🎵 Breath - Park Hyo Shin (cover by CHEN) ♥️
= On a night like tonight, if only I can stay in this dream, if I can wish for what I can't, if I can have no fear, just like you... =
⚡️⚡️⚡️
I didn't tell Hera the truth. Thanks to my lateness this morning, I was told to find Sohee at 10 pm after practice for my punishment, and the time was just right for a getaway.
"Being tired is your excuse?" Sohee questioned. I was at her office alone, standing with my hands behind my back as she disciplined me. "I'm not trying to make it hard for you, Jisoo, but you don't follow the rules. How do you think I should deal with you?"
I kept my head low and sealed my lips tight. Nothing good would come out from my point of view. She wouldn't believe me if I mentioned Yuri either.
"Do what you want," I muttered when I couldn't further contain my frustration over the injustice.
"You're a stubborn kid, Jisoo." Sohee said to me. I raised my eyes to her, and I could see clearly how much Sohee didn't like me. "You don't reflect on your mistakes, and you like to pin it on others."
"Don't go psychology on me. You don't know me or the situation." I firmly made my point.
She scoffed at my response. "Trying to be feisty now? Because you've got a good background? That's not how we train you. If you want to survive in this industry, I suggest you learn to be humble."
The moment she mentioned background got me fired up inside. I didn't think Sohee was the kind of manager to be careless with her words, but she was, and she just got on my nerves. Completely. On my blacklist now. I closed my eyes for a while to gather my thoughts and calm myself down.
No cursing, Jisoo, no cursing... think of Jongdae and unicorns and rainbows...
"Just give me my punishment," I said in a tone of defeat, knowing that there was no way I could win Sohee if I wanted to stay on this program.
"Go run 20 laps around the outdoor court," she ordered superiorly, and it shocked me to think that this was her method.
"What?" My eyes went wide.
"Why? You can't do it? Are you going to say you're too tired to do that?" Sohee challenged me, not showing one bit of sympathy. "Grab a tire while you're at it. They have it at the equipment room where they keep the dodgeballs."
She was obviously trying to drain the energy out of me.
...
I stood at the outdoor court alone, stomach grumbling as I looked blankly into the air. Had I known this was going to be my punishment, I would've eaten more for dinner. I had a light dinner because of practice, and I was initially planning to grab supper with Hera when the day ended. Now, even supper plans got to go.
I put the camera on the floor to film the area I was going to run at. The outdoor area was a rectangle space made up of 2 basketball courts. Genius Sohee said she would go through this footage to confirm that I run 20 laps here with a darn tire. I never thought there was someone as despicable as Yuri, but guess I found a match.
I breathed out loud. "Okay, 20 laps, no biggie," I told myself, slinging the rope linked to the tire over my shoulder and tying it around me. Since I had to get down to it, might as well make the best out of it.
Time for a diet exercise.
...
The tire was so darn freaking heavy. The running wouldn't be so much hell if it hadn't been the tire. I was staggering in my footsteps as I reminded myself ever second that this was the final lap. I was in all sweat and cold from the chilly night, shivering every time the cool breeze brush past me. And I was even more motivated thinking about the hot shower I could get after the run.
As I ran past the imaginary line where I first started, I heaved a big breath of relief. Bending over, I rest my hands on my knees and the sweat trickle down my forehead as I tried to catch my breath for a while. The next thing I did was save the footage from the camera, at the same time, checking how long I took to run. And about an hour had passed.
"You feeling okay?" Jongdae sounded, causing me to turn around. I recognised his voice too easily, and I found him sitting at the audience benches by himself, looking at me. I almost got a shock of my life thinking it was a male ghost since it was already night time.
"What are you doing here?" I exhaled in relief, hands on my chest hoping that it would soothe my irregular heartbeat. Man I can't take horror jokes. "Why are you here? No, since when were you here?" My questions kept coming.
"Well-"
"AH CHU!" I burst into a sneeze when Jongdae finally tried to speak. And I started to feel conscious about the way I look. How unkempt and dirty I must be right now. I turned my body away from him to rub my mucus away and fix myself a little more.
Jesus me, it's so not romantic to see him here right now. This was so not K-drama material.
Then I felt a jacket over me as he held my shoulder to turn me back around.
"Gosh this is crazy," he muttered with a frown, fixing his jacket around me and making sure it wrapped me nicely. I stared back at him who looked disturbed by the situation and I wondered what really went on his mind.
"How much did you see?" I asked.
"It's only day 1 and they punish you? What are they thinking?" He kept grumbling while buttoning the jacket on me. Neither of us were responding to each other's questions.
"Answer me," I said in a more serious tone, causing him to look back at me eye to eye. "How much did you see?"
I wanted to know how much of my embarrassment he witnessed. To see him see me get punished... totally not the way I wanted.
I should be showing him that I was better than this.
"Everything," Jongdae replied, and it made me feel ugly exposed.
Everything, meant that he saw the way I was dying running lap after lap? Why did I not notice him earlier?
I bit my lip in, feeling shameful as I thought hard of my next line. "Why are you here?"
"I was supposed to drop by in the next few days cause you guys have to record the song for your dance performance. But I decided to drop by today," he said. "And, I didn't think I'd see you like that."
His last sentence threw me to shame. Of all times, he decided to come by tonight to see me in this state and for this reason, I couldn't be happy about it. As much as I wanted to throw my arms around him and tell him I miss him, I realised how much I was lacking as a trainee. Jongdae should have realised by now that I was the only one receiving punishment, and I was ashamed, disappointed at myself.
"Can we talk tomorrow?" I managed a straight face when I couldn't afford a smile anymore. "It's cold, and I think I should go." I sniffed, feeling another wave of cold breeze past me.
"Jisoo," he held my hand when I was going to go, and his face changed to worry when he felt me ice cold. His eyes were telling me that he wanted to talk, but I just couldn't appreciate his intention for finding me here.
"I'm really feeling cold, please let me go." I smiled faintly at my best and pulled my hand away. "Goodnight." Every step I took away from him made me reflect on myself. The guilt, disappointment, shame, insecurity... all of it was choking me at my neck. Before the run, I kept directing my anger at Sohee and Yuri to make myself feel better, but now... I blamed myself for looking so much like a loser.
...
The same whistle blew for minutes to wake us all up, and I forcefully tore open my eyes this time. There was already sunlight shining through our window this morning, and then came the announcement through the speakers again.
"Rise and shine, ladies. This is Sohee speaking again. It's day 2 and I expect everyone to report to Hall B by 8 am. Before starting the day, remember to get a quick breakfast at Canteen A. No latecomers, and I'll see you all in a while."
I checked the clock on our side and was glad to see that it was 7.15 am. At least day 2 was starting out later than the day before. I groaned up from my sleep, rubbing my head because it was throbbing and feeling uneasy all over because of a full-blown body ache. This, I knew, resulted from an over-workout with the tire yesterday, and I was instantly reminded of Jongdae. Wondering if he had stayed the night at our training camp or returned home after I ditched him last night.
I buried my face into my pillow and inhaled my own smell, feeling comforted by it. This was weird but the only way for me to start the day fresh.
"Wake up, Jisoo. I'll make sure you get ready before I do today. COME ON," Hera came to my bed and demanded, pulling me at my arm, but I didn't want to leave my pillow yet. "Hey, you." She suddenly touched a part of my arm, then another time, and started molesting my neck and all over my face.
"What are you doing?" I finally gave her a look, still lying down in bed while I let her touch me.
"Dude, you're sick."
"Sick?" I laughed for a second, only to realise that she wasn't trying to joke.
"Your body's warm, Jisoo. I think you're having a fever." She felt my forehead, and helped me sit up from bed. I did feel drained but I think my body was temporarily weak from the fatigue and muscle ache.
I touched my own forehead but I couldn't tell my body temperature. "I think it's just a flu. And a muscle ache," I told Hera and climbed out of bed. She knew about what I went through for my punishment last night. "Don't worry, I'll be fine with medicine. I brought my own flu meds too."
"You sure? You look pale, you know. There's a nurse office at Block A, we could go there later." Hera followed closely behind me as I packed the stuff I needed to wash up.
"Nah, I'm really okay. Come on, let's go wash up together." I reassured her with my best energy smile. No way was I going to be late today.
...
Day 2 was cold. And awfully exhausting. The song recording session also got postponed because our vocal coach, aka Jongdae, had a change of schedule so he couldn't be with us. We ended up spending the entire day on dance, but as much as I tried to take care of myself, dance was physically draining on me. I ran out of breath faster than usual and I couldn't keep up with the pace, to the point where I felt like I was dragging the team down.
So not a good feeling.
"You okay?" Hera approached me from time to time, and I always lied back with a smile. There was no time for me to rest because I was already falling behind. With a good night sleep, I believed I could recover in time. Not knowing that the flu would prolong for the next two days.
It was day 4, and I was still feverish. I clearly wasn't in my best condition to perform but that only made me more anxious, because I can't afford to drop a grade and get eliminated.
"Hey, we're recording the song in an hour's time. Let's just take a break for now and get some honey for our throats." Hera dismissed our team after spending hours of dance practice together. The recording session was rescheduled to 8 pm tonight. I looked around me to see Seol Ah, Nan Hee, Yuri and all the other girls... who seemed ready and confident for the dance when I wasn't.
"You go with them, I want to practice a little more," I told Hera when the rest of the girls started leaving the room for a break.
"What? No! You're coming with us," Hera pulled me along but I held back my footsteps.
"I just want to practice a little more. You go with them," I smiled again. "Get me a honey drink while you're at it too! I'll meet you guys at the recording studio later." I nudged her towards the door. She was going to leave as I say but she stopped and turn at me.
"You're really okay, right?" Hera asked me once more, squinting her eyes. "If you're thinking of practicing more because you're falling behind or whatsoever, don't do it. You should rest when you can if you want to recover. You won't get better by forcing this upon yourself."
My smile faded a bit. Since when could Hera read me so well? I get that she was concerned but I knew myself better than anyone, and I can't sit still if I don't get myself extra practice now. Call me stubborn but it's better to do something while I can than do nothing.
"Don't worry, seriously. I just want to recap the things we practiced today at my own pace." I insisted, still smiling. "Go with the rest, they're waiting for you."
My forced smile disappeared the moment Hera left the room and I couldn't hide my anxiousness anymore. The dance showcase was in two days but I wasn't prepared like the rest of the girls. For the next hour, I thought of nothing else and devoted every second dancing over and over again.
...
I ran and stopped before the door of the recording studio where we were supposed to meet, panting heavily as I checked the time. There was ten minutes to 8 pm, so I was safe. Being late once was enough to scar me so I made extra effort to be early this time. Especially because I didn't want to be late in front of Jongdae.
I knocked and opened the door, yet to my surprise only two guys were sitting on roller chairs and waiting inside. One was Jongdae, and the other was a new face whom I believe was going to help us record the song. I eyed them alternately for a silent while.
Crik crik.
This was super awkward. Where the heck were the girls? It never crossed my mind that I was the first to be here. My face burned when I felt Jongdae staring at me but I chose to avoid his eyes. "H-Hello," I greeted the new face instead. He was in a navy blue cap, in a fitting plain white tee and blue jeans, looking around Jongdae's age but less handsome to me. "I'm not in the wrong room, am I?"
"You're here for the recording right? I'm Do Hwan, and I'm in charge of the recording session." New face stood up and held out his hand to shake.
"Jisoo," I returned the gesture and briefly smiled back. Do Hwan held my hand a little longer than I expected, which was weird, especially since we were in front of Jongdae.
"Your hand is really cold, are you okay?" He looked down to my hand, making me a little too conscious.
I quickly pulled my hand away and cracked a bigger smile. "Yeah I'm good. I just came from a room that's a little cold. No biggie."
"Have a seat," he directed me in. The recording studio was parted into two, where the inner room equipped with the headphone and microphone set was meant for audio recording. The outside where we stood was to work around the digital audio workstation. I took my seat at the couch behind the workstation and waited, praying for the rest of the girls to appear and save my awkward soul. Ever since I stepped in, I haven't said a word to Jongdae and it was making me think a lot.
Like, am I supposed to say something? Why isn't he talking to me either?
"Hyung, didn't you say you wanna get coffee?" Jongdae said to Do Hwan.
"Me?" Do Hwan responded slightly confused. "Yeah I did but-"
"Can you get me one too? Americano or whatever," He fished out a bill from his wallet. They exchange a few more words in front of me before Do Hwan really went out. The whole time trying to maintain my straight face as I watched Jongdae try to get him out of the room. As soon as the door closed on us, we gave our full attention to each other.
"Are you mad at me or something?" He asked, using his legs to draw his chair towards me. I sat up straighter as the distance between us closed.
"No, not at all." I said, finally feeling free to speak after Do Hwan left. "Why would you think that?"
"Because you're acting weird."
"I'm not," I quickly denied, even though I secretly admit to that.
The door swung opened in the next second with Do Hwan popping his head in. "I forgot to ask you Jisoo, do you want some-"
The moment he caught us sitting unusually near each other, he stopped. Do Hwan looked between us to analyse the situation, and I stayed statue when I didn't know how else to react. Without another word, he calmly closed back the door to leave us alone again.
I swear he knew that there was something between us, but Jongdae didn't seem to care and continued with our conversation. "Why did you leave the other time?"
I looked back at him in silence. The answer was at the tip of my tongue but I wasn't sure if I should say it. The fact that I was ashamed for being the only trainee punished wasn't something I wanted to share. "It just happened," I said in the end.
"Not that again," he groaned. "Say something else, would you? You're making me hate that sentence a lot. Every time you want to hide something, you say that. I don't want to know that it just happened. I want to know what you're thinking, what you're worried about, everything that's on your mind. Come on," Jongdae went on in one breath, pleading me with his eyes and I took a second to appreciate all of that.
It's strange that his nagging brought me comfort and I wouldn't mind him talking like that for long. In fact, I wondered a lot about us in a moment of silence.
Why did I make things so complicated when the person I like was right in front of me?
All I needed is him.
"I missed you," I let out before I would regret, and went teary all of a sudden. Jongdae didn't speak for a while as he took some time to register my words. Even I felt that it was so random, so weird, and so out of context.
Still, I wanted him to know.
"I said I missed you," I repeated myself.
⚡️⚡️⚡️