AN: Hi everyone, I'm back! I'm super nervous to post this because of the cliffhanger I left you on, I really hope this doesn't crush your expectations. This is my first time writing in a really, really long time so please take it easy on me. I hope you enjoy this as much as I enjoyed writing it ❤️
TW: descriptions of a panic attack
It's funny you'd think for Rose that nothing would be sloppy. Ever. This assumption is proving to be not true because by the way her lips are crashing on his, its animinalistic. Noel didn't even have time to react to her, all he could focus on is how good it felt. Like a someone who's been lost in the desert, finally getting water, that's what Rose felt like to him. His hands found their way to her face, attempting to steady himself, he rests them on the side of her face. Her legs instivicly find their way to his torso, making it so they're as close as possible. Without even thinking Noel finds his mouth attacking her neck, she struggles to get out of her words but he deciphers something like "I- swear if you leave m-marks I will" her threat is short lived when Noel cuts her off, "you'll what?" he says cocking his head to get his point across. "Oh fuck you" she says, to be fair what Noel is about to say, she walked into 100%. "I'm trying" he laughs out, voice muffled due to him going to work on her neck.
She pulls away slightly, foreheads touching and attempting to catch her breath she hears Noel quietly whimper at the loss of warmth, "what the fuck did we just do?" he mumbles, one hand still caressing her cheek while the other on her hip. "we fucked shit up" she said matter of factly, subconsciously leaning her head into his hand. Shit. They both think. "Well speaking of fucking" He cheekily says, tone full of teasing and playfulness.
Noel notices her tense and immediately regrets what he just said. "Oh, Fuck- Rose I didn't-" he begins as he gets pushed back by Rose who's jumping off the counter. She doesn't make eye contact and says "It's fine- sorry I didn't- uhm" she stutters, Rose stuttering? Rose doesn't fucking stutter. "Don't apologise god I'm sorry-." Now she can't breathe, she stumbles to the opposite side of the kitchen, hand clutching her chest, "Noel I can't bre- I can't-" she gasps out, her voice coming out louder than she intended. He watches her slide down onto the floor, back facing the counter before he springs into action, "hey, hey Rose look at me" he says equally out of breath due to the shock of the situation. "you can breathe okay it's your mind playing tricks on you, Rose look at me yeah?" The volume of their voices is what alerts Cody.
He leaps up after hearing panicked voices which lets Kelsey know about it too. "Rose?" he calls, his voice laced with panic on his way to the kitchen with Kelsey right behind him. Once he reaches the kitchen he sees Rose on the floor, with Noel crouched right in front of her attempting to calm his best friend's sister down. They're both far too distracted to realize Kelsey and Cody just walked in. The room is filled with nothing but Noel telling Rose to list something she can feel, see and hear in hopes of snapping her back to reality. Cody walks around the counter to sit beside his distressed sister trying to find ways to help Noel calm her down.
Something, if not everything works after a while, her breathing still uneven but she can finally get words out. Rose slowly lets go of the grip she has on Noel's arm as the gravity of the situation sets in. She just had a panic attack in front of the 2 people who are starting to mean the most to her. "Fuck" she mutters to no one in particular and suddenly stands up. She heard her brother "woah rose-" he says trying to steady her "I'm fine" she says which almost causes Noel to laugh. How the fuck was she okay? Cody looks at her softly while his girlfriend is making a quiet ruckus in the background due to getting a glass of water for his sister. "What happened?" Cody asks his sister, "I uh- I don't know" she said, slightly scaring everyone in the room because of how calm and composed she seems. He continues "you just-." Oh no. "I'm aware of what just fucking happened Cody and I'm saying I don't know why. Fuck just give me a second" Rose snaps rather harshly, even Noel and Kelsey felt the sting. "Fuck" she mutters shaking her head as if in disbelief and beelines straight to the small balcony, "Rose" Noel finally calls out on the brink of chasing after her. "I need air" the three hear her say before she slips out the door leaving them all questioning what just happened.
Cody refocuses his attention back on Noel, who looks distraught. This entire situation to them is so foreign, everything is so serious and tense. "What happened?" Cody asks the question everyone's thinking, his voice full of concern. "I- uh-" Noel starts out while he's rocking on his heels, "fuck it" he mutters before walking in the direction that Rose just went in. Cody looks at his girlfriend "do I?" he says, questioning whether he should go out there or not. "No, not yet babe" Kelsey replies knowing whatever just happened was between the other two. They share a look, they'd be smiling if this was under different circumstances. Cody and Kelsey don't share any words and just refocus their attention to the dinner Noel was attempting to make, which was now burnt.
His mind drifts to seeing how distressed she looked and how that somehow hurt him, seeing her like that. He slides the door open seeing Rose standing in the corner looking at the unbelievably shitty view (especially for the price they're paying.) Before Noel could even speak she rushes out "that.. uh that wasn't you back there, it was me I-" he does the same thing she just did "No, Rose please don't apologise I pushed you or made you fe-" she chuckles sinisterly "please will you just shut the fuck up, I said it wasn't you, just go" she says finally him in the eye, "please" she begs feeling her eyes starting water translation: stay. Noel can even feel some lump forming in his throat just watching herself, he'd call himself a pussy if he wasn't already focused on the sight in front of him. "I'm not gonna do that." Is all he says. Followed up by "I mean if you really want I will but you- you're not okay and I'm not gonna leave you ." This was enough to push her over the edge, she whimpers tears falling rapidly still looking over the edge. She takes notice of how Noel must have walked closer to her since he's in reaching distance, "talk to me" he says above whisper, nearing her. All he can hear is the sound that he recently figured out he hates the most, her sobs.
Rose doesn't know what to say or do, for fuck sakes she's crying in front of her sometimes enemy. "No" is all she says, a sad smile ghosting her lips. He can tell she's already trying to turn this into a joke, it's a defensive mechanism. And he knows it. "Rose" he says again, but he's cut off. "My name sounds so bitter on your tongue." She continues "The way everyone else says it is so.. sweet, so melodic, but you, your way sounds nice." He furrows his brows that what she just concluded to, "don't change the subject" he says leaving out her name he was gonna add. Noel doesn't want her to think of herself like that- bitter. She's not bitter. To people maybe, but she isn't bitter. He wishes sometimes his brain wasn't in overdrive because right now he's trying to puzzle the pieces together of her behaviour when really he should be focusing on her. His mind always goes to the worst possible thing, but this time he's thinking it isn't just his brain. She's finally stopped crying, "i'm not" she lets out a shaky breath before continuing "i'm not ready to talk and I don't want to talk." she tries to muster up any sort of bite she has left. "Okay" is all he says, his face looks sad and his eyes soft, he tries to continue saying that he's here for her but she continues the pattern of cutting him off, this time not with words. Her arms are around his neck, face buried in his neck holding him as tightly as she can. He takes a few seconds to react before wrapping his arms around her waist, and whispers a "I got you."
Rose dreads the moment she lets go because she knows it's time to go face Cody and Kelsey. Noel heads to do the door, looking back giving the girl a reassuring smile and opens it, they both get hit with the smell of burnt pasta. Her face scrunches up at the fact their dinner was done for. They immediately see the faces of the couple sitting on their couch, Kelsey leaning back while Cody sits forward, hands on his knees looking like he's the main character in a show sitting in the hospital waiting room. His head snaps up at the sound of the door sliding open, finally he thinks. Cody goes to ask her if she's okay but from past experiences that isn't the question to ask if you want a response out of her. So he opts to do what he knows best, "you guys burnt the pasta, how the fuck do you burn pasta?" This earns a chuckle out of all of them, including his sister. Noel takes a seat at the dining room table not really knowing what to do. Rose still stands looking around the room she's seen thousands of times before, "well this is fucking awkward." This causes Kelsey to join Cody in parent mode "hey no it's not it's fine, we're fine." Noel catches Rose soften at Kelseys exclamation. Cody's next to break the silence "well i'm still really hungry." Kelsey catches his drift and springs up, "okay what are we ordering? mexican, chinese, thai there's endless possibilities."
Noel wants to leave. But he doesn't wanna leave her. He silently wishes it was just them two, don't get him wrong it's not Cody and Kelsey it's the fact they can do whatever they want when it's just them. He battles himself for a while before making the decision. "Ah guys I might head off, I have videos to edit plus Spock might come over." Rose's head snaps over to him not expecting that, she takes note of how he's adamantly avoiding looking at her. She would be lying if it hadn't stung a little. Cody and Kelsey are just as surprised but not wanting to make this room even more tension filled he complies with his best friend, "sure man go ahead, tell Spock I said hey" he walks over to walk Noel out. Noel looks back before getting too far down the hallway "later guys" he says to Kelsey before lingering and making eye contact with Rose to say something else. Translation: I'm sorry. He begins to feel even worse when she doesn't reply and walks over to the couch making it so that he can't see her anymore.
With Noel running off into the sunset leaving Rose to third wheel she sits in silence. Knees pulled up to her chest while tuning out the pair's discussion for dinner. Cody looks at his sister, not knowing what the fuck to do. He has so many questions that will be left unanswered, it's just the territory that comes with Rose. He walks over, "what do you want for dinner rose pose?" knowing from previous experience it'll get a reaction out of her, this time she just chuckles. "I'm fine." She says shutting him down. This time Cody catches on "with whatever we order right?" he adds on hoping she didn't mean that. Rose being too exhausted and pissed to defend herself she mutters a "yeah" and tells him she'll be in her room.
Flopping not so gracefully on her bed Rose feels the sudden urge to check her phone. Not knowing why. Although she does actually know why, she wants to see if Noel texted her. He didn't. She wants to punch herself for feeling that sinking feeling of disappointment which only adds onto her strong emotions from tonight. Wishing she could go on a walk or to the studio she lays silently in her bed, tuning out the voices of her brother and girlfriend discussing some random topic - probably her, before reaching for the electric guitar she's avoided for a little too long. Rose desperately wishes she was home alone right at this moment, making herself let out a small chuckle at the thought of nobody really knowing she plays. Let alone sings. She's not the best (which kills her inside) but she knows she's good enough to not sound like a dying cat. She strums along to the song in her head, quietly humming hoping nobody can hear her.
Her pity party is short-lived when her phone flashes Noel's caller ID. Oh shit he's actually calling her. She takes a moment to muster up the courage to put her pissed off voice on, clears her throat and composes herself before answering
"Hey."
"What do you want?"
"Well I was gonna apologise again but as we're talking I see you're ready to bite my head off."
"I always am. You're really fucking annoying, you know that right Noel?"
"I like the way you say my name too, you know."
".. Is that all you need?"
"I'm sorry for leaving like that. I don't know what happened."
"I do.You left. Really fucking awkwardly by the way so thanks for that."
"......"
"Why are you whispering anyways"
"I'm in my room."
"Oh. Listen Rose this secret relationship was fun and all but I can't keep-"
"Oh fuck you. You're not as funny as you think you are."
"Ouch my ego"
"You ever play that guitar you had stashed in your room?"
"Hm sometimes."
"You should play for me sometime."
"No."
"Anyways I'm tired."
"Oh yeah, get some rest."
"Hey Rose? Before you go can I ask something
"What is it?"
"Why'd you uh- why'd you kiss me? I'm sorry I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable or anything I'm just curious-"
"Curiosity killed the cat"
"Sure it did"
"It was a game"
"Pretty sick and twisted game if you ask me."
"Good thing I'm pretty sick and twisted then."
"You're only one of those things."
"...Goodnight, Noel"
"Goodnight, Rose."
End Call?
Yes.
She sits her phone down to debrief herself over what just happened. God she wishes that smile that was plastering her face would go away, she completely forgot about what they were doing before she decided to go blow it all up. Sighing and looking around the room, part of her still feels like she's sinking, yearning almost. Rose didn't want to hang up if she was being honest. She continues playing around with her guitar thinking about what possibly could Noel be thinking about right now.
Her humming is abruptly cut off when Devon swings her door open, making her yelp due to the jump scare. "What the fuck?" She looks at him with a small smile at the thought of him finally returning to the house. "Where the fuck have you been?" He shuts her door and makes his way over her bed, reacting the way she flopped down on her bed earlier on in the night. "Fucking bitches, getting money you know the drill Rosie." The nickname causes her to roll her eyes. She pretends to move her guitar to make it look like she was about to hit him, "ha ha made you jump." She hears her roommate let out a breath knowing he obviously wants to talk about something. "Did Cody send you by chance?" He fakes shock "why on earth would you throw such an accusation? I'm allowed to care about you too, kid." She makes a face of disapproval, "I'm tired, get out." Devon just looks at her, trying to muster up his best this-is-serious-face. "I have one panic attack and suddenly the world is ending?" He tilts his head, "this is the first time you had one in months rose, don't think we forgot about those months of you kept having panic attacks in the middle of night." She puts her hand on her forehead, rubbing it to try ease the pounding headache she's developing. "You can talk to me, I know I act like a dick and put blowjobs from a really ho-" he stops when she gives him a look. "My point exactly I know being serious isn't my strong suit but I will be if I have too Rose, for you? Always."
She raises her eyebrows at his promise, "thanks Dev." He looks at her for a little longer before snapping back to his usual self, "I give you that entire speech that I prepared and I get a thanks dev?" Devon playfully yells, faking his distress. He moves off the bed, Rose sighing in relief thinking he's gonna leave. Instead he walks over to the side of the bed she's sitting on, moves the guitar and flings Rose over his shoulder. Before she could even protest they're already out of her bedroom, "put me down you asshole!" she yells hanging upside down. "Nope" he says, putting emphasis on the 'p' sound. "You're socialising with us, a good old roomie movie night." He reaches his destination and flings her light body onto the couch, hard enough that surely she has whiplash. "Ow fucking hell Devon." She spots Cody already sitting in his self proclaimed "spot" on the couch. Rose also spots Kelsey next to him, she debates for a second whether or not to call Devon out on the whole roommate movie night but decided against it, this situation is too wholesome to ruin.
With Devon still standing Rose, far too comfortable to move asks him "Dev can you get my phone." Ever since tonight she's felt glued to that goddamn thing. "Perhaps" she hears him say. Their conversation earns a chuckle from Cody, and Marcus who had just got there. A few moments pass before Devon walks out, looking slightly confused with a mix of amusement and hands Rose her phone. She speaks up, "what?" she says defensively thinking Devon did something. Looking down at her phone, Rose feels her face drop slightly when she looks at her phone, a message from Noel Miller taking up her screen.
Noel Miller
Also when you finally serenade me with your guitar, you should play Creep by Radiohead.
It's a good song.
Sent at 11:03 pm
She takes a breath looking back at Devon, whispering a "that's out of context." Devon turns his attention to the tv, smile on his face and says "sure it is rosie." This causes Marcus to look back at two in confusion. "Sure what is?" he asks curiously. Oh fuck. She knows Devon is gonna try to get a reaction out of her so before he can open his big mouth she's leaping over to him, and slapping a hand over his mouth. "Devon shut up." Rose says slightly panicked. They can hear Devons muffled voice under her hand, "shut up!!" This entire scene is making everyone laugh yet somehow it's like the world is ending for Rose. "Seriously Dev don't" she begs. Finally taking her hand off his mouth, she looks at everyone's amused faces. Her devil of a roommate raises his hands and he tells her "fine if it's that much of a secret" which adds fuel to the fire. "It's not you bastard, just shut up." Marcus is the first to ask the million dollar question, "what are you guys talking about?" which makes Cody nod in agreement. Devon looks at Rose seeing that she's dead serious, "nothing guys, just teasing Rosie." He ruffled her hair as he walked past, sitting back down on the couch. Looking back she sees Devon typing away on this phone. After making herself comfortable, again she checks her phone.. again. This time it's a text from her roommate who's sitting right across from her.
Devon
Why so defensive Rosie bear?
Read at 11:07 pm
I'm literally gonna kill you in your fucking sleep.
Read at 11:07 pm
Ur secret 's safe with me, my question is since when do you tell people you play? Thought that was a secret you'd take the grave 😈
Read at 11:08 pm
He saw it in my room once, and stop acting like I've murdered people.. it's a guitar.
Read at 11:09 pm
Maybe so kid, maybe so. Btw when u guys get married I'm totally telling this story.
Read at 11:09 pm
Hearing him chuckle at the fact she left him on Rose refocuses her attention on replying to other texts. More specifically Noel's.
Noel Miller
Also when you finally serenade me with your guitar, you should play Creep by Radiohead.
It's a good song.
Sent at 11:03 pm
I'd rather die a slow painful death than play for you.
Sent at 11:10 pm
But sure, one day.
Read at 11:13 pm
Also Devon saw your text. Read at 11:13 pm
Cool, now things are exciting. We back on for our secret romance? (Translation: are we okay?)
Read at 11:16 pm
We're fine.
Read at 11:19 pm
Looking forward to it.
Read at 11:22 pm