I was quite as I watched the various amounts of women and men enter our house. Official bundles of papers held snug under each social worker's armvas they crouched down to a designated child that that was assigned to them at moment of their loss of family. I pulled my jacket tighter around my shoulders and pulled my knees higher up on the steps, watching in pain as Jason's bottom lip quivered in fear and confusion. He was so young; he probably didn't understand what was happening.
And I couldn't help but feel it was all my fault.
I squeezed my eyes shut, rubbing my temples and trying to neglect the swooping memories.
"Where are you bringing Hellen?" I asked frantically, staring wide-eyed at the policewoman in front of me.
She sighed, bringing her hands to her hips. "Miss, I'm going to have to ask you calm down."
I felt Nathaniel's hands reach my shoulders as he whispered into my ear. "Lindsey, back up a bit."
Frustration screamed inside of me, but I did as suggested and stepped back slightly. The woman seemed to drop her hitched shoulders a fraction and I separated the condensed space between us.
"What is going to happen to Hellen?" I asked again, my tone softening and my gaze flickering to the living room where the children sat.
She sighed, blinking. "Ms. O'brier will be transported to the police station, where our negotiators will question and interrogate her."
I nodded. "Okay, then what will happen to our house?"
She eyed the living room. "I'm not reputed to give you any information-"
"Please." I inturuppted, begging with my eyes.
After many seconds of contemplation, she nodded and motioned to the kitchen.
Nathaniel and I did as told and we joined in a circle.
"Your foster home will be revoked of it's authority, and every child will be transported to another house. Separately." She explained, pressing her lips together.
"Ms. Garland?" A man dressed in a suit tapped my shoulder, awakening me from my trance.
"Yes?" I asked, standing up.
"Are you okay?" He asked, leaning closer.
My lips parted. No. "Yes. Where is Andrew?"
Andrew, my assigned social worker, was nowhere present.
"I will be taking you to him. He is meeting us at The Town Hall." He informed me, placing a hand on my back and guiding me to the door.
I stopped. "The Town Hall? On 43rd street?"
He nodded.
"Why are we going there?"
He smiled and continued to the door. "You'll see."
~~~~~~~~
"Lindsey." Andrew walked toward me, his arms outstretched.
I returned a small hug and gave him a questionable eyebrow. "Why am I here?"
"Follow me." Andrew said, walking across the marble-based floor.
I did and entered a conference-like room. Something jumped in my stomach as I faced Lucy and David.
They were in deep discussion with another man, papers laid out on the table. Andrew brought me to them and sat me down across from the adults.
"Hi, sweetie." Lucy reached for my hand and squeezed.
I swallowed. "If you don't mind me asking, what am I doing here?"
Andrew sat next to me while Lucy and David smiled at eachother.
"Well," David started, "We've realized that your house has been taken of its authority, and the children are being moved to other homes. So the problem is if you were to change homes, it would take months of preparation of being able to take custody of you."
Take custody.
Lucy grinned. "So, if you'd like, we're offering to adopt you."
It was as if everyone around me obliterated and that one sentence caused the most happiness I had ever felt. For twelve years, I have been waiting to hear this. And it's finally come.
Tears struck my eyes and some rolled down. I nodded, only because I wasn't able to speak.
Lucy laughed softly as she rubbed my arm. "I'm so exited to welcome you into our home, honey."
David smiled. "We are going to have a beautiful future." He cleared his throat. "But, because you are over sixteen and have the right to choose your choices, you'll have to sign these agreements. And," paused, glancing at Lucy, "There is one thing. We do live in Chicago. So you'd have to come with us."
I nodded, taking the pen and carefully signing my name on the dotted line.
~~~~~~~~
I was walking on clouds as I noted the beautiful New York air around me. The cold nipped at exposed skin, so I snuggled in tighter to my new cashmere scar Lucy had gotten me. Everything seemed clearer today; the naked trees, the frozen lakes, and the buildings seemed to have a glow. I turned left at the sidewalk, making my way to Lavender's. She had invited me; probably to comfort me. But what did I need comfort for? Of course, I still carried the guilt of my moved foster siblings, and my goodbye was rather teary. But I was getting adopted!
At seventeen, a voice rejoiced in my head.
I grinned.
Sooner than moments later, I had arrived at Lavender's elegant New York apartment. I climbed up the steps, still in a happy daze.
I reached the door, thinking of my new family. My new sister, who still doesn't know of my adoption. It was supposed to be a suprise. The door swung open, interrupting my elated thoughts.
Nathaniel stood there, a soft smile on his face. At that moment, everything dropped inside of me.
Nathaniel.
He doesn't know about Lucy and David. Time stopped for a milli-second and I started to rethink my choices.
He grabbed me in a bear hug, mumbling in my ear, "Lindsey, I hope you're okay."
His smell overwhelmed me. Mint and clean dryer sheets. It was strange, to admit it of course, but he had this overall smell that was his. I squeezed tighter, turning my head to the side against his chest.
He released me, trailing me inside. Lavender spotted me, and rushed over to pull me in a hug.
Lavender. She didn't know
The adoption was soon merely a thought existing in the back of my mind as I hugged my best friend.
"So we have news." Lavender said when she released me.
I looked at them both.
Nathaniel leaned against the counter. "I was alerted about Walter."
My stomach tightened at the mention of his name.
"He's in prison."
I nodded. "For how long?"
"They called it a, 'B Violent Felony,' which means that he'll serve up to 5-25 years in prison. He is serving 15 years. You'll be long gone by then."
Long gone? I frantically asked myself. Did he know?
"Long gone?" I asked, trying to sound nonchalant.
He chuckled. "Well yeah, you'll be thirty-two years old."
I exhaled. "Oh." I was signed for leaving after the New Years. Lucy and David thought it'd be a good idea to finish off the year and semester in school so I'd have time to say my goodbye's.
I have exactly two days. It was the 29th.
"And I have one more thing." Nathaniel added, reverting his gaze to the countertop.
"What's that?" I asked, watching his actions.
"It's about Hellen. Because her case is similar to your report, we were also alerted of Hellen's whereabouts." Nathaniel paused, "Her license to foster has been suspended and she is serving one month in prison."
My mouth dropped open. "She's in prison?!"
Lavender reached me, slinging an arm over my shoulders. "It's okay."
I looked at Lavender, the one person in the world who has been there for me through everything, and the guilt settled. "Can I talk to you for a second?"
Lavender half-nodded.
I grabbed her forearm and led her outside.
I shut the door.
"Why are we outside?"
"Because I don't want him to hear." I whispered.
Lavender cocked her head. "What's up?"
"I got adopted today." I softly said, unable to keep it in anymore.
Her eyes lit up and screeched, "Are you serious?!"
"Shh!" I ushered, placing a finger to my lips.
Lavender jumped at me, hugging me hard. "That's amazing!" She whispered.
I smiled, leaning into the hug. This was what I needed. Support.
She leaned back. "Wait, why don't you want Nathaniel to know?"
I lowered my eyes. "Because they live in Chicago."
I didn't see her reaction, only her jumping fade.
After moments of silence, she finally said, "Lindsey. You have to tell him."
"I don't want too." I whined.
"You're going to have to eventually." Lavender chuckled. "I'm happy for you, Linds. This is what you've always wanted, but this is something that he needs to know."
She shivered, crossing her arms. "Let's go back inside."
~~~~~~~~
I packed the last suitcase, looking around the bare room that I called mine for the last twelve years. I sat on the squeaky bed, memories flooding the scene.
"Hellen?" I ask, dragging the ll. "Is this my room?" I glance at the bare room, noticing that the walls most certainly were not pink, and my dressers were most certainly not white. Where are all my things? I wonder.
Hellen comes over to me, and places a hand on my face. "Yes, sweetie. You'll stay here until you've gotten adopted."
"What does that mean?"
"It means this is your house, until someone wants you to come to their house. For good." She explains, smiling like this makes sense.
"So this isn't my house forever?" I ask, still not comprehending what this nice lady was telling me.
"No, honey. Not forever. Think of it has a pit-stop."
I nod, thinking I understand. "Okay."
A new one swooped in, before I knew it.
"You have to be quite!" I whisper to the girl who's name symbolizes a strange plant, as I grab her hand in mine and carefully tip-toe along the wall.
"What is this place?" She asks, her voice booming.
"Shh!" I say, and continue up the steps. "It's a pit-stop."
"What's a pit-stop?"
"Shh!"
I lead her into my room, and close the door.
Lavender looks around, her forehead scrunched. "Is this your bedroom?"
"I guess." I shrug, plopping on the floor. I was sharing with another girl, but she rarely spoke to me.
"Do you want to play Barbies?" She asks, sitting down and giggling as she did so.
I glance around the room. I had no Barbies. "Let's play something else."
"Do you want to draw? I'm real good at drawing." She grins, smoothing down her pigtail.
I look at my hair, which is nowhere near the perfection of hers. There's just so many kids in the pit-stop that Hellen was sometimes overwhelmed. And even though I ask every morning, she never does braid it. "Nah."
And it's gone. I sighed, patting my suitcase next to me. This house may never regain its prior position, and it could be bulldozed down for I know. But it's still hard to part. I had to see Hellen.
~~~~~~~~~
I entered the prison, shuddering as I do so. Teenagers and adults sat grumpily, glaring at nothing in general. Walking up to a women in a booth, I cleared my throat, "Hi."
"Hi, Miss. Is there something you need?" She asked, chomping on gum.
"I'd like to visit Hellen O'brier." I rehearsed.
The woman nodded, as she typed on a computer. "I'll call her in. What's your name, Miss?"
"Lindsey Garland."
She typed again, and signaled to the sheet in front of me. "Please write the time, your name, and the person your visiting."
I did, and let a policeman lead me into a room. Men, and women sat in a glass booth accompanied with a phone.
He led me to the end, and I smiled as I saw Hellen. She did also, and signaled for me to pick up the phone.
I sat, and picked it up. "Hi."
"Hi, hon!" She grinned, stress wrinkles clearly visible on her face. "Happy New Years, by the way."
"I need to tell you something." I quickly said, watching her adjust her seating.
Hellen half-nodded.
"I got adopted."
Her face brightened. "That's amazing, Lindsey."
"And I want to apologize for-"
She shook her head. "You have nothing to apologize for. I pushed you out of the house illegally." Hellen paused, shaking. "I deserve this. And you deserve a new life."
A year rolled down. "I want to thank you for everything you've done. I still remember the first time I came to the Foster Home, and you tried to explain to me."
Hellen smiled at the memory she was picturing. "I remember."
"When are you leaving?" She asked.
My lips parted. "Tomorrow."
"Wow." Hellen grinned. "Where are you going?"
"Chicago."
"You know I used to live there." Hellen laughed.
"Really?"
We laughed as she told stories of her mischievous self.
"I should probably go." I finally said, avoiding her eyes. I didn't want to stay for long.
"Yeah." She exhaled. "You're going to have an amazing future."
I nodded, and hung up the phone.
I pushed myself up, and offered her one last smile. Even through everything, I was going to miss her.
I made my way out of the waiting room, pulling my hat on when I remembered something. I stopped, thinking if this was a good idea.
And finally, I turned myself around and headed back to the counter.
"Back again?" She asked, still chomping on that piece of gum.
I nodded. "I was wondering if you had Walter Drake imprisoned here?"
She turned toward her computer, and typed in the name. "Yes. We do. Would you like to see him too?"
I wrote in my name, next to his, and the date. "Yes, please."
The women made another call, and pointed me into a different room on the right. I followed her finger, and opened the door.
Walter sat in the first booth, a sick grin plastered onto his face. I sat down, letting the sick feelings pool in. I didn't care, I had to do this.
Grabbing the phone, I listened for him to speak first.
"Lindsey." He purred, chuckling slightly. "Look where I am!"
I didn't answer.
"This is because of you." Walter's face turned hard, and he leaned forward.
"No." I calmly said. "You've done this to yourself."
He smirked. "Don't worry, when I get out-"
"I'll be long gone." I finished. Courage was building up.
He mockingly smiled. "So, do what do I owe the pleasure?"
"I just wanted to see your rotting face behind this glass, and me, free as a bird on the other side." I laughed at myself, as I toyed with him.
"What, you've got nothing else to do? You come here, alone if I might add, just to toy with me? Can I remind you about your lack of family?" He paused, smiling. "Oh that's right, you have none."
I shrugged. "That's what you think. Goodbye Walter."
And I hung up, catching a glimpse of his confused expression while I walked away from the man that once gave me nightmares.
~~~~~~~~
"Where have you been all day?" Nathaniel asked me, leaning forward and kissing my cheek. "It's almost twelve."
"Sorry, I had to finish some unfinished business." I grinned. After I had visited the two prison mates, I went to Central Park. Yes, it was kind of creepy. But the lights and music from Rockefeller Center reached the Park. Out of all my time in New York, I had only gone once to the ball drop. It was crazy, and way too public for me. So we usually stayed at Lavenders, but this time her apartment was filled with people. It was so crowded, that the door was left open because we all could've suffocated from the lack of space.
"Uh oh." Nathaniel chuckled, and kissed me on the lips this time. "Do you want a drink?"
"No thanks." I almost yelled over the noise, shaking my head. I checked the clock; five minutes to twelve.
I should tell him. I needed to tell him. I was leaving in less than twenty four hours.
"Nathaniel." I placed my hand on his arm. "I need to talk to you."
He nodded. "Talk."
"No, outside." I reasoned, and watched him.
Nathaniel looked confused, but followed me outside anyway. The noise level was worse outside, so we descended to the back area on the banister.
It was quite there and I started to speak, when everyone started yelling, "10!"
Already?! I frantically asked myself.
"9!"
"What's wrong?" Nathaniel asked me, searching me with his eyes
"8!"
The tears started to erupt. "I need to tell you something!"
"7!"
"What? I can't hear you." Nathaniel yelled back, leaning closer.
"6, 5!"
The numbers descended down, as I tried to search for the words.
"4!"
"I got adopted." I finally said.
"3!"
His face lit up. "That's amazing!"
"2!"
I shook my head. "I leave tomorrow."
"1!"
"What?" He asked.
"Happy New Year!"