E e r a h | V i c t o r i a
"You are told to be yourself.
But what will you do
if you're not sure
of who you really are?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Naglakad ako patungo sa mababaw na bangin kung saan makikita ang dalampasigan sa ibaba at ang papalubog na araw sa harap.
Tumayo lamang ako habang pinagmamasdan ang araw na malapit nang mahalikan ang guhit tagpuan. I wouldn't dare to sit and let the dirt touch the fabric of my silver gown.
I looked at the golden sky as the wind dances the laces of my gown. I traced my fingers through the yellow petals of a new bloomed flower I'm holding that I freshly picked in the palace's garden.
Sunflower. Oh, how I love the smooth texture of it's petal opposing the rough surface of its seeds. Who wouldn't like the bright sunny yellow color of it?
I closed my eyes to reminisce some things from the past. The past I finally got a courage to reminisce.
"Victoria, wala kang kwenta. Even your parents left you in the dark"
"Victoria, you can't be anything than a left behind child."
"Victoria, you're evil. That's why you aren't worth loving."
I opened my eyes with annoyance. I just rolled my eyes. My memories are now filled with negative thoughts and I hate it.
I stared in a tree when I saw some orchids planted in its branch. Lumapit ako rito at pinitas ang bulaklak.
I closed my eyes to reminisce the memories of Eerah created in my mind.
"Apo, alam mo bang isa ka sa pinakamagandang regalong natanggap ng pamilya natin?"
"You will always be my one and only bestfriend, Eerah."
"Eerah Eriendelle, you can be anything you want if you believe."
Iminulat ko ang mga mata at ngumiti habang hinahaplos ang orkidia sa kabilang kamay.
Eerah and Victoria are so different from each other. From the color they like to the experiences they have.
Eerah's good and Victoria's evil. And I know why it is. Because Eerah didn't experienced being left behind. Sa lahat ng bagay ay palaging siya ang pinipili.
Everything about Eerah are good memories. But my sweet smile turned bitter as I crushed the violet orchid in my hand. And I hate it.
I hate everything about Eerah. I hate how her memories makes me realise that she's just an illusion. And everything she has have never been really mine.
Siguro, ganito talaga ang buhay. Perfect lives can only be found in dreams and illusions.
Or maybe, that's only for me.
As I kept on watching Seli when I was young, I hate how her life is better than mine.
And when I have been found and became a princess, everything remain the same. As I kept on looking at everyone, I always find myself having a grudge in them because they seem to always have a better life than me.
I guess, it have been a curse in me since I was born.
"Eerah,"
Lumingon ako sa tumawag sa akin. There, Nickolas is smiling while staring at me. But that faded and replaced with a confuse look when he saw the sunflower I am holding.
"I thought bright yellow irritates your eye?" Pabiro niyang saad.
I faked a laugh and smiled at him."I just realised that... yellows and sunflowers are really beautiful."
Lumapit siya sa akin at niyakap ako. "I'm sorry if I'm not present in your coronation, my queen."
"It's fine, Nick." It's not. I might killed you earlier if you're there.
Tumalikod ako sa kanya at humarap sa papalubog na araw. Sumunod naman siya sa akin at umupo sa lupa.
"Ayaw mo bang maupo?"
I shook my head and smiled. "Ayoko. Baka madumihan lang ang damit ko."
Napatango-tango naman siya at tumayo. "Sige, tatayo nalang din ako, " he said and gave me a warm smile.
I wonder if he knew that I'm really Victoria all along, would he still give me that warm smile?
Hinigpitan ko ang hawak sa mirasol na nasa kamay ko. Mali, hinigpitan ko ang hawak sa punyal na nasa likod ng mirasol.
"The sunset is so beautiful," turan ko habang nakatulala sa guhit-tagpuan.
"Indeed," sambit nita at isinandal ang ulo ko sa balikat niya.
I closed my eyes and started to reminisce my moments with him. The safety I'm feeling whenever he's beside me, the fun, the love.
I mentally shook my head. He didn't really loved me. He just don't remember anything. If he knew, I'm sure he wouldn't feel the same way as now.
He's too ignorant about what happened in the past. But ignorance doesn't make him innocent at all.
'Victoria, he's an enemy. If he knew the truth first, this is what he will also do,' I said in my mind as I tightened my grip in the knife I'm secretly holding.
Any moments after the sun set, someone must die. The curse made both of our lives in the edge of death. Someone must die. It's either the one who casted the spell or the one cursed.
And it can't be me.
"E-Eerah, anong ginagawa mo?" Gulat niyang tanong nang itutok ko sa kanyang leeg ang hawak kong punyal.
The dark is currently covering the whole place as the sun left the horizon. Sa bawat pag-atras ni Nickolas ay siyang paghakbang ko naman patungo sa kanya.
"Eerah," sambit niya habang nakatitig sa punyal na nasa leeg niya. Napasandal siya sa puno dahilan upang wala na siyang mahakbangan papalayo.
"Stop calling me Eerah. Wala talagang Eerah, Nick. She's just an illusion created in my mind as I lost my memory. Ako, ako talaga si Victoria. I-I'm the one who killed your father, who burnt your town. Those, those people in the mission, I-I'm really the one who killed them in the past. "
I don't know why but my heart ached as I said those words. It hurts. It hurts realising that the person you hate is really you, yourself.
I remember how I hated Victoria when I learned that she burnt a town, she uses students as guinea pigs for her potion experiments, of how she kill mercilessly. But what I hate the most is the fact that all those times, it's really me.
"Nick, I'm Victoria." I firmly said as I stare at him with raging eyes and a knife in his neck.
At first, he looked at me with confusion. Then, he stared at the ground and achingly sighed. My grip in the knife loosened as he said his words.
"I know."
Anong ibig niyang sabihin? This time, I'm the one who looked at him with confusion. He knew what? He knew that I'm Victoria?
"A-Alam mo? Kailan pa?"
"Since your wedding ceremony with Primo," he said as he let a sad smile.
Napaatras ako at hinigpitan ang hawak sa punyal habang nakatutok pa rin sa leeg niya.
Napailing ako. That's impossible. Kung alam niya na ang lahat noong mga panahong iyon, he should have killed me that time. He have so many chances but he didn't.
"The guardians, they told me everything... and asked me to kill you before you remember anything. I always try but I always fail. I can't hurt you... I love you."
"Goodnight, Eerah. I'm glad you came back,"
"Can you stay with me 'til I fall asleep? Please?"
"Okay. I'll stay here until you fall asleep."
"Don't worry, they can't hurt you because I'm here."
"Promise me, you won't change."
I remember when I saw a wound in his palm. Can it be when he's trying to kill me?
I felt a liquid flowing down my cheeks but I immediately wiped it. I faked a laugh to show that I'm not affected with all of what he is saying.
"Still the silly sorcerer I knew in the past. You have fell in the trap. You should have killed me when you have all the chances. Because unlike you, I will never hesitate to kill you."
I forced an evil grin even though I feel my heart achingly breaking apart. Ngunit mas lalo akong nadurog nang b9inigyan niya ako nang malungkot na ngiti at hinawakan ang kamay kong may hawak na punyal.
"Do you remember when you said that I'll only die if you kill me? Eerah, I'll be glad dying in your arms."
I let myself sob but still didn't remove the knife in his neck. I want to kill him but I don't. I'm tearing apart between being Eerah and Victoria knowing that I am both them.
But if we will eliminate the illusion, the real one will remain.
I didn't mind my heart crushing into pieces as I raised the knife in the air and aimed it for his heart.
No matter where I look at, I am Victoria. The selfish and arrogant princess everyone knew.
Nanginginig kong isinaksak ang punyal sa katawan ng puno sa gilid niya at mariin siyang tinitigan.
"Huwag ka nang magpapakita sa akin. Once you gave me a chance to kill you, I will never hesitate again."
Kinuha ko ang punyal mula sa puno at tumalikod na. I let myself cry silently. I failed. I'm about to walk away when
Nickolas spoke.
"I don't care about what happened in the past."
This time, I can't stop myself from crying. I realised that I don't really wanna kill him. Natatakot lang akong masaktan dahil baka sa oras na malaman niya ang katotohanan ay hindi niya matanggap. Kung kaya't pinangunahan ko na siya.
Naglakad siya patungo sa harapan ko at niyapos ako ng dalawa niyang braso. He kissed my forehead as he whispered...
"Para sa akin, ikaw pa rin si Eerah. You're still the girl I love."