remus
i'd been feeling rather odd for a few weeks now. not angry or particularly upset, just... not right.
i'd realised about 3 weeks ago, that every time my eyes locked on sirius' nordic grey ones, i'd get a jolting sensation in my stomach. i don't know why, but i'd feel nauseous. he stirred some feelings in me i had never felt and i didn't recognise, in fact i was completely in the dark. sirius had been my best friend for the past 6 years and yet suddenly i couldn't even look at him without my face turning an ugly scarlet.
"hey moony!" i hear sirius' upbeat voice from down the corridor. within seconds he's by my side, cheeks flushing from quidditch practice.
"potions next right?" he pants, grinning from ear to ear,
"yes, yes it is" i smile shyly back, already the familiar butterflies stirring in my stomach. what is happening?! my inner voice screeches.
"cool. can i walk with you?" he asks in his usual laid back manner.
"of course pads" i say watching how the sweat illuminates his already chissled cheekbones.
sirius starts talking about some quidditch scandal, but before i realise it, i'm not focusing on his words, i'm just letting his husky voice fill my ears. i watch as he talks, every now and then biting his lip, his nose scrunching up when he mentions a player he hates-
friends don't have these kind of thoughts about eachother, i remind myself.
and i'm right. they don't.
i plonk down next to james in our potions seating plan and open my book with a more dramatic sigh than i intend.
"you okay?" he asks instantly, his voice filled with worry as it always is near a full moon.
"no, no i'm good james don't worry. it's just... something's playing on my mind..."
"you can tell me moony. you know you can" he says straightening his crooked glasses.
"you can't tell anyone" i say urgently
"of course"
"nobody james"
"moony. i know i can be a jerk, but if i say i won't tell anyone, that means anyone."
i take a deep breath.
"whenever i'm around sirius i feel nervous. and i go bright red and i always mess up my words and i have no idea why"
james doesn't react how i think he would, in-fact, quite the opposite. he starts to laugh.
"moony, for the cleverest guy i know you can be pretty dumb"
i stare at him in confusion.
"you fancy him!" he says a little too loudly for my liking, making my cheeks flush.
"shhh james!" i say burying my nose in advanced potion making.
"think what you like. you fancy him and he fancies you. that's the end of it"
i spend the rest of the lesson running his words through my head. do i fancy sirius?
i look over at him, sat next to peter in the corner, running his hands through his shaggy black hair. he always does that when he doesn't understand a question. he looks up at me. his eyes flash with happiness as soon as they lock on mine, making me smile shyly to myself.
i want him so bad... i want him to be mine...
maybe james is right. maybe i do like him as more than a friend. but even if i do, i could never act on it. he's a heartthrob, a true ladies man, a world class flirt.
anything but gay.