"You think I can't go on my own?" I frowned pushing the covers away ready to prove him wrong.
He sighed and looked down at the floor. His strands always sticking their edges in his eyes.
"What I'm saying is that," he locked his solemn gaze on me making me wonder what is it lurking behind that worry etched face," you'll stay here. With me."
My nostrils flared at his statement. Who does he think I am? After all that I went through, he seriously expects me to stay with him to console him?
Guess he has something else coming.
"I have my own apartment. I don't need to stay here." Finality dripping from my each word.
"And how are you gonna stay there?" He asked nonchalantly.
"The way I always have. I don't suddenly need you to stick along in my life," All the cruelty of the past few days was trying to roll out of my tongue to let him realize how it was for me." Especially not after what happened to me."
My voice softened a notch and I lowered my eyelids to hide the swirling emotions from his sight.
His hand came in view his his fingers crawled over the back of my hand and lingered there before taking a hold of it. His thumb ran over the leather surface of the wrist band that actually belonged to him. Now he held my wrist as if the wrist belonged to him as well.
"I know what it's like to endure all that. And I understand how you must be feeling," he started, his eyes on his thumb that started drawing circles on the back of my hand," but you can't just go back there and forget everything that happened to us. To you."
"I don't wanna think anymore. Neither about you nor what happened to me when I was with you."
He stood up as the bed creaked in protest. His long legs started engulfing the long steps back n forth beside the bed.
One. Two. Three.
Turn.
One. Two. Three.
He ran his hand through the thick strands and pushed them back who laid back for awhile in shock but quickly recovered and jumped ahead again as if they had pledged to always stay loyal to those midnight orbs that flickered with unease.
His eyes kept darting left and right on the ground. Then settled on me as he halted in his steps. His lips thinner than usual. Jawline more sleek. Nose sharper than usual. And his eyes thinned into almond shaped slits.
"What do you think huh? Everything's gonna get better once you are cooped up in the confines of that cocoon?" His voice accused me more than it questioned my thoughts.
I didn't know what was his deal. Why would he not let me go?
"I'm not gonna stay here no matter what!" I repeated my point.
"Its dangerous out there!" He raised his voice making me flinch. My fists curled around the sheets, tightening their hold to hold myself together.
Dangerous?
Please God don't let it be what I think...
"W-why?" I stuttered.
"Are you seriously asking me this?" He waved his arms around to add more effect to his words.
I pressed the hand against my kidney and scooted out of the bed, standing near the edge now," why don't you just tell me what is it all about!"
I didn't wanna know what was it about.
I just wanted to wipe everything off my memory and forget about everything
And everyone related to it.
I didn't wanna think about me involved in such mess that I didn't dare to let my thoughts wonder about yet.
But if he won't let me go, I would have to deal with it.
I was never good at confronting others. Be it for protecting my own rights or defending myself.
I always gave the other person the benefit of doubt.
Not really caring.
He sucked in a deep breathe. His lungs protruding out in fulfillment.
He was having a hard time to voice the facts.
"Why can't you just trust me?"
"Why can't you be less stubborn?" I countered.
He looked at me for a moment then looked away with knitted eyebrows.
As if he couldn't stand looking at me anymore.
Once again he started pacing around.
One. Two.
Turn.
One. Two...
I was standing in his way. He instead changed his persuit and settled down on bed, resting his elbows on his knees.
"I mentioned it before," he wet his lips that suddenly turned red like a strawberry, "it's all about me that dragged you in this mess as well."
"What about you?" I pushed.
He removed one elbow from on top of his knee and patted it. His face otherwise seemed lost in thought. Uneasy. His movements restless.
" Its about racing." He explained not looking up at me anymore.
I've heard him and the other guy talking about this but I don't understand what was the conflict.
"I don't get it." I confessed.
"Better leave it then." He got up ready to dodge the entire topic and leave but I rushed over to get a hold of his arm.
He halted in his steps making the relief spread inside me. He then lowered his head and eyed my hand that was clasped around his sleeve that was taught by the thick muscles of his biceps.
I jerked my hand away as if burned down by his gaze.
Heat crept over my cheeks and I blinked couple of times to stay in control. I finally found the courage to look up at him," I-" I fumbled with my fingers suddenly feeling awkward standing there aimlessly. He turned around fully, his eyes flicking between my face and my fidgeting fingers," I want you to tell me." I whispered out.
He was reading my mind and I his thoughts.
He still seemed to be considering if it was worth it.
"Please!" I insisted.
Knowing that i was out of my wits and didn't know of any other way to make him utter everything out if this didn't work.
He sighed. Hopefully in defeat.
He walked past me as I took a step aside. Opening a drawer, he drew out a pack of cigarettes. His hand kept shuffling the contents still searching for something. Then he groaned and shut the drawer.
Not glancing my way, he walked to the door and out of the door. I frowned and followed him with cautious steps.
It was hard to walk properly without getting a pinch of pain under my ribs. Pressing my palm further into my flesh I limped out of the room. I didn't expect to find a spiral wooden staircase. Pondering for few seconds if itwa a good idea to step down these stairs, acknowledging the limp in my walk.
I descended down nonetheless.
The floor board didn't make any sound under my feet.
I curiously surveyed the area. It was quite small space.
A small living room came into view that had a couch staring at the TV screen that was pasted on the wall. A huge pot of plant was resting on the window seal which looked out at the cluster of trees outside lining on either side of the dirt road.
This really was a countryside.
King emerged from inside what seemed like a small kitchenette seemingly immersed in striking the fire by matchstick. A cigarette loosely sticking out of his lips as his knitted eyebrows zoned in on the task in hand.
He walked over to the open window. He flicked the matchstick against the side of the matchbox. No results. He tried again. And then again.
There was tension in his actions. The inaccuracy in his fingers this time and the lack of determination regardless of the persistence.
Something entirely else swirling in his mind which fogged his judgments and ability to concentrate on the outer world. He didn't acknowledge me standing at the bottom of the stairs.
I padded over to where he was standing in front of the window. I stopped behind him. Finally a flicker of fire illuminated the space, catching my attention.
He threw the matchbox on the windowsill, retired, and dug his hand deep inside the pocket of his lose trousers. The other hand pushed the cigarette in between his lips as he took a drag out of it.
The muscles of his back relaxed as he exhaled the fog that exited his clouded mind. As if freeing him from his own prison.
"It all started with my grandpa getting a cancer," I heard him saying as my ears perked up in alert mode," he was a retired military guy. Strict. Rules follower."
I crossed my arms against my chest, my eyes never leaving the back of his head, his neck, his back muscles. Everything screamed discomfort and unease as he forced out his words.
Looking out the window.
As if talking to oblivion.
"But after he got stuck to his bed, I realized that there was more to him than what i knew," i peaked at him to find his eyes closed shut now then they opened up and started gazing out again robotically," his life was a mess and I had to carry on that legacy of his as we had no one else except each other."
I stepped ahead, stopping by his side. The blankness written all over his face was a pure painting of devoid.
"We needed money. Those men, where he had dug his roots long time ago needed a fresh blood to keep their income going. So they chose me. And grandpa not backing away from his rules, handed me over without a word."
I looked at the tick of his jaw that appeared and disappeared as if his heart was clogged up in his throat and its beat was visible through his jaws. He took another drag from the cigarette as if set on a rhythmic motion. As long as cigarette illuminated those tiny orange dogs in the end, he kept going. His mind holding onto it like a lifejacket.
"Are they the same men who kidnapped us? Why was your grandpa involved with them?" I investigated to undone the tangles of my racing thoughts.
He looked over at me. Lifeless eyes drowning inside of me. As if watching me for the first time. Analyzing my essence.
"No idea. But I was stuck in that shithole anyway." He looked down at the little bit of what remained of a cigarette and tilted his head as if he could read all the answers on the dimming substance.
"What did they want from you?"
"Money." He answered shortly.
But I needed to know more than that.
He pushed another cigarette out of the matchbox after leaving the earlier one on the windowsill.
"How-"
He pushed that cigarette in front of my face, cutting me off suddenly," want some?"
I shook my head frantically making him smirk as his eyes danced in amusement. For a mild moment before placing the cigarette down as if not interested anymore.
"There are many ways to them for making money. But all the ways equally dangerous and risky. You get caught, your life's done with," he straightened out his eyebrows with the pads of his forefinger and thumb after messaging them in circles,"I chose racing." He finally added.
"But that doesn't sound like a bad thing!" I stated confused.
I didn't understand what was the big deal out of it.
He sighed and turned away from the window, facing the stairs on the opposite end, "Its illegal."
With that he walked away.
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