"Hey wait..." I called after him as he steps up the stairs. Apparently my calls don't even invoke a buzz in his ears.
Sighing I follow him up the stairs which seemed like a strenuous task this time. Coming down was easier than climbing up.
Fatigue enveloped me from all directions as I take final steps and all the fibers inside my body seemed to be tearing apart gradually.
I could hear the friction coming out of the depths of my throat with each breath. This was the first time I felt the hollow deep down in my empty stomach.
When did I have my last meal?
I found him sitting on the chair now which he dragged over to the window now. His back towards me. His fingers playing with something I couldn't see. His eyes trained on it though.
"Why don't you quit it all?" I asked cautiously. Feeling like I knew nothing about what I was talking about.
He didn't react.
His fingers kept playing. His eyes still on them.
"Cause there's no other way around." He blankly replied.
Atleast I was getting something out of him. I neared the bed where I had been laying down before, opposite him. My knees touched the softness of the mattress begging me to sit down to relieve them of the burden.
"There would be. Needed to be figured out I guess."
"You don't understand."
"Make me then."
He sighed and walked up to the window. Opening the wooden frame of it in which the cheap glass made some low shattering noise on the edges but gave in. Once open, he dusted his hands and dug them deeper into his pockets, scanning the exterior.
"For me to quit, a replacement would be needed which I don't have. Nobody's left in my circle to take my place. To get me out of this vicious cycle."
"But your grandpa-"
"He's dead." His empty voice communicated.
A breath left me involuntarily."Im sorry. I di-"
"No need." He cut me off, "It doesn't matter anymore."
I observed the stiffness of his stature. The way he carried himself. Calmness filled inside a stone.
I struggled for words to console him but it felt useless when he was blocking them out.
Instead I sat down on the bed. Finally stretching my legs in front of my on the floor as popping sounds vibrated around the knee area.
"I'm sorry about this. I really am," I side eyed him and looked down at my lap," but despite all this, I still can't stay here. "
He turned around sharply and I sucked in a breath.
"You're not safe there. They are after you too now," I could feel his piercing gaze burning at the side of my face," why do you think I never let anyone come near me. Never dated. Because of this!" His pointer finger emphasizing at the invisible situation.
I let my eyes find his," then why me?" I whispered out.
Only if I knew why I had been dragged into this mess.
He ran his fingers through his hair agitated as his nostrils flared. His eyes traced the floor while his hand slipped down to his neck, rubbing it.
"How exactly do I have to make it clear to you that you aren't leaving this place." He gritted out each word, dodging the question completely.
" I don't even know this place!" I cried out.
How could I live out here in the middle of nowhere.
For goodness' sake!
His anger directed over towards me as his eyes pierced through mine," you don't have to worry. You're safe here."
"Pfft," I shook my head at his inconsiderate manner, "I never stayed with a guy in my life. Neither do I want to!"
I hoped it could get through all the curtains that's been shading his mind.
"I spent night inside the same room as you in that apartment," he reminded me of the nights he forcefully made himself comfortable at my place," moreover I was there with you in that stupid cave of a place among those bastards."
The memory hit me hard. All the chills came back in fresh new waves and I started rubbing my arms to calm it down. My body woke up to all the weakness and chill. I felt hot and cold at the same time as forever had slowly been rising up my spine once again.
He noticed and rounded the bed.
But I was quick to stare up at him and he stopped where he was," That wasn't in my control. But this one is."
He snickered," that's where you're wrong," he leaned forward over the foot of the bed pressing his finger into his chest," I'm the one in control here."
His solid gaze held the unwavering promise. I visibly gulped scooting backward as my rare hit the fluffiness of the pillow.
" I won't stay with a guy a like you." I declared though my voice held weakness. No matter how much I wished, I couldn't muster up the courage," never."
His lips pressed together as he gritted his teeth," would you rather stay with some other guy?"
His eyes were narrowed down under the knitted eyebrows and his bangs hovered over them to support the idea.
What a piece of-
How could he possibly conclude such things about me after all this!
"You know what, I'm done." I got out of the bed, wincing at the pain that shot up from under my ribs making my head dizzy. I had my fingers on the temple, pressing it wake myself up so that I could get over it.
"What do you think you're doing?" He straightened up suspiciously godging my movements.
"Leaving this place, what else!" I shouted at him. So over it.
"Would you rather go out there and endanger your life than to stay here without creating a chaos?" Madness rushed out of his each word.
"Better them than you!"
What did he think he was. Ordering me around like that as if he could hold me here hostage.
I yelped as he suddenly appeared before me and held my upper arm painfully.
The last thing I needed right now was the reminder of how weak i had become after all these incidents. My body quickly reacted and i felt all the blood leaving veins where he had been clutching my arm.
"I don't like to repeat," his hawk like gaze slashed all the webs around my vision, able to reach to the bottom of my heart through them which started beating in a wild pace as if spellbound," you can't leave. You will stay here like a good little girl and do just as I say."
"You're hurting me-" I breathed out in pain as tears started welling inside my squinted eyes.
"Do I make myself clear?" He asked ignoring my pleas.
I lowered my head trying to come up with something that would get me out of here.
" I'm not like your other chicks. I can't stay with a man out here in this wilderness." my eyes ran around the room and found the window, signaling the eeriness of the outside area.
His grip tightened on my arm getting a low squeak out of my lips," I never said you are one of those."
He looked like he minded my statement.
What an irony!
"Just let me go please. My parents must be wondering where I am." A tear slipped down my eye as I tried to pry his fingers off my arm," they would be worried about me."
"And what about me?" He shouted in my face, making me shiver in fear," can't you see my worry?"
His eyes sought the answers in mine. I looked down with lips sealed. Afraid to fire up his anger anymore than this.
He peaked down on me. My eyes on the chest before me that rose and fell with the each breath that fell on my face.
Too close.
Claustrophobic.
I wanted to get away from him. I didn't know what I would do anymore. He looked like warming up to me lately. I thought he was getting considerate.
But now this.
Sometimes he's like soft snow that dribbles over you leaving you in the mixture of hope and joy. But the other times he becomes like a molten lava. That bursts out and spreads around engulfing everything in its wake.
"Faith," his voice controlled, almost gentle now," whatever I do, it's for your own good."
How could it be?
He needed millennia to make me understand this.
I faintly shook my head but didn't dare look up.
Just kept inhaling his manly scent which was now mixed with tobacco and a wooden texture. The vibe of this place. As if he belonged here. As if this scent was immersed with his blood for ages.
Wrong.
All of this was wrong.
I couldn't stay here. Even if it was the danger lurking outside. Even if there were those gangsters wandering around my apartment, ready to get me.
Anywhere near him was too much for me.
What about school?
What about my goals.
Everything was vague if I stayed here.
Tests were right around the corner.
I couldn't stay here, cut off from the world. This world. The world I belonged belonged to back there.
And most importantly what mama must be thinking?
"I need to talk to mama." I finally whispered out a weak protest. Voice broke. Hope instilled in each word. Laced with fear.
Even the whisper sounded too loud.
I felt like he could just make out words if I just so much as moved my lips. Without a sound.
Or maybe he had access to my soul by now.
Twisting it and manipulating it whenever he felt like it.
Nonetheless he nodded with a drag of a long breath. I looked up at him in surprise.
His eyes were way too near.
Like a mirror.
That would just reflect my own shadow, successfully hiding his own depths, when it hit his truth, his reality.
The thick strands of his midnight hair shadowed his entire face letting my eyes pry into those shadows.
He took a step back. I copied his movements.
Out of trance now. More afraid now that I was aware of the power of his trap that he could set for me any given moment.
He produced a cellphone from his trouser pocket and handed me that. I took it with trembling fingers.
Dialing a number was the hardest act under the scrutiny of his irom gaze. It was hard to predict his advances. His actions. And his stares. They always were different. Holding different meanings each time.
You never know when the lion would pounce on your heart clawing it out of your chest before you could even blink.
I heard the ring, indicating that mama would pick it up any moment.
I couldn't believe I was able to talk to mama. I was finally contacting her after being to hell.
The ring abruptly cut off followed by empty air, expectant one.
"Mama!"
"Faith!" Surprised voice reached my ears and my eyes closed off in relief.
All the dam broke inside of me as my heart squeezed at the familiar voice making the tears start pouring out of my eyes like an unexpected rainpour.
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