The door closed behind me as I leaned against it my eyes taking every corner of the room my eyes adjusting to the dim lighting seeing the figure behind the desk just as I thought he would be and thankfully that idiot dwarf was not here. I walked towards the desk him not acknowledging me even in the slightest yet that did not faze me anymore. I walked around his desk where he hooved reading some documents his hoodie where it always was my fingers making their way up pulling it back his head shooting up with such anger ready to give it to me yet I held the same stare he threw at me. He could scare others but not me. I sat on the desk just in front of me his eyes taking me up and down as I got comfortable shutting his laptop staring right at him.
"What do you think you are doing?" He asked his voice cold, eyes dark face as scary as I remembered yet somehow my anger seemed to keep toning down the more I stared at him my heart going frantic as I bit my lip.
"You are a dick." I spat something I had wanted to say since he left me in that room seeing the words wash over him his anger making him red.
"Watch your mouth little girl," He shot back.
Why did everyone keep calling me little girl, I was twenty-one for crying out loud.
"What are you planning to do with Czarina?" I asked the question I had been asked a couple of times just a few minutes ago watching his face pale probably have not heard the name in a long time his face falling, eyes tearing away from me my heart aching seeing the pain, the guilt washing over him as he blinked all the emotions away turning back to me.
"What I plan to and not to do with my daughter is none of your business." He spat out sure if words could kill I would be dead now.
"Her mother would like to know." I stated.
"Then she can ask me herself." He said back making me sigh shifting where I sat all this making my head throb more than it was. I had been warned too many times about this man and right now as I stared at him it made me wonder, he was definitely something else, scary and lethal yet I don't think I could be able to just leave him like that. I was confused, my mind in chaos Harleys words having me question myself, was I really going to follow this man blindly to my death. A shiver went down my spine, the whole world was against this man and if I stood by him I would crumble along with him.
"Rafael, I know that some of the things are none of my business but this is getting real, according to Harley Klaus is talking news of war and it seems like everyone knows what is going on except me. Can you just please tell me what happened from your point of view. Please." I said his eyes never leaving mine face blank not sure what he was thinking or what he would do next just wanting to get the whole story before I threw myself in the front lines. He shook his head his eyes tearing away from me as he sighed sitting back in his chair.
"My father had compulsive behaviour ever since he was young. He did not have help in the house because he cleaned it all by himself. You would find on all fours even at four in the morning scrubbing until it was to his satisfaction, there was nothing mattered to him until everything was just to the way he wanted, perfect. It was no harm to anyone so they let him be as he would clean all day and night sometimes forgetting all about business. I remember one time one of our guest spilled coffee on the tiles, he did not live to take another breath my father so furious scrubbing until the tiles paled out. Anyway everything was okay until one day doing business in Spain just about to leave walking out of the hotel and it was there where things turned for the worst. He lay his eyes on my mother and he could not take them away from her, the breath had been knocked out of him and he knew he could not leave her so he instructed his man to take her there and then taking the young girl who kicked and screamed yet no one could help her as she was hauled away. He forcedly married her and keeping her as his own never taking his eyes off her even as she slept. It was insane as they say, no one was allowed to even look at her killing anyone who breathe near her. He was obsessed she literally tied on his hip. How could you escape when he was always there barely sleeping but just watching her. Any chance she got he would kill people every second that passed until she came running back to the piles and piles of dead bodies. She had no choice but to give in hating every part of her life. As long as she was beside him he was the sweetest person in the whole wide world but then something unspeakable happened- she fell pregnant. It was a nightmare as she had said it, he did not want to share her and the more her belly grew the more violent he became wanting to rid of me. Somehow through all that I was born ripped away from my mother's arms not even seconds later being raised by the brutal men, the guards that knew nothing besides killing.
He did not even want to see me near her the brutal torture endured just for being born day after day beaten to a pulp wishing for death yet it never came. Basically raised myself barely getting food, clothes or whatever. I practically lived in the wild watching from outside as my parents moved on with their lives in the big house my date never skipping our date as he called it making sure I knew that I was a mistake, that he hated me with everything he had in my life and I saw that with each passing day he got more and more brutal living me unconscious for a couple of days knowing that soon he would kill me yet I had never been happier wanting to die so bad craving it with nothing to live not even my best friend could convince me otherwise tired of the guards that saw me as their project to turn into a killing machine, tired of my father taking out all his rage on me doing all unspeakable things to me. I knew my mother's pleas would not keep me alive forever and even she knew that for she took it into her own hands killing my father the only way she could poisoning their food for them to die together. A mother I had never seen in my whole life yet she loved me so much trying to keep me alive for as long as she could.
I was torn Lethu, I was in so much pain, I was so confused not knowing what to do , what to feel the only thing I knew being to kill as I had been raised so that was what I did. I took over the Mafia and at that time we were all under Klaus's father since he had forcefully taken the whole territories. And that was how I met Klaus. He had just killed his parents checking on the business he had just taken over. We sat down shocked to both at how we were the same age and with familiar backgrounds. He was just as lost and torn as I was holding so much anger we were a destruction. We clicked becoming more like brothers fighting for each other it just being me and him. Ronald- my best friend had left to Frankfurt as he was the only one I trusted to take care of my business overseas. Together we built our empires him having given me back all my territories making an alliance practically doing everything together. As the year passed on we met Alex who had literally burned his whole family to ashes, Klaus gave him back his territories as Alex was someone you did not want on your bad sides. That man is the true definition of a psychopath, he and Elijah are a package deal. Klaus and I used to think they were a couple at the way they were so close. Alex would just snap his fingers and Elijah would kill anything on their way and looking at that Elijah also owns half of the Italian mafia from his mother's side they plus the Russian from his father's side the two are lethal added to the fact that they are both without compassion or whatsoever. We all moved on together forming an alliance between the cartels that ruled Russia practically being invincible.
Everything was good, everyone was happy. I was content with my life happy with all I had until one night I decided to attend a function, if only I knew I would have stayed where I was because that is the night my whole life went to shit. One minute I was taking a sip of my whiskey and the next I felt as if my mind had turned upside down the room suddenly seeming brighter and hotter as our eyes locked just for that second and I was wasted. I had not known I had the disorder, never showed symptoms or whatsoever. I knew what it could do so I tried as hard as I could fighting my own mind but I could not, all the doctors gave me did not even help the obsession that grew. It was as if a switch had flipped with me never being the same ever. All I thought about was her, I could not speak, could not breath, and could not eat wanting her here by my side. She had turned to the oxygen I breathe bugging her house seeing her go on with her life not knowing the grip she had on mine. I followed her everywhere she went. Work was all forgotten and when she was about to leave for college I sent my man to snatch. There was no way I could let her leave. My mind had won and I had lost my sanity. In that very same day my Warehouse in Frankfurt got attacked the friend who had been there for me since I was ten, he being the reason I survived suddenly had his life hanging by the string. I told my men to get Loala rushing to Frankfurt finding my best friend died already gun shot in the head the whole thing set on fire.
I had basically the only family I had, he had been there for me so many times and I was not there to save him this once he needed me, this once he actually really needed me I was not there. My world seemed to crush on me the pain too much to bare but at least I had Loala. At least she would be waiting for me when I came back. I came back and no Loala, instead stood this young girl who looked like her yet not enough for my mind to be fooled. I promise you at that very moment I went insane, I lost my mind completely still not even sure what had happened myself everything hazy as if I had blacked out waking up a few days later a girl laying at the floor of my room. My head throbbed, it was like waking up with a hangover with no recollection of the previous. All I could remember were the screams, the cries and as I looked in the mirror I could not recognise myself, did not know who I was. A ghost stood there just going through life the anger coming back full force with the pain making me have so many black outs through my days.
Harley was really something else. She was so kind, good hearted and easy to forgive and lord did I hurt her. It was just one blow after the other yet somehow in all that madness we fell in love. Somehow she kept the beast at bay, the obsession seeming as if it had gone away. I had truly believed she had been my cure seeing her belly grow knowing that she was carrying my child. It was one of the best feelings I had ever experienced in my life and even to this day I look at those pictures she had taken of her belly growing and growing a life inside. Somehow I was afraid, afraid to be just like my father yet tried to not let my fear hold me back. She made me happy and I loved her so much, we were happy but of course nothing lasts forever. I was proposing to her, down on one knee ready to give her the whole world, make her mine in every way. Her eyes glistered with tears happiness written all over her face knowing her answer before she even said it yet I could not help be nervous as her reply. I did not deserve her yet I would try every single day. Just as she was about to answer a guard came letting me know that they had found Loala.
The painful part is that you know that you are running your life, you know all the pain you are causing, you see it all unfold as if an out of body experience yet there is nothing you could do. I watched as I ruined my life, watched as everything slip from my fingers trying so hard to fight in every way but the sickness was stronger. Her name set up a domino effect on me all the emotions I had bottled up suddenly springing out the obsession even worse this time if possible. Nothing could stop me from having Loala. I went to get her leaving Harley standing there, it seemed as if she did not exist at that moment everything just washing away the only thing there being Loala. Her name kept on repeating over and over again in my head like a broken record. When I lay my eyes on her it was the nail in the air. I took her back. She was literally tied on my waist taking her everywhere I went yet somehow she managed to escape so many times being caught every time. Looking back I finally understood why my father did all that he did, the thought of even anyone staring at Loala would drive me crazy. I was dying inside and I could not do anything about it, my sickness was controlling me. I was just a shell, the woman I loved drowning with me being the reason, my empire crumbling losing everything I held dear.
I bit her Lethu, she was pregnant and I bit her. Who does that?" He said the tears streaming down his face his whole body shaking the pain leaving him pale my own tears just streaming down my heart breaking over and over again. I wanted to say something, wanted to hold him and tell him it was not his fault but could not move nailed where I sat watching this man break down all his walls leaving someone so broken the world having been so cruel in so many ways.
"I beat her." He said again his voice breaking the tears streaming down my head shaking side to side watching him shutter into a million pieces.
"She was like a ghost, a shell not even eating the pain too much for her even the baby not enough to keep fighting. Loala was able to convince me to let her go, anything she wanted she got and I looked Harley in the eyes telling her to pack and go never to come back meaning each and every word yet a large part of me was breaking as I watched her walk out knowing I would never see her again giving up the rights to my own child. It was a battle between the heart and the mind but my mind was way stronger leaving me in the hell I lived in everyday seeming like hell with the illusion of heaven. Loala escaped and Harley had nearly lost the child. She gave birth to the most beautiful baby I had ever seen. Czarina was like an angel, so tiny yet so beautiful. She stole my heart that day not knowing how I could keep them, not knowing what to do for so much damage had been done there was no way I could make her stay with me so I did what I had been doing all along using force to take her with me. I was ready to risk it all, ready to kill my own second man in command just to have her. There was nothing left to do than use force and just as I pointed the gun in Tom's forehead Klaus's father attacked shooting me Tom taking Harley to safety as I felt my life slip between my fingers yet somehow I was happy. I was happy a monster like me would be wiped out of this world. I don't want to hurt anyone, I don't want anyone to cry because of me Lethu. I don't want to bring more pain to the people I loved so with every strike Klaus's father made on my face with such anger I took it because I knew I deserved it. He woke up every day just as my father had torturing me till I passed out. Months on months of torture personally made for me even death seeming to have abandon me. So to answer your question Lethu no I do not plan on doing anything to my daughter, I am a monster, I bring nothing but pain, and I am not mentally stable. You can go tell your friend now."
There is always two sides to a story.
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
Okay don't lie, let's see a show of hands 🙋♀️🙋♀️. Who cried?
I won't lie myself, my eyes were shimmering with tears but they never dropped.
So heartbreaking.
I hope Rafael's back story does not conflict with what was written in Book 1. Was too lazy to check but I think they match well.