~Astra~
Stillens could show me as many visions of utopia as he wanted; using the cruciatus curse on me was going to snap me out of it every time.
Somehow, though, he had shown me a utopia. For a moment, I hadn't been in that dusty old sitting room with too many portraits on the walls and a fire that didn't manage chase away any of the darkness lurking around the edges of the room. Instead, I'd been in the middle of something almost like paradise. Everywhere I turned, everything was bright, happy, beautiful. I was helping to create a new world order, one based on justice and peace and equality. My father was out of Azkaban, reaching his arms out to me...
Of course, it was a lie the whole time. Stillens didn't care about my father any more than it suited his interests, and even if he had cared more, siding with wizard Hitler just to get my father out of jail was the definition of morally corrupt.
Anyway, the vision Stillens showed me was only almost like paradise, because he couldn't even hide his anger enough to include Wren in the lie. That concession, that this perfect world wouldn't be as perfect as it appeared, was enough to make the entire dream world crash down around me. The next thing I knew, I was in blinding pain.
I could hear myself screaming, or maybe that was just the sound of pain in my head. I couldn't feel anything, and at the same time I could feel every single nerve in my body exploding at once. I felt like I was dying, but I wasn't dying quickly enough.
Then it was gone, with just the echo of pain like ringing in my ears. I'd slipped off the couch, I guess, because now I was on the floor, Albus kneeling next to me with a panicked expression on his face. Beyond him, I could see Stillens, still seated in the same chair, with an annoyed expression as if I'd interrupted us in the middle of brunch by dramatically falling to the floor. I glared at him as I pushed myself up. "You're a coward, Henry," I snapped. "Can't even sit around and be insulted by a sixteen-year-old girl without using an unforgivable curse. Kind of pathetic, honestly."
Stillens looked at me with that specific type of adult expression that conveys both annoyance and long-suffering at once, like Aunt Andromeda gave me whenever I tracked mud into the house after practicing on my broom and forgot to clean up after myself. I didn't feel like these were comparable situations.
"You are very powerful, Astra Lestrange," Stillens said, in an off-puttingly calm tone. "I think there may be more to you than you even realize. I can help you reach your potential."
"If that's what it takes, I'm fine with mediocrity," I said, shrugging and settling back on the couch, feigning a confident calmness that I hoped didn't look as fake as it felt. The truth was, I was having a hard time not shaking.
Stillens had sighed. "What are they teaching you at that school? To be fine with mediocrity is to be fine with the world never changing, Astra. Do you not want the world to change?"
"There's more than one way for the world to change, and I'm all for anything that doesn't involve you."
Stillens studied me for a moment. I rolled my eyes and looked up at the ceiling. Under normal circumstances, would not being able to keep eye contact with my mortal enemy have been weak? Yes. But normal circumstances didn't include my mortal enemy being able to read my thoughts when we made eye contact. I couldn't do occlumency like Wren could. It would be better not to give him chances to see into my head at all.
"You're pathetic," he finally said. "A weak little girl, playing with powers she doesn't understand. Do you not see how little choice you have? As we speak, your beloved DA is being overwhelmed, right underneath us. Who do you think is going to come save you?"
I glanced at Albus; we hadn't planned for anyone to come save us, because we hadn't planned on being caught. Would we have been caught if the DA hadn't shown up? I didn't know. But would the DA have shown up if we'd never come? Absolutely not.
No one was coming to save us. Our choices were to join Stillens or suffer the consequences, also known as be unwillingly used by Stillens for the rest of our miserable lives. But being hopeless didn't bring me any closer to giving up. Futility had never stopped me from being stubborn before, and I wasn't about to let it stop me now.
I shot a quick look at Wren, kneeling on the floor and staring at the floor with a forlorn, hopeless expression in her eyes. I thought I saw tears on her face, though she didn't seem to be crying anymore. She either didn't notice or pretended not to as I tried to catch her eye.
"Do whatever you want to us," I snapped, turning my attention back to Stillens. "I'm not helping you."
"I think you'll do whatever I want you to," Stillens said, in such a confident tone that I faltered for a moment. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Albus make a face. I didn't give Stillens the satisfaction of looking confused or asking what he was talking about, obviously, but he didn't wait long for that, anyway. He turned to the door, still guarded by Alistair Hellion and Magnus Caldwell. "Call Jasper in, please."
Now I did glance at Albus, trying my hardest to seem casual, even though alarm bells were going off in my head even louder than before. Nico Jasper? Why was he here? I wasn't afraid of Nico Jasper, of course. I just didn't know what to expect, and that was a little scary.
Magnus had stepped out of the room, but came back now, Nico Jasper behind him. I didn't know if it was a good or bad sign that Nico looked as confused as I felt. He surveyed the room, raising an almost amused eyebrow at Albus and me. Then he noticed Wren, and I saw the slightest shift in his expression. He froze up for half a second, something close to alarm under the surface of his confusion.
It was gone in a blink. Nico turned to Stillens, as if no one else was in the room. "You wanted to see me, sir?"
Stillens studied him for a moment. I wondered if he'd seen the flash, too. If he had, he didn't acknowledge it. "Yes. Lestrange needs some persuasion."
Nico cast a sidelong look in my direction. "To do what, exactly?"
Stillens tilted his head, as if he were considering the question. It all seemed too polished; I had a feeling he already had something in mind. "Let's see. What would break her spirit...? The star of Gryffindor will not be moved by fear for herself, it seems. Perhaps fear for others would do the trick."
I rolled my eyes. No one had called me that for years. "I'm not doing what you want, Henry."
"You can hurt Wren and me however you'd like," Albus added. "She's not going to give in."
Of course, I didn't want Albus or Wren getting hurt. Arguably, Albus and I were equally responsible for being here, but we'd dragged Wren along with us. I glanced at her, quickly. She was watching us now with wide eyes. When I caught her attention, she didn't look away this time. Instead, she gave me a small smile, as if to encourage me that it was all right, don't give in, she'd be fine. Then Zaria shoved her head down so roughly that she nearly lost her balance and toppled forward. I tried not to wince.
It was all I could do to turn back to Stillens, to nod in agreement with Albus. "Do whatever you want. I'm not helping you."
"I think you misunderstand," Stillens said, waving Nico closer as he spoke. "I won't be doing anything more tonight. You will."
I blinked in surprise. "What?"
Nico stepped forward, his mouth pressed into a thin line, and waved his wand in my direction. I stared at him for a moment, not sure what was supposed to happen, then a wave of peace and tranquility washed over me so strongly that any alarm was swept away instantly.
It was like I was underwater, but in a very pleasant way. Everything was fine. I honestly could hardly remember what I had been so worked up about before? What on earth was there to worry about? This was just like all the other times...
Wait, all the other times? Other episodes? Oh, f—
Calm down, said a voice in my head. Instantly, the peace came back. This wasn't so bad, after all. I smiled a little. Everything was warm and bright, even though I couldn't really see anything clearly. Was that normal? It didn't really matter, did it?
"Give her her wand, Hempsey," I heard a voice say, as if through several meters of water. I was dimly aware of someone shaking my arm, which was a little annoying. I wished they would stop. There was also someone calling my name, but then the shaking stopped and the name-calling stopped all at once, and I could go back to being calm and happy again. I hardly even noticed my wand being pressed into my hand until the voice mentioned it.
Stand up and raise your wand.
That was Nico Jasper's voice, I realized with a jolt. That was weird. I didn't like him. I didn't really want to do what he said. Screw you, I thought.
Stand up and raise your wand, the voice repeated, as if I hadn't said anything. I couldn't think of a reason not to anymore. Whose voice was it? Why did that matter? I stood up and raised my wand.
Now the voice didn't give me another direction, and my mind wandered back to the things I could make out around me. There was a lady standing next to me, but moving away, holding back a dark-haired boy. Albus? He was my friend. Why was she holding him back? It was probably fine...
People were talking. Someone sounded angry. Stillens? I felt like I was coming nearer to the surface, somehow, and as the peace receded, I found a bit of alarm somewhere. Heck, heck, heck, this was all very bad. I grabbed onto that alarm like a lifeline. This was another episode, but it was the Imperius curse. Ciara had been right. I needed to shake it off. I could do it. I just had to have enough willpower...
"Obey me, boy!" Stillens was yelling.
I could see Nico almost clearly now, staring at him. The peace was almost gone, I felt like I'd almost broken the surface. Then he glanced at me and cursed, and raised his wand, and I was plunged back into the depths of tranquility.
Cast crucio, the voice said.
That's an unforgivable curse, I protested. Unforgivable was such a harsh word, though. Nothing could be that bad, right? Not when I was so comfortable...
Just do it, the voice snapped, seeming fed up. That was new. I hesitated. Was the voice angry with me? Why would anyone be angry, if they could just be happy like I was right now? Maybe I should just do the spell, and then no one would be angry at me.
Cast crucio on that girl, the voice said. I somehow knew who it was talking about, and turned to my left to see a girl kneeling on the floor. I knew who that was, didn't I? Why did she look so scared of me? Was that Wren?
Why am I doing this? I asked.
Just do it, the voice repeated.
I don't want to.
Do it.
No.
Do it!
Against my will, my arm raised my wand. I felt my mouth opening. No, no, no, no no no no no—
"Crucio."
The tranquility was gone, but I couldn't move. I was flown back into my body, but it was like I was frozen in place, watching helplessly through my own eyes as I continued to cast the spell, seeing Wren screaming on the floor. The sound grated inside my head, and I knew it would be haunting my normal nightmares for the rest of my life.
This is my fault, this is my fault, this is my fault, this is my fault. Doubly my fault. I'd brought her here, and I hadn't even able to throw off the imperius curse.
The instant I stopped casting the spell, I gained back the ability to move, too. I whirled around, pointed my wand at Stillens, and let out the most vulgar string of words I could think up. I was breathing heavily, adrenaline pumping through me. I could hear my heart pounding. I wanted to kill Stillens, and I might have if Zaria hadn't calmly disarmed me. I shot her the most withering glare I could muster.
To my annoyance, she just laughed. Even worse, she was joined by Stillens a few seconds later. "Do you not see how useful your fiery spirit would be to our cause? It would be such a shame to keep it under the confines of an imperius curse for the rest of your life."
I didn't want to dignify that with a response (I was too angry to think of one, anyway), so I took stock of the room now. Stillens was out of his chair, standing much closer to the couch now. He'd caught my wand when Zaria disarmed me. Albus was struggling against Zaria's grip, but she had his arms pinned behind him. He didn't seem to be able to speak, either, but was making up for it by glaring at Stillens and trying to kick Zaria.
Nico was standing where he'd been before. I couldn't read the expression on his face, but I noticed he was avoiding looking at the side of the room where Wren was doing her best to push herself back to sitting with her hands tied together, wincing at the effort. She was shaking, and crying a little. I could hear the quiet sobs even thought she seemed to be trying to hide them. At least I could hear her, now. They'd lifted the silencing spell, I guessed. The memory of her screaming from a moment ago rushed in, and suddenly I selfishly wished I couldn't hear.
After a minute or so, Stillens seemed to grow impatient. His expression soured, and he snapped his fingers. "Again."
I pursed my lips, drawing up every ounce of willpower so that I might be able to throw it off this time, but nothing happened. Nico's voice asked hesitantly, "To Wren?"
Stillens turned on him with a threatening eyebrow raised. "Is there a problem?"
Nico glanced at Wren again, who was staring at him with a very intense expression I couldn't read at all. I couldn't tell if he understood it. After a few moments, something shifted in his expression, something was lost, I think, because all that was left was his normal arrogant, sneering animosity. He shrugged. "Not at all. Just clarifying. Always happy to punish a traitor." A smirk at Wren that made my stomach turn. She shrank back from him. She'd never looked so small. Did he think this was fun? Was he getting pleasure out of this?
I was so busy thinking of how satisfying it would be to gouge Nico Jasper's eyes out that I wasn't prepared when the wave hit me again, dragging me down quickly. I struggled against it, fighting hard just to hold onto the thought that I needed to throw it off, but even those thoughts had become as fluid as water, falling out of my hands the second I'd caught them. I was trying to catch a stream with a net, and not doing a very good job.
Take your wand, the voice said, and whatever protest I'd had melted away. I saw someone holding out a wand to me, and took it without thinking.
Cast crucio, the voice said, and I hesitated. Crucio was an unforgivable curse. I felt like I'd just done that, and I hadn't liked it. I didn't want to do that.
Yes, you do. Oh, maybe I did.
Cast it on the girl, the voice said. I turned slowly, and saw a girl sitting on the floor, hands tied. Why would I hurt her if she was already tied up?
Because I told you to. Oh, that made sense.
I raised my wand, then stopped. That was Wren. This was Nico Jasper telling me to use the cruciatus curse on Wren. I couldn't do that! She was my friend. I struggled against my own mind, trying to put my arm back down.
Cast the spell, the voice said.
I told it to do something explicit. My arm dropped a little.
Wait, my arm had dropped a little.
I'd resisted.
I clung to that, and now it seemed much easier to remember why I didn't want to obey this voice in my head, to fight against the sea of peace I was drowning in, to push myself back to the surface. I couldn't do this! I couldn't hurt Wren! I'd already hurt her, and I wasn't about to do it again.
Stop! the voice commanded, and I thought I heard someone say it out loud, too. I froze, feeling compelled against my will to do what it said. It was decidedly against my will, though, instead of simply changing my will.
Cast the spell, it said.
Screw you!
Cast the spell! I definitely heard someone yell that in time with the voice in my head. It hurt to resist it, too. Without meaning to, I started to raise my arm again.
I'm not going to listen to you! I shouted in my head, though I couldn't manage to get the words out of my mouth. My arm was shaking as I fought with myself to try to lower it.
Cast it! The voice was screaming, and someone outside my head was yelling at me, too. I felt like my head was going to be ripped apart, like someone was casting the cruciatus curse on me, too. I couldn't give in. I couldn't do this. I couldn't remember why, but I knew I couldn't do what the voice was telling me to.
In an instant, it was all gone. I was thrust back into reality so quickly that I nearly lost my balance. I glanced around, disoriented and confused, but the room around me was in utter chaos.
Albus had his wand again, and was whirling around to duel Nico, I looked like. Where did he get his wand from? I turned to see Zaria, who was pushing herself off the floor. How had she ended up on the floor? People were yelling, and I realized the door was wide open, Alistair Hellion and Magnus Caldwell both slumped against the wall on either side, out cold. And there, framed in the light from the hall outside, stood the last person I'd expected to see. Someone had come to save us. It was Mr. Potter.
That was all it took for me to remember where I was, and realize I was still holding my wand. Stillens was shouting something, but I couldn't spare enough time to listen. I cast the first spell I could think of. Expelliarmus. He blocked it without a second thought, hardly sparing me any attention as he kept firing spells at Mr. Potter, but a jolt of hope shot through me. Maybe we were saved.
"Get out of here!" Mr. Potter was yelling at us. He was edging his way into the room, towards Albus and I. I ducked as Nico shot a spell at me; I hadn't heard what it was, but there was an explosion behind me as it connected with the wall.
Spells were flying everywhere. I planted myself next to Albus, shooting spells at Nico and Stillens as quickly as I could while keeping a shield charm up over both of us. If we could just knock Stillens out, we'd be good. Mr. Potter seemed to have the same idea, as he pushed himself in front of us. He was focusing his attacks entirely on Stillens. It might have been my imagination, but I thought Stillens looked a little afraid.
"Stop fighting!" Zaria's voice. I ignored her, and shot a silent jelly-legs jinx at Nico that he dodged.
"Drop your wands!" Zaria shouted. "I swear, I'll kill her!"
That made me freeze. A chill ran down my whole body as I whipped around so quickly that I almost fell. Zaria was standing across the room. I felt my stomach turn at the sight of her, with one hand gripping Wren's hair, pulling her head back, and the other pressing a knife against her throat.
~~~~
I've written like five hundred words past this, but I stopped halfway through the scene because I realized I wanted to split this up anyway, and I never pass up a good cliffhanger.
Question of the Day: It's really hard to come up with these when I'm spending so much mental and emotional energy on these climax chapters. How about a simple one: Which character in this series have you had the biggest change of heart toward, whether that's going from loving to hating them or vice versa? Why?
Answer: Personally, I've had the biggest change in the way I look at Nico. Shocking, yes; you'd think it would be Haverna or Ciara or some other character who's had an obvious arc where I took them from dislikable to likable. The thing is, I planned those arcs nearly from the beginning. Nico, though, wascreated to be a one-dimensional bully, and for a very long time I never felt a need to make him into anything else. That's a little weird, honestly, since that was the entire point with Ciara's arc, but it's the truth. Literally, I had an entirely different plan for how interactions with him and Wren were going to go this book, and when I sat down to write them the characters took off in a different direction. I stopped halfway through writing a scene and thought, "Oh my gosh, I could make Nico something more." Somehow, that had never occurred to me?
Obviously, that means absolutely nothing for where his character arc might go in the future, but rest assured that Elli is no longer content with flat, one-dimensional bullies (and that doesn't just include him).
Vote and comment!
~Elli
Word count: 3524