"Finally!"
"Our baby boy got the balls now, huh?" Charlie slightly nudged my stomach. The guys are preparing for the barbecue while Chesca is fanning the grill. And Lucia.
My Lucia. She's with the house helpers instructing them to fill the house pool.
Wasn't it just yesterday when she's the moon to my sun? It all seems fast, it felt unreal and surreal.
"Lucy is pretty adorable, yeah?"
I remembered one day Finn suddenly blurted out. It caught my attention for a lot of reasons.
First, I like Lucia. Second, Finn is speaking like a teenage boy crushing on someone. It annoys me.
"She's kind, I'd be glad to have her as my sister."
Now even Charlie is fond of her? What's with these guys?
"Man, you look like you're having stomach problems. What's with the grim look?"
Finn backed off a little after I gave him a glare. It's not like me to be easily annoyed but somehow when it's Lucia involved, I get all sensitive. Not that I have the right to, because I can't even speak properly with her.
Our first conversation must've been when I found her scrolling through my embarrassing childhood clips. God forbids she saw those naked photoshoots of my innocent baby self.
"Abayu."
I heard her mumbled.
I ran away not because I feel shy, well that's one thing, but mainly because she indirectly said "I love you" and although I know she's clowning me I can't help but feel like a lovesick puppy.
"Dude you're performing that tonight?"
Finn looked at the music sheet I was holding. It's a song I wrote and composed, I'm planning to sing it tonight. Finn made an "okay" gesture after he finished reading indicating he liked it
That night I was even more excited to perform. I made sure to bring my self-composed song for her, it's not bad to take small steps, right? I will do my best tonight.
Lucia is usually early, until the last minute my mood was sour. Did she forgot our gig tonight? Why is she not here? Did something happen? Is she seeing someone else?
The band prepared, after a while we started performing. Much to my dismay, I didn't saw Lucia. I saw Chesca, my sister on the crowd but Lucia is nowhere to be found. Out of frustration, I sang "Tonight" by FM Static when it's supposed to be the last one. I felt disheartened when I realized she's still not present. I abruptly stopped singing, quite unprofessional I might add, but I don't want to perform with half my heart.
I made an alibi that I'm not feeling too well, truth is, I just went to get drinks. After a few bottles, the bar started to suffocate me so I decided to breathe fresh air outside.
My mind was hazy from the drink I randomly picked, if the Lucia in front of me is real or not, I am not certain. I found myself singing my song in a slurry voice, I need to deliver this message to her. Will she get the hint?
"If love's a movie why doesn't it end?
I'm a coward, a goner, honey are you upset?
If I try to reach out, will you give me your hands?"
Lucia, please. Grab me out of this shithole that is my miserable life.
--
"You're nice."
Bullshit, Jed, compliment her properly!
"You think I'm nice? Thanks."
Is she weirded out? Come on man, talk to her properly, I thought we're brave now?
"No, I mean your face is nice."
Fuck me. To hell and beyond.
"You look nice."
There! It's not even that hard.
--
"The last set for tonight, is for the people who are still holding on, stay in love everyone."
Yeah I'm dedicating a song to myself and what about that?
"You know you can't fool me
I've been loving you too long
It started so easy
You want to carry on
Lost in love and I don't know much
Was I thinking aloud and fell out of touch?
But I'm back on my feet and eager to be what you wanted."
Are you listening Lucia? It's all for you. I'm all for you.
And just as I thought everything is finally going with the way how I wanted it to be, mom called. I felt like I have to choose between two things most important to me. If I obey mom, I will finally get their recognition, their love I was hoping to have since I was a kid. But Lucia... I want to be here for her, I want to be brave for once and stay for her.
-
"Ms. Hannah please just this once."
I made a pleading gesture trying to persuade the teacher.
"Jed I don't know the reason but no, the students are counted and the bus has an attendance sheet already."
"But miss, I really want to change colors. Can I have somebody to exchange with?"
Ms. Hannah made a 'shh' gesture when the office phone rang.
"Hello, yes this is the homeroom teacher. Riley? Oh.. oh. Yes I understand. No, it's alright. I hope she gets better soon. No problem, Mr. Smith. Yes. Yes. Alright, bye."
"You're lucky, one student from the black team had an allergy reaction so go fill in the empty spot."
-
"Jed why the hell are you packing like a sissy? Seriously? Insecticides? Lotions? Bandages? Are you a freaking boyscout?"
"You never know when these will come handy. Let me be."
Truth is, I prepared those solely for Lucia. My plan worked, I manage to be on her team, even sat with her. If this isn't improvement, I don't know what else is.
I thought I will be able to keep an eyes on her that's why my initial reaction when she was missing was to find her. Immediately.
Finn is such an idiot, now Lucia's missing and God knows what is in this dark forest. I stumbled upon big roots and stones until I finally saw her silhouette. I didn't have the time to breathe in, I immediately came to wrap her in my arms.
"I'm sorry, Luc."
Although she keeps telling me she's fine, I still feel my body tremble from the fear of her going missing again. Not when I am now sure she likes me, too. I don't want to let go of her, not now, not sooner.
-
Does she really like me? I silently observed Lucy and Charlie playing the drums. She didn't even greeted me. Am I invisible to her?
The audacity of these two to smile and have fun playing that lame drums. She will just hurt her arms playing that. Why don't she learn guitar instead? I will even teach her.
After she left to get something, I didn't waste any time and went after her. Charlie even laughed at me, he know what he's doing and he's clearly enjoying it so much.
"I don't like him like that."
But why does she look happy when she's with him? Why can't she laugh with me like that? And why does it seems like she's avoiding me all day long?
"Do you ever think when you're all alone
All that we can be, where this thing can go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it real or just another crush?
Do you catch a breath when I look at you?
Are you holding back like the way I do?
'Cause I'm trying and trying to walk away
But I know this crush ain't goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy
Goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy."
I'm confused. What do I really feel for you, Lucia? I want everything cleared. I want to know.
-
Lucia suddenly joined the music club and just when I thought it's a big win for me, she's there playing the piano with Charlie. What in the world?
"Charlie, will you please move a little?" Or completely leave, I don't care.
I glared at Charlie. He gave me few playful glances before retreating and saying he got to go. Huh. At least he gets the message.
Not only I had time with Lucia, subtly touched her hands and got close with her. I also had her focus on me, only me.
I thought learning instruments could be the bond we share exclusively that's why I asked her if she wants some tutoring. My disappointment however wasn't hidden when she revealed her interest with drums. She changed her mind to guitar after seeing my reaction, does that mean, I do have a big chance?
-
Why is it so hard to confess to someone? That moment you feel ready then suddenly losing all the balls to do so. Why is it when it's about Lucia I get weak in the knees?
"I like you."
Finally, I had the courage to say it. Not in the way I imagine. Where is the candle lit dinner? The violin? The serenade?
But when I saw her face, I was hypnotized. I felt drawn, I feel like I should dive in. I shouldn't let this moment go. Lucia, you're my moment. Can we stay forever this way?
-
"I don't care about anything else, Lucia! I only care about you. I only need you. I will always choose you."
I thought we're in this together? Why are you pushing me away? Why are you torturing my heart? I would kneel if I have to. I will do everything to be worthy of staying with you so why are you shutting me down?
"Meet me in the future and let's see what will happen."
I did what she exactly said. I wasted my time studying things I will probably forget one day. I gave up music because everything sounds like a broken note whenever I try to play something. I lost my melody, I left it on her hands. She's my home.
And somehow, I found my way back.
Suddenly, everything is a sweet lullaby, she's the missing note of my life. Holding her now still feels surreal. She's everything I hoped for and everything I needed. Am I being too lucky? She's really mine?
"I am, of course."
She swung her arms around my neck, her eyes staring at me lovingly.
I grinned feeling giddy all of a sudden, I snaked my arms to her tiny waist.
"And I'm also yours until the end of time."