1st of October 2017
I have been avoiding Harry ever since yesterday night, as I was not sure how to tackle this situation head on. We are currently in Washington for the show tonight and I was still lying on my hotel room bed, not ready to face anybody, especially Harry.
I knew that him saying he was jealous was going to change our friendship and I think that's what made me so nervous to confront him, because I did not want anything to change between us, even though now it was inevitable that it was going to.
I eventually pushed the thought of Harry out of my mind long enough to get ready for the day, settling on a patterned blouse and black trousers, wearing the infamous Nicholas Kirkwood pearl boots to pull the outfit together.
I wasn't too sure what everybody was doing today, considering I have not spoken to anybody since the end of the show last night, as I was able to change my flight from this morning to last night, meaning I left Boston pretty quickly without talking to anybody, which was dumb because I definitely should have told Ruby and James that I was leaving earlier than them.
I grabbed my phone and my black Dior saddle bag before leaving my hotel room and walking literally smack bang into the last person I was ready to see, Harry fucking Styles.
"Shit, sorry Anna," Harry said looking down at me and for the first time in a long time, he looked really tired and stressed.
"You okay?" I asked out of instinct and his reaction was that of a person who was not expecting to be asked that. "Sorry, you just look really tired."
"Yeah I am, I didn't sleep well and to be honest, I'm really fucking hungry," he laughed which made me giggle and things almost felt so normal that I was trying to convince myself that we weren't going to have to talk about what happened last night, even though I knew at some stage we were going to have to.
"Do you want to get brunch?" I asked and he nodded with a smile on his face. "Alright, let's go then."
Harry and I walked to the elevator, Harry complimenting my outfit, to which I went into great detail about all the shopping I had been doing on tour and how I am always keeping my eye out for unique and different pieces to add to my wardrobe. I was rambling, a habit I do when I am nervous around someone.
"What do you want for brunch?" Harry asked and I tried to rack my brain for a place that did good food but would not be too busy, as I knew Harry was not in the mood to be harassed by paparazzi.
"Milk and Honey is good and it isn't too busy," I suggested and Harry nodded, telling me that he would order an Uber so we did not have to walk.
There was still so much unresolved tension between us which was making my mind clouded and confused, as I desperately wanted to talk to him about what he said yesterday but I just did not know how too. It was like trying to ask your parents for a favour when you knew they were going to say no, totally fucking awkward.
The Uber ride was mostly Harry making conversation with our driver, which he always does so easily because he is one of the most charismatic people I know. I chimed in every now and then but they were mostly talking about American football, something I did not understand, as I follow one team and one team only, Manchester United.
Harry and I found ourselves in a corner booth at brunch, Harry ordering a serve of the waffles and fruit, while I was as basic as ever and ordered smashed avocado on toast with an iced latte, Harry ordering a green juice, something he has every morning the day he has a concert.
"I guess we need to talk, yeah?" Harry said and it came out more like a question and I nodded, our food sitting in front of us but now I felt too sick to eat. I knew it was inevitable that Harry and I needed to talk I just did not think it would be happening right here right now.
"I guess we do, yeah," I said before filling my mouth with my latte, not wanting to be the first person to address the situation.
"I'm sorry I was so rude and blunt towards you the past couple of days, I just, god I don't even know how to put into words what I'm feeling," Harry said with a shaky laugh and I swallowed my coffee, a sad smile attaching itself to my lips.
"Just be honest Harry, you are one of my best friends, I would never invalidate your feelings," I said truthfully and he let out what appeared to be a frustrated sigh before running his fingers through his curls, something that always made my heart flutter.
"That's the thing Anna, I don't want to be just friends with you, god this literally makes me sound like we are in fucking high school or something," he laughed and I felt my cheeks redden at his confession but he continued to talk so I could not even get a word in. "Seeing you with Jasper the other night... I felt like I was going to be violently ill, I have never felt that jealous before and then I was angry at myself because I have tried to suppress my feelings for you for so long because you and I both know I don't do well with feelings, so yeah."
I was absolutely taken aback by the fact, that Harry, international superstar but also one of my closest friends, had just confessed his feelings for me at brunch in Washington. The only word I could use to describe it was surreal. Absolutely surreal.
"Fuck I'm so nervous," I laughed, Harry raising an eyebrow at me, clearly wanting me to elaborate. "Sorry, it's just that I never thought this day would come, like ever, I'm just a little bit stunned that's all."
"Oh, so you have some sort of feelings for for me too?" Harry asked, a bright grin on his face, his dimples showing and the corners of his eyes were scrunched, which only happens when he is truly happy.
"Mm I guess so," I said awkwardly, unsure where to go from here because I cannot just start dating Harry Styles, life does not work like that.
"You guess so hey?" he laughed and I nodded letting out a giggle as we just sat there smiling at each other, neither of us sure where to go next.
"Think I've had some sort of crush on you since the moment I met you," I said honestly and his cheeks blushed red, which made me feel better because I knew my whole face was the colour of a tomato.
"Mhm me too," he said agreeing with me and I began to feel even more nervous, because this all seemed too easy. Harry Styles admitting his feelings for you on a Sunday afternoon just doesn't happen this easily.
I just shook my head, mainly to myself as we both decided we needed to eat, after the short but slightly emotional conversation we just had. I was happy that our feelings were finally out in the open but I was nervous and slightly scared to move forward with them and I knew Harry would be the same, as he likes to keep his emotions under wraps and I knew that him telling me that a. He was jealous of Jasper and me and b. He has feelings for me, was a massive step for him.
As for myself, change has always been a scary thing for me, especially within relationships. After my Dad passed away, we had to move schools and houses, as my mum could not afford to support two girls at a private school in a family home without another income in the household, which was hard for my older sister Lauren and me. I like to know whats happening in advance and I do not like spontaneous things, which is why potentially being with someone like Harry is so nerve wracking for me.
Neither of us spoke about our feelings after we had confessed them for each other, but the air around us was different, more light and we were both extremely giddy, like two teenagers when they first fall in love.
Harry decided against getting an Uber back to the hotel, so we walked together while keeping our distance but both of us were still giggling and Harry, slightly flirting with me, something I decided to ignore for the time being but I knew the feeling that it gave me in my stomach was not leaving anytime soon.
By some miraculous miracle no paparazzi spotted us and we were not mobbed, which does not happen as often anymore but there is always the chance that some fans will take it too far.
We reached the hotel and headed back up the floor that we were all staying on, Harry and I standing awkwardly outside my hotel room door. It was only 1:30 pm meaning I still had at least four and a half hours until I needed to be at the venue, meaning I could do some work for other clients on my laptop but I knew I was too excited for anything to actually be achieved.
"Alright Anna I'll see you at the show," Harry said and I nodded with a smile.
"Indeed you will Harold," I grinned and he just dramatically rolled his eyes at me before I slotted my key card into the door, slowly opening the door as he turned away from me and I knew he thought I was not looking, because he literally skipped down the hallway to his room, his brown boots carrying him like he was on cloud nine.
I giggled to myself as I entered my hotel room by myself, my suitcase sitting neatly on the floor at the end of my bed, which I happily flopped into, my hands resting on my stomach as I could not suppress the smile on my face any longer, and I knew there was one person that I had to tell about this news.
I opened up my laptop and immediately FaceTimed my sister, Lauren, who was sitting on the couch in our family home with my mum.
"Anna baby! What are you doing?" Mum asked and I squealed, as I was so excited to talk to them and tell them about Harry.
I have always had a close relationship with my family, especially after my Dad passed away so it is moments like these that I am able to sit down and talk to my family while I am away which I treasure the most.
I delved into what had happened over the past couple of days, omitting the part where I slept with Jasper, because although my family likes him, my Mum does not need to know about my sexual activities.
"I cannot believe you are going to be dating Harry Styles," Lauren said with a grin and I could tell she was trying to contain her excitement. Lauren is a year and a half older than me and has been obsessed with One Direction and the five (well technically four) boys since their X-Factor days. Luckily for me she is a Niall girl.
"I never said we were going to date, I just said that we both said we have feelings for the other."
"Honey, that boy has been infatuated with you ever since you two first met, you can tell by the way he acts around you compared to everybody else," my mum said and my cheeks blushed red. My family visited me on tour when I was working for One Direction multiple times, which meant they got to know the boys really well too.
I diverted the conversation away from myself to how my Mum and Lauren were doing back in Manchester. Lauren is currently in her final yeah of a speech pathology degree at the University of Manchester and Mum teaches high school English and Drama at our local high school, where Lauren and I both graduated from.
"Alright Anna baby, we should get going now, we have Sunday roast with the family," my Mum said and I felt a pang of sadness in my chest, knowing that I was missing out on seeing my extended family once again. Do not get me wrong, I love what I do, I just wish sometimes I could be home for nights like this.
"Alright, say hello to everyone for me," I said with a smile.
"We will! Bye Anna, we love you so much," Lauren said with a sad smile, which pulled at my heartstrings.
"I love you both," I said before hanging up, my mind immediately floating back towards the thought of Harry and him admitting that he has feelings for me. Even though it was only a brief conversation about what we feel for each other and it felt like we were dancing around the subject, I could not help but squeal into my pillow as I fell back into my bed.
————————————————————
Sorry it has taken me so long to get a chapter out I was having a mental breakdown about one direction
I can't believe we got 4/5 tweeting and a bloody website I'm honestly dying i feel 14 again
Anna's outfit:
Also although they have told each other that they have feelings for the other does naht mean they are getting together straight away hehe
Thank you for reading, stay safe xx