Lily:
I don't even know what to say. I.. I'm at a loss for words. My best friend, my brother, the person I would trust with my life just, just said that. But he's right. Severus Snape is always right. I am just a mudblood. A freak at home, a mudblood in school...hell, why would anyone like me? I have three great friends whom I don't deserve; Marlene McKinnon, Alice Prewett and Mary MacDonald. They're trying their best to comfort me right now but I'm a mess. I've just stayed in my bed for five hours now crying. I'm weak, I know. No need to remind me. What's worse is we have our transfiguration OWL in exactly...11 hours. And I still need to sleep. Fuck. I've just wasted hours of good revision time being weak. I need to get over it. The girls just headed down to the common room to start studying, which I should probably start doing soon as well.
I've decided to stop crying, to stop caring. It's his fault, not mine. It's him and his little deatheater friends. Godric, I hate the lot of them. Alexander Avery, eugh there's no word foul enough to describe him. Leonardo Zabini, the 'handsome prince' of Slytherin who all the Slytherin girls fawn over. Lucius Malfoy, the 'King' of Slytherin, lording it over everyone that his father's rich, and if anyone puts a toe out of line, he ALWAYS says 'my father will hear about this'. Pathetic. Speaking of pathetic, you must meet Narcissa Black. Follows around after Lucius like some lost puppy. Unlike most of the Slytherins, she doesn't seem to be evil, just a complete and utter bitch. Her sister Bellatrix on the other hand is the definition of evil. Bellatrix Black is evil incarnate. She struts around, taunting anyone and everyone. Everyone says that she's already a deatheater, and, if I'm being honest it's not that hard to believe. Bellatrix would steal your soul, take your life and drive your mind into insanity if she could. She makes me sick. Narcissa and Lucius are sixth years but, unfortunately for me, Avery, Zabini, Bellatrix and Snape are all in my year. Yippee! I may as well just die now because eventually they will kill me.
After pondering ways to annoy the Slytherins, I take a look in the mirror. Oh Merlin, I look awful. No, worse than awful. Oh fuck it, I give up. There's no use trying to make myself look in anyway presentable right now. I'll have bloodshot eyes tomorrow but at this point who cares? I NEED to revise for Transfiguration. It doesn't help that this is my worst subject, and that I need it to become a healer and that it's taught by Professor McGonagall, who is like the strictest teacher in school. Oh no, I'm done for aren't I? I've barely even revised for it - I spent all my time yesterday preparing for Defence Against the Dark Arts. Shit, I've been in such a state, I haven't even gone over that exam! Lily, stop! You're getting off track. Transfiguration. Focus on Transfiguration. It's the last exam and....oh bugger, who's that knocking on our door at this time. I'm the only one in the room at the moment so I take one last look in the mirror and try my best to fix my hair in case it's a teacher. I open the door, anticipating either a first year who wants to talk (because I'm a prefect, I get this a lot) or a teacher. I did not expect it to be Potter. Potter! What's he doing here? He figured out how to get up the girls stairs a long time ago. The only thing I'm confused about is why he is standing at my door looking sheepish.
I'll give you a little bit of background information about my relationship with Potter. James Potter is the most arrogant, self - centered, annoying, mean person in the entire world and he annoys, teases and makes fun of me at least twice a day by asking me out. And no, it's not because he likes me! He just does it to humiliate me. I mean, come on! He's asked me out everyday for the past three years. HAHAHA! The joke's not funny anymore. I just wish that he would fucking leave me alone! Yet here he is, standing outside my dormitory asking whether or not he can come in. There's something about his tone that makes me think that maybe he isn't here to ask me out so I decide to be the bigger person and allow him to come in.
"What do you want" I ask him in an impatient tone. I may have let him come in, but that doesn't mean that I like or want him standing in the middle of my bloody dorm. "I um..I guess I wantedtocomeandapologize." he says, saying the last bit so fast that I could barely make it out. "What?" I ask, more curious than impatient this time. "I wanted," he pauses, taking a deep breath, "to come and apologize.". I was in shock. Potter never apologized to anyone, let alone me. And what was he even apologizing for? He has asked me out everyday since third year, so what makes today any different. I raise an eyebrow. It's a cool trick that my dad taught me last summer. I think Potter sees my look and answers the questions that it gave out. "I wanted to apologize for provoking Sniv...I mean Snape." he corrects, after seeing my look. "Look Evans, I'm really sorry. I provoked him. Shit, I really shouldn't have done that. I really hope that you can forgive me.". Wow. He was actually sorry. If I couldn't see his face I would have thought this was just another one of his jokes. But there was something about that look on his face that made me believe him. And, was he seriously apologizing for THAT! That was, for once, not his fault. It was Snape's. He never should have called me that word. We've been drifting apart for a while now so I guess I should have known it was coming. He calls every other muggleborn 'mudblood', why should I be any different? If I'm being completely honest with myself, I'm actually grateful that Potter was a complete prick today and provoked him. It made me realise that Snape just isn't the same boy that I met at the park when I was nine. He isn't the same boy who told me all about magic. He isn't the same boy who said me being a muggleborn didn't matter. He's changed. I miss him. I miss my childhood best friend but it's time to move on.
I look up at Potter and say, "You know, for once you didn't actually do anything wrong. There's nothing to forgive you for but thanks for the apology I guess.". For the first time Potter looks at me. Like properly. He sees the traintrack tear stains on my cheeks and my bloodshot eyes. He sees my messy hair and pale, clammy skin. But he doesn't flinch. In fact, he does something that I didn't think he was capable of. Wow, that's twice in one day. He looks at me, seriously, and asks, "Evans, are you actually ok? That word is so vile and horrible and you need to know that you don't deserve. Fuck, Lily. You don't deserve any of this.". He gives me another look and takes a deep breath and says, "You're everything good in this world Lily Evans, don't forget that. I'm sorry for being such an ignorant, arrogant prick over the years. I guess I was just a stupid teenage boy being an ass to attract the attention of a pretty girl. I really am sorry. I can only hope that you will be able to forgive me one day.". And with that, he left.
After he closed the door, I gaped at it. I probably stood there for a couple of minutes but I was in complete and utter shock. Potter just apologized. James Potter just apologized to me. And he actually made me feel somewhat better. Never thought I'd see the day. Let's just hope that he will finally stop asking me out now. Oh, I really hope so. We might (and I mean might) be able to become, acquaintances some day. Maybe even friends.
What.
The.
Fuck.
Had you told me this morning that my closest friend in the world would stab me in the heart and call me the worst thing that you can possible call someone like me, and that James Potter would apologize for being a prick and make me feel better, I would have told you to go to an insane asylum. It's just so crazy.
Well, I should probably go and revise for transfiguration now. I walk down to the common room after washing my face and tying my hair back to make me look kind of ok, and try to find Marlene. Oh, there she is! But, oh my godric, she's flirting with Sirius Black. Don't tell anyone, but I think that she has a MASSIVE crush on him. I had never seen Marlene McKinnon blush before two night ago, and when I asked her what had her grinning like a Cheshire cat she said she had just been speaking to Black. Black is Potter's double. They're literally brothers and inseparable. It's like they can read each others minds.
Let me tell you about the 'Marauders'. They are the biggest pranksters in school and literally everyone loves them. Well, everyone but me, my girls and the Slytherins. They're excessively likeable and 'hilarious'. I don't really see why everyone likes them. Maybe it's because they're all decent looking. Ugh, am I actually admitting that James Potter isn't totally ugly? Shit, Lily. What has happened to you? The Marauders are made up of James Potter (the ringleader), Sirius Black (his partner in crime), Remus Lupin (the smart, funny prefect) and Peter Pettigrew. I feel kinda bad for Peter. He doesn't really fit in with the rest of the group. He's not good looking and he doesn't really seem that funny. Honestly, I highly doubt that he would even be in their group if he wasn't in their dormitory. Remus Lupin is actually my friend and fellow prefect. We got close this year after we were both made prefects. He's really nice and quite funny. To be honest, I don't really see why he hangs out with Black and Potter. He could actually do really well for himself if they didn't keep forcing him to miss days of school. Poor Remus also has a massive secret. He's a werewolf. He didn't outright tell me this, I just found out for myself. He disappears for a couple of days every month, and says that he is off visiting his sick mother. After a while though, I started to get suspicious so I consulted the moon chart and he always disappeared on the full moon. He also has a couple of scars on his face and refuses to ever take his shirt off or even roll up his sleeves in the presence of others (well, other than the marauders). He also eats quite rare steaks and is quite strong. He also snaps a lot more nearer the full moon due to his senses being heightened. I know that he's a werewolf but I haven't told him yet. It's not really any of my business and I certainly won't be telling anyone else. Being a werewolf doesn't change who he is. He is still the nice, kind, funny boy that he's always been. He just has a problem.
Severus Snape is the only person outside of myself and the Marauders to know about Remus' condition. Towards the start of this year, he started getting really suspicious as to where Remus went every month and one day Black told him how to get into the Whomping Willow to find out the secret. It was really dumb on Black's part but even dumber on Severus. I actually cannot fathom his thinking. Oh yes, let's just go down and see a fully fledged werewolf. Like what the actual fuck was he thinking? If Potter hadn't been there to save his ass, he would have died. All I could think of was poor Remus. If he hurt somebody, never mind killed them, he would ever forgive himself.
That was when I first started to believe that Severus was changing, for the worse. After the incident, I confronted him about it and said that if Potter wasn't there to save him, he would have died! What did the asshole turn around and say then? He said that if it had been the other way around, he wouldn't have done the same.
Thinking about it, I'm glad that he's out of my life. Really glad.
A/N - I know that Bellatrix is a couple of years older than this but in this story she'll be the same age as the Marauders.
xoxo