Chapter thirty-four:
"Girls give advice to girls"
➳ Take a deep breath, have patience reading this thing, I beg of you.
[☁]
The butterfly estate was as full as ever. Muichiro had left you there while he was on the Ubuyashiki estate, therefore you had been going around in circles for about an hour, wondering what the hell they were talking about to spend so much time discussing. Surely it had to be a meaningful topic, so it was better to be patient and wait.
The girls —Naho, Sumi, Kiyo and Aoi—, were too busy with other slayers, Shinobu was out with Kanao, probably in their way to a mission. Roaming around the estate, without nothing to do, you were bound to bump into a group of very curious female demon slayers.
Walking down the hallway, you heard a voice call you.
"[Y/N]-sama!"
"Huh?" your hair swung as you rolled on your heels in the direction of the sound.
Three girls wearing uniforms appeared right in front of your face, startling you. You jumped on your place, bringing your hands to your chest due to that little fright.
"Sorry, sorry! Did we scare you?"
"N-no, it's okay"
A girl with her hair gathered in a ponytail spoke first. "You're the mist pillar's tsuguko, aren't you?"
"Yes..." you said, with a tone of voice so small that they exchanged looks wondering if you were scared of them.
"Great! Do you want to hang out with us and some boys this saturday? It's a date!" a pigtail girl exclaimed, she seemed much more cheerful and excited than the other two.
Unconsciously, you took a step back, alert eyes set on them.
"H-hang out? D-date?"
"Yeah, they're four and so there's an extra guy for you"
"Ah" you pressed your lips into a thin line while looking down at your nervous fingers, fidgeting. The thought of dating a person had never crossed your mind. Muichiro took priority and the majority of your mind during the days and nights alike. You suddenly felt hot just thinking about him, which the other girls noticed as you tried to speak with a somewhat quiet tone. "but I only have eyes for Tokito-sama..."
"What?" they asked in unison, overwhelming you due to how close they got "You like your master?"
"E-eh? D-did I... did I say that?"
"Yes!" they yelled, startling you once again.
You made yourself tiny again, or at least that's how you felt being surrounded by those girls. It was as if you were a kitten surrounded by tigers, similar to the feeling you had when you had your tsuguko presentation. The anxiety monster was always the same, clinging to you with all its teeth and claws, feeding off of your self esteem and overbearing panicked thoughts.
The girls got the clue after seeing a bead of cold sweat sliding down your forehead down to your chin. The ponytail girl sighed and took a step back first.
"You must be aware by now that he is never going to date you, or like you at all for that matter"
"Guys like him don't like girls like us"
It was an intervention, clearly. Something that you had before when the pillars tried to make you be less idealistic. Just this time there wasn't any loving Mitsuri hugs or Muichiro's safe arms to take you away.
Plus there wasn't any hot guys like before, sadly.
"Yeah, he's a pillar. He's cold and incredibly awesome, he's never shown any emotion towards anyone, ever!" the brunette girl said, shifting her weight to one leg as she crossed her arms and looked slightly annoyed.
You looked up at them, but didn't meet their eyes. Your hands stopped nervously caressing your hair, although you hadn't realized when you started doing that.
"But that's not true... Tokito-sama cares a lot for me" you argued, though your words came out uneven in tone, weak.
The brunette girl raised an eyebrow, with a little bit of... cynicism? superiority?, clear in her violet-colored eyes.
"Oh, really? I overheard one of the little girls here say that Oyakata-sama told him to be gentler with you, isn't that why he isn't treating you like trash?" she argued back, you simply lowered your head again, knowing that those words rang true.
"Love yourself a little bit. If he doesn't care for you the way you care for him, it's better to let go of those feelings before they hurt you" the pigtail girl said, leaning in closer to you. She spoke with concern, her eyebrows as low as your self-esteem at that time.
She was speaking the truth. Your heart knew it, and yet it tasted so bitter that you desperately wanted to ignore it.
"With time, you'll grow up and retire from the organization, and it'd be nice to have a husband to rely on by then, don't you think? Because what if Tokito-sama finds someone and marries that person, you don't want to be the third wheel in the relationship, right?"
The scene played out in your head. It was a future in which the mist estate was no longer just home for you and Muichiro, but also for his wife and children, and the place that you had called home and family, although full with people, felt lonelier than ever.
"N-no...! Of course not" you responded, going back to caressing your hair nervously.
"See? Then you need to start to look for someone more realistic. We'll set you up with a guy this friday noon, okay?"
"But—"
"No buts! You have to let go of those fantasies and feelings you have for a person who cares so little about you!" the pigtail girl exclaimed again, holding you with both of her hands on your shoulders. She quickly took them back when she noticed that she was touching someone with a higher rank than her, because although you were a mizunoto like her, you were a tsuguko and she wasn't.
Respect was necessary, even if they were clearly intimidating you with their presences.
"So, do we understand each other?"
Your eyes, which were staring directly at your socks and sandals, lost their light for a second. Your lips curved downwards, as the ghost of gloom came to haunt you too.
Let go of my feelings for Tokito-sama? Not love him anymore? ...that sounds impossible. How can I let go of something that makes me feel alive?
But it's true that he has never shown any real romantic interest in me.
I should just...
Give up.
Slowly, your hands released your hair, falling to your sides, while any sort of will to fight slowly left you. Because it was true that Muichiro was your master, that he would never love you back and he left that very clear.
"Yes"
"Perfect! Then friday noon, okay? We'll go tell one of our guy friends to give you a chance"
『 °*• ❈ •*°』
The next day, while having lunch, you were prepared to ask your master for permission. He made your favorite sushi without you having to tell him, so he probably was in a good mood. "Probably" because it was a little bit hard for you to read his expression.
It was January, therefore winter. The cold wind hit the windows and doors relentlessly, forcing a hollow sound to roar around the house. Outside, the weather wasn't playing nice, but hopefully, your date day's weather would be calmer.
You two were eating in peace. You occasionally looked back at the windows when the wind hit them without any mercy. It managed to scare you too. Muichiro, though eating his sushi with a peaceful expression, would close his eyes and smile briefly whenever he saw you jolting on your seat and looking back at the windows in panic.
Taking a deep breath, you observed him take a sushi roll with his chopsticks.
"I... um... T-Tokito-sama, I have a request" you commented, adjusting your posture on your cushion, slightly nervous.
"Hmm?" he hummed, as he was still munching on his sushi roll.
He looked up with his big mint-blue eyes, and tilted his head in the most adorable way possible, his black and turquoise locks falling to the side and framing his face.
A blush crept up to your cheeks. However, your fists clenched in an attempt to remind you of reality. Asking the following question, you desperately wanted him to say no, and to show that he actually cared whether you go out romantically with someone or not.
"Can I go out with someone tomorrow noon?"
Muichiro kept his stare and tilted head, guessing whether you wanted to go out with Mitsuri or Shinobu, or maybe Kanao now that you two were getting closer.
"With who?"
"A mizunoto, it's a... it's a date."
Muichiro's blood ran cold. His head and posture straightened as his eyes narrowed. His aura grew darker, murderous; just as his expression became that of pure coldness.
Meanwhile, you were too busy into your own thoughts and eating your sushi to notice his tranquil panic.
«What the hell? Is she serious? Why would she want to go out with some lowly piece of trash?»
Crack.
"Tokito-sama! You broke your chopsticks!" he heard your alarmed voice. Blinking away from his mind, he saw your wide, worried eyes.
"Oh, sorry"
"Ah..." you sighed, taking the broken wooden chopsticks from his hand. You placed them aside and stood up directing yourself to the kitchen.
« I can't just say no either. She's going to be sad if I tell her no.
What if that mizunoto *conveniently* can't make it to the date...?»
Before he could fabricate a thousand ways to kill a person, Oyakata-sama's words rang into his ears. Those words that he had told Muichiro about respecting your decisions and whatnot. Murdering your possible (trashy) love interest would hurt you, so he couldn't just do that.
His shoulders sank as his eyebrows lowered, he had to accept whatever you wanted to do.
"So, can I go?"
He gazed at you as you handed him a new set of chopsticks and sat down on your cushion on the floor.
Despite your smiley expression, you were hoping he would deny your request with all your heart.
Please say no, say no, say no, say no, say no, say no, say no, say no, say no, say no, say no, say no, say no, say no, say no, say no, say no, say no, say no, say no, say no, say no, say no, say no, say no, say no, say no, say no, say no, say no, say no, say no, say no, say no, say no, say no
Muichiro stopped staring at you, going back to his delicious plate of fresh sushi. His expression became bored again, whilst he ate another roll of sushi.
"Yes" Muichiro said, shrugging.
You gave him a gentle closed-eyed smile, yet you were mentally screaming.
"Okay, thank you so much, master!"
"Just come home by seven" he added calmly, closing his eyes.
«It's a safe hour, she'll be safe if she comes home by then. Nothing weird will happen. And she'll be fine.»
Your smile turned into a sad one once it was settled. Your heart wished for him to tell you not to go.
But he did.
He let you go.
[☁️]
Now for a taisho secret!
[Y/N] is slowly losing her will to continue fighting for her love over Muichiro. During the whole year they had been living together, she has tried her best to show him how much she loves him, and she *thinks* that a big part of the reason why Muichiro isn't treating her like trash is because Oyakata-sama told him not to (he told her that in chapter 7). So, hearing other people say what she thinks of her relationship with him is heartbreaking, because the idea of Muichiro that she had built was crumbling before her eyes.