Back with the update again. I think this will be the first novel I'd complete in so less time- within a month! XD
AshuX
***
I never had a habit of biting my nails when I am nervous but today, I seem to have adopted it suddenly. A very bad habit, but the anxiety was worse. It's all because I am all alone with the digged up information about Joo Hyun's past love life.
Joo Hyun left his phone when he went out to buying us ice cream. It felt wrong to invade his privacy. It was wrong, my fingers were shaking as I held his phone in my hands. Would he still have the pictures of his lover? I don't think so, I deleted Chance's existence in my life to move on. So I highly doubt that there's going to be any information here. It's so wrong but I'm so curious.
And mother always said that if I had to find what a person is afraid to lose, you have to check what they photograph. It explains why I never had many pictures with Chance when we were coming to an end. As friends and in early stages, we had tons of pictures. But then as we became known strangers, we weren't in each other's galleries.
I groaned out loudly before putting his phone aside. I respected his privacy more than mu curiosity. He would tell me if he wanted to. People only talk about things which matter. But shy, introverted people, they don't. And I didn't know what to take Joo Hyun as because he was closer to me now.
I let my head fall back onto the park's bench. I stared up at the cloudy, gloomy sky which was hiding away the sun from me. I always liked eating something cold when it rains when outdoors, and hot food when I'm indoors. So when I saw the blankets of clouds sending the tired, evening sun to sleep, I called Joo Hyun to pick me up from work when he's done. I had to wait for twenty minutes till he came.
When we came to the ice cream vendor instead of going to the parlour, he left his phone with me. And my curiosity was never a good friend of mine, it dragged trouble.
Joo Hyun returned with two scoops of vanilla. He gave one to me and he digged in before me. I kept looking at him, he looked so cute eating the ice cream like a kid.
I giggled and he raised a brow. I shook my head before eating mine. As I was completing it, a rain drop kissed my cheek. I smiled as I looked up, soon teardrops of rain embraced me. I closed my eyes, feeling the embrace of sky.
"You really love rains, don't you?"
I nodded with my eyes still closed, "I do."
"Let's go before it rains hard," He got up.
I opened my eyes with a frown, "It's still drizzling. Sit down with me."
He sighed as he sat down, "I really didn't like rains before."
"Why?" My frown deepened.
He shrugged, "It felt like the sky is tearing apart, breaking down and most sad people cry alone in the rain-"
I cut him off, "Hey, hey, it isn't like that, it maybe true but we can always see things in a different point of view."
"I know, I changed my view on rains after meeting you." He smiled.
I smiled, "I am here-"
My words were cut off by my phone ringing. I answered without checking the caller because it could be one of my idiotic friends. And though I have like a hundred contacts, only a few people keep in contact with me. Mostly my jobless friends.
"Hello?" I greeted with a smile.
"So you really moved on, huh?" Chance's voice made my smile vanish.
I frowned, "Chance?"
"Yes, me. How are you?"
"I'm good, I guess. How are you?" I tried to maintain a conversation casually. I moved on but his voice still shakes me up sometimes. Joo Hyun frowned knowing whom I'm talking to. He gestured me to not talk with him. I shrugged.
"Not fine, not fine at all..."
"Um...what happened?"
"Ji Hee, no matter what, sometimes only you understand me. No one gets me like you do, not even Mitch in particular things. I wanted to talk to you, to hear your voice." He paused before continuing, "Your voice...you...indeed do magic, Ji Hee."
I didn't know what to reply. I heaved a small sigh, "What happened, Chance?"
"I miss you, Ji Hee."
"Me too-"
He cut me off, "No, Ji Hee, not as a friend. I want you back, as my girlfriend. The way we used to be before we broke up months ago. Ji Hee, I want you back in my life, not just as a friend but-"
His words fluttered in my heart like butterflies. Tears welled up in my eyes. He isn't being fair. I finally moved on after trying for months. I moved on almost completely and he's back trying to get back.
I cut him off, "This is not fair, Chance Wilson. You are asking too much."
He didn't reply but a sigh followed. "I know, Ji Hee, I know I'm asking too much but I can't really see a future without you. When we broke up, I thought I could and- and, now I can't. I want you back- no, I need you back, Ji Hee."
"Why now? Why now that I've moved on!?" I yelled into my phone.
Joo Hyun seemed to have caught up with what's happening. So he took my phone from my hands and put it on speaker. As if ready to speak to him but Chance dropped a bomb.
"I'm coming to Ilsan, Ji Hee. I'm going to win you back, I will. Call me selfish but you're the only one who puts stars in my sky." As he said the words, tears fell furiously from my cheeks.
"You can't come and break me again. Don't come here!" I screamed as I broke down into sobs.
Chance's voice turned teary, "I am, you can't change my mind. I got everything ready, visa, a job, everything. I only need to get you back. When we broke up, we remained as friends, you know why? Because we couldn't let go of each other. We need each other, Ji Hee."
"We don't. We will only break each other more. You said I was a misunderstanding!"
"I wanted you to move on...I said that so you could leave me...but I can't stand it anymore, your absence. I tried dating, I couldn't find anyone like you...Ji Hee, love, please..." He broke down before collecting himself. "I'm coming soon, love. I'm coming and we will be what we were before."
And without even listening to my reply or Joo Hyun's anger, he hung up. The rest of the evening, Joo Hyun tried to calm me down. But I couldn't listen or see anything with Chance's words ringing in my ears.
Ah Rin and So Mi arrived to Joo Hyun's place when he texted them. When he explained them what happened, they looked like they were ready to kill. They called Mitch and May about the issue, to see if they knew it too. No one did. Mitch hung up to talk to Chance about it and May tried her best to talk things into me.
What changed? You always wanted him back, what changed your heart now? The voices in my head, the memories with him drowned me in a sea of thoughts. I couldn't bring myself to smile at that thought, that he was coming back. That all of the things we imagined to do...they'd happen now but my heart doesn't seem to agree.
I layed there in Ah Rin's embrace as So Mi coddled me, rubbing circles on my back. Joo Hyun tried to calm me down, to get me to laugh or even argue about things with him. I couldn't bring myself to tune into the reality of seeing Chance again.
Tears pooled in my eyes once again. It's all I wanted once, for him to turn back and ask for me. To call me and to love me again. But I didn't know why I couldn't feel happiness. Maybe I did know, maybe I'm drowing in the ocean, the ocean eyes of Joo Hyun.
"Ji Hee, I'll tell you about my love life." Only that caught my attention. I looked up to see Joo Hyun sitting in front of me with a grin.
"I don't want to hear it," I was afraid to hear it.
"We both know that you do."
I rolled my eyes, "How'd you know?"
His grin deepened, "Because curiosity is a cat and you are a feline."
"Oh?" I cocked my brow.
Ah Rin coughed, "She's a dog,"
"Yes, I'm too loyal, and that's why I'm still with you, you pig!" I hit her arm.
So Mi sighed in relief, "Ji Hee is back."
I ignored that comment. I was here the whole time, just zoning out as if it's a class. I couldn't bring myself to focus on what they were talking about. I couldn't bring myself to listen to their voices with my thoughts having a party.
"So," Joo Hyun began, "I love a girl."
"You still do?" Ah Rin asked, disappointed as she took a quick glance at me.
"I think he knows his way around tenses, you fool." I wanted to high-five So Mi for that but I had no energy. I was like a sick puppy, moaning over my sappy past memories.
He chuckled, "I love a girl, she's beautiful, so damn beautiful."
"Never knew you would go for looks," I muttered to myself.
"I wasn't talking about appearances. But she does look so damn cute." He rolled his eyes at my comment.
"What's her name?" So Mi asked.
"Do we know her?" It was Ah Rin, trying her last hopes to turn out as me. I wanted to look at her in pity but I am more pitiful for wishing the same. I wanted it to be me.
"You do know her," He said with a smile, "I won't say her name."
"At least nickname?" So Mi bargained, crossing her fingers at the back. Of course, I saw the gesture. I looked at my fingers and I wasn't surprised when they were instinctively crossed as soon as she asked him.
He thought about it before giving in, "Bambi."
"What?" I asked.
He repeated, "Bambi."
"Oh," I couldn't hide the disappointment in my voice along with the girls. Most Asian girls look cute enough to be called Bambi.
"What about your past?" I asked.
His smile vanished, "So, where were we going to meet tomorrow again?"
"We didn't plan anything," Ah Rin frowned.
So Mi shook her head, "I don't know, I don't remember anything."
He was wantedly changing the subject. Maybe the girls knew it too but they didn't probe further. I am more disappointed at the fact that Joo Hyun doesn't share anything with us.
"I want to eat pork ribs-"
"We know!" Three of us exclaimed at Ah Rin. She smiled sheepishly. Leave it to this pig to be worried about pigs, cannibal.
When So Mi left and Ah Rin fell asleep on the couch. I got up and made my way to the porch. I sat down on the steps, feeling the cool air hitting my face. I rubbed my arms as I stared at the dark night sky. I felt a warm thing drape over me. I met Joo Hyun's sea green eyes as he put a warm blanket on me. He sat down next to me with soju in his hands.
"Need a drink?" He offered.
I shrugged as I took a bottle. I didn't know why I didn't want to talk to Joo Hyun suddenly. Today has to be the worst day ever. First Chance dropped a bomb, then Joo Hyun blew the last petals of my hope away.
"You are silent," He reached out for my hand but I pulled it away. I can't be close to him now that I know the girl he loves isn't me.
"My thoughts are just louder than usual."
Water and wine, that's what Joo Hyun and Chance are to me. Wine, it's expensive, tasty and is a blissful drink to many. A few people wish they could drink wine like water. But their livers would give upon them, sooner or later. Water maybe cheap and tasteless, it's essential. We can't live without water no matter how ordinary it looks and how tasteless it is. And most people drink only water, not all can afford wine, not all like wine. But people can't quit on drinking water no matter how plain it is.
The question which churning me is, what am I to them? Water or wine? I am pretty sure I could see Chance as wine now, though once I looked at him as if he's water. My fear surfaces even more when I think about Joo Hyun's personal love life which doesn't include me. Even if he is water to me, I have to let him go.
Water doesn't stay in one place, it doesn't fit. Joo Hyun is an ocean and my hands can't be filled with an ocean. Drop by drop, Joo Hyun would leave me through the gaps of my fingers. I can only have him, a little, as much as I can hold. Like a friend. And I can't even see the life in him, deeper and under, when all I might see are just waves. And that scared me.