So will you remember me
Will you remember the way that I was
Will you remember me
Will you remember the way that you felt when you're next to me
✂︎------------------------
DECEMBER 25TH. Christmas.
Except the house was completely silent despite it already being 12 in the afternoon. No one woke me up, leaving me to wake up still tired and somewhat expectant to an empty bedroom and even emptier house. Not even the maids who usually stay here during Holidays were home, not even the cook who usually makes my family Christmas breakfast and dinner was home.
Which led to me bothering Savien. As promised, we'd facetime every single day. For at least 6 hours. Most of the time not even talking to each other just being on call and saying something stupid or irrelevant all of a sudden.
Besides Savien, Luca and Rachel had been the only one to text me. My messages with Ace, Cajes, and Sonny, as usual, stayed empty. Along with my messages with Isaia.
Her family seemed to like me more than my own. As Savien propped up her phone on a chair and I was watching her family open presents. After every single one, she would turn to me and aggressively whisper with an excited smile on her face.
"I got that one!" or, "Omg who got me this!" or, "I have no idea who got them that but my gifts are so much better".
I wish I was at her house.
Around 1, I finally pushed myself out of bed and hung up with Savien. I didn't really want to but I'm sure she probably wanted private time with her family and I didn't want to feel selfish or intrusive.
Stepping onto the cold hardwood floor, I wandered down the hallway and staircase until I was in the living room. Or the one with the Christmas tree that was near the main kitchen. This house had too many fucking rooms to count.
Surprisingly, the living room was not empty. Or that silent. There were a few presents under the tree, as my family almost entirely gave up on gifting once I got a paypal account and a taste in fashion. And sitting on the couch was my Mother, a weirdly peaceful smile on her face as my Father played Christmas songs on the grand piano.
The one playing now being silent night.
I think Christmas is one of the only days that brings actual peace in my household. Maybe not love, or cheer, as the Holiday is meant for, but peace.
No arguing, no scolding, nothing. Just my Father playing on his piano with the fireplace on and my Mother waiting calmly for the day to pass so that on December 26th she can return to being the heartless bitch she is.
Seeing those two, looking like normal parents, I almost began to care about them for a second.
And then I remembered where I'd be returning to after Christmas break, and the long text I recieved from her played like a recording in my head. And for a quick second, I wish that fireplace burned down this house.
I didn't want to intrude, or more specifically go anywhere near those two at all. So I tiptoed out of the livingroom and into the kitchen. The house had two kitchens. A chefs kitchen, and the bigger one. The bigger one stayed spotless, and the chefs kitchen stayed out of sight. There were eggs on the stove, and bread in the toaster. An hot chocolate in a mug next to a plate with just strawberries.
Was this for me? Probably not, to be honest. But at the moment I didn't care. Whoever it was for could make some more. Shoveling the eggs onto the plate, and re-toasting the bread, I glanced around the kitchen.
I wish I was back in Isaia's, baking that stupid cake I never got to try and probably did have eggshells in after all. I wish I was still wearing that stupid apron.
There were some packages on the Island, and envelopes. Probably the mail from yesterday or the day before, I concluded. Walking around the table to sort through it anyway. Maybe someone in this stupid family I actually cared about sent me something.
There was a small package, without a stamp or anything. Just a small wrapped box, the size of an ipod touch.
Scribbled on the top in Sharpie, was "For Laura Strathen."
Did someone hand deliver this? Not thinking about it more, I carefully pulled apart the tape and wrapping paper that had gingerbread men on it. The box itself was a basic black one. The kind that jewerly comes in.
And on that black box was a tiny paper note folded so small it was close to being wrinkled. Confused, I opened the box.
And sitting inside, was a silver necklace chain, on the end being a silver rose flower. I have a lot of jewerly, a wide collection of necklaces as well because those are hardest to lose in comparison to braclets or rings.
But this necklace was so... it was just different. I've never seen anything like it before. It was so simple, but so dainty and delicate. Wondering who'd given me it, I took the time to unfold the printer paper. And on it was a long note. Like a whole 5 paragraph essay.
Dear Laura Strathen,
Within the 4 stupid months I knew you, I can confidently say, I wish it was longer.
You know probably more than everyone else how in love I was with Tao. I hope you don't hate me for bringing her up in a gift to you, but I wanted you to know this. She isn't the one I love anymore.
I think I haven't loved her for a while, but I think you helped me realize that more clearly. And you helped me out of a pretty... toxic relationship... to say the least. Even if you didn't realize it. I think I always went with the popular majority in the group. I never really objected to doing anything because I never really cared much. Sometimes I felt like I had to, since they were all my friends. So when you showed up and convinced basically everyone to turn against the person I cared so much for at the time, I just kind of went with it.
Thank you for that. You always put a lot of pressure on yourself. To be perfect, to ruin Tao's life, to do whatever it was you wanted to do. But I don't think you realize you completed all those goals long before December. Long before November, really. You didn't need to ruin Tao's life. You just need to open everyone else's eyes, and you did so easily.
I can't say I'm a saint, I'm pretty much just as bad. I mean, we are all pretty shit human beings compared to the average person. But Tao was the brain to the operation so thank you.
Now, enough about Tao, just thinking about her makes me mad. I always had a pretty difficult time telling you this. I can't recall if I actually ever said it with words or if we both just assumed. But I like you. As more than a friend. I can't say I love you. I'm not sure if I do. But I'm sure if we had more time together, I would've grown to.
But for now, you were just another high school crush. And I wish you weren't. I don't know why I grew to like you so much. Annabell, the last person I loved, was an angel. She who must not be named was basically Satan. So I'm not sure what made my affection for you grow. Maybe it was your attitude. You always had a shitty attitude or one that made me think you were going to bomb everyone's houses as we slept. And I guess you could say I'm a bit like that. But that day we spent together, at my house.
It was like the final straw to me realizing my feelings for you.
I think I liked you so much because I liked the side of you that you'd never show. And everytime we were together I wanted to see that side again. The side that was funny, and overdramatic in a good way, and caring, and still pretty bitchy. I think I believed that was the 'real Laura' or whatever the fuck, and I loved that I was one of the only people that got to see it. Which is also probably why Reece pissed me off so much.
I wanted to be the only one. Even if that sounds clingy and weird. It's true.
I think we both know how this is going to end. With us going 'seperate' ways. And no matter how much I tell you "I wish", it's not going to change anything. So I wish you the best in your future. I hope that you never let yourself get fucked over again. And I hope you stop treating every person, situation, and basically everything like its a game or something that's going to ruin you as a person.
Most importantly, I hope you never forget me. Which is why you now have a necklace I got custom shaped.
Because, I will never forget you either, Laura Strathen.
Not in a million years. I'll always remember the girl I hated who almost ruined my life, and then got me to like her again in the span of 4 months.
Farewell, Isaia Woods
(P.S. I wish I got time to love you. And I wish our first kiss wasn't our last).
Song Of The Chapter: remember me - umi
The end :)
(p.s.s. -- here's the necklace I imagined he got her)
(p.s.s.s. -- read the epilogue)