"Can I tell you a secret?" She whispers in my hair. I just nod, knowing that if I say anything else, I'll just start balling. "Matt and I had a conversation about you."
I pull away. Looking in her eyes, I can see that she's telling the truth.
"Mhm, he took me out of class during one of his free periods to talk to me. He's really a sweet guy. He asked me if I was okay with him being with you. Of course I told him that it was okay, but if he ever hurt you, I would cut his balls off with a butter knife.
"He thought it was cute so I had to convince him I was serious. After I was done, he actually looked nervous. In the end, he told me that he had no intentions of ever hurting you because he had no intentions of ever leaving you. He said the only way he'd leave is if you told him to."
By the time Mia finished telling me about her talk with Matt, my face, and Mia's shoulder, are soaked with tears. Mia pulls me back to her and rubs my back soothingly as I take in her words. So he's not running away. Then where is he?
"I'm scared Mia. I'm scared to feel this strongly about him."
"It's okay Ky. Everyone gets scared when they fall in love. I promise, everything will be fine. Now, let's wipe our tears." I didn't even notice that she had started crying. She wipes her teary face and helps me wipe mine. "We really have to go now. I'm sure he'll be here."
I take Mia's hand and she leads me into a room filled with people. As we walk, it seems as though everyone's gaze is on me. If Matt was here, he'd grab my hand tighter and give me a look that makes me lose sight of everyone else in the world. But he's not here.
We take our seats and I pull out my phone, knowing that he hasn't called or texted, but I check it anyway. Nothing. I keep it out though, just in case.
Throughout the entirety of the ceremony I can't concentrate on anything. Is this the bad feeling I've had all week?
All of a sudden, I hear people clapping and screaming. Someone is shaking my shoulders. I snap out of my thoughts when Mia yells, "You won Ky. You actually won."
Matt was right; I won. I stood up when I saw the person on the stage waving me up. I hid my phone in my jacket pocket.
"Everyone," The man begins. "Kyle Lewis. Mr. Lewis, how does it feel?"
I feel nothing. Where's Matt? "It feels, it feels insane."
"How so?" He questions with a small chuckle. It's nothing like the way Matt laughs.
"I just never expected this. There are so many talented people in the country, and out of them all, I was chosen."
"Well I've read everything you've submitted and you are no exception to the talented people. You write in such a sophisticated manner, almost like you've lived a full life and gained so much wisdom." His words his a certain spot in my heart.
"My...teacher once said the same thing."
"He definitely knows what he's talking about then. Well why don't you say a few words for the crowd now." It was more of a command than a question. He walks away and leaves me alone with the mic.
I look down at the podium and see that my speech is printed out for me so all I have to do is read the words. But for the second time, I feel like the words aren't enough. They don't feel right anymore. My feeling of happiness and love is gone and is now replaced with anxiety.
Something is definitely wrong.
"Has anyone ever had a bad feeling before?" I start, deviating from the neatly printed script in front of me. I hear a chorus of replies.
"It's distracting. It's disorienting knowing exactly what needs to be done but not being able to focus on anything other than that feeling." Hell, I'm probably already in trouble so why not go all out. "I'm currently experiencing this feeling right now. My boyfriend is missing."
Gasps come from every corner. I see some people smile, others look shocked, some even look angry. I don't even think about looking over at my parents.
"I, unlike most people, am very dramatic, but I'm serious. I seem to take things differently than others. My sister got her heart broken last year and I cried with her for weeks. I hated her boyfriend from the start, but seeing her in pain just killed me."
I'm not sure where I'm going with this. I'm pretty much just saying anything and everything that comes to my mind. I look at the guy in the corner of the stage and he's flipping pages frantically and speaking into a headset. Yep, I'm probably getting a long lecture after this.
As if things couldn't get any worse, my phone rings in my pocket. Surprise, it's not on vibrate. The sound rings loudly throughout the room. I look at the expectant audience and I hear one woman yell, "Answer it!" Others join in with her shouts.
I heed their request answering my phone.
"Hello?" I didn't check the caller ID.
"Is this Kyle Lewis?" An unfamiliar voice asks. It's a woman. She sounds serious.
"Yes this is. Who is -?"
"I'm calling from Arthur King Hospital."
"No." I say tears forming in my eyes.
"I'm sorry Mr. Lewis, but Matthew Tanner was in an accident. You were listed as his emergency contact."
"No."
"He's just been admitted to the hospital."
"I'll be there in 20 minutes." I practically yell at the woman.
I don't give her time to respond, I just hang up and look at the crowd.
"Well they found my boyfriend." I tell them with a humorless laugh. "He's in the hospital. I'm sorry."
Tears stream down my face as I shake from fear. I can't lose him.
"I have to go." I'm not sure if anyone heard it because I'm running so fast.
I get to the parking lot and I'm stopped by someone's grip on my arm.
"Let me go. I have to go!"
"I know Kyle. We're coming with you." It's my mother's voice.
I'm too caught up in my thoughts to say anything to her. I just nod and start running to her car again. The drive is long and silent. I can tell she's speeding by the cars that are being left being in the distance and the blur of trees and buildings.
I can see the hospital come to view and I prepare myself for the worst. The car doesn't even stop, before I jump out and make a run for the emergency room. I'm running so fast that I almost slam myself into the reception desk.
"I'm Kyle Lewis. Matthew Tanner please." I say exasperated.
"Of course sir. I'm so sorry." She says looking down.
"God no!" I scream.
"No, no! I'm sorry. He's not, he's not dead sir."
"The hell? Why in the name of life would you say it like that then?" I yell. "Sorry. I'm sorry, I just..."
"It's okay. I understand. He's your husband. I would flip tables at anyone standing in my way."
"What?" Did she say-?
"I would literally throw things at someone who tried to keep me away from my husband. Mr. Tanner is in room 419. I'll take you there now."
Brittany, as written on her name tag, kept chatting me up the entire way to Matt's room. I am thankful for it though because if she had been silent, it would have seemed longer.
When we get to the room, Brittany politely excuses herself and wishes Matt and I the best.
Matt, even unconscious, looks amazing. His face is slightly bruised and so are his arms. I can't see the rest of him because he's covered by a blanket. I sit next to him bed and grab his hand.
"Hi babe." I say and wipe the tear that falls from my eyes.
"You were right. I won the competition. I changed the essays though. I switched them the day we submitted it. Then I couldn't even say anything when I was supposed to. I just started blabbing, just like I'm doing now. Just wake up please."
A nurse walks in and introduces herself as Meg. She looks at the clipboard and does a small check on Matt.
"Meg, what happened to him?" I whisper.
"He was hit by truck. The guy was on his phone going down a hill. He was already speeding, so he hit your husband a lot harder than expected." Can someone explain this husband thing?
"Is the other guy okay?"
"Yes. He suffered a few cuts and bruises but he should be fine."
"Is Matt going to be okay? Why is he unconscious?"
"We had to give he a sedative. When we brought him in, he was very anxious and he kept yelling at the doctors." That doesn't sound like something Matt would do. "He kept telling them that he had to go. It was something about a writing thing. He wouldn't cooperate, so we gave him something to calm him down."
"So he's going to be okay?"
"Yes honey. He should be waking up any minute now. Then you can take him home after the doctor sees him again."
"Thank you."
"Not a problem. So let's just talk about something happy until he gets here, huh?" I nod. "How long have you two been together?"
"It feels like forever." I answer honestly.
"Where did you guys meet?"
I smile at the memory. "We met at my birthday lunch. He was sitting on the other side of the restaurant and I was instantly interested. It took him a while, but I eventually got him."
"That's so sweet."
"Eh. So are you married Meg?"
"No. I actually just got out of a relationship."
"Oh, I'm sorry." I say regretting asking her.
"No it's okay. He was a...word that I can't say while I'm on the clock.
"He doesn't deserve a nice woman like yourself." I reply.
"He's right. You'll find someone one day. And when you do, don't let him go no matter what fears you may have." His voice was groggy and quiet, but it was enough to make tear up again.
"I'll just give you guys a minute and grab the doctor."
"Thank you Meg. Thank you." I hug her tightly then let her go so I can get to Matt.
My legs can't move fast enough. I start crying all over again.
"Hey, don't cry. I'm not dead."
"I know. But I thought -"
"Stop thinking. You're too dramatic to think clearly, especially in situations like this."
He's definitely alive but maybe not for long. I might kill him.
"I love you." I say rather than wringing his neck.
"I love you too."
"Oh, what's the deal with everyone here?" I ask
"What do you mean?"
"When I walked in, the receptionist called me-"
"Why hello Mr. Tanner. It's nice to see you awake." I turn to see an older looking man in a white coat. This must be his doctor.
He walks into the room and straight to Matt. "I'm sorry sir, but I need to ask you to step outside for a few moments while I check out Matt."
I swear if this doctor was any younger, he would have to go. The way he said it just creeps me out, like he actually wants to do more than run some tests.
"Sure." I turn to Matt and kiss his cheek lightly.
I will never understand why they make people leave the room when the doctor comes in.
Walking out of the room, I come face to face with my parents. To say I'm shocked is an understatement. I forgot that they brought me here. They know.
"Kyle." My mother whispers. "So....it's true?"
I answer her honestly. "Yes mom. It's true. I'm gay."
"And you're...with that man in there?" My dad asks struggling to find the right words.
"Yes, but before you judge and call the cops or something, just hear me out. Please?" I beg, but continue talking.
"I really care about him and he cares about me. Since everything else is already out there, why not come totally clean." I sigh. "He's my English teacher. I didn't know he was going to be my teacher when I met him. It just happened that way."
"You've been staying at his house this entire time?" My mother asks. I can see her putting all the pieces together.
I just nod, afraid of her response. My dad stands silently, seemingly deep in thought.
"He's not, doing anything he shouldn't is he?" He asks after a few minutes of antagonizing silence.
"Anything he shouldn't?" I ask confused at where he's going?
"Did he and/or is he," He pauses. "pressuring you?"
"What! No! Of course not. He's not a creep. Okay, it does sound that way. He's a normal person."
"Then why is he with you?" His voice is menacing, hurtful. "Kyle, that's not what I meant." He sighs. "What I mean is, why is an older man dating a high schooler?"
"It's actually kind of a funny story." I explain the situation, leaving out the racy details. Let me tell you, the didn't find a single word comical.
This isn't looking very well for me right now. Thank the heavens though, because I'm saved by Matt's doctor. I take back what I thought before. This man was sent from above.
"You can see him now, sir. He's doing just fine and you can take him home whenever you're ready." He says to me, simply kidding at my parents.
"Thank you doctor." I wait for him to be out of earshot and look back at my parents. "I'm sorry, but right now I don't care what you have to say. I'm in love with the man in that room. And right now, I'm all he has. So I'm going to go in there and take him home."
I walk back in the room and crumble when my eyes meet Matt's.
"What's wrong love? Doc said I'm fine?"
"My parents know everything."
He pats the hospital bed as an invitation to lay next to him. I climb in bed and he instantly wraps his arms around me.
"It's okay. What did they say?"
"They, I don't know. They think you're a creep and they think I'm stupid. I don't know."
"Shh. It's okay." He sooths my hair. "It's going to take them a while to take everything in. Just think rationally. If you were them, you would find the situation alarming."
"Can we just go home?" I ask.
"I can't let you run away from this. You have to face this."
"Please? I'll do it, just not right now."
"I listed you as the emergency contact in my phone. It says that you're my husband. That's why everyone here is calling you that."
"What? Why?" What does this have to do with anything. Nothing makes sense!
"I wasn't going to tell you until after the competition. It's what you told me to do. Remember? You told me to make a decision and to really think about it. You said that I couldn't tell you until February."
"It's February. The competition's over." I breathe out.
"I'm in love with you. There's no doubt about it. The contact in my phone was my answer, my decision. Kyle, there's no one but you."
He takes my hand and holds it over his heart. I can feel it beating erratically.
"That day, after you left, I made my choice. I choose you for the rest of my life. Kyle, no matter what life may throw at us, I'm never letting you go.
"Promise?"
"I promise." As if the look in his eye isn't enough, he kisses me with all of the need in the world. His lips dance firmly against mine and I know that this is right.
I hear someone clear their throat. Matt pulls away, much to my disliking.
"Um, we're sorry to interrupt." The voice belongs to my mother. I look over at her and she is standing in front of the bed holding my dad by his arm.
"Hello Mr. and Mrs. Lewis."
"Hello Matthew, is it?" He nods politely. "It's nice to know that you're okay." My mother speaks just as politely.
"Thank you."
The room becomes silent. No one wants to be the first to speak. My father looks conflicted. It's all too real for me
"We heard everything. I can see how much you care for my son. And as much as I hate the age gap and the fact that you are his teacher, I see how happy you make him. For that, I thank you Matthew."
My mouth drops open in shock. "So you're saying that I can still see him?"
"We aren't monsters Kyle." My mother states. "You just have to understand that this was hard to take in at one time."
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner." I say feeling guilty.
"We understand son."
"Enough of this." My mother chimes in. "We can have this talk some other time. Right now, you should be getting this young man home so he can rest. We called you all a taxi. It's waiting outside for you."
I follow their orders and leave the room to sign Matt out of the hospital. A nurse follows me back to the room with a wheelchair to bring him outside to the taxi.
Matt and I get situated in the taxi. I look out the window to see my parents right outside the door. I roll down the window and my mother blows me a kiss as a single tear falls from her face.
And everyone wonders why I'm so dramatic.
"I'm not leaving forever mom."
"I know honey. You're just growing up. They're happy tears. I'm so proud of you. Go now, before I cry a river."
"I'll see you later mom. I love you."
"I love you too." She replies.
My dad seems to come out of his trance. "Don't hurt my son Matthew. I won't hesitate to find you."
"I have no plans to do such sir. Kyle is my everything."
He just nods at Matt's response. The taxi starts to move forward and my mom just wraps herself in my dad's arms.
I've never noticed how much love there is between my parents. The say 'I love you' all the time, they go out on dates, they kiss and cuddle.
My mom always told me that I would find the perfect person that I could give my everything to. A person that would know my good, and love me despite my bad.
I think it's safe to say that I found that person.
And my life changes from here. There are no secrets. Everyone knows that I'm gay. My friends and my family accept me. They even accept Matt.
Matt reaches for my hand and our eyes lock. Every conversation we've ever had runs through my mind, the good and the bad. Every kiss and touch lingers on my skin as if it had happened only seconds ago.
"Marry me." It wasn't even a question.
Marriage????
That's it guys. Write to me is DONE! It's been fun. I'm going to start the epilogue in a few days. Hope you guys enjoyed the book.