2016
"SO? HOW WAS IT?" Jimin looked at Alice expectantly as she tugged the earphone out of her ear.
"It was... amazing!" She smiled widely and looked at him. Jimin's face lit up as he sat up.
"Really? You really think so?" He grinned from ear to ear as his voice went higher in pitch out of excitement.
"Yeah! Jimin, that might be the best song I've heard," she stated.
"Alice..." he squealed and stretched out her name. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders as he smushed his face to her right shoulder that he was closest to. Alice chuckled in response and put her hand on his arm, rubbing it.
He had shown her a song after the release of BTS' second studio album, Wings. Except it wasn't just any song on the album, it was his first solo song, that he named, 'Lie.'
He had told Alice to not play that song by any means necessary, as he wanted to watch her hear it for the first time and get her reaction. Alice had always been so supportive of his career until then, and he knew it would be meaningful if he'd seen her initial reaction to his first solo work. He had put his blood, sweat and tears into that song and even had a rough time in the middle of it. And he wanted Alice to be the first person to hear it in front of him.
It meant the world to him when she complimented his song. Seeing her smile during the entire duration of the song made his heart flutter in excitement.
"Jimin, I'm really proud of you," Alice said as he pulled away from the one-sided hug.
"Thank you," he smiled. "It wasn't really easy for me, too," he nodded a bit and licked his lips.
"Why?" She raised an eyebrow innocently as she looked at him in his dark brown eyes.
"I don't know..." his voice trailed off as his smile faded. "When I was in the middle of writing it, it-it was when I was so self-conscious, you know?" He looked at his hands. "And I felt like I didn't know what I was doing. I mean, Hoseok-hyung and Jungkook were writing their own songs and they effortlessly sounded so good, and I was just wondering what I did wrong."
"Did you feel like the song was off?" She softly asked.
"Yeah, I felt like I had no inspiration to write. And once you feel that way, it's kind of hard to get back on your feet," he explained.
"How did you get back? On your feet?"
"You called me," Jimin smiled gently and looked up at her. She raised her eyebrows in confusion in response. "That day I was considering scrapping the whole thing. You called me and asked how I was doing. And when I said I was fine, you knew I was lying, so you told me to keep my chin up always," he smiled at the memory.
"I don't remember that," Alice bluntly stated, causing an involuntary laugh to fall out of Jimin's mouth as he threw his head back. A nice, touchy moment ruined. Alice just started to laugh along with him, who was nearly about to fall off the dining room chair.
"Maybe it's because you always tell me that," he wiped the corner of his eyes as his laughter died down.
"Tell you what?"
"To keep my chin up," he looked at her. "And thanks to you I always have."
"Good," Alice smiled and reached out her hand to him, softly pushing his chin up physically. Jimin let out a shy chuckle as his ears started turning red.
"How have you been, though?" He ran his hand through his bright blonde hair.
He knew her situation was quite tough then. After her father died, her family had quite the struggle on financial terms, and in order to help her mother, who had been working so many jobs, Alice made the decision to put off school until two years later. She knew that the tuition would suck every ounce of the money they had left, and she didn't want that to happen. So, she got a few jobs and helped get her small family back on their feet. She hated not being able to go to school, as she had dreamed about going to Seoul University since middle school, but she prioritized her mother first. Helping her was the most important thing she could do.
"I've been okay," Alice nodded. She knew she was lying, as she was actually really tired. She had been working two part time jobs back to back, and sometimes felt as if she would collapse on some days.
"Are you sure?" He asked softly. She just nodded in response, avoiding eye contact with him. "Look at me and say that again."
Damn you, Jimin, Alice thought as she turned her head to him, meeting her eyes with his.
"I've been okay," she tried to say it in the same tone as before. Jimin's face fell as he saw her eyes.
"Alice, don't lie to me," he frowned at her.
"I'm not lying. I'll be okay, trust me," she smiled at him reassuringly. Jimin started to notice the dark circles and bags under her eyes, and how each smile of hers only had a hint of happiness.
"Alice..." his voice trailed off.
"Don't worry," Alice chuckled and hit his arm playfully. "Have I ever given up so easily? Hm?"
"No..." Jimin replied. "I just want to look out for you."
"Look out for yourself first. Your own happiness and health should matter over anything," she told him. "Trust me."
He wanted to trust her, he wanted to believe the words she said, but the truth was, he just couldn't.
Because Alice mattered more to him than anything in his life.
-
2020
Alice didn't get an ounce of sleep that night. She kept replaying the scene of her and Jimin's argument in her house, recalling the sound of his yells echoing through the house as she felt small so suddenly. She hated herself for making him angry at her. Sure, they had gotten into fights before, but they were over small things and never gotten so heated as theirs that night. She had planned on telling him soon, and she hated the fact that he found out that way. It made her seem secretive to Jimin, which was the last thing she wanted.
Alice went through another episode of barely paying attention to the professor as she sat through class a couple days later. She didn't even notice when the bell rung, only realizing when she saw people walking out of class in masses.
She finally got out of the building and sat on the steps, running her hands through her hair as she looked at the ground. She had about two more hours until she had to go to work, and she just wanted to go home at this point. She longed to crawl in bed and watch some movies on her phone and let it take her away, but she knew reality was rarely ever that kind to her.
She hurriedly digged through her bag and took out the pack of cigarettes she had regularly started to bring with her everywhere. Usually, she barely smoked earlier in the year, but ever since the eviction notice came into her life, it became a regular habit. She knew it was bad for her, but there was no more damage to be done. This was the first time in her life she had felt completely screwed over.
She quickly lit the cigarette and inhaled, closing her eyes at the feeling. The smoke came out of her nose and she opened her eyes, seeing people walk by her. She could tell people were judging her, as she was the only one sat down on the stairs, in addition to the only one smoking, but she really didn't care.
As she huffed out once more, her eyes that had been glued to the ground landed on a pair of boots that came into her field of vision. They stopped in front of her and she looked up through lidded eyes, seeing a familiar boy stand in front of her with an orange beanie and stupid sunglasses on.
"I'm too sad, I don't want to see you," she said lowly and stuck the cigarette between her lips, looking at the ground again.
He just looked around and sighed. "Get up."
"Jimin-"
"Come on, lets go for a walk," he interrupted her, his voice calm. She released a sigh and stood up, draping her bag onto her shoulder. Jimin looked at her with his eyebrows furrowed before grabbing onto her bag strap and forcibly taking the bag off of her. He draped it over his shoulder and as a finishing touch, he grabbed onto the cigarette hanging from her lips and harshly threw it on the ground, walking away straight after. Alice sighed frustratedly before starting to walk after him.
She followed him until they got to the park on campus, the trees lining up along with the sidewalk, the leaves slightly floating around in the wind. The sun was shining through the near-leafless trees and was emitting onto the sidewalk. Jimin started to walk, putting his hands on his pockets, expecting her to follow. And she did.
"Why are you here, Jimin?" She said lowly, hoping people walking by wouldn't hear her say his name. Her eyes were darted to the ground as they slowly walked together.
"I came to apologize about last night," he replied.
"Why are you sorry?" Alice mumbled dejectedly. She was actually curious as to why he would apologize for getting mad at her for keeping a big of a secret from him. She would've done the same.
"Because I shouldn't yell at you like that. Ever," he sighed.
"I deserved it."
"No, you didn't, Alice," he took a glance at her but continued to look around when he figured that she wasn't going to look at him back. "I just wish you would've told me, you know? We've shared every little thing to each other for 12 years, so I'm just a little hurt."
"I'm sorry," she swallowed. Those two words rarely fell out of her mouth to anyone, but she felt she needed to say it to him.
"Alice..." Jimin mumbled after he heard those words.
"I should have told you, it's just... you were on tour, and I didn't want you to worry about me while you had to be on stage, and stuff," she said before he could say anything else.
"I know that's how you feel, but remember, Alice. I'm your best friend. It's kind of my job to worry about you all the time. It's what you've done to me since we met, right?" He turned his head to her when he saw her apologetic eyes dart to him.
He spotted a bench and he grasped onto her wrist, walking to the bench and sitting down.
"Tell me everything," he crossed his arms and leaned back onto the bench, crossing one leg over the other. Her eyes widened a bit at his request.
"Everything?" She hesitantly asked, earning a single nod from Jimin in return. She sat back into the bench, as she knew it would take a while to tell him the story.
"Well," she started. "Toward the beginning of the school year, my mom started acting secretive, constantly leaving the house and not giving an explanation as to where she was going. And one day, she just didn't come back, and I figured that she'd taken all the money we'd saved up together, which she did." Alice swallowed and looked down at her hands, fumbling her fingers. "She left me in that huge apartment, all alone, never answering my calls, and with a car, and I knew I couldn't pay everything with the money that I had, so I was working two jobs, one being the nursery home and the other being at a restaurant near here. But having two jobs on top of classes and schoolwork, I knew I would fail my classes if I did that, so I stopped working at the restaurant. But then I started missing the bills, because I just couldn't pay for them. Then I got the notice."
"Jesus christ," Jimin whispered and took off his beanie to run his hand through his hair once. "So, what are you going to do?" He asked and put his beanie back on.
"Um, well, I'm selling my car, I've already met the person who wants to buy it. I'll sell most of my furniture, I've sold my nightstand before so I know how to do it. I found this place in Bangbae-Dong, but the owner hasn't really replied to me yet," her voice trailed off as her eyes fell to the ground.
"What about university?" He looked at her with his eyebrows slightly raised. She didn't give an answer, however, Jimin figured it out himself. "You can't, Alice," his face fell.
"Do you think I want to?" Alice looked at him, not being able to make eye contact due to his sunglasses. But Jimin could see her eyes. He didn't think he's ever seen her eyes look like that, so melancholy and despondent. It tugged on his heartstrings, especially when he heard the pain in her voice. "I have to if I want to survive, Jimin," she blinked and looked back at her hands. "Even if it means sacrificing what I love."
Jimin's fists clenched as he heard the words fall out of her mouth.
I'm not going to let that happen, he thought.