I don't know how long I laid there but I do know that I was completely still, my eyes planted firmly on the image of my baby. A million things rushed through my head ranging from Dominic to Cameron to the very fact that this is actually real. A baby is growing inside of me.
"Jade? Are you ok?"
I nodded absently still unable to remove my eyes from the picture. "Yup...I'm having a baby..." I mumbled absently. Months ago the idea was just a dream, a hope for me and the mate that didn't want anything to do with me. Countless nights I put myself to sleep dreaming about what my pups would look like. My perfectly normal wolves that would never have to face the torture and torment of being different like I did. Remembering my dormant gene and earlier prognosis that there was in fact a chance that my pups might inherit my curse I shot up, turning to him with my hand on my stomach protectively, "What about the gene? Is my baby going to be normal? What am I going to do if this pup has a dormant gene too?!" Panic set in, my breath deepened with new tears working their way through my tightly pressed lids as I shook my head. "I don't want my baby to go through that!"
"Jade—" Doctor Hemming called to me but I could just barely hear him.
"Look again! Please tell me you can tell right now that my baby is going to be able to shift! Please—"
"Jade!" He gripped me by my shoulders firmly. "Look at me, Jade." I shook my head again before slowly prying my eyes open. With them came more tears that just wouldn't stop. "This is exactly what I just warned you about. You need to try not to get so worked up about things. It's not good for you or the pup. As a physician, I don't like to tell my patients things unless I'm completely sure but if it'll help put your mind at ease I'll tell you why I need to see you again next week. As I said, the gestational age of the fetus is a little over 8 weeks but the features appear to be already matured. I believe your pup is developing a lot faster than normal. Because of that, I have no doubts that your pup will have an active wolf gene." I could sense his hesitation in the pause that followed so I gave him a small nod as if to tell him to spill whatever else he was holding back. He sighed deeply closing his eyes for a moment, "Promise me you're going to take my advice and relax more."
What? He lets out that ominous sigh then hits me with 'Promise me you're going to relax more'? What fuck kind of patience does he think I have? Did he not just see me freak out seconds ago? Can he not see my heart threatening to break through my ribs?
"Doc..." Lowering my brows I glared at him with a fierceness that must have shown him that I'm not in the mood because I literally saw him swallow.
"When I touched your stomach, I felt my wolf," My eyes nearly fell out of my skull as my breathing picked up again, this time from short-lived excitement. "The second I took my hand away the feeling was gone. I held your hand to help you get on this table and even as my hands are on your shoulders right now I'm not feeling anything." Dropping his hands he placed them both on my still exposed stomach and for as long as they remained there I could in fact feel the presence of his wolf. When he removed his hands that feeling was gone instantly. "I'm not trying to give you false hope or more to worry about but your pup is already showing signs of being special. You're a very strong wolf, Jade. You and Dominic both but I think your pup is going to be even stronger. He or she is going to be what helps us get our wolves back."
That alone should have been enough to silence my fears of my child having my dormant gene but instead, it filled me with new ones. If my baby is the key to helping the pack, then that would mean that they'll have to go even longer; wait until after I give birth to finally restore everything. Either that or I could go through with my plans to track down Cameron. Yeah...decisions. Giving nothing more than a nod, I pulled my shirt down and slid forward to get off the table.
"Remember what I said, Jade. Relax and don't worry too much. We have portable ultrasound machines so these appointments can be conducted at your place and since I'm ordering you to rest as much as possible from now on I'll come to you. How's next Thursday?" He held out his hand for me, helping me down from the table as he grabbed the folder he was carrying and walked me to the door.
"Thursday's fine," I mumble, still thinking over what I just learned. He was still talking. I could hear him saying something but at the same time couldn't hear a word he was saying. Not while my mind was playing the angry words of the pack over and over in my head adding new ones when they learn that the answer to their problems is within my womb. Why couldn't things be easy? Why couldn't that one touch to my belly just be enough? If it were I can see myself happily delivering the news that the first royal heir is on the way while and at the same time all they have to do is touch me to get their wolves back. Instead, my news is one-sided.
I walked home at a slow pace with my hands shoved deep into my pockets for warmth. It was silent. Surprisingly silent. Dominic told me to come home and eat something hours ago and I haven't heard from him since. It bothers me to think of how distant we are with one another and kills me just as much knowing that each day that passes, it's my doing. It's up to me to apologize; to make things right and as I run my thumb along the corners of the folded picture of the pup we created, I wonder if now is the right time for me to do so.
No mother wants their child to have to face hardships. I'm not a mother yet but I still feel that way. It may be my baby's destiny to do this, to fix problems in the wolf world that Dominic and I can't but if I can take the weight of some things off of his or her shoulders, why not? If I tell Dominic about our pup he'll become even more possessive and try to keep an eye on me at all times but if I don't tell him right away I'll only be strengthening the issue between us. I want to be happy again. I want to wake up to my mate smiling at me for no reason other than because he loves me. I want to walk into a room and have him rush over to me and wrap his arms around me like he used to instead of walking away like he does now. But...but I also want my people to have their wolves back and Cameron out of our lives for good.
Walking into the house I could hear a lot of chatter coming from the kitchen. Along with the sounds of laughter came the scent of parsley and cheese that made my stomach turn. Light coughs turned into gags that forced my stomach to pump. If there had been anything in it the contents would be all over the floor and probably all over me. In need of fresh air, I turned toward the stairs with hopes of getting to the closed-off room and window I could find but before I could even touch the bottom step Jaxon, Kayla, and Dominic walked out the kitchen.
"Jeez, Jade You look like shit!"
"Why thank you, Jackie! You know just what to say to take a girl's breath away!" I rolled my eyes heading for the stairs again only to have a hand laid over mine as I touched the railing. The warmth that only my mate gives me gave him away. I looked over at him reluctantly but at the same time, reeling in a touch that I've been craving for so long now.
"He's right Jade. You don't look so good." He raised his free hand pressing the back of it against my forehead. His face was full of concern as was his eyes which locked on mine showing me the still very strong presence of love within them. "Why don't you go take a hot shower and lay down. I'll bring up something for you to eat."
Eat. Hearing that word I inhaled and nearly gagged again. I took two deep breaths breathing carefully through my mouth to keep from smelling whatever my mother was cooking. "No thanks." Was all I could get out. My stomach started pumping again and if I didn't rush up the stairs, a very unpretty sight of me gagging on air would have been seen and prompted questions. I regret pulling my hand away from him the way that I did. My wolf whimpered inside of me telling me that he was more than likely hurt by that gesture but it wasn't intentional. I didn't make it to the bathroom before it started again.
I was gagging and dry heaving so hard that tears were forced from my eyes. What made it worse was the relentless need to spill my guts despite there being nothing there. Still bent over, I held my hand over my mouth flipping on the water in the sink with my free hand. I dipped my head under the cool stream taking in huge gulps and swallowing between breaths. As my stomach began to settle I remained there with my head resting against the cool basin while the water continued to run. When I was sure that I could stand up straight and that the gagging spell was gone, I flipped off the water and made my way to the bed. I have this weird thing about being in the bed with my clothes on so rather than climbing under the blankets like I wanted I collapsed on top of them with my hand resting on top of my stomach.
My eyes closed on their own welcoming the idea of a nap but footsteps on the stairs kept that from happening. Catching the scent of my mate before he even drew close to the door prompted me to sit up-right on the bed. The very second the door opened our eyes connected. It wasn't the same as the look we shared moments ago. He looked lost, sad, and the way he slumped back against the wall gave me the impression that on top of all that he was feeling defeated.
The longer he stood there the stronger the scents from downstair crept into the room. With a quickness, I rushed over to the door with intentions of closing it. Dominic must have thought I was trying to leave because he grabbed me by the wrist and stopped me as my hand touched the knob.
"When is this going to stop, Jade?" A deep and obviously frustrated sigh came from him. My wolf whimpers within me begging me to answer with a lip bruising kiss. "We can't be in the same room for longer than a minute; can't talk without one of us walking away."
Automatically I knew he was referring to what just happened. "I didn't mean anything by that Dominic. I just...really had to use the bathroom."
"And you weren't about to walk away just now?" If it weren't for the way his brows fused I would have assumed that was more of a statement than a question. I hate seeing him like this and the fact that my emotions are sitting so close to the surface has me ready to cry over the sight. Fearing my voice would give that away I just shook my head 'no', gripping his hand as I took an extra step forward and closed the door like I'd originally intended. For the longest minute ever we stood there just looking at one another neither of us knowing what to say next. Dominic breathed another sigh as he pushed off the wall releasing my hand and walked toward the bed shoving his hands into his hair. "All day I've been going over what I wanted to say you and now that you're in front of me my mind is blank."
For some reason that worried me. What if what he wants to say isn't along the lines of lets kiss and make up? What if it's something harsh? Can my weak hold on my emotions withstand that right now? Hell no but if it's going to help us then I'll just have to take whatever he dishes out. "Pretend like I'm not here then," I mumbled, rooting myself to the spot near the door where he left me.
A light chuckle escaped through his nose as he glanced at me over his shoulder. "Easier said than done, sweetheart. For the last few weeks, I have been painfully aware of you even when you hadn't noticed me. When I tell myself not to, I can't help but look at you and when I do I fear that it may just be my last. My biggest fear these last few weeks is that one of these days you're going to walk out the door looking for Cameron and never come back to me."
Right away my mind went to Alice. We haven't talked about Dominic's first mate in so long but clearly the wounds are still there and I understand completely where he's coming from. He turned and looked at me biting down on his bottom lip, tears clouding his eyes.
"I've tried not to question who I loved more out of you and Alice or if the love I had for her was different from what I feel for you. But I have and it is. I accepted the fact that I could die in that fight and accepted the fact that she would probably find someone new to love but I can't even think about you smiling at another man without feeling like destroying something. When Cameron said he wanted to mate with you in exchange for the wolves, I wanted to kill him. I was willing to kill all those innocent people that he stood behind just to rip his throat out. Thinking about that...about you going to him and him touching you sets my blood on fire!"
He growled so loud that I felt the floor vibrate underneath my feet. I know Dominic would never hurt me but as he approached me I couldn't help but shiver and step back. Seeing that, he halted then looked me over hesitantly. One of his arms slipped around me and rested on my back as the other caressed my cheek. I closed my eyes and inhaled his scent feeling for the first time like I'm back on the cloud he always seems to put me on. "I'm sorry for everything I said. I know that you don't want him and were only going to give in for our people but I let my own feelings get the best of me. I understand that with Cameron you had to have that 'you against the world' mentality Jade. I get it! But this battle isn't yours to fight alone! You have me now! You don't have to face anything alone ever again."
"I feel like I do though." I pulled out of his arms and began pacing the space between him and the bed throwing my hands up out of frustration when I faced him to speak again. "Cameron is my problem. He's doing all this because of me. I failed to do what should have been done when I had the chance so everyone is looking at me to fix this Dominic! I don't mean to shut you out and make you feel like I don't need you—"
"Then don't!" He closed the gap between us as he cut me off. "Don't shut me out and don't feel like you have to help the pack all on your own. You don't have a selfish dick for a mate anymore! In fact, if you want to just walk away and wash your hands of this I will take it on! I'll go after him on my own and take care of the pack so you don't have to! If that's what you need—if that's what it takes to make you happy again—for us to be happy again, I will do it Jade!" Not only could I hear the desperation in his tone, his eyes were also pleading with me. I've always been weakened by his eyes. Since that day he saved me, I realized his eyes had the power to pull me in and make me bend to his will.
"You're always talking about my happiness Dominic. What about you?" I said without thinking but wouldn't take that question back even if I could. Everything he just said was about me. He is now and has been trying so damn hard to make me happy...but what about him?
Lowering his head his lips hovered just an inch above mine, "Did you not just hear me?" he smiled slightly, "As long as I have you I'm happy." He leaned in the rest of the way pressing his lips against mine. I was lost instantly having gone so long without one of these kisses. The taste of him has never been so sweet nor have I ever felt a stronger need to press my entire body against his. In this kiss, I felt the ten-ton weights of stress fall from my shoulders. An involuntary smile crossed my lips forcing me to break the kiss before it deepened. Dominic smiled back moving in to connect our lips again and at the last second, I whispered against his, hoping he was wrong and that I could make him happy.
"What about me plus one?" He pulled back slightly, confusion knitting his brows. Not knowing what else to say I pulled the glossy sheet of paper from my pocket and held it up between us. I watched Dominic closely wanting to witness his reaction fully. At first, he just stood there with wide eyes and looked as if he weren't breathing. When he finally moved he took the picture from my hand and stared some more, eventually blinking long and hard. Worry washed over me with sudden fears that he too would be a little upset about the timing of this as I was earlier. I don't know what I'd say or what I'd do if he told me he wasn't ready for this.
The second time Dominic blinked a smile followed. A small smile that quickly turned into a full-blown grin. Slowly his eyes lifted to mine while his smile remained, "I'm going to be a Daddy?" His last word was filled with so much pride that I couldn't help but mimic his smile. I was hesitant to tell him about this and was planning to at least wait until I had a good lead on where Cameron might be hiding out but the force of my wolf decided to take control and share the news that she's practically prancing over with our mate.
I nodded, gripped the hem of my hoodie, pulled it over my head then turned to the side watching as his eyes widened again and fell to my stomach. He wasted no time placing his flattened palm on it looking up at me with even more pride etched across his face. I remember so clearly the day he told me that he never thought he'd have pups but as we speak, he's rubbing what will soon be just that, his first child. Our first child.
Pressing up on my toes I gave him that kiss he was seeking before and gladly welcomed a much deeper one that resulted in us being locked in each other's arms. We started this day with no words for each other and now we're ending it with no need for them. We still have things to work through; finding Cameron and putting all this behind us but to be completely honest...right now right this very second I'm happy and surprisingly don't feel at all guilty about it.