My eyes drooped as I watched the president try to reassure the reporters in the crowd with promises of the Iron Patriot. I hear a chuckle from behind me and turned, seeing Tony wearing a long sleeved shirt, pulling it down as much as he could to cover his stitches. Thinking about it, they would need to be taken out soon.
"Iron Patriot," Tony said, continuing to chuckle. "How did they rope him into that?"
"It makes sense in a way." I stand, stifling a yawn as I stretch my arms up. "They're trying to catch a terrorist, they want to send a positive message, not a message of war."
Tony noticed my yawn, a sad look in his eyes. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be. No one should have to deal with it alone," I said, remembering our conversation when we first got to Malibu. Tony smiled at me, somewhat tired yet grateful. I smiled back before taking his arm, inspecting it. "It looks a lot better. When do you need to get your stitches removed?"
"Could you do it tonight when I get back, if you aren't busy?" Tony asked, watching my face as I inspected his arm.
I pulled the sleeve back down over his arm. "Of course I'll take your stitches out."
"Great." He leaned forwards and I met him halfway, pressing a sweet, lingering kiss to his lips. He grabbed my hips as I cupped his face, peppering his mouth with more kisses. "Steve, I really need to go."
"Right, have fun." I pressed another kiss to his lips, letting him go. After a moment, I added, "Be careful."
Tony smiled, walking towards his basement garage, where his suit was held. "Don't worry, Cap, I can handle myself."
"I know you can," I muttered. With nothing more than a nod, Tony disappeared downstairs, and I watched as his suit flew out of the garage a few minutes later. I walked towards the couch and sat down in my previous spot, watching as a lady on a talk show continues to make light of the president's recent announcement. I chuckled as she makes fun of the name 'Iron Patriot', then scold myself in my head, remembering my alias was 'Captain America'. As the lady continued talking, I felt myself drifting off into a deep, much needed, sleep.
Pain flooded my senses as I sat at a broken down bar. The same bar where Bucky finally figured out about my... lifestyle. The same bar we were supposed to come back to, to have that talk. I drank whatever I could find, desperate to feel the buzzing bliss alcohol used to give me. I took another long swig, feeling a burn down my throat and a slight tingly feeling that was gone as soon as it came.
It had been multiple days since the incident. I had left my team in the middle of the night, desperate to come back to this bar. When I found it bombed out and broken, I had been even more heartbroken. However, I had found a bottle of liquor, and had begun drinking, not stopping until I felt even just a small buzz.
The clicking of heels grabbed my attention, but I continued to stare down at my glass, knowing exactly who it was. When it stopped, I sighed, glancing back at Peggy. I took another swig of the drink. "Doctor Erskin said that the serum wouldn't just affect my muscles, it would effect my cells. Create a... protective system of regeneration and healing, which means, uhm..." I looked back at Peggy, who held a sad look on her face. I chuckled humorlessly, shaking my head slightly as I fought back tears. "I can't get drunk." Peggy stayed quiet. "Did you know that?"
"Your metabolism burns four times faster than the average person," Peggy replied, pulling up a bar stool and sitting across from me. "He thought it could be one of the side effects." I opened my mouth to speak, but immediately closed it, looking back down. Tears stung my eyes. "It wasn't your fault," Peggy whispered, trying to comfort me as best she could.
"Did you read the report?" I asked, my voice hardened.
"Yes-"
"Then you know that's not true," I growled, my voice cracking at the end of the sentence.
"You did everything you could," Peggy insisted. I stayed quiet. "Did you believe in your friend?" At this, I looked up at her. "Did you respect him?"
"I loved him," I whispered, staring at the glass in my hand. She remained quiet, and a tear slipped down my face as I glanced up at her. Her mouth was slightly open, as if she had more to say. She closed it, and I looked back down. I didn't get the chance to tell him, the least I could do now was tell someone I trusted just as much.
"Stop blaming yourself," she continued, quieter. "Allow him the dignity of his choice. He damn well must have thought you were worth it, thought the same of you as you think of him." She offered me a small smile, taking the glass out of my hand and covering my now empty hand with her own. It was comforting, a hand that knew exactly how I felt and supported me still.
"I'm going after Schmidt," I declared, my voice shaking and eyes staring at her hand, "and I'm not going to stop until all of Hydra is dead or captured."
"You won't be alone." I looked up at her, a smile on my lips, although a sad one. She replicated it. "Let's get you back. You can't finish your mission while AWOL."
Ringing woke me up, startling me more than anything. I glanced at my phone, that had fallen off the couch, and saw Tony's name appear. I rubbed my eyes as I grabbed it, noticing tears that I quickly wiped off.
"Tony?" I asked as I answered, my voice groggy with sleep. "I thought you were at lunch."
"Something came up," Tony said, exasperated. "Were you asleep?"
"Yeah, just fell asleep watching the news," I replied, suspicious.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you again."
I narrowed my eyes, even though I couldn't see him. "Don't be sorry. Tony, are you okay?"
"Peachy. Hey, I'm coming in for a hot landing here in a second, so look out." Just as he said this, I watched as the suit flew around the building and land on the balcony outside. The call went dead as Tony opened the suit, taking a wobbly step out of it before collapsing on a chair. I stood and quickly made my way outside towards him, watching him take a shaky breath in.
"Tony?" He waved me off. "Tony, come on, look at me."
"I just need a minute and I'll be right in," Tony said, staring at the ocean.
"Are you sure you're okay?" I ask, standing behind him now. I put a hand on his shoulder and he flinched, turning the chair around.
His eyes were wide and his entire body tense, I crouched down onto my knees in front of him, watching as he looked everywhere except me. "I just..." he trailed off, wiping a hand over his face. "New York, it really..."
"It did some damage," I finished for him, knowing exactly what he meant.
"Yeah." He took in another shaky breath, opening his eyes, but still not meeting mine. "The, uhm... space? The portal? You didn't see it, their ship was... their army..."
I stood, going to the bar he had outside and grabbing a water bottle. I walked back to Tony and crouched down again, holding out the water bottle to him, which he took carefully. "Take a breath, Tony." Finally, Tony looked me in the eyes and took a deep breath. His body was still clenched tight. I walked behind him and gently put my hands on his shoulders. This time, he didn't flinch. "I need you to imagine your muscles physically relaxing, one muscle at a time. Start with the shoulders."
I felt his shoulders begin to relax and watched as his arm muscles began relaxing after a few minutes. I lightly massaged his shoulders, listening to his breathing even out. He eventually took a few sips of water, which helped him calm down further. A few more minutes after he had calmed, he looked back at me. "How did you do that?"
"Training exercise. Relaxing your muscles helps relax your mind. It's something I picked up after... everything." I walked around, standing in front of Tony again. "Better?"
"A little, yeah."
I helped him stand, letting him grasp onto my hand, offering a gentle squeeze in return. "Do you want to talk about it?"
He looked at me with a pained expression, and I could tell he was having an internal fight as he sought out an answer. After a moment, he nodded slowly. I lead him inside and sat him in the couch, muting the TV as I sat next to him.
Tony turned to face me, but kept his gaze down. "I thought I was going to die. No, no I knew I was going to die. Hell, I think I did die." He shook his head, a humorless chuckle escaping his dry lips. He licked them quickly before continuing. "They had a spaceship, a huge spaceship. And their army just kept coming, and it was bigger than anything I could have imagined. Honestly, Steve?" He looked up at me, tears in his eyes. "I'm scared. Scratch that, I'm terrified. We are outgunned, outmanned, outmatched. How do we beat that?"
I smiled at him tightly, placing my other hand on his knee. "Together."
He shook his head again, looking away from me. "We can't beat that, Steve. You didn't see what I saw, you didn't see the sheer mass of their army." He took in a heavy breath, looking back at me. "It's a nice sentiment, though. Together."
"That's how a team works. We work together, or we all fail. And something like that isn't something we could risk losing."
Tony nodded, glancing at the space between us. "Thank you, Steve." He sent me a grateful smile, which I returned instantly. "I think... I need to think for a bit. He stood, setting off towards the basement stairs.
"Tony." He stopped, turning and looking at me. I opened my mouth, hesitating. The cold, exhausted look in his eyes worried me, making me fear the worst for his mental health. "Shouldn't you, you know, get some sleep?"
"Thanks for the concern, Captain, but after a conversation like that, I don't think I'd be able to sleep much." He turned back around, but stayed, as if weighing the option in his head.
"If it would help," I started, standing and taking a step towards him, "I could sit with you. While you sleep?"
Tony turned to face me. "You don't have to, I get that you want to go slow and this probably isn't what you had in mind when I offered a vacation-"
"Tony." He stopped rambling as I walked towards him, cupping his cheek with my hand. "I want to." I smiled gently at him, a smile he returned, causing my stomach to do flips. He nodded, leading the way upstairs and towards his room. Reluctantly, he opened the door, where I saw multiple blueprints scattered around the floor, as if left in a hurry.
"Sorry," he muttered, bending over to pick some up as I helped.
"Is this what you do when you can't sleep?" I asked, noticing a design that looked an awful lot like my suit. I handed him the blueprints, watching a blush creep up his face.
"Yeah. I mean, what else would I have to do?"
"Did you fix your A.I. problem?" I ask rhetorically, raising an eyebrow and a grin rising to my face.
He laughed, and I felt my body warm at the sound. "Touche," he responded, closing the blinds, making the room very dark, but still light enough to see. He climbed into bed, and I sat on the edge of the bed beside him. He rolled his eyes, scooting over and patting next to him. I scooted so my back leaned against the headboard, sitting on top of the thin sheet. Tony had his back towards me, looking back at me slightly through the dark. "Goodnight, Steve."
I chuckled, knowing it was only 3 p.m., but rested a hand on his shoulder anyways, lightly squeezing it to comfort him. "Goodnight, Tony."
I gently rubbed Tony's back as he turned back around, hearing a sigh of content escape his lips. I let my hand travel down his mid back, stopping just above the small of his back, before my hand reached up towards the nape of his neck. I gently played with the hair on the back of his head, watching as his body rose and fell with even breaths, signaling he had fallen asleep. Just as I was about to leave to go to my own room, he turned over in his sleep, his head resting on my thigh. I smiled through the dark, continuing to play with his hair as my eyes got droopy for the second time that day. Before I could think about what I was doing, I slowly sank into the bed, wrapping an arm around Tony and drifting off into my first dreamless sleep in a while.