BEOMGYU POV
'Ma was right. That night, my words slur a lot because of how late I had fallen asleep the night before. She keeps teasing me for it when she tucks me in for bed.
The next morning, I call Yeonjun as soon as I wake up.
I'm not addicted to my phone, I'm addicted to Yeonjun.
"So, how did things go yesterday after I left?" he says after my endless 'I love you's.
"I missed you after five minutes and realised how unfair it is to find the man of my life when I'm sure to die. Yesterday evening my words were slurring because we fell asleep late Saturday with all the stargazing" I ramble, recalling my conversations with 'Ma the evening before and summarising it all.
We keep talking until 'Ma arrives in my room, asking me to let go of my phone and saying that breakfast is ready. When I hang up and get up tho, I realise how bad I truly feel.
My body feels heavy and I barely manage to walk to the stairs. 'Ma has to carry me downstairs as I cry in pain and embarrassment. My legs feel like Jell-O and hurt like I've dropped 50 kg on my feet.
Once we both finish breakfast, 'Ma brings me to Dr. Jeon. He tells 'Ma that I should rest, that all these three weeks' movement and emotions have tired me too much.
Results: I have to stay in bed for two weeks.
So as soon as we're home, 'Ma carries me up to my bed.
"But 'Ma, I felt fine during these three weeks. Better than I had in months! I felt good this morning!" I say, trying to get away with it.
"Just because mentally you feel okay doesn't mean that your body's okay"
"But I'm not in pain!"
"And?"
As if it was totally normal in these circumstances, I randomly start laughing.
Another symptom of ALS.
'Ma sighs, and I feel all of the stress, fear and sadness I cause with my sickness in that one long exhale.
Damn I'm a burden.
I shouldn't be saying that.
I take that back!!
Damn I need a break.
A coffee?
I need Yeonjun.
I grab my phone and dial his number, hoping he's free and that we can talk.
He answers at the second ring.
"Hello?"
"Yeonjun it's me, Gyu."
"Hey babe. Is there something wrong or do you just miss me after three hours?"
"Both I guess" I say, blushing.
"All the things we've done for the past three weeks made me tired apparently. Although I feel perfectly fine-" I raise my voice so that my mother could hear it "-I have to stay in bed for two weeks"
"What? No! Can I at least come visit?"
"Uh, I guess-"
"Okay, I'll come tomorrow. Tell your mom" he says joyfully.
"O-Okay..."
For a moment there is an uncomfortable silence in between us, a type of silence which felt almost new with him.
"I'm a burden" I finally say, tears welling in my eyes.
"Beomgyu you're a wonderful being"
"But Junie, even 'Ma can't hide how stressed and annoyed she is by me!"
"Not by you, Beomgyu. By your illness. It's not the same thing"
I smile a little. He's right. 'Ma is stressed because of my illness. I did nothing bad.
Right?
"I guess so. I don't know. What if it's really because of me? What if it's because of us?" I question.
"Why would it be because of us?" He says defensively.
"Because when your mother texted 'Ma to tell her about the camping trip, I had been lying to her and telling her that we were just friends. And she seemed annoyed that I chose to date you, a boy, so early. And even though she accepted my choice the day after, I still don't think she's perfectly okay with it" I admit guiltily.
He stays silent on the other side of the line.
"Why would you hide us from your mother?"
In this sentence, I realise all the pain this caused. The sadness, maybe even a few tears rolling down his cheeks.
"Because..." That's when I realise, I have no explanation.
None except one.
"I wanted to keep my relationship with my mother on good terms and I knew that she wouldn't approve of us"
"And when were you thinking of telling her? And how?" He says, now mad.
"I don't know." I admit.
"So you were ready to keep our relationship a secret until the end of time just because you were scared of getting into a little fight with your mother?!"
"Yeonjun, I'm sick! A "little fight" with my mother could last for a few days and cost me my life! I depend on her and her care. If it wasn't for her, I'd be dead by now!" I snap back, now also getting angry.
He hangs up just after that.
And I cry.
I cry because he's right.
I cry because I ruined everything.
I cry because I already miss him, but this time, I can't call him again.
Ignoring the doctor's stay-in-bed rule, I go downstairs to the kitchen where 'Ma was already preparing lunch. When she sees me, she sighs.
"Bed, Beomgyu"
"No"
I bite my lip, trying not to laugh. I sound so much like a toddler.
She turns to me, looking really serious.
"Bed, Beomgyu" she repeats.
"'Ma, no. There's something I need to tell you about. And I need someone to talk to"
"After lunch, okay?"
"No, now!"
"When I bring you your meal-"
"Now!" I shout, tears streaming down my face. I grab her shirt and start sobbing into her chest, head down.
"Honey, I have to prepare... Ugh, fine. You're really a baby. What is it?" She says, separating us and crossing her arms over her wet shirt.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier about me and Yeonjun. I wanted to know if you really did honestly accept us. Please be honest" I beg.
"Beomgyu, of course I do-"
"Honestly?"
"Yeah, Beomgyu. I only want the best for you. Although it was a little shocking in the beginning, you can still do whatever makes you happy. I don't care who you love, it doesn't change who you are" she says. I smile, then remember the real reason why I'm crying.
"Mom, Yeonjun and I... had a little fight" I say, sobbing.
Mom softly combs my hair with her fingers and asks me to tell her everything.
So I do.
I tell her what we've said, and how I felt. I tell her that I don't think I can call him back, that I'm scared for us.
While I talk, I start to feel my legs weakening. I know I should go back to bed and rest, but this is more important. I hold onto 'Ma for support as I finish my story.
"Beomgyu.... It's gonna be okay. I'm sure of it. He'll text you or call you when he's a little more calmed down and you'll be fine together again! But right now, you should go back to bed"
I nod and look at her with pleading eyes.
"Carry me pwease?"
"What are you? Two? Fine!" She says as she carries me bridal style into my room and lays me down in my bed.
"You're really a baby"
"But I was tired" I say, winking at her.
"I'll go finish preparing lunch. You'll sleep after that, okay?"
I huff, but accept. Maybe if I sleep more I'll be able to get out of bed sooner.
When 'Ma brings me my lunch, she stays with me, and it feels good to feel her warmth.
I wish I was with Yeonjun right now.
I feel my eyes well with tears, so I tell 'Ma how I feel because I know she'll notice.
She hugs me tightly and I fall asleep in her arms, tired from all this crying.
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Ello.
If you were expecting a better ending like last time, you're wrong.
You're welcome.