Requested By: dotbunny
Prompt: They're on a mission and the reader/his gf gets killed in front of him. This is Sasuke's long and generally painful mourning process, specifically over you.
This one is mega heavy. If you're not in a relatively okay mental state, do not read.
TW: Blood/Death/suicide/self harm. Don't read if you get triggered by any of these things.
Sasuke x reader
(Not following the Naruto plotline & Sasuke is a little out of character because you're not in his life anymore. Well... Not physically at least.)
[Y'ALL SHOULD LISTEN TO THE SONG WHEN IT GETS TO YOUR MOM'S POV]
WC: 4949
—––
"DAMN IT!" He screeched, rushing over to you. Blood was pouring out of the massive cut on your chest. "HE GOT AWAY!" he yelled again, causing your ears to ring.
"Sasuke," a small voice came you, trying to hold yourself together, knowing you were about to die anyway.
"HEY! NARUTO, GET SA-!"
"no... Don't," Sasuke looked back down at you.
"No, (y/n). I can't let you die. Not like this," he replied. "Not like the rest of my family, please don't leave me here,"
"I'm sorry babe. I don't have a choice. I've already lost too much blood, I'd say I have about... Five minutes until I'm gone,"
"Please... Don't..." He picked up your dying body, just to hold you again. You hissed in pain, but ignored it.
"Sasuke, I love you. Baby I love you so much, dont forget that, okay?"
"Don't say that. You're not going anywhere," you smiled of all things. "You're gonna be okay. You have to be alright,"
"Hey, listen. There's a box under my bed. You can have it. I wanted to give it to you for our fifth year. But you can open it now when you get back, it might be helpful,"
"O-okay. But give it too me when we get home, okay? You aren't dying here,"
"Yes I am. Sasuke, it's gonna be okay. Promise me you'll move on. Do it for me?"
"No, I- (y/n), I was gonna ask you to marry me when we got home, don't leave me here. I want to be with you,"
"I know. That ring wasn't for me anyway. Just move on. Don't let me stop you from being great. That's not what I want,"
"I love you. I love you, I love you, please please don't go..." He had begun crying over you. More blood came from the cut. You started coughing up blood too. It practically leaked out of every pore.
"I'm sorry, Sasuke. Please just... Hold my hand while I go. I know this is going to hurt you. But... Make it easier for me?" He grabbed your hand and squeezed. "Smile, baby. Don't let me see you sad. That's not what I want," he forced a small smile to your will. "Under my bed-"
"You already told me, I heard you," you reached your weak hand up to his face and wiped as many tears as you could.
"Don't cry for me," you plastered a painful smile on your lips as everything started to go black. "I love you, Sasuke," you let out one last dying breath before going limp.
"I love you more, (y/n), I love you so much. I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, don't go, no, please don't go, please don't go," he cried, leaning in to kiss you, over and over as if by some magic, he could breath into your lungs for you, fill them with air instead of drowning blood. If he could get your heart to start pumping again. He kissed you so many times, hoping you would wake up and laugh it off as a sick prank. He continued to whisper, begging you to come back to him. The only one he wanted to care about. He screamed out your name, begging for your life, but knowing you were gone was too much for him.
Naruto had to pull him away from your dead body. Naruto had never seen Sasuke so... distraught over a comrades death, but he also knew it was more than that.
He loved you more than life itself. Glorified your imperfections, to the point they became the most beautiful parts of you. Every battle scar you had from missions was another part of you to love. Every strand of hair on your head was more of you he wanted to protect. He loved the way you had given him a family, and finally gotten him to learn to forgive his past. He loved you.
He stayed with you when you needed a shoulder to cry on, or someone to lend and ear. He would miss you, every night when you weren't in his arms. He couldn't ever feel the same way about anyone. Nor did he ever want to.
[Sasuke's POV a day later]
"I'm fine. I'm going home, no one bother me," I stated, walking away from my team. First I wanted to go to her house. See what it was under her bed.
I held myself together for as long as I could. Unfortunately I would be the one to tell her family. He dad, mom, and... Little sister. Who was only six.
My knuckles hit the wood carelessly. I didn't want to do this. I would avoid it if I could, but I had to know. The door swung open to her father, with her sister on his hip.
"Is... Everyone home right now?" I asked.
"Yes. Come in, Sasuke. Where's (y/n)?"
"I'll tell you when everyone is together,"
"Okay. I'll go get (m/n)," I nodded, taking her sister off of her dad's hands so he could bring out his wife. I met them in the family room after removing my muddy shoes. "Please go ahead," he insisted.
"Yesterday, around nine p.m. as team seven was capturing our t-target," not in front of them. Please, not in front of them. "(Y/n)... Was-" the air grew heavy, but I had to say it. It hurt to hear the words from my mouth. I had to stop denying it. "-killed in the l-line o-of-" my words cut out. I begged for my eyes to stop watering. I didn't want them to see me cry.
(M/n) looked horrified as she began sobbing. Her father stood up, but I didn't move. I couldn't.
"T-the line of d-duty," I finished, finally just letting the tears drip off my face. "I- I'm so sorry. I tried to p-protect her... She wouldn't let me,"
Her father's hand landed on my shoulder. He was crying too. The whole room was crying. And outside? Rain. Endless clouds rolled over the skies.
"Sasuke," he said, before bringing me in for a hug. "You are part of our family. You don't have to hide your tears from us. Okay?" I leaned in, soon joined by her sister grabbing my legs and her mother joining us. We all stood there and sobbed for a few minutes. "I know how much you loved her. I bet you fought for her life, and tried to get help, didn't you?"
"Yes s-sir,"
"She was stubborn, wasn't she?"
"She always was," we all stepped out of the group hug and chuckled.
"You're welcome to stay here for a few nights if you want. But at least for dinner, I'm making kake udon for dinner, the broth is on the stove now," her mother faked a smile, and didn't try to hide it. "I think it would be nice if you stayed around for a little while,"
"I... Would love to stay for dinner, thank you. Do you mind if I shower here?"
"Go ahead sweetie. Do whatever you need... And... There was a box under her bed she wanted you to have. Please take it,"
"Thank you," I grumbled, knowing that I would only stay for dinner. If I stayed any longer than that I don't think I could go back to my apartment.
I made my way back into her room. Everything in there was decorated in soft pastel blues and greens. Of course other than the array of special ninja tools that were in a display underneath the window. And the one pillow I kept over here so I could spend the night after missions. I swear that's the only black thing she had in her room.
My fingers ran over the wooden desk. She never used the old thing for anything but casual seating when she had friends over. That's not what this room would be used for anymore.
I walked to my favorite spot on the wall. It was empty of any decorations just because of me. This is where sometimes, when she wanted, and occasionally begged for my attention, I would slam her against the wall and run my hands down her body, leaving marks and traces of my love for her wherever, and I mean wherever she would let me. I'm going to miss that.
But not once did her parents ever walk in. We were quiet enough, and they were too respectful to our privacy, knowing we were both ninja and either of us could die any day, and we would do what we wanted, whether or not they were home.
I chuckled coldly as I sat on her full sized bed and slid my hand across the fluffy seafoam green comforter that I shared with her enough times to know what being married to her would feel like. Back at my place, I even had a ring. I should have asked the second she turned 18, three weeks ago. Then at least I would have been able to call her my fiancèe. If that's even what she wanted.
"That ring wasn't for me anyway," what was that supposed to mean anyway, huh, (y/n)? Would you have said no? Were you happy with our relationship the way it was? Did you really just not want to go any further? Maybe not yet at least.
I finally got up from her bed after a few minutes of silent thinking. I went to her closet where I knew I had at least three outfits, and I could fit into any of her clothes, as we were practically the same size. She preferred buying more masculine sized clothes because they fit her more comfortably and she wasn't one who felt to show off her body.
I pulled a pair of my sweatpants and a sweater of mine, and also, of course, my underwear too, seeing as I had enough clothes here to basically live here. These had been run through the was at least six times at her house and I never took them home. But because they stayed in her room, and mingled with her clothes, they smelled like the soft pine scent that she wore any day I was around her. I adored it.
I left her room to use the bathroom and take what was supposed to be a short shower.
It was anything but short. My shower was long and drawn out as memories flooded my mind when using her cherry blossom shampoo and sweet scented body wash. I let the water run mindlessly down my face and the soap sting my eyes so I wouldn't be able to distinguish between the automatic tears to rinse my eyes and the ones that came purely because I miss her.
I shut the water off and wrapped myself in a fluffy towel to look at myself in the mirror. My eyes burned a hot bloodshot red around the black in my eyes. It took me a few minutes to find the motivation to get dressed, but when I did, it took me five minutes get dressed into my warm dark outfit and leave the bathroom.
Her mother was sitting at the couch with her face in her hands, just... Sobbing.
"Mrs. (L/n)?" I called barely able to keep my mind from letting another tear drip. She looked at me, our red eyes met and I sat next to her. I took her hands in mine. "I'm so sorry," I said quietly. She let go of my hands and held me as tight as she could, as if I was... Her.
"D- dinner is ready. And please, if you're going to be around, call me 'mom' o-or my real name? Mrs is far too formal. And you're more like a son to me," she explained, letting me go. "Let's eat," she stood and went to the table. I sat in her spot, across from her Father, and next to her sister.
"Thank you for the food," I said before I began eating. Nothing beats.... Mom's... Home cooked food.
[After dinner]
"Sasuke?" I heard her sister call. "Are you going to stay the night?"
"I- I don't think so. I have to go home to take care of some stuff. Maybe some other night?"
"W... Well will you at least stay until I fall asleep?" I glanced up at her parents. They both nodded in agreement.
"Sure thing, kiddo," I slightly smiled.
"Okay squirt, you go get ready for bed," her dad said. She stood and left the room.
"You know you can stay if you want," her mom took the bowls from the table.
"I'm afraid that I wouldn't be able to leave if I did," The room went silent. "Here, let me wash those dishes for you," I said, standing from my spot and going into the kitchen and taking her mother's place.
"Thanks," she rested her hand on my back for a moment before walking away to her husband. I scrubbed every bowl and pot used for dinner, and any other lingering dish. She came back a few minutes later to tell me that her sister would go to bed without me.
I made my way to the young girl's room and took her from her mother. I hugged her good night and placed her under the covers. It wasn't unnatural to me because I would occasionally babysit with her, and her sister always wanted me to put her to bed. I tucked her in and left the room after softly poking her forehead.
"I- I have to go home now," I admitted.
"Okay honey. Don't forget the box under her bed," her mother stated.
"Yeah... I'll go get that," I swiftly went back into her room, grabbed my bag, the box, and my pillow.
I hugged her parents one last time before slipping away and heading home.
[Mom's POV/go listen to the song]
I stepped into her room, alone. It was always so clean in here. Until she left last time. I hated fighting with her. My friend say it was normal with teenagers. I hoped it would stop by the time she was 18. But it didn't.
I didn't even get to say goodbye. The last thing I did was yell at her. And now she's gone. Good job, (m/n). Your daughter didn't know you loved her. What in idiot I am.
The doll sitting on her desk I gave her when she was little was tipped to one side as if it had fallen over. Her bed was dented from where I assume Sasuke was sitting.
That poor boy. I know how much he loved her. How much she loved him. The past five years was not enough time for them. The tragedy the boy has gone through... I hope he's going to be alright. They made each other so happy.
Her father came in her room behind me a few minutes later.
"(M/n)," he whispered. I turned to him and walked into his chest so he would hold me. He put his strong arms around me as I leaned on him. He rested his chin on my head.
"Was I a terrible mom?"
"You are the best mom. Everyone fights sometimes,"
"But I let her go without saying goodbye and telling her I love her. That's my fault,"
"Listen, she knew. You told her other times, and I'm sure she realized you were only upset because you cared,"
"I- I just miss her. I know I messed up,"
"It's gonna be okay, I promise. We'll work through this like anything else. We always do," he rubbed my back, and kissed my head. But that didn't stop either of us from crying. He showered me with his tears.
"Can we... Just go to bed. I can't deal with this right now,"
"Of course honey," he led me into our room with a warm hand on my back.
I love you (y/n). I'm sorry I didn't tell you again. I hope you're happy.
"Goodnight (m/n),"
"Goodnight (f/n)."
[Sasuke's POV]
I sat on my bed late at night when I finally got home, and just stared at it. The box its self was at least 30 pounds. What is it? Why is it so heavy?
I lifted the lid from the box and read the note.
'Hey baby! Happy Five years! I love you so much. I hope I can give this to you in person, but seeing as how our jobs are really dangerous, it's a possibility I won't.
I wanted to let you know how much I think about you, and every time were not together how much I miss you, so I made you something and got you some stuff.
Love you baby ♡
-(y/n) (l/n)'
Water dropped onto the paper. I was crying again over the note. I placed it next to me and moved on, pulling the tissue paper off of the the top, revealing another note.
'You won't admit it, but I know sometimes you get anxious. It's really okay, I promise. I made this a few weeks ago. ♡'
I pulled out a large quilted blanket that had serious weight to it. I sniffled. She made me a twenty five pound weighted blanket for our five year anniversary, which would have been sometime next week. I wrapped it around my shoulders as I continued to look through the box.
She left notes on everything. It's like shes talking to me.
'You are always telling me that you like the way I smell. And... I know you aren't the kinda guy to use lotion or perfume but you can have these. They're the ones I use that you like so much. ♡'
'Yes, Sasuke. I made you another scarf. I like to make stuff and you know that. Keep yourself warm. ♡'
'( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)' that one made me laugh. It was just a box of condoms. I won't be using them since she's not here, but I stuck them in the drawer next to my bed. I took a deep breath. There was two envelopes, that were both stuffed. I opened the smaller one and a whole bunch of smaller, colored ones fell out. On the front of each one was the words,
'open when' followed by a scenario such as: 'when you're having a bad day' or 'when you get anxious' and the obvious, 'whenever. This one is for your eyes only
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)'
I wiped my eyes again. She didn't leave out a single thing. I had one more thing to open. I was almost hesitant, the thing was filled to the brim.
I picked it up and slowly opened the flap. It was just so many pictures of us together. Some of them were silly and funny, others were not. My favorite one, I was the one who asked for someone to take.
We were at a party she dragged me to after out first month of dating. I was standing next to her with my hand around her waist. I said her name to get her to look at me and kissed her for the first time. The camera flashed a our lips connected.
I put everything back in the box, besides the blanket and perfume. The night had grown late, and after such a long day, I needed to sleep. I lightly sprayed the blanket with the perfume, and laid under it. I took a few of my pillows and hugged them close, to mimic the feeling of having her in my arms.
Tears ran off my face for the next four hours while I tried to sleep. And when I did sleep, I had a nightmare, with her begging me to get help, but I couldn't get anyone fast enough.
I woke up to Naruto and Sakura sitting on my bed.
"What a-are you guys doing here?!"
"We were worried about you-" Sakura started.
"I said I was fine!" I yelled, forgetting about the heavy blanket over me. I tried to sit up, but it was to heavy for my muscles this early in the morning.
"We know that you aren't fine. No one can go through that and just be... fine," she continued.
"Well I can! Would you just... Leave me alone?"
"Sasuke-" Naruto tried.
"Okay! Even if I'm not fine, I just want to be alone for a while. Let me mourn by myself," I laid my head back on my pillow. "Leave me alone,"
"Okay, sorry for bothering you, Sasuke," Naruto said before forcing Sakura to leave. I didn't care if he stayed, I didn't want Sakura to stay, because she's just annoying. Naruto is my best friend. He would have been my best man. I know he won't leave me alone, but he'll just have figure out how to be chill.
He came back in my room a few minutes later, and laid on my bed to look at me.
"Talk to me, buddy,"
"I- was going to marry her. You were going to be my best man,"
"Oh."
"That's all I can say. I'm so tired," I rolled over and adjusted the blanket. "I j-just really miss her,"
"I know man. I know. I'll leave now, and check in on you later?"
"Whatever," I grumbled. He left, and I fell back asleep.
[Three days later]
I have been so frustrated. So angry. So... Sad. Just empty, maybe? I'm genuinely thinking I can't do this. I had my whole clan killed and I moved on. That's only because I had you. Losing you is killing me. I'm killing me.
I'm not going to get over you.
I've read every note you wrote, and in the few minutes it took to read each individual one I was happy. But I've read them all at least six times now. Your funereal is tomorrow and I don't think I'll be there. It hurts too much.
Naruto keeps coming back when I ask him not to. I know he just wants to help, but I think he's making it worse.
I know there are better ways go through with this but I can't handle you being gone. It's too much for me. Life without you isn't life. Not for me. I have to be with you.
I can make it go quickly. It'll only last a second if I make the cut deep enough. And I'm going to. I'll be gone.
I grabbed a piece of paper and pencil, jotting down a few last words that I didn't care about.
'I can't do it anymore. I'm ending the Uchiha bloodline. I have to be with (y/n). If I'm alive when whoever reads this finds me, don't save me. I don't want it. This world is cruel, death is a sweet enough end for me. Goodbye,
-Sasuke U'
I chuckled, grabbing the kunai from my table, and without hesitation, cut deep into my skin, dragging the blade up my arm. Warm blood went from small trickles to gushing off my elbow. A smile came to my mouth as I took a deep breath, keeping any panic I had hidden away. I still held the kunai, my hand was shaking, but only because of the heavy blood loss.
"This is fine. I'll see you soon, (y/n)." I didn't feel any pain, even where I cut. And if I did, I ignored it. I sat down on the couch as the blood continued to drain. I rested my head back, and with any remaining strength I had, pulled the heavy blanket onto my lap. "Yeah. See you soon," I faded into darkness with a smile, knowing she was waiting for me. And if she wasn't, at least I won't have to deal with being here anyway.
"Itachi?" I 'woke up' as in, I'm dead now. Or at least I think I am. "What are you doing here? I thought you were alive?" I had forgiven him because of (y/n). He didn't say anything back. "M-mom? Dad? You too?" They didn't say anything. They all just looked at me, and smiled in various degrees. They all nodded too.
I started looking for her. She had to be here somwhere.
"Sasuke?" I heard her voice. "Sasuke!" She yelled again, I turned and I found her. She was running to me with a smile. I opened my arms to her, and she immediately jumped into my grasp and toppled me to the ground. I didn't know what to say. To have her back in my arms was perfect. She was perfect. "Okay, I missed the heck out of you, but WHY ARE YOU HERE?!"
"I- I couldn't live without you," I cried into her shoulder as we sat up. "W-where is... Here?"
"I don't know, really. But you still shouldn't be here. You need to go back, your time isn't up yet," she shook her head with a smile.
"What? Go back?"
"Yeah. You're not supposed to be here. Your death wasn't natural. You'll be awake soon enough. You're being saved,"
"N-no! I need to be here with you! I can't go back. P-please I need you-"
"Shhh, Sasuke. It's gonna be okay. You can be alright without me. I know you're suffering, but you'll make it. Listen to me. I don't want you to be dead quite yet. Just go live. Take two weeks off to get back on your feet and recover. Then get back to work. And... Take care of my family. I can't do it. If you won't live for yourself, please live for my family. And also... Once you're back... Tell my mom that I'm sorry and I forgive her and that I love her. Tell my sister and dad I love them too. But make sure my mom knows,"
"O-okay- i- umm-" I was cut of by her soft lips on mine.
"Happy Five years. Now move on. I love you,"
"I- I love you too," I hugged her again and kissed her one more time. "I love you so much," I cried.
A sudden jolt of pain can through my chest, and (y/n) was gone. I almost threw up where I laid, the sudden smell of... Everything. I was jolting awake. I screamed in agony as I was literally brought back to life. I clung to death as best as I could until I could see.
Sakura was crying over my legs and Naruto was having a panic attack. Sakura had obviously been the one who found me, seeing as the cut on my arm was already partially healed.
"W-would you g-get off o-of me?" All eyes were on me. Seconds later, Mr & Mrs (l/n) were in the room too. I was in a hospital bed, that's what it was.
Mrs (l/n) hugged my head, I slowly closed my eyes and held her arms.
"(M/n)... I saw her," I mumbled. She gasped and backed up a little. "She wanted me to tell you that she... Is sorry... And that she forgives you... And that she loves you," she put her hands over her mouth. I had no idea what was going on. "I'm so tired," I laid back down.
"Sasuke, I... Thought we lost you. Sweetie I was so scared. Please, please don't do that again,"
"I won't," I felt her hand over mine as she kissed my forehead and smiled.
Lady Tsunade came in and directed everyone to leave.
"I-"
"If you're going to tell me what I did was dumb, I already know. You don't have to remind me. And that I'm lucky to be alive, yeah, I get it. I won't try again,"
"That's not it. I can totally understand exactly what you're going through. It happened to me too," she showed me her arm, where there were lots of smaller scars that mimicked the pattern of mine.
"When?"
"Jiraiya,"
"Oh,"
"It's a miracle that either of us are alive," she sat on my bed next to me. "You'll make a full recovery in a month or so. It's a long time, but that's just how it has to be. I'm permitting two months off, and you either have to get a roommate or go live with her parents. Hokage's orders. You have time to think about it. But until then, it's gonna take a lot of rest,"
"Yes ma'am," I rolled over in my side to look away.
"Sasuke, it will get better, just hang in there," I felt a hand on my shoulder.
I just grunted and closed my eyes. Naruto came in and Tsunade left.
"What do you want, loser?"
"Are you going to be okay?"
"I'll be fine. Just leave me alone, I have a lot to think about,"
"Well If you need me-"
"Just... Go."