Before You Go by Lewis Capaldi
So, before you go
Was there something I could have said to make it all feel better?
If only I'd have known you were the storm to weather
So, before you go
Was there something I could have said to to make it all stop hurting?
It kills me how your mind can make you feel so worthless
CHAPTER SIXTY-TWO
"It's Cesar's birthday today," Nina said suddenly looking up at her ceiling. The twins brought the small projector she made for them, to keep her amused when ever she was alone. But she thought it would be nice looking up at the so called stars with Oscar.
She looked over to Oscar who was also looking at the ceiling. They were laying next to each other on the hospital bed. Her arms were wrapped around his torso while his arm was around her shoulders and the other laid on the back of his head. As Oscar stayed silent about what Nina said, she looks at him and she finds herself staring at his face. He looked so beautiful, she thought.
"I know," Oscar rasped after awhile. He could feel her staring and he could sense that she wanted to talk about Cesar. With one look from her he knew that he just might talk about it. But he didn't really want to right now.
"I know you miss him," he could hear her smiling a little. With that he looked at her and seeing her big brown eyes made his heart flutter. The look she gave him seemed so innocent and so pure. As if she was still hoping that things would go right for him and Cesar.
"Baby," he said softly looking at her features. He badly wanted to kiss her in that moment with one glance at her lips. "Just drop it okay, please?" he pleaded.
Please don't say anything else. Please don't say anything else.
She sighs and suddenly decides to kiss him on the lips. The kiss was sweet and it didn't last long as he'd hoped but it made him feel warm and fuzzy. "What was that for?" he asked in a soft tone still looking at her lips. That kiss felt way too good to be that short, goddamn.
"¿Necesito una razon para besar mi novio?," she smirked a little as Oscar chuckled.
Why was she so cute? "Alright, what are you hiding?" he smirked back at her making Nina's eyes go wide.
"Do I gotta hide something from you to be sweet with you?" she blushed. Her voice sounded a little higher because she was hiding something from him. There was the fact that he still didn't know that Cesar was visiting her and the fact that he was hiding in the hospital lounge as they laid together. And then there was the fact that Cesar was leaving Freeridge.
"You're voice sounded higher. You are hiding something from me," he pointed at her accusingly and started laughing. "Ayt, who's the nurse you're crushing on. It's that puto with the glasses huh? He made a move on you didn't he? Imma about to go Spooky mode all up in this hospital-"
"Oscar stop!" Nina laughed loudly pulling him back into the bed as he was straight up about to get up and leave the room. It felt good to laugh without her ribs hurting as much anymore. "That so called puto didn't do anything to me," she tried catching her breath.
"So you admit you're crushing on him? Damn, mami, if you don't wanna be with anymore you could've just said so," he pretended to act out once more making Nina slap his arm. "Ow!" yup, she still hits pretty hard.
"Okay, that one wasn't funny. I wouldn't trade your ass for anything you know that," Nina argued back glaring at him a little. Oscar chuckles a bit more before pulling Nina even closer to his body.
"So what are you hiding?" He asks smoothly before starting to kiss her neck. "I know I can't tickle you but I got other ways to get it out of you. I know wassup, Nina," he whispered placing another kiss on her neck. And another. And another. And a fucking other.
"You horny piece of shit. You know we can't f-fuck," her breath had suddenly become shaky.
"Me? Horny?" he teased in between kisses. "I'm just giving my lady kisses. What's so bad about that?" He smirked against her skin and in that instant she feels herself go red.
"Is this your plan then? To get me hot and bothered so I can t-taaah," she felt her toes curl as a moan escapes her lips. The heart monitor was starting to quicken as well.
"It's working," he smirked against her skin just as he sucked on the sensitive pulsing spot on her neck.
"Oh, fuck you."
"You'd like that. Don't you, babygirl?" he said slyly in a dark tone. The pet name he gave her made the heart monitor spike as her breath hitched a little.
Fuck, motherfucker knew what he was doing. Fuck.
"Alright! Alright! Cut that shit out," Nina whimpered as she gave Oscar a little shove. He noticed how red she was and couldn't help but laugh at her. "Give me a fucking minute. What the fuck," she took a deep breath.
Oscar kept laughing at the fact that she was swearing so much again. First she'd be all sweet and geeky and in one moment next she had the dirtiest mouth. "You gonna talk yet or what?" he nodded with a smirk earning a glare from his novia.
"You try that shit with me again and I will fuck you up," she dead panned.
"Ay stop avoiding the topic, mamas!"
"Give me a fucking minute!" Nina snapped before laughing it off. She took one more breath and then looked back at Oscar who raised his eyebrows looking all smooth, implying that he was still waiting.
Motherfucker.
"Cesar comes to visit me every now and then," she said the moment she was able to calm down. There didn't seem to be a change in his expression as all he did was sigh. That wasn't the whole truth however, but as long as Cesar was still in Freeridge, she was going to keep her promise.
"Nina, I know."
Her eyes widened once more as Oscar still hadn't shown much of a change in his expression. "Wait, what? Are you serious? How'd you know?" she furrowed her eyebrows.
"I knew that his crew was visiting you and it only made sense that they'd bring him along too. Plus all those times that you kept saying that you were working over the budgets and planning on commissions?" He explained but Nina dead panned him at the mention of all the money things she'd been doing.
"Okay maybe you were actually serious with those ones," he corrected himself seeing Nina looking pissed. "But with Cesar it just made sense that he would visit you. Plus, I found him and his friends trying to hide behind the nurse station. Jamal be making it too obvious."
When Oscar mentioned Jamal's name Nina instantly started laughing. Jamal made it look like they were trying to escape a robbery every time she would say that Oscar would be on his way. Nina understood his point for Jamal not making it too obvious but the fact that he put so much effort into it ruined the whole thing.
"I swear to God, that was weird as fuck," he shook his head with a chuckle.
"I mean you gotta love him. He's funny as hell," Nina added but things shifted a little when the laughter began to dial down. "Wait, so you're not mad that he comes to visit me?" she asked going back to topic.
Oscar sighed thinking that either way, they were going to be talking about this whether he liked it or not. "I can't really stop him from letting him come and see you. I mean, you looked after him while I was gone and my mom left before I did. That just made him see you as his mom," he answered.
"I don't blame him for coming to see you either. Nina you almost died," he reminded the both of them in that moment. "He hadn't seen you in awhile and the next thing he hears from you is that you get jumped on and shot by the Prophet$. He must've been scared shitless knowing that his mother-big sister figure nearly died."
Listening to Oscar talk about Cesar in that kind of tone really made Nina realized that he still cared for his little brother amidst the mess Cuchillos had put him in the first place. All of this wasn't unfair for Oscar as he was forced to hurt and push his brother away. And now Cesar was about to leave him for good.
"I took care of him for four years. How am I suddenly his mother figure?" Nina questioned.
"The same way how the twins see me as some kind of dad. And you've been more of a mother to him this entire time more than his own mother ever was. I don't gotta see it to know that you raised that kid right," he said sincerely and if Nina were being honest, it meant a lot to hear those words coming from him. Especially when they had just lost their baby.
"So you're not mad? Does Cuchillos know that he's here? Won't she go all batshit crazy or something?" Nina continued to question.
"Cuchillos is smart enough not to bring that kind of mess into a hospital. Heck it was smart of him to stay here instead of spending most of his time on the streets or wherever he is now," he said with a slight sad undertone.
"Speaking of Cuchillos, she knows about what you did. And I don't know how but she also saw the security cam tapes," he said out of nowhere again triggering Nina a little.
"How the hel-"
"I don't know, baby," Oscar shook his head. "But regardless, she saw. Said you'd make a great Santo," when Oscar added that Nina felt her blood go cold. He didn't exactly know why he was telling her all of this. Maybe it was the fact that it sort of bothered him.
Cuchillos wasn't the type to comment about people on the outside. So for her to comment about Nina becoming an asset to the Santos was weird and just plain out of the blue. It also bothered him how she was able to get a hold of the security footage. Unless she had someone inside the police then maybe it would've made a little sense.
Nina was rattled hearing that. To think that some gang boss was sort of considering her to be a part of a gang scared her. Nina didn't want to be a part of it and there's a reason why Oscar kept her out of it all this time. He'd protected her all this time and the last thing they both wanted was for Nina to get jumped into the Santos.
"Oscar, you know that I can't. There's no describing it, I'm not doing it," Nina shook her head in all seriousness looking at her boyfriend. How the hell did talking about Cesar turn into this?
"I know they call me Lady Spooky for the fun of it but all jokes a side, Oscar, I do not want to be a part of the Santos," she added in distress.
"I know, baby. I know," Oscar squeezed her arm a little. "Just because she made that comment doesn't mean that you're actually getting jumped. You don't have to stress out about it. She's not gonna do anything about it without talking to me. I'm gonna be sure it doesn't happen," he assures her.
Hearing her heart monitor spiking once more, he pulls her into a hug to comfort her. He could sense how scared she was. Nina was smart in different kinds of ways but she was too good for the Santos. A girl like her didn't deserve to be stuck in this kind of life knowing she had all the potential to make it out. She was too good, she was too pure. This wasn't something she couldn't bear to handle.
"I got you. No one else is gonna hurt you. Not while I'm around," he cooed rubbing her arm up and down. He'd die if anything else happened to her. After talking about Cesar he felt a little guilty for changing the topic like this. He didn't mean to scare her like that.
"I love you," he hears her say softly and he looks down at her. Those goddamn eyes, he could stare at them all day. He could stare at her all day.
"I love you," he says before leaning in for a kiss. Nina's hands inch up to the back of his neck to pull him in closer. She wished they were both out of this bed. The day of her discharged couldn't come any slower. She desperately wanted to go home and be with her family. She wanted the luxury of just being back at her own bed and having more control with everything in her life.
They continued kissing only to be interrupted by a nurse. "Uhm, visiting hours are almost over."
The two of them looked over at the male nurse wearing glasses. The nurse they had been talking about not too long ago. "And I don't really recommend having two people in the bed at once. Nor do I recommend what y-you guys were about to do."
"O-oh we weren't-"
"You got a problem, cabrón?" Oscar glared at the male nurse making Nina slap his arm and call him out. But the nurse only looked at Oscar and blushed. The nurses bathed his eyelashes and apologized before walking away blushing.
"I told you he was into you."
Nina snorted. "I think he was more into you."
A few more moments pass and Oscar finally leaves Nina for the night with one last kiss. Nina waits it out a little before calling up Cesar who she assumed was still waiting in the visitor's lounge. It took awhile but he eventually picked up after a few rings.
"Hey, your brother just left but visiting hours are over. I guess you'll be stuck there until morning," she says after hearing Cesar pick up. "Unless we can try to sneak you in again like we did the first time around-"
"Nina, it's fine. I left the hospital a few hours ago," Cesar admitted in a low tone.
"You did WHAT?!" Nina exclaimed. "Cesar I know that this plan isn't full proof but-"
"Nina, I can't stay in there FOREVER!" he yelled causing her to jump a little. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell. But Nina I can't keep hiding all this time."
Her eyes started watering. She knew where thus was going. "Cesar, we'll figure something out. Maybe if I talk to Oscar about it he'll-"
"There won't be getting through with Oscar," he replied sadly. "Look, the homies cleaned the cash. It's ready I can go. I'll be leaving tomorrow morning. I can't stay here any longer. I'm sorry, Nina."
"I didn't even get to say goodbye properly," she already found herself crying. Hearing her say that caused Cesar to tear up as well. He didn't want to go but he had to. All of this just all seemed so unfair. "If I knew that was going to be the last time you'd hug me I would've hugged you a little longer."
In that moment she thought of Tony. Nina felt like she was losing another person so close to her. The past few days of just her going back and forth with Cesar trying to keep him safe in this hospital, even trying to sneak him in past the nurses station and into the room. Even pleading with a nurse to just let him stay because he was homeless. Now she was never going to see him again.
It all just hurt her thinking there was something she could've done. Fuck Cuchillos. Fuck this Santos bullshit. He was just a kid.
"Why do you have to be so sentimental?" he tried brushing off with a laugh but only ended up crying even more. He probably should've said his goodbye in person, not like this. He owed a lot to Nina for them to just part ways like this. He knew she didn't deserve this.
"I don't know what else to say to you," Nina stifled a chuckle as she wiped away her tears. "I wish things didn't have to end this way. If things clear up I'll tell you. Maybe I can drive to wherever you are when things clear up. Or send something to make me know you're okay."
"I don't wanna let you go like this but I know I have to. I just wish there was something more I could do to help you," she sniffed hearing him cry on the other line as well.
Cesar's heart was starting to feel heavy. To shit with all of this hiding. He wanted to turn back and say goodbye properly but he knew he couldn't. He knew how much Nina blamed herself for this. He knew how she held herself accountable for his safety when she'd been protecting him the past couple for years.
He loved Nina too much and this was how they were saying goodbye. Through a fucking phone call? Bullshit.
"You've done more than enough for me, Nina. It was more than you just looking out for me. I didn't just see you as a big sister I saw you as mom. And there is nothing else I can do to show how thankful I am for looking after me these four years," he cried as a tear rolled down Nina's cheek as well.
"Just come home when you can. If you ever find the need to come home just do it okay? I'll come find you, I'll think of more ways. I don't care what Oscar says. I don't care what the Santos says. If you want to come home, if you need to come home just do it," Nina said into the phone and Cesar cried even harder. He knew he couldn't come home even if he wanted to.
"Or no matter how long it takes I just want you to come home eventually okay?" she forced a happy tone as she wiped away her tears. "There'll be a batch of newly baked cookies waiting for you. Oh my God, I feel like I could've baked you some cookies before you left," she laughed hearing Cesar do the same.
"Please be safe. If anything happens to you I swear to God- watch your ass boy, I mean it," she choked out on a sob. "You hang on to that cash, be smart with it. Watch where you're going and who you're going to end up with wherever you are. Just... please, Cesar, please be careful and take care of yourself," Nina wiped away a tear.
"I love you, Cesar," she sniffed.
The boy shook his head feeling his heart grow heavy. He was a fool thinking this would've been easy. He kept crying, he didn't think saying goodbye to her would be this hard and heavy for him. But here he was on the street saying goodbye to the girl he looked up to so much.
"I love you too, Nina."
With that the call ended, he couldn't take it anymore. When the line when flat, Nina felt her heart breaking again as she'd said goodbye to her little brother just like that. It had been awhile since she cried herself to sleep.
-
"Hey."
It was the next day. Nina was staring at her phone thinking about how she was gonna tell Oscar that Cesar was on a bus leaving Freeridge bound to God knows where. It kept her up all night thinking about it. She only hoped that he was safe to where he was and to wherever he was going.
"Hey," Nina smiled a little seeing Oscar by the door carrying a pink box. She got a little excited knowing he brought food. "I was just about to call you to come over," she added putting her phone done on the table next to her.
"I got a surprise for you," he nodded with a smirk on his lips.
Nina eyed the pink box and found herself smiling a little. "You got me donuts?"
"Better," he nodded once more and taking a step back. Nina furrowed her eyebrows in confusion but she had instantly felt like crying seeing what the actual surprise was.
"CESAR!"
She cried jumping out of the bed as the teen ran over to her to give her a hug. Nina felt overwhelmed with happiness, she couldn't believe he was here and the fact that Oscar brought him here. "But I thought-"
"Oscar got me out. He got me back into the Santos and we finally figured out how to take down the rest of the Prophet$ including Marcus," Cesar smiled as Nina kept touching his face. This boy was real. He was back and he was real. Nina looked at Oscar not quite understanding what they did.
"I'll tell you about it later," he smiled walking into the room.
"I can't believe you're here and Oscar brought you here. You're in the same room together. What the fuck I'm so happy that you're okay," Nina said through her happy tears before showering Cesar's face with kisses. Oscar couldn't help but smile seeing how happy Nina was.
Cesar snorted. "Damn you really are like a mom."
"You sure you wanna be kissing him like that? I mean he fell into a-" Oscar stopped himself from talking and Nina looked at him weirdly. He didn't know how to explain that his little brother was mere feet away from a pile of blood when he found him in the Prophet$ trap house.
"Cesar, you should go wash your face. Use soap," Oscar turns to his little brother. "You know what? Maybe you should just take a shower in the bathroom," he insisted and Cesar's eyes went wide for a moment.
"Yea, right. You don't know where I was in the Prophet$ trap house," Cesar chuckled awkwardly and Nina took a step back with her eyes wide as well.
"Okay, I'm gonna go brush my teeth first."
After getting themselves cleaned up, all the donuts were gone, and Cesar was passed out on Nina's hospital bed. Nina had to explain that the kid needed more rest than her every time the nurse checked up on her. The nurses knew what was up so it was okay with them as long as they don't violate their protocols again.
Nina was watching Cesar sleep for a moment thinking how he must've been so tired. Now that he was safe, the kid could finally breath. In that moment Oscar was watching Nina who was cuddling close to him on the cushioned chair.
"What you thinking about, mamas?" he asked her softly tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear.
"I can't believe Cesar's here," she answered in amazement. She cried all night worrying about him and wondering if she was ever going to see him again. Now he was here just sleeping in the hospital bed, cuddled up next to Baby Spooky. "How exactly did you do it?" she turned to Oscar.
"I had to buy him out," Oscar replied.
"With what kind of cash?"
"Cesar's cut from the Rollerworld money."
Nina furrowed her eyebrows. "You knew about that too?"
Oscar hummed a response. "Cesar came to me last night asking for help," he began. "He was crying and begging for me to take him back but I knew I couldn't. I told him he'd have to do something bigger to prove himself, his loyalty to the Santos and to Cuchillos."
"When he told me that his friends found the Rollerworld money, it gave me the idea of actually buying him back in," he continued. "Earlier today his boys came in handing me the rest of the Rollerworld cash. I had to make them think I wouldn't actually be helping Cesar. We had to make them believe he was going away to protect his friends."
"So you gave the Prophet$ the Rollerworld cash to buy Cesar back his safety and into the Santos?" Nina asked. "Buying his safety with the money, I get. But how does that prove himself loyal and buy him back into the Santos."
"It's simple, mi vida," Oscar started smirking. "I exchanged the Rollerworld money with the marked bills from the Freeridge Savings Heist. If the Prophet$ take the bait, it won't be long until they start using the bills and the money is traced back to them ergo they all get locked up for a really long time."
Nina's eyes widened. "A-and what about Marcus?"
"It's Prophet$ hood day this week, he'll appear the same way Latrelle did. It won't be long until he gets his cut and he gets locked away with the rest of them," he explained further.
It took a lot of Spooky's will power to not go full on manhunt once Marcus turned up. No matter how much he wanted to kill him for what he did. He needed to focus on what would keep and guarantee his brother's safety.
"And what if they get locked up? What if that money traces back to the Santos? To you? To the kids?" she asked him frantically. It was a bold move, but that shit was risky as fuck. "You understand if that shit goes wrong you're going down with them, right? And Cesar will be too."
"They'd never connect that money to the kids. To me and the Santos? That's more likely," Oscar admits. "And yea, if this goes wrong Cesar and I are both dead. That's why it has to work, it just has to, Nina."
Nina blinked at him.
He was crazy. He was fucking crazy. "You're fucking insane, Diaz," she said to him before causing Oscar to huff. "But I have to admit, that was a really really... smart move. Bold and risky, but smart," Nina found a smile tugging on the corners of her lips.
"It ain't the best plan but I couldn't let Cesar down anymore. 'Bout time I actually kept my promise on protecting him," Oscar glanced at his brother who was still passed out. "He told me about what you did to protect him by keeping him here. Even breaking hospital protocol to keep him safe."
Oscar turned back his novia who looked into his eyes as well. Nina really was too good to be Santo. Her heart was way too big to be a Santo. But she was sure acting like a saint protecting his little brother. "Thank you, for everything that you've done for him. For stepping up when I couldn't," he said to her softly.
Funny how things could change in an instant with the help of a little money. It all starts with Oscar kicking Cesar out and suddenly he's become Cesar's guardian angel to finally grant him the safety the young boy needed.
"Thank you for bringing him home," Nina offered him a small smile.
All they could do now was hope Oscar's plan was going to work or else they'd be going down another, darker, rabbit hole.
---
i have now reached that point where i tend to forget to edit and update ye thats on me and can y'all believe it took that many chapters for Cesar to come back into the Santos???
on another note i'd like to thank those who constantly comment and vote and those who have been adding me to their reading lists. i would love to hear from u too!!
Thank you for making Oscar and Nina's worthwhile ❤️
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