Words tumbled out of Adira's mouth in a cascade of explanations and truths that she did not have time to edit or phrase in the polite ways she had been schooled to express herself. A part of her knew that she likely sounded stupid, and that it was stupid in itself to be vomiting her life at this boy's feet when he probably felt nothing more than a passing fancy for her.
Still, there was some part of Adira that didn't care if he thought less of her for speaking like this. She would rather had him think ill of her for the truth than leave this place believing that she was the kind of person who would string along someone like him.
As she spoke Xavier's posture stiffened even further to the point that she was worried his frame would crack under the strain of it. She kept speaking though, terrified that if she did not say what she needed to quickly enough that he would change his mind about listening to her and turn away.
Xavier's face remained a tight shield, not letting her know anything about what he was thinking of feeling and then Adira told him about the threat that Gregar had issued while holding her arm and she watched Xavier's eyes flash with anger on her behalf.
The mask cracked and his arms fell.
"You can't marry him," said Xavier.
"I don't want to," she said looking away. "But I don't think...I don't think I have a choice."
"Surely your parents can be reasoned with," said Xavier stepping forward for the first time.
Adira felt a rush of hope despite the futility of her own situation.
He believed her. That fact alone assuaged her pain.
Xavier shook his head.
"If not your step-father at least your mother?" the question hung in the air.
My mother...
Adira thought of her beautiful regal mother who adored the high society life.
She wanted to believe that was Xavier had said was true, yet some gnawing part of her told her that her mother had contributed as much into the arrangement as her father.
"I only want what's best for you," her mother had said those words so many times Adira could hear every intonation in her mind as she played them over.
But this isn't best for me, she answered back silently and she looked up at Xavier.
Adira wished he would just wrap his arms around her and hold her. She wouldn't stop him. She didn't care if someone saw. She wanted the comfort she knew it would bring her.
Instead she answered Xavier's question with the answer that stood out.
"She probably sees it as a good match."
Xavier snorted.
"A blind man could see that its a terrible match. He's twice your age and clearly has no respect for you."
"As if I need a reminder of that," she cried out surprising herself by her own outburst.
Xavier looked as if he had been slapped and she immediately regretted having shouted at him when all he was trying to do was fix the shipwreck that was her life.
"I'm sorry," he managed.
"No," she shook her head and reached out to touch his arm her hand falling away at the last moment afraid her touch would be rejected. "I shouldn't have shouted at you."
Xavier's eyes lingered on her hand Adira wondered if it had been wrong of her to reach out.
Xavier moved suddenly forward took her by the shoulders.
"What if there was another way?" he asked.
Adira looked up into Xavier's face. He looked so vulnerable in that moment she wondered what was going on inside him to make him look that way.
"What if..." Xavier swallowed. "Someone else were to propose?"
"No one else is going to propose to me Xavier," she said shaking her head. "I haven't even had my debut so it would be against social protocol for-"
"I don't give a damn about social protocol if it means seeing you sold off to someone who would hurt you."
The sudden passion in Xavier's voice startled Adira and she blinked.
Xavier looked over his shoulder as if he expected someone to be there watching them. Then he turned back and grabbed a hold of Adira's arm pulling her out onto the balcony.
The second they were outside Xavier's mouth swept down and met hers.
Adira's whole body froze and the unexpected kiss.
Shock gave way to heat.
The feel of Xavier's warm lips pressed against hers had tingles shooting all up and down her arms.
He held her there, his hands against her face and in her hair holding her to him like she was something he was worried would slip away.
Is this what its like to really kiss? Adira wondered, having no kisses except the unwanted advancements of clumsy boys, to compare it to.
If this is what kissing was really like then she could understand why people wanted to do it so often.
After a moment Xavier pulled back and Adira blinked wide-eyed up at him.
"Tell me you felt something," he said, his thumbs brushing against her cheek.
She felt something alright.
She felt breathless.
She nodded numbly feeling oddly aware of her own mouth and how it felt without his.
"Then marry me instead."
-
His declaration washed over her like a wave and she felt herself being pulled under by the idea that she could have him instead.
"I can't profess love yet," continued Xavier as if he were afraid of how she would answer without him adding more. "But I have been drawn to you from the first moment I laid eyes on you and I can not think of another who I would rather be with. I feel like if I let you be married off to him, I will regret it for the rest of my life."
"Xavier..." Adira tried to interject.
"My family is well off. We have money, its not a bad match."
"I don't care about money," she managed wondering how he could think that was important to her. It never had been, and she remembered a time when she had been without it.
"Are you saying no?"
"No!" Adira protested. She grabbed hold of Xavier and kissed him unable to bear him thinking that this offer was anything less than everything to her.
This time his arms went around her and she felt the firmness of his chest against her own. She could feel his heartbeat hammering in his chest as loudly as her own. It was an odd comfort in the middle of the chaos to know that he was just as affected by their kiss as she was.
Adira started to feel light headed from forgetting or rather not knowing how to breath in a kiss.When she turned her head to the side and pressed it against his chest she felt as if she would topple over if not for his hold on her.
"Xavier," she swallowed. "You would be my first choice," she muttered into his clothing. "Even if things were different you would be my first choice."
Xavier pushed her gently back so that he could see her face.
"You mean that?" he asked earnestly.
"Yes," she managed. "I know its silly, and I know we both barely know each other, but I feel like I could love you."
"I feel like I could love you too," answered Xavier. "Would you say yes?" he asked. "If your family allowed it, would you say yes?"
"Yes."
Xavier seemed to let out a breath and when he stepped back she saw that he was a little shaky.
"Wow...okay," he nodded. "Okay."
He looked more pale than usual, his olive skin had blanched slightly.
"Xavier are you alright?"
"Yeah," he shoved a hand through his hair. "I'm fine," he reassured her "Its just a lot all at once. This wasn't exactly how I had envisioned my night going."
Adira let out a small chuckle.
"Me neither," she agreed.
Then she paused.
Xavier was kind.
Xavier was good.
Xavier deserved to be happy.
He didn't deserve to be chained to someone for the rest of his life because of an act of kindness. Just because he was her first choice didn't mean that she would have been his. Doubt swarmed inside Adira.
"You know you don't have to do this Xavier," she said dipping her head down. "Its noble of you but you don't-"
"I'm going to stop you right there," said Xavier. "Being with you, choosing you would not be a sacrifice or a burden. I came here with my cousin specifically to get to know you better with the intent of finding out if what we had would become something more," he swallowed. "Its fast, and I am not exactly ready or prepared, but arrangements happen all the time and...if I had to marry tomorrow you would be my first choice too Adira."
I would be his first choice too?
"Really?" Adira managed.
"Really," he nodded and then looked down at her and a small almost shy smile crossed his face.
"What?" she asked.
He blushed the colour returning to his cheeks.
"Can I kiss you again?" he asked and she could hear the hope in his voice. His gentleness was so at odds with the usual Tamerian way. She preferred this.
"Yes," she said blushing, happy that he had asked and that he wanted to kiss her once more.
This time when he bent his head down he did so more slowly, more gently.
She felt his breath a whisper before his lips touched hers and she sighed into his arms and into the kiss.
-
And that is where I leave you for this chapter, something a little lighter and happier for the moment. I hope you enjoyed that sweet little twist. If you like the story please leave a comment to let me know and don't forget to hit that little start to vote so that other people can see this story too. Cheers