Guys, just a little reminder: to live without feelings is to watch without seeing. Normalise loving, caring and being a nice person, being cool or savage isn't going to make you look nice. Emotions are nice, they are to feel not to fake.
AshuX
***
The next day was absolutely hell because Ah Rin and I couldn't get to talking terms. It's ego, on my side too because I was offended that she thought of me that way. And guilt made me unable to look Chance in the eye. Because he didn't ignore me on Monday, he came to pick me up and treated me the same.
Joo Hyun was normal too, he didn't ask me what happened the next morning that I couldn't eat for days. Joo Hyun dropped by home and convinced me to eat. He tried to force me to eat at least ramen, but I wasn't in a mood to eat all.
He sighed, "Eat something, please?"
"Not in the mood," I said as I snuggled into the sheets I put around myself. I flipped through the channels in the television, nothing catching my eye.
"You haven't eaten anything since last Saturday. You have to eat something, it's been three days already!" He groaned.
I turned to him, "Why aren't you mad at me?"
"Should I be?"
"Maybe, because I'm torn with my feelings for Chance." I averted my gaze.
"Ji Hee, listen," He cupped my face, "if Chance was like my ex, I would've made him vanish from your side. You got to know about his side of the story and the decision is yours to make. So what if I love you and you know it? Yes, I was glad by the mere thought that my feelings were reciprocated but even now, I'm happy. Because knowing me, I'd have stayed friends not wanting to confess at all, not wanting to stir trouble in our friendship."
"Why are you so understanding?" I whined, hitting his chest.
He chuckled, "I'll take it as a compliment."
"I am bad at making decisions, I mean look at where I ended up with my decision making skills," I shook my head disapprovingly.
"The first decision you have to make now is not to starve. What do you want to eat? I'll get you." He smiled softly at me.
I pretended to think, "How about just ramen and kimchi?"
"Arasseo (I got it), I'll go make them."
He went to the kitchen to ask my mother for noodles and kimchi. My mother would've been so happy now that I agreed to eat. I have a bad habit of starving myself whenever I hate myself or am upset at myself. I eat extra food when I'm angry at someone else, I really don't understand how my mind works either.
Someone knocked on the door and I dragged my lazy ass to open it. Chance looked at me with a big smile, "Guess who came?"
"Mitchell?" I shoved him aside and ran to hug my raven haired best friend. He chuckled, his deep voice soothing me. He hugged me back just as tight.
"Jiji, oramanhida (long time no see)."
"Koreaboo," I made a face at him.
He chuckled, "I finally get to see you after nearly half a year!"
"I love you for coming here!" I hugged him again.
"I can't breathe."
I let go off him and I couldn't help but smile so wide at my best friend. I didn't how I lived so many months without seeing his goofy smile and hugging him. He gives the best cuddles, trust me, he is the best cuddle bug.
"Ji Hee, have you been not eating well?" Chance asked, his brows drawn together.
I averted my gaze, "Nope."
"She hasn't eaten anything in days, help me feed her!" Joo Hyun's voice piped in. As he came, Mitch narrowed his eyes at him like the drama King he is.
"Did you replace me as a best friend with this guy?" He asked, accusingly.
I rolled my eyes, "Chichi, no one can replace you."
Joo Hyun rushed us inside. As they got in, I couldn't help but overhear Chance mumbling, "Yeah, she replaced me though."
The words stung and I lost my appetite once again. As I entered the living room, I saw my mother already making sure that Mitch feels at home. My father isn't home yet and Ji Hun is a stray dog, he wanders till it's dinner time.
"Why were you skipping meals, you idiot?" Mitch asked once my mother left us four alone.
I shrugged, "On a diet."
"Really?"
"No."
"I can make her eat," Chance grabbed the bowl of noodles from Joo Hyun. Joo Hyun sighed in relief with his help. Chance turned to me with puppy eyes which worked on me almost all the time.
"Eat some?" He pouted.
I rolled my eyes, "That isn't going to work on me."
"Just eat it, bitch, you ain't a kid still!" Mitch exclaimed.
"Make me, jerk."
"Nah, I'm done taking care of you both children. Dada bear needs rest from you!" Mitch glared at Chance and me.
Chance sighed, "Ah Rin and Mitch are dating."
My jaw fell, "Wha-"
He used it as an opportunity to put some noodles in my mouth and then closed it. To be dramatic, he even bent my head backwards so that I'd swallow. Once I was done eating that mouthful, I glared at him.
"So it was a lie?"
Mitch butted in without a smirk, "She knows me for long enough but now that I am here, I can have her in a blink."
"Doesn't she love Kang Joon?" Joo Hyun asked.
Mitch shrugged, "Not for long,"
"What's the deal with you girls anyway?" Chance asked as he fed me another mouthful. I dared him to bend my head again with a deadly glare.
Joo Hyun soon went home after informing that he has to practice for to teach the lesson tomorrow. Mitch was fast asleeping and I let him sleep till Chance was to leave. I think they'll share the house again.
We both were in my room along with Mitch who sleeping on my bed. Chance and I weren't awkward although his words really stung. I didn't want to replace him by will or want. Maybe I did want to replace him in the need of moving on. I regret moving on.
"I was going to propose you that day," He said as he stared at his phone's lockscreen. It was a picture of our last proper date. I couldn't help but get teary at that thought. He continued, "If things were different, we would've been married by now. But you were trying to repaint our memories with someone else, it really hurt me. I will be okay though, maybe we were meant to meet, not meant to be."
"I'm sorry...for messing things up..." I didn't know what to say. Even if I did know what to say, my voice wouldn't let me. I knew I would cry if I speak anymore so I didn't.
"It's not your fault...I just realised that I gave my everything to work and made you feel unwanted. I was working hard so we could have a nice wedding, all on my money instead of our parents. I wanted to surprise you, satisfy you and all that- I am making you uncomfortable, aren't I?" He sighed at the end.
I shook my head as I swallowed my tears, "I really didn't see that coming. I did hope you would propose me that day, some part of me did expect that."
"What we had was something so special, Ji Hee, I wanted to put a ring on that, I just didn't know that it would go this way either." He smiled sadly.
I nodded, "I was waiting for that, to show off my ring, to show that I lived a fairytale too."
What we had was indeed one of the rare, best kind of love stories. We were the cutest couple around back then. We were adored by everyone, our memories were everything anyone would want to live in. I could've lived a fairytale now if only I was a little better at understanding, if only he was a little better at communicating. If he was clear or open with intentions, maybe we would've been married by now. And it hurts me lot as I think about how a few small things could disturb everything in a relationship.
"I did come to airport that day..."
My eyes snapped to his, "You did?"
He nodded, "I even bumped into you but you were so lost in thoughts to notice me."
"Oh..."
"I, I knew you were videocalling Mitch a lot so I wantedly brought Linda home. I thought it would make you jealous, but you used it a reason to move on...I wasn't expecting that."
I hit his chest hardly, a tear slipping from my cheek, "I- just why-"
"I love you, Ji Hee." He said as he cupped my face.
My eyes widened, "I-I"
"But I am letting you go,"
I could do nothing but stare. He kissed my forehead before letting me go. "I did come here with a ray of hope making you mine again. But when I looked at Joo Hyun, I think you are a match made in heaven. He understands you, doesn't judge you and that's all I want. It hurts me, not going to lie but if you chose him over me, I'm okay with that. He is a good guy, he won't hurt you."
"What are say-"
He cut me off, "If you loved me really, as much as I loved you, you wouldn't have fell for Joo Hyun so easily. It's okay, my pride won't let me be a sympathy case either. If you have to choose between us, choose him because if you loved me truly, he wouldn't be in the choices even."
"I- Chance, you-"
He squeezed my arm in reassurance. "Before us, we were best friends, let's stay that way. I won't make you uncomfortable again."
"...thank you." Was all I could say.
He shrugged with a smile, "No problem, I am your best friend afterall."
Things were finally back into their places and everything felt nice as the months flew by. Ah Rin and I forgave each other, everything was back to being good. Except for May complaining that she's alone there in Texas now.
Mitch, who said that he would make Ah Rin fall for him, fell for May instead. They just started dating last week, it's a little hard with the distance now. Kang Joon and Ah Rin have gone on a couple of dates but nothing new, they fight like old enemies.
So Mi and her boyfriend were doing good too. Her boyfriend was too shy to join us when we ask him but he was a good guy. So Mi really loved him a lot.
Joo Hyun and I were still in a happy confusion. Chance was happy too, he was trying to move on but not the way I did. He chose to accept the present instead of forgetting our past or repainting our memories with someone else.
Ah Rin and So Mi were back at playing cupid, trying to set Chance on blind dates. At first, it was awkward but then he didn't go to one even. He was hell bent on finding someone naturally, just like me. He was still my best friend, we weren't even awkward now and that's the best part of it.
Everyone were happy and it felt nice. No matter how many times I regret and cry over Chance's explanation, reasons and real intentions, I couldn't fix things with us. Because I loved Joo Hyun a lot. And Chance didn't want to break us apart the way he tried to in the starting.
Chance even became the person to tell Joo Hyun about my favourites and about me a lot. In his defense, he didn't want Joo Hyun to be a bad boyfriend. My friends wouldn't let us breathe after knowing that we both love each other. We were yet to date, we didn't want a label on us still. I was finally happy with everything, no hurting or regrets. I was enjoying the happy middle, I didn't expect mine to be a happy ever after without dating. I wanted to take things slow and Joo Hyun wanted the same. What we have, we won't let it be forgotten now.