to visit her and clear some ideas from my head.
Visiting her always inspired me on the way forward.
I missed her so much too.
"We can collect the package, then drive to where you are going to or we can visit your relative and then. . ."
"Brielle, it's not necessary. My relative isn't part of this world anymore. I just want to make sure she's not missing me too much. I won't even take long."
"Oh, my dear sorry for your loss."
She crawled to me and made circles on my back. "Make sure you get out there with Orlando. Nothing should happen to you. Everything will be alright. Don't forget to greet your family member for me."
She embraced me for the nth time.
"Sure."
Brielle was to meet Victoria at 4 p.m.
But, before she left, she instructed the maids to discard the leftovers and do a thorough cleaning of my room.
She kissed my checks and was about to go out when I interrupted her.
"What about Liam and Leonard, where are they?"
"Leonard took Liam out for a boy's haircut. They should be back soon."
She rushed out, holding her mobile phone to answer an important call.
I TOOK A NAP and woke up thirty minutes later to a fading downpour that hadn't been serious, but it drenched the mansion and the streets.
I stripped out of my clothes and trekked to the bathroom for a warm bath which didn't last long.
I fixed my hair in a messy bun and put on a pair of fading blue slim jeans, a sleeveless white top, a black cardigan, and dark reamed glasses to hide my puffy eyes.
I rummaged in my closet and settled on a pair of white Air Jordan sneakers, before tossing my wallet into my back pocket and picking a black coat from a coat stand.
Holding tight to my mobile, I made my way to Dwain's office in the living room to inform him that I was going out, but my constant knocks weren't answered.
I called the attention of a young female staff who was passing nearby and inquired for information about Dwain's whereabouts.
"He went out this morning. He's not back yet."
I nodded my head at her response and thanked her for her service.
"Anytime Mrs. Horton, " she walked out of me, humming the lyrics of a song I didn't know.
I stepped out of the mansion, fixed a plain black beanie hat on my head, and waved at Orlando who was having a pep talk with other house staff.
He approached and politely greeted me.
He looked good in his partly buttoned-up white shirt and tucked black slim pants which stood over leather black shoes.
"Good afternoon, Mrs. Horton. How can I help you?"
"I need a ride."
He accepted and told me to wait a minute for him to get the car ready.
"Mr. XY, do you know about Dwain's whereabouts?"
"He's in his office."
Orlando opened the passenger seat and ushered me in.
"Oh. . . I see. Why didn't he respond when I knocked?"
He shot a boyish smile at me and roamed to the driver's seat. "Pardon, what did you say?"
I didn't respond.
I slumped into my seat, clutching my security belt, and leaned on the dark frame windows of the car to watch the streets fade in a blur.
Why did Orlando say Dwain was home but the housemaid said he wasn't home?
I decided to forget about it as silly theories started molesting me.
He wanted to ignore me.
Or maybe he was fed up with me?
We drove to a flowery shop where I bought a bouquet of fresh roses and lilies, Evelyn's best flowers.
The drive to the cemetery was silent since I'd turned down Orlando's offer to play music on his Spotify.
I smiled as Orlando rode to a stop.
"Should I come with you?"
He held the door open for me.
"It's not a good idea." I stood under the sunset. "Just be around, I won't take long."
He nodded. "Fine."
I walked into the cemetery, staring at the sunset like it was my first time.
It was a crisp circle amid wispy clouds, struggling to keep its burning red glow in the sky, not willing to fade to dusk, as the blushing bluish-green clouds illuminated the dying bloody sky that accompanied the dipping sun behind the horizon.
Why did the sunset bring sadness, instead of beauty?
As large as a mountain rock, the sun appeared in the sky.
Why didn't it absorb my worries?
I strolled on the white and fluffy mantle on the floor of the cemetery, enjoying the bright flakes covering the wet leaves which made no sounds when I trampled on them.
I stopped in my tracks when I spotted Evelyn's' grave.
The blue beanie she loved to wear rested on her gravestone.
I stooped to the grass and pushed the pile of wet leaves that were stocked on her grave.
It took me a while to discard them.
My fingers caressed her name tag, 'Evelyn Blien, ' as I prepared my mind to pour out my heart's content.
I couldn't hold it any longer.
She'd seen me during my worst and for three years, I hadn't visited her.
I feared that she won't listen because she waited for me and I'd never come.
"Lyn. . ."
I tried hard to smile.
She loved it when I smiled.
I was the only one calling her Lyn.
She didn't permit any other person but me.
"It's been three years and I haven't passed by to say hi. "
I laid my coat on the grass to make a seat for myself and sat next to her gravestone.
I held the flowers we bought in my hands, plugged the petals one by one, and threw them on her grave.
"You know how Felicia and Stephen are right? They won't ever permit me to visit you. Lyn, I'm so sorry."
I inhaled and exhaled in shaky bits.
"Guess what?"
"Something unbelievable happened to me."
I recounted the whole story to her, making sure I didn't miss any details.
I smiled at some events and frowned at some, but in all, I was happy that I emptied my heart at her.
She was never the mouthy type.
I trusted her with my life.
"Lyn, Dwain kissed me. He told me that if all our life was a dream, then let's make the kiss real. But he's not the one I'm to present to you. I have not yet found that unlucky guy."
A chuckle escaped my lips.
"I'm confused. I don't know what to do. Worst of all, Dwain thinks I'm Elisabeth and that's why he kissed me."
"This is Elisabeth's fairy tale, not mine and it's disturbing me because I'm not different from an imposter. It was like I used a cheat code to unlock a life that wasn't mine."
I stood up and wiped tears from my eyes.
"I didn't make it to medical school and with all this fiasco happening, I have decided to get on my feet and start studying for it. I think it's nice that way so that I can stop thinking of Dwain and his family. What do you think? I can even get a job and rent an apartment. Exciting right?"
I didn't quit staring at her grave.
"Lyn, you know that I still love you right?"
"You will always be the mother I never had. Yet, You left me."
"I don't want another person to leave me the way you did."
"I won't sustain another heartbreak, so it's better I don't open up my heart to anyone, moreover, I should moan about your departure every day than have someone take your place in my heart."
Those were my last words before I went numb.
I knew that wherever Lyn was, she would always keep an eye on me.
It was in the parting words of love and tears that I heard the squashing of the leaves, indicating that someone else had walked into the cemetery.
I thought it was Orlando.
But when I turned to look at the individual; I saw a lady, dressed in a brown leather coat, dark glasses, and cowboy boots, making her way to the grave next to Lyn's, sobbing and putting a hand around her mouth.
I rolled my eyes at Lyn's grave and stayed silent.
"Hi," I heard that shaky voice.
"Hi," I moved my attention to her but she wasn't paying attention to me.
I soon understood that she was talking to the gravestone, not to me.
"Your mum?" I took a glance at the name tag and the lady nodded her head. "My mum is here too. "
I couldn't help but sympathize with her.
I considered Evelyn as my mum. "She died of lung cancer."
She tightened a hand around her mouth, stifling loud cries from her lips. "Blood."
"Come again, I didn't get you."
I stood at a short distance from her.
"She died of leukemia. Cancer of blood-forming tissues, " the lady sobbed more.
Her voice stroke familiarity up my brain.
It was like I'd heard it before, but I couldn't pinpoint where I knew the voice.
"She died a week ago."
She didn't even mind glancing at me when she said so.
"Take heart." I placed a hand on her shoulder. "If you need someone to talk to, I'm here."
When she didn't answer, I began strolling out of the cemetery.
"Thanks for your support."
I heard her words and stilled on the spot.
"I'm Anna by the way."
"Anna?!"
I swirled on my heel and removed my glasses to take a good look at her.
"Ellis?!"
She removed her glasses, and the dark circles under her eyes stroke my line of sight. "Isn't Felicia still alive?"
I wanted to ask her how she knew my mum's name, but then, it came to my mind that she was friends with Elisabeth and Elisabeth was staying with my parents.
"Sadly, yes, but Evelyn here, " I pointed to Lyn's gravestone, "is more of a mother to me than my real mum. I hope you understand what I mean and before you ask, Evelyn is Stephan's sister. My condolences to your mum."
She nodded. "It's hard to believe she's gone. She was strong, she fought this illness for two years now but as usual, there's a time when one is called to rest, so she left. I will survive."
I licked my lips, speechless.
She was right, those who died were going to rest, far from the problems of this world.
I closed the distance between us and pulled her into a hug, moving hair out of her teary face.
She flinched. "Ellis, I don't merit your kindness."
I wasn't supposed to be all friendly with her, but we were talking about her mother here.
And even though I wanted to scold her for abandoning me on that day of the wedding, I also wanted to listen to her side of the story and not fall into the trap of judging her negatively as I judged Dwain.
I had to sympathize with her.
It was like a punch to my stomach when Lyn died in my hold at the hospital, so I knew what she was going through.
I was very familiar with that feeling.
"You shouldn't say such atrocity."
I released her from the hug and clasped her hand in mine, wringing lightly. "What if we go for a walk and sit on one of the street benches for a proper talk?"
She accepted and we started moving towards a little park not far from the cemetery.
Orlando opted to accompany us but I declined his offer and told him to wait in the car.
Anna and I sat on one of the isolated benches in the park as dusk thickened in the sky.
"I knew we were going to meet again but not in such circumstances."
She glanced at the sky. "I abandoned you during the wedding. . ."
She paused, fidgeting with her fingers and drawing circles on her thighs.
"You have all reasons to hate me. Don't feel pity for me because of the conditions we find ourselves in. I don't merit your mercy. I'm not proud of what I did and. . . "
I interrupted. "We are only human, and I don't want to pass negative Judgement on you without hearing you out. All I want from you is your side of the story. Anna, what happened? Why did you abandon me in church?"
I glared into her flickering eyes.
She didn't cease sobbing, but she gathered the courage to tell me what happened.
"Before you entered the cathedral, I received a call from an anonymous number and went out through the front door to answer it. That's when I got Elisabeth on the phone."
She hesitated to keep talking but I smothered a hand on her back so that she would stay calm.
"She called to know what was happening in her absence and that's when I realized that something wasn't right. I asked for her whereabouts and left to go see her, by the time I came back, the wedding was over and I didn't succeed to reach Elisabeth that evening."
Was that why Elizabeth didn't resist Megan from taking her home that evening?
The dots started linking in my mind and things began to clear up.
Surely Elisabeth knew that she had a duplicate, drank herself to dusk, and happened to be in the club or maybe a bar that Dylan had brought Megan to on Valentine's day.
Oh! God!
Everything made sense.
That was why Elisabeth didn't tell Megan anything.
"I don't blame you for what happened, but I want you to abstain from making fake promises. Please, don't cry over what happened, and as for your mother, I know she's watching you from up there."
We picked up another discussion that had to do about her job.
She also confirmed the story which Elisabeth told me, and her version was identical to Elisabeth's.
I asked more questions to know what Elisabeth did to ruin Dwain's company but she just told me that it was the content of the article Elisabeth wrote and that she didn't see the article.
Elisabeth hadn't told her about it.
"It's high time I get back to my apartment. I don't want my granny freaking out about my whereabouts."
Anna stood on her feet.
"Sure, thanks for opening up to me."
I thanked her and she also thanked me in return for hearing her out, then we journeyed hand in hand to the street.
We said our last goodbyes.
I watched her cross the road before disappearing into the hurrying crowd.
I wrapped a hand around my shoulders.
Not able to take my mind off our discussion, I strolled toward the car.
Orlando understood that I wasn't in the mood to talk, so he just opened the door to the front seat for me.
I hopped in.
He got in the driver's seat and drove into the less busy streets.
"Are we driving home or do you want to go somewhere else?"
I raised my eyes from the glass windows and forced a smile on my face.
I wasn't ready to face Dwain.
I needed some more time to arrange my ideas and think of my next plan of action before heading to his office as soon as we got home.
Looking at the familiarity of the streets reminded me of the cafe Jana took me to.
"We should stop by Le Café first."
"As you wish."
He pressed his foot on the gas pedal and we sped past cars on the street.
He pulled the car into a parking spot by the cafe and helped me out.
Then we walked the stairs which led to the beautiful cafe.
I didn't take note of the outside booths and the shades the last time I came here.
The place was now newly painted in brown and white with the artistic drawing of coffee mugs on their walls.
We walked through the glass doors and reserved a table for two.
The waiters were welcoming as usual and one of them came and took my order on his notepad.
Orlando refused to order food and contented himself with the free milkshake that was served on our table.
It was the cafe's winter special for all their customers.
"Here's your meal, " the waiter placed a paper bag full of fries, my cappuccino, and a warm bowl of Flemish stew on the coffee table.
"Enjoy your meal."
"Thank you. "
I settled the bill and began stuffing my mouth with Belgian fries.
I concentrated on my meal for a few minutes and the rest of the time, I drowned in previous happenings in my life.
If I was going to swap with Elisabeth, I had to fix things with Dwain before leaving.
If I didn't slap him, we weren't going to be on bad terms and everything was going to be okay.
I had to make things right whether it was going to hurt him or not.
Our friendship would never work.
He had to accept it tonight.
There was no, "us," in my reality.
Orlando and I stepped out of the cafe at 6 p.m.
We got into the car and as Orlando drove out of the parking, another car rolled to a stop not far from ours.
In a clean descent, two gentlemen alighted the car, dressed to kill in striking black business suits.
"What?!"
I couldn't believe my eyes.
Alister and Scott were discussing and smiling as they made their way into the cafe.
How on earth could Dwain's best friend be on good terms with Alister?
I didn't want to bother myself with something which didn't concern me, so I heaved a deep sigh.
"Anything wrong?"
Orlando stole a glance at me and regained the steering wheel.
"I'm burnt out. This is the best time to listen to your playlist. Let's see what you got."