'Sometimes when the lines get blurry, you find yourself in a bad position.'
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“So you cried and screamed and made some guy punch another guy?” Hugh said when I entered the car, he had been called over by Mrs. Sweets, I on the other hand had only just let go of Guy. Guy whispered some horny teenage things in my ear but I ignored those, Damon was sent to the school nurse and Mrs. Sweets did nothing about Guy. I thought about that all the time, while waiting for my dad. It was a great way to not picture thing from my past. But all I got from it was that I’m not able to think straight after a painful moment, cause all I could come up with involved unicorns, dwarfs and rainbows.
“Funny that you say guy, cause his name is Guy.” I felt good the moment I saw my dad’s smile, he was used to my breakdowns and knew what to do. Only this time it was a little bit different cause I did really opened up to someone, never in my four years of being save with my dads had I thought about telling anyone anything. Until today.
“That’s an awful name.” He said looking at the road ahead, I laughed at him and changed my position so I was angled towards him.
“I thought the exact same thing.” That made him laugh, I looked at him and I knew he could feel my stare burning on his skin.
“But is that Guy, the guy?” He winked at me I flushed red and looked down at my hands.
“Is there something you need to tell me?” I stared at him, unsure about what to say.
“I told him.” I said and before I knew it the car swooped of the road and came to a stop. I looked at Hugh shocked holding the seatbelt.
“You told what? Who? Guy?” At first I thought he would be angry or maybe disappointed, but his facial expression said he was proud. Even without really knowing what was going on.
“I told him my dream, the school counselor. Not Guy.” I looked at my hands, which had trailed down to my lap. I was picking the dirt from under my nails, but my hands were stopped by Hugh who grabbed my hands. I looked up at him, proud still written on his face. I was aware of the fact that my vision got blurry and that there was a high possibility that tears were streaming down my face.
“I’m so proud of you!” He gave me a soft smile, but you could still see the dents in his cheeks.
“I don’t get it, aren’t you disappointed that I told a total stranger something you wanted to know for five years?” I pulled my hands back and dug my nails in my palms, I let my sight trail back to my hands once more. Too afraid of what was coming, maybe an outburst, maybe he would punch the steering wheel and maybe he would start crying. If there was anyone who was unpredictable it was Hugh, and that’s a thing that will never make sense to me. Suddenly the car was filled with loud laughs, they were getting louder and louder and before I knew it, it was all I heard. Even when Hugh had stopped laughing I could hear his echo inside my head, beating its way through my brain but unable to find a way out.
“Sweetie I’m happy you found a way to get it off your chest. I would still be happy if you chose a brick over me, as long as you let it out.” I finally found the strength to look up to him again, and I gave him a smile through my tears. It was enough for him to know I was not ready to say anything, so he started the car again. I was overthinking what happened that day too much in the car and before I knew it, the same feeling I had in Damon’s office was back again.
“He killed her in front of my eyes, I ran away but he caught me. It was my eleventh birthday, and all I can see is her, her lifeless body covered in blood. I don’t even care about the fact that he couldn’t stop beating me that day. Cause the thing that hurts the most was that she died with a smile on her face, she knew it was her only way out. Dying. If she only knew, if only she could be strong enough for another year.” I said when Hugh pulled up on our driveway, he stopped the car in front of the house and looked down. I just looked at the house but didn’t make a move to get out of the car, I could hear him sobbing and all I did was stare. It was the second time today I saw her, there lying on the ground. The sobbing became softer when he opened the door and got out of the car, and when he slapped the door shut it was dead silent in the car. I think I didn’t move for ten minutes before Marc came running to the car and carried me out of the car, bridal style.
“It’s okay.” He said, more to himself than to me. I didn’t move, unsure of what to do. I couldn’t throw up cause my stomach was empty and I couldn’t cry because my head was empty. Or maybe it was so busy in there everything just slipped away, cause all I saw and thought was blank. Even the picture of my mom was gone, she was gone.
He kicked the door open, not like heroes do because the door was already open. But in this moment Marc was my hero, no matter what he did. He brought me to the downstairs bathroom and put me down under the shower, then he turned the shower on. Ice cold. I didn’t move. I just stared blankly in front of me, taking in everything that was happening.
“I’m so sorry.” Hugh came into the bathroom, his eyes red and tearstains on his cheeks. Only then did I realize Marc was also crying. I stopped staring at the door and looked up at my dads. Never in my life have I seen them this weak.
“No, I’m sorry.” I mumbled because of the water running into my mouth. Marc kneeled down in front of me and hugged me, now we were both getting soaked and before I knew it I felt another pair of arms around me. Hugh.
“Don’t ever say that again.” Hugh said, also mumbling because of the water running into his mouth.
“It’s all going to be okay sweetie.” Marc said while pulling Hugh into a hug, I could see it still hurt them. Hearing how their daughter saw how her mother got killed by the man, who from that moment on abused her every day was probably killing them inside. I also knew, that from this moment on I’m not going to tell anyone something again, it only brings problems and pain.
I went to my room on my tippy toes as I heard how some drips fell on the wooden floor. I got rid of my wet clothes and threw them into my bathtub, after that I put on my pajama shorts and a big sweater combined with my red stockings. It probably looks horrible, but at least my sweater matched my stockings. I went back into the bathroom and dried my hair with a towel. When I was finished I threw the towel with my clothes in the bathtub and put my hair in a bun on my head, I looked in the mirror at my blond hair which had turned into a light brown color. It’s not really my color, that’s one thing I’m sure about. I laughed at myself in the mirror, trying to make the pathetic looking girl a little bit happier. But I failed.
“Why even bother.” I said to myself as I turned around to walk out of the bathroom.
“James there is someone here for you.” Minny ran up the stairs and yelled at the same time, it sounded like she was out of air. I turned to look at the stairs as the little girl crawled over the floor, exhausted from running. I lifted her up from the floor and put her on my hips, with the girl in my arms I walked down the stairs.
“He is very pretty.” She said looking at me with her big brown puppy eyes, Minny called every boy pretty so I was not expecting a model. I wouldn’t even be surprised if there was a ogre standing in the doorway. But considering the new male gods in my life, maybe she could be right. I gave her a sweet smile, not really thinking further about who could be at the door. All my attention was now focused on her, until I reached the door and opened it. She was right, there he was, this beautiful creature and also the reason for my melt down today. I set the girl on the floor and gave her a kiss on top of her head. With that she ran away yelling something about me and a boy kissing in a tree. I laughed at him.
“Kids.” I said, nodding my head back. He laughed and it made his brown eyes twinkle. An instant happy feeling rushed through my stomach as the butterflies went for an afternoon fly.
“I’m sorry about your lip.” I broke the silence, as I awkwardly stared at his bruised upper lip.
“Never mind, it makes me look tough.” He chuckled, but winced a bit when he laughed. Probably because his cut just stretched open a little.
“That’s true, very tough.” I leaned against the door frame, and then realized something. Here I was standing in front of mister McHotness in my most horrible outfit ever, I’m drowning in my sweater and these stockings probably make my outfit look like I was trying to imitate that ‘school girl’ look but failed at it. Like, failed big time at it.
“Can we talk?” He said looking at something behind me. I turned around to see Hugh standing there in his robe his wet hair still a bit dripping and concern written over his face. I gave him a smile and closed the door behind me, I turned back to Damon. He was already sitting on the bench, that was standing on our porch, and I took my seat next to him. I focused on the world ahead of me while all he could do was stare at me. I sighed and turned my head around to look him in the eyes.
“I get if you don’t want to talk to me anymore, but I think it’s better if we do.” He looked down, probably at my stockings.
“I do.” His head snapped back and he frowned.
“I really think it’s better to keep going.” This time he didn’t look down, but kept staring in my eyes.
“I do want to keep talking.” I said with a smile, it’s so sad that this human being is a teacher on my school otherwise I would have kissed him the moment he smiled again.
“That’s a relieve, I thought I would have to kidnap you or something.” I smiled at him, and he returned it with a chuckle.
“Can I confess something?” I looked down at my feet, which were tapping the floor nervously. I bit my lip and Damon grabbed my chin so I could focus on him completely. I didn’t stop biting my lip until I tasted the familiar metallic taste in my mouth, blood.
“Of course.” He said and he grabbed my hand, he squeezed it softly. And my body filled itself with a warm feeling.
“You were the firsts person I told. Not even my diary knows it.” That makes complete sense since I don’t have a diary, but little does he know. I looked down at our hands, intertwined, when he squeezed it again.
“Why me, why not your dads?” I looked up shocked at the word dads, it was my dads biggest mission to keep the fact that I have two dads only for the family.
“I have your file, remember?” He said like he had just read my mind, a flash of relieve ran through my body again.
“It was like you drugged me or something, cause I don’t know what happened. I completely lost all control of my body.” I dug the nails of my left hand into my palm, and squeezed Damon’s hand with my right hand.
“Well I don’t know if this will help you, but I didn’t drug you.” I looked up and his face came closer to mine, I could almost feel his breath.
“Then I guess you’re a drug.” My heart was pounding in my chest, flying up along with the butterflies in my stomach. I was inches away from this beautiful creature and all I could think about was how he was a teacher in my school. Until our lips touched, everything went blank again. I moved my lips along with his lips, while his hand let go of my hand. My hands trailed up to his face and farther up and I ran them through his hair, while his hands were rubbing my back to the beat of our tongues playing with each other. It felt good, it felt perfect until my head started working again.
‘teacher, teacher, teacher, teacher.’ Someone was screaming inside my head and I pushed Damon off of me, and stood up from the bench. He combed his hair with his hands and also stood up.
“You should go.” The moment I spoke I felt my lips tingle, he had this weird look on his face. I think he just realized what he did. He nodded at me and he stepped down from the porch.
“Wait.” I said and he stopped to look at me.
“What are going to do about Guy?” He laughed, and stepped back onto the porch.
“Nothing.” He said his face coming closer again.
“Why not? He has to be punished.” He laughed harder and grabbed my face again, softly.
“Nobody punishes Guy.” I was surprised and just nodded at him.
“You should just stay out of his way.” He was about to let go and I didn’t want that so I kissed him, again. He kissed me back and I could feel how his kisses were addictive, but I could also feel how bad this was. So in total shock of my action I pulled back and he looked at me confused. Not confused about why I pulled back, but confused about why we kissed again.
I touched my lips and when I saw his cheeks flush red he was about to say something. He doubted, but kept his mouth shut and eventually just turned around to walk over to his car.
All I could think about was the fact that I just kissed a teacher, and not just a teacher. No a goddamn hot teacher, with addictive kisses.