"The only time I don't feel like a ghost is when you look at me, because when you look at me, you see me. You see me. This is me." -Owen Hunt; Grey's Anatomy
The thought about Harry and I circulated my mind. I couldn't get what happened to us out of my head. How good and bad that night was. Yes he broke down, but he opened up to me. Then he cuddled me all night. We kissed and just talked, what if I was able to do that every night? Just feel that way with him. Feel so free.
Before I left, he helped me pack up my apartment, finding some very special things and making fun of me. He also helped me load up the truck, and gave me a hug before I could get into the truck to drive. He said that he'll drive my car to Iowa, and I told him 'to be careful with my baby', he agreed, and made a joke saying 'I'll take care of your car too.' Which made me slap his arm, and laugh.
It had been a week since I had last seen him, we had things to deal with before coming to Iowa for his official break from the fame. He told me a bit about it, how he had to make sure people would follow him, like paps. He wouldn't be doing interviews or concerts. He had to take a break from the record label and he wasn't exactly sure how to do that.
But now I was sitting on the couch with a bag of popcorn, watching The Notebook, tomorrow he'd be here, and I just needed to relax before the panic set in. I was having Harry here, and a part of me is fangirling, a huge part of me wanted to seem normal for him.
But then there was a knock on the door and my mother got up from her sewing to open the door.
"Kaliea." I heard in the distance, moments later, and realized Harry was here. I got up and ran to the door and basically jumped on him. He chuckled and held me close to him. My legs were over his waist and his arms were holding me up. I just put my head in the crook of his neck and got a vanilla mint smell of him, when he let me down I just hugged him again. His arms still wrapped around me, as his head resting in the crook of my neck. I hear him inhale my scent just like I did to him. His curls tickling my neck. That's when I heard Baylor clear her throat, and I slowly backed away and my cheeks flushed.
"Hey," I said.
"Hey, Kal," he said. Our eyes locked on one another.
"So...uh. This is my family." I said, still looking at him.
"I'm her mom, Sarah." my mom budged in. "Her dad has the night shift, so you'll see him later." she greeted and Harry hugs her. She smiles and looks at me. Baylor acting with her cool demeanor, but mom and I look at each other knowing she's basically exploding inside.
"I'm Baylor, her sister." she walks over and sticks her hand out and he shakes it and smiles. Then she sits on the counter and acts like she's not paying attention.
"Shall I show you to your couch for the night?" I questioned, and he nodded. I lead him through the kitchen and to the living room. I grabbed my popcorn bag and set it on the coffee table.
"I like it, it's homey." Harry smiled, and I giggled lightly.
"Just make yourself feel like home, really. If you need anything just ask, I'm gonna go to bed. My room is just the first door on the left, and the bathroom is down the far hall. " I said, pointing to my room then and pointing out the things he may need, and he nods along.
"Okay, goodnight," I said, turning away and going into my room. There's a knock on my door.
"What?" I said.
"It's Baylor." a voice said.
"Come in," I said, she opened the door slowly and closed it. Her eyes on me with extreme worry.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
"Your...just friends?" she questions, staring at me intently, and I nodded.
"Just friends." I clarify for her.
"Fuck, Kaliea. Do you see the way he looks at you, you two were basically eye-fucking!"
"Shut up." I laugh.
"You guys have never had sex. or anything?" she asks, and I go quite, shaking my head at her.
"We were watching The Notebook one time and it got pretty steamy. We've kissed a couple of times, but I just think it was the heat at the moment." I said, looking down.
"Did he say anything?" I nodded and put my hands over my face. "What did he say?"
"He kept calling me beautiful," I said, looking up at her with pouty eyes. She doesn't buy them, she shakes her head.
"Kaliea Rosemary Moore," she said, shaking her head. .
"I don't think it's really anything though." I said, shrugging.
"Your stupid!" she basically shouts. "This is it. the thing." her hands are gesturing too much. "That you've been waiting for. It's him," she said, I throw my head back in laughter.
"No...No it's not." I snicker.
"No, seriously. Kaliea. Is there no connection?" she asked.
"No, there is...definitely. But, we are just too different. " I said, looking at her. She furrowed her eyebrows and looked at me in disgust.
"What the fuck. Stop being stupid." she spat.
"I'm not being stupid." I said, standing up and crossing my arms.
"Yes, you are." she affirmed.
"Do you have feelings for him?" she asked.
"Well. I. I don't know.." I shrugged. "Technically I always have."
"Forget before." she said, "think about now."
"Yeah," I said, looking down. "Doesn't mean anything." I said, almost whispering.
"What's wrong with you." she growled.
"Ouch." I winced.
"I can't deal with you right now," she said. "Josh and Cali are coming over tomorrow morning, mom is planning a huge breakfast." I nod and she leaves my room, anger leaving the room as she does. She's a little ball of fire. Growing up I was always looking out for her, even though my worst moments I was there for her. Watching her like Josh always said 'Baylor has her own personal guardian angel' She came first because she was my little sister. With her, I was always selfless so now she pushes me to do things with my life because she doesn't want me to always protect her. But I always will. Anger was always her main emotion but she's gotten better over the years. I put on pajamas and lay on my bed, folding my arms over my chest.
'That you've been waiting for. It's him,' Her words loop through my head. What if he is it? I know that is something, but what if he doesn't. What if I was just another fuck. Would I object to that? I mean he's so perfect, how could I not have feelings for him. The way butterflies litter my stomach when his lips are on mine. Or the shine in his eyes. The way he smiles, his deep voice, but the way his laugh is so light-hearted and high, even though he has a deep voice. The way he makes me feel so happy. Would I ever make him feel good? I'm enough for the rockstar? He could never feel the same because what I'm feeling is so weird. Too quick, too crazy. Would I ever be good enough, I was about 40 pounds overweight, and ugly. Would I be good enough? Of course, I can't be. I can't be enough. But he was in my mind. He was sitting on my couch, and he was in my mind. He was stuck, like a headache in your temple. He won't move. You might think, what exactly are you thinking about? Is it his smile? That wide beautiful smile that reaches both sides of his face and how dimples pop out of his cheeks, and how his eyes lit up. Or the way he speaks, he speaks slowly and has a deep english accent when he speaks you hear his voice throughout your whole eardrum. It's so deep and rough, but his laugh is light as a pillow. He was stuck in my mind, just him. Nothing specific just him. Everything about him. Every little thing I see. Everything I hear. Everything I know. He just stuck, revolving thoughts of him.
I feel my heart sink in. I get out of my bed and out of my room and into the kitchen. I grab some water and sit on the counter. What does it mean? It is obvious? When Baylor said what she did, did it mean that it was obvious I was falling in love with him? Can he tell? That would scare me, because If I were falling for him, and I was him. I get the hell out of dodge. I wouldn't know how to deal with me, I don't know how to deal with myself. The air in the kitchen was dense because of my feelings. I feel tears creep out of my eyes. I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to love someone, or even how to fall in love with someone. Not the way adults do. Teenage love is so simple, you know it won't last so you just have fun. But when you're an adult, it's your life. If you move in with someone everything changes, and your life is affected. But with being a teenager, you could whisper how much you want one another and the next day not even speak to each other because he hooked up with his ex. It's so overwhelming. What if I fall in love with him, and he doesn't fall in love with me? What am I talking about, of course, he won't. I'm a child. I'm a mess. I sniffle a little bit and wipe my cheeks, but it doesn't work and more tears fall.
That's when I notice I'm not alone, my head stifles up and I jolt back seeing a tall body covered in gray clothing standing against the open doorway. His eyes looking at me, with a serious hew. I've never seen him with glasses before. They are small but not too small, they frame his face perfectly. Of course, they would. He looked different, I never knew he needed them. His hair is a mess like it usually is. His hands are in his pockets, and his eyes are staring at me. I look into his calm green eyes.
"You wear glasses?" I asked, my voice has a slight crack in it. I see a slight smile perk on his face but his eyes filled with worry. That's when I try to wipe away tears again but it doesn't work.
"Yes, at night."
"Oh, that would make sense you can't see at night," I say, fake smiling at my fingers.
"You alright?" he says, with hesitation in his voice, and my heart drops.
'Oh, I'm fine, I just think I'm falling in love with you and I barely even known you for 2 weeks. I don't know what I'm gonna do because I know you could never love the way I love you because well. I'm me, and you're you. You deserve Kendall Jenner, not a sack of potatoes. Oh wait, you could have Kendall, go have her and stop wasting your time, Harry.'
But I don't say what I think, it's just out of anger, mostly sadness. But I think that was the last of it I could muster because my body works against me and I shake my head, and more tears roll out of my eyes, and I feel a sob morn from my throat. I feel my shoulders have given out, and I slump over. Moments later, I hear the old floor creak a couple times, and strong hands grab onto my shoulders and I'm pressed up against a chest. I let a long dying breath, and my arms wrap around him tightly. I start to sob into his shirt.
"What's wrong?" he asks. I shake my head against him and continue to cry into him. Before I know it he's picking me up and walking to the couch. He sets me down and I cuddle up into his side still crying as his hands run through my hair. He kisses the top of my head. "It's okay." he said. "You're okay." Over and over, my hands wrapped tightly around him as I sob into his shirt. He clears his throat and starts humming a song that he wrote called 'sweet creature'. He wounds up close to my ear lightly singing the words to me as I fall asleep, with his hands wrapped around our legs tangled together and our hearts beating as one.