"The stars are envious of us!" I scream to the sky, lit purple and fit to behold the millions of lights that never seem to fade in my eyes.
All around me, it's like the green waves of the earth's floor is moving in fast paces, or uneven glitches. Time, moving so fast...both planes of existence, those of the planets and cosmic alliances staring down at us, while we humans look back up, so far apart, but so close at the same time.
"It won't stay like this forever. It'll change." I turn and see Carl staring back at me before facing the sky, many comets and meteors sliding from their spots above, the view of its left over light tearing rips into the atmosphere.
"Child of The Future..." I turn towards my right this time, the sky glowing red in the distance where land meets it's opposite, and a thousand or more figures in rags and bad health see me, staring, and groan with primal determination, almost hot-wired so that they can't do anything else, and seek my body for the purpose of my existence.
"The Infected." The sound echoes through the empty land I found myself in only a few moments beforehand.
"They're not just infected. That's a name they don't get to have. Because of you." His deep voice pricks me with poisonous words. It's like the sound of Carl's speech is overlapped with itself that I barely catch the faded repeats of anything he says.
"Come back to us Spes."
No. What's happening?
"Spes?" My father repeats my name, standing far off behind me, hoping I turn to go back by his side, but it's Carl's existence in my dream that keeps me still, even when the walkers as he says, approach at a quicker rate. Closer and closer to both of us.
"You could stop this."
"Dreaming..." I whisper. "I'm dreaming aren't I?"
"You could stop all of this..." Blue eyes defy the dim red swallowing and spreading in my minds reality and landscapes. "Or you could just go back...and let everything get worse. That's what you're doing now."
"I'm figuring it out." I almost spit.
"No..." I glance up again, just in time to see Carl only a few inches in front of me as opposed to 5 feet away from me 3 seconds in the past.
"Carl?"
Why am I dreaming about you?
"You could stop this. Just tell us, and we'll help you."
"You're kind." I almost scoff at the realization, stars still falling towards earth, crashing and destroying the solidity of the world beyond the miles of walkers pacing forward.
"Spes you're not listening." He leans forward.
"Spes! Come back to us!" The growls from the army and the plea from my dad make it hard to concentrate, but it's a whisper into my imaginary, subconscious ear that keeps me steady and intact with what my new acquaintance has to say.
"Tell us the truth...The truth Spes. Tell us the truth."
"Carl?"
"Truth."
"You're voice sounds strange."
"Truth, Child Of The Future..."
A pair of demon blue, cold, lifeless eyes pull back to stare at me, and I react too late before I feel the loss of my throat in my neck as it's ripped out and ground into smaller, mushier bits.
Oh-
_________________
Fvck!
I open my eyes, jolting awake with my legs all against my stomach before the sound of my breathing and birds chirping outside doing their own individual looped calls tickle my eardrums, and I'm only now realizing I had a totally screwed up dream that would be in some potheads greatest fantasy when he was lightly un-plugged.
"Oh gosh." I sigh and move to sit up, my elbows pressing into Jesse's jeans with my head being supported in my palms.
I'm actually sweating too? Well, aside from the fact it's a bit stuffy in here, that dream, damm, it was so real. I thought after relaxing yesterday by taking that stupid sponge bath, it'd help get my mind off The Infected that almost got me. Ha...g-guess not.
"Something wrong?" I react to the curious friend, Jesse, propped up on his elbows in between the aisles of pews at the floor, looking at me past his curly mop of hair that's causing him to blink several times before I can answer him. "Bad dream?"
"You could tell?" I scoff.
"I get them too. Everyone does."
"It was just one nightmare." I convince myself, more than I convince him. "It doesn't mean anything." I feel the fragility of my strength to hold onto my worldview waver for a second before I open my eyes to stop seeing that fvcking monster imprinted in my mind.
"Spes, listen." Jessie appears next to me before I can think twice to sit and wait.
Oh boy. Here's the speech coming up. Some sort of idea to give this group and this place a chance, maybe pull the silver spoon out of my as$ and stop behaving like such a fvcking princess or whatever? Gosh, it's too early for this.
I've heard it before, I'll hear it again, and many more times, I'm sure.
"Do you want to leave?"
Or...not?
"Huh?"
"Do you want to leave? The group? This? I've been thinking about it..." No freaking way. "You, needing to get to D.C." I barely catch his words because he's just made them light as air that they blend in perfectly to the clear substance around us. "It's more important than being here. I won't send you out alone. I know you won't tell them. Rick or anybody."
Tell us the truth...
"But that's ok. I shouldn't have been so selfish." He licks his lower lip in concentration before sniffing and nodding to himself. "We'll leave whenever you want." His hand scrapes softly over his subtle curls, ruffling them, not really improving the unruly fashion it's taken since who knows when, and it just makes his dirty blonde strands look soft as they bounce a bit a few seconds after I think about his offer.
Hold up.
"Sssssselfish?" I give him a look. "Jesse, I can be a tough costumer to please, I'm not stupid," I know at least that much. I mean, it was never a problem to do as I say before, back home, so out here, Jesse's doing ok for himself given how he 'handles' me since I'm a 'kid'.
So given that...
"I'm just going to say, I don't think you've been selfish." I hurry to speak the words I commit to in case his self esteem is suffering because he thinks he's been a sh1t friend or whatever.
Aw. Poor guy.
"Look, I don't know what I want to do." I face towards him a little more, the sun catching his light eyes, flavored with the color green and perfectly set against his somewhat tanned skin.
I can tell he's curious about my sudden shift in plans. But I...don't want to even say it. Not even to myself. It's still there though. Being afraid. Being uncertain...Getting attached.
I look at Carl, sleeping with his hat covering his eyes and the only part of his face I can raise an eyebrow to is his nose and lips. They actually seem a bit chapped. I can spot a few red creases where his skin broke or where he peeled off some of it at random.
They're so pink though.
Why did I dream about him? It's not like I could help it, I know but, fvck it's still annoying the sh1t out of me. Stupid subconscious b1tch, why?!
"Wait, are you...are you going to tell them?" I grab my hair at the sound of Jesse's excited tone.
"I don't know." I groan. "Maybe? Don't ask ok? I'm only 15." I drag out an excuse I hope he'll buy. "How the heIl should I know?" I stand and pick up my bag, slipping into the back room as the door to the church opens up, Daryl and Rick sliding inside the main room.
I catch Daryl glance at my hair again, tightly woven into a braid, but still long down my back and...grey. Tch.
This is going to be a fun day.
_____________
-Several Hours Later-
Of course it wasn't a fun day. My back is killing me and I'm pretty sure 100+ arm fulls of chopped wood for a fireplace which, by the way, I haven't seen yet, is a bit much.
The sky is already getting darker too. I'm tired, sweaty, and actually a bit interested in the fact that the girls of the group have started to include me in random comments or conversations. I still haven't seen that one girl. Or rather, young woman, who I asked Carol about a moment ago, which she revealed to be Maggie.
Just as I figured, that girl in the grave none of us have been able to avoid for very long during the entire time spent outside, was her sister. Somehow, Carol wouldn't tell me the specifics and even though I was set on pressing the info out of her, it was fvcking obvious she died with a bullet launching through her brain.
"They, the dead people, are infected...just like everyone else." I think back to my small amount of knowledge regarding these stupid things that are, apparently roaming every corner of Georgia. "She's...not coming back, right? Like, you said she was-" I can't seem to say it. Shot in the head, yeah, in my brain it comes out easy, but, with everyone listening to me speak solely to Caroline, I'm guessing that's her full name, it's literally difficult and affecting how I proceed to mention the death. "She won't-"
"She won't." The gray haired woman, not yet fit to be an elder looks me over.
It's now that my imagination stirs up the dirt, a clear picture of a hand trying to dig out of the ground makes me back away and I start to help the lady actually talking to me with a few weeds, tugging them out of the ground for the future hope that maybe this little green patch of earth will be a garden of some sort.
I wish I paid more attention back home to how women would plant and grow vegetables that way I'd feel a little more useful around here. After I figured out that I wasn't being worked like a mule any more than the rest of the dirt covered fiends, it started to piss me off at how futile and worthless my knowledge to wrestle and jab at an opponent with my trusted sword was. I mean, back home I was actually worth something by just being me. Right now, I'm feeling...unbelievably expendable.
Gosh it's quiet. Don't these people believe in music or- Ah...that's, probably not a luxury for them. I haven't seen anything to show they have entertainment besides aiming their rifles at something. I'm trying to not to lump them all together, but it's really hard not to see them as primal cavemen at, oh, right about now.
Sheesh.
"Are these the right ones?" I grip a fuzzy green plant before tugging.
"Mmm." She nods.
"So uh, how's your shoulder?" I almost shrug, desperate to find something to civilize this really weird awkward silence.
"My shoulders still a little sore, but I'm doing better." She partly smiles.
I'm getting this really...screwed up feeling that she doesn't like me too much. Or maybe she's just stuck in mourning too? Gosh why is living on the outside even more complicated than living on the inside? These people are seriously lacking in some fun. Like...they need to...lighten up!
"I tackled the first Infe-my first walker yesterday." She gives me the courtesy of looking at me. "Aha." My chuckle comes out a bit nervous and unsure as to why I thought it'd be a brilliant freaking idea to bring up walkers. Right now I'm not feeling to steady on the subject. "I couldn't kill it. Carl did." My voice isn't showing signs of stopping. "Ha...They don't look that scary. I saw The Grudge, and, that girl was 20 times scarier." Bullsh1t. What am I even saying? And why am I shaking? "Uh, these guys...They're slow, easy to put down. They don't look very threatening." I shrug and rip out another plant that I didn't even take the time to figure out if it was a weed or not.
My hands just keep ripping at everything growing from the patch of land before us, Carol's eyes, big and blue, yet dull even if they are still sparkling with life, stare disappointed at my profile.
I don't know her to know if she's disappointed, I just know what pure disappointment looks like, and she's got it. Boy, she's got it.
"They are." I almost sigh in relief when she finally replies to my stupid statement. "They may not look like much in few numbers, or behind a fence, outside your door, but they're all dangerous. Something to fear."
Something to fear?
"...So, why aren't you scared of them?"
I haven't seen this group go up against any of these beasts, well, except for maybe twice but, there's something un-phased about this woman's take on them. It has to be that she's not scared.
Yet she still stares at nothing, like she's shutting off everything else to focus on a memory filed away that I probably won't ever learn about.
"I am..." She surprises me by giving me some eye contact, serious and genuine. "I just know how to face them."
__________
"So, what's the use of having a garden patch, if you don't know how to garden?" I laugh at Carol who just confessed she didn't really have a clue on how to grow anything, other than, the basic, seed, dirt, water, routine.
And sunshine.
"Rick. He learned. So did Carl. They'll take care of it." She smiles and lugs around a pale of water after jerking her chin towards the Grime's boy's direction.
"What? Carl knows how to plant seeds? And grow them? Like an actual farmer?" I follow her inside as the night reaches close to 9 o'clock, and I look at everyone inside packed neatly in their own little boring corners like sardines waiting to be eaten by a random consumer.
Damm these people are droll.
"Ok, tomorrow!" Rick's voice rushes me to the side of the wall near my bag, and I see Carl behind him, silent and withdrawn from everyone but his dad and his sister. Maybe even Michonne, but it's almost too noticeable to not notice that he's been a little...frigid today.
Well, towards me. I mean, I don't know why but, I thought we were, maybe finding some sort of middle ground? I know I yelled at him, and ok, perhaps it was a little unfair but what the heck is his issue? I can tell he's being weird, I'm not that dense to not pick up on it, so what gives?
All day, now that I'm thinking about it, he hasn't even noticed me! Not even looked my way. Like, I did something wrong.
As$hole!
"I'll be needin' some of you to head into town with me, look for another car, some more supplies. Some maps. We'll be lookin' for a new location soon. Bigger. Safer. At least before winter."
"Like the prison?" Sasha squints a little as Gabriel begins to light extra candles with the aid of Carl and Michonne.
"Yeah. Like that. It's about survival now. Trying to find a place where all of us can...call home." I let the accent of my new commander and chief, possible for longer than temporary, talk his sense into my brain for their future plans, and I'm almost tempted to bust the secret bubble of who I am and what I could do for them, but clamp my teeth together in hopes that it'll restrain me.
On and off today, I've been thinking about what Carl said in my dream. About how me not telling is just letting the world fall into a giant coffin because I'm delaying a possibility for a cure. It sucks having that hanging over my head, and I'm feeling every glance of Jesse's curious nature fall in my direction when he thinks I'm not looking.
Poor Jesse. I'm actually starting to feel sorry for him. He seems so eager and hopeful, knowing only a little of what I know. I don't want to think about it anymore. I just want to figure it out later and focus on nothing.
Well, maybe something. Like entertaining these poor people.
It's almost a miracle when I remember that aside from wrestling and fencing, I did have one other trait I was happily gifted with, and I pull out my hand held CD player, before biting the bullet of silence, and turning up the volume.
-Carl's P.O.V.-
"Sounds cool." Tara pipes up while I sneak a stare at Spes getting up from her seat against the wall, the CD player I'm only now noticing has its speakers set up a little loud that no one could miss it.
"Thanks. I don't know who sings it, but, I always liked it." She smiles and starts to nod her head a bit.
I don't keep my eyes on her long. After what I did last night, fantasizing about her, using her to-No. I didn't even use her. It's because I saw her that I did that last night. I don't know why, but I feel like a freak or an as$hole...because, fvck, it felt so-
I feel myself pulse at the recollection of that feeling, and start to wonder about the whole thing.
I'm a guy, and I've heard from every male member of the group, that I'm close to at least, that I'll start going through phases, and that it's something I should just accept and deal with best I can.
Daryl says that once it starts up it doesn't stop and if I ever get the urge, to find a private spot and beat off. Well, I heard him say that to Glenn one time, back before we even stumbled upon the farm. I had no idea what he was saying, but now I do.
Dammit.
Is it just because I saw her naked, because I'm reaching that age or...because I like her? Which is it? I mean, if I like her, then it matters but if I don't then what do I do? I don't exactly like the fvcking idea of tugging myself every time I can sneak away to pretend I'm going to go to the bathroom just because of- of puberty. Sh1t!
"Ok well, this is the step where it gets tricky." Spes tries best she can to show Jesse a twist of his foot while the rest of the group just watches or slowly start to engage, but most of them are just laughing at the ones performing to the music and eating different kinds of bread with actual sugar on them.
Where the heIl did she get all this stuff?
I take a bite of the treat and look at it, swallowing down how delicious it is before hurrying to chew it all. I feel like I should have some sort of time to relax today. I've just been wondering about myself non stop since I woke up. Wondering if I'm different now after last night, or, what everyone would think of me if they knew I've felt something for the first time in my life, in a place not far from where they were, doing something that...maybe one day, I'd feel and share with someone else.
Out of everyone here, I used to be the only kid. HeIl, every one of these guys has had sex before. Except Eugene maybe. I don't see him going out with anyone, ever, so he's screwed for that most likely. I know Michonne's had sex for sure. I mean she had a kid.
And, well, obviously dad and mom. It's more than awkward to think about my freaking parents getting it on, so I don't need that image in my head but it's a little hard to erase when I remember something that reminds me of something else...
_______________
"Why don't you help out your dad anymore?" Patrick says, leaning against the wall, flipping through a page in his comic book on the stairs we sort of dubbed our own to just hang out and relax, talk about comics and nothing else. I was fine with it. Apart from actually missing my gun, I was all for talking about superhero's and stuff. Michonne only got me the best stories.
"I help. We're growing food."
"I just meant when I first got here, I always saw you with a gun, going out on runs and helping at the fences. Now you don't anymore. Why?" He turns his face behind his large nerdy glasses up to see me, his hair a little sweaty from how hot it is outside, so I'm really wondering what I look like right now. "A-Are you scared of them?"
"No." I quickly reply. "I just help him in a different way now. He needs me to take care of the farm." I defend my ability to stomach the sight of walkers before he nods and looks back to his comic.
Scared. I was anything but. I felt useless, and almost embarrassed that I had to stay tied to my dad's farm styled apron strings, always watching while other people kept this place safe from walkers trying to cave in on us.
What I wouldn't give to have that back now.
I'm about to find my spot in the paragraph when I hear a clank above us.
"We're doing it here?" A random female's voice gasps in the watch tower further up the steps before I hear a bang, turning only my head and looking upwards towards the railing in the direction of all these noises before I process what's going on.
Patrick knows too. He's also got his head turned, face disturbed and mouth agape with the realization 2 people are about to have sex not even 7 feet away from us.
"How'd they get up there? We've been sitting here for hours." Patrick whispers, and I'm almost sliced in half at the thought of making our presence known to them, but feel like I should be running away so they can do whatever it is they want to do.
"They must have used another way." I quickly answer, grabbing my sh1t to leave when I hear the guy reply to his girlfriend's question.
"I'll be quick." He sighs.
What the-
"Ugh, let's go." I shake my head, face a little red and numb at the idea of two strangers from Woodbury about to do something to one another. Something that guys like us shouldn't be around for.
"Wait." Patrick holds my arm.
"What?" I spit.
"A-Aren't you...I don't know. Curious?"
"Curious?!" I yell in a hushed voice. A pretty pissed off voice too. If my dad finds me he'll probably kill me! And I don't feel curious at all! I feel weird and grossed out!
"It'll be us one day. I don't know if you've noticed," His geeky voice almost shakes when he references future intimacies with some random girl he hasn't even met yet. "We don't have much to clue us in. Just a few seconds. I'll just look. Just don't leave." He begs because he's scared to be caught by himself. I won't lie; it's more than being caught. It's sex. I'm scared sh1tless of the idea, so it's sympathy alone that even though I curse under my breath and shake my head, I awkwardly sit back down and try to think of something else while Patrick slowly lifts up on his toes and widens his eyes at the sight of...fvck, who knows what.
What am I doing?!
I'm so close to asking what's exposed and what's not, but I hear the girl cry out like she's in pain and I'm wondering if they're really having sex or if he's hurting her in some way. I mean, I know how it's supposed to work for guys but, do girls really enjoy it?
The idea quickly leaves my head when I hear her start to repeat a single, simple word. Just her saying, 'Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, fvck yes' over and over in a high pitched voice and I watch Patrick shift a bit like his pants are too tight for him.
Oh great.
"You said a few seconds." I frown and glare, but he's too caught up in watching to hear me, and I catch the guy say her name only once.
Wonderful. Last thing I need is to know the name of the girl. Makes it that much more awkward if ever we meet.
'I missed you.'
I groan again at how suckish this is every time the girl speaks, and I'm so close to asking her to shut up or something, wondering why she keeps talking, but her latest words click back to a time I was under similar circumstances.
Before I learned about what happens when you reach a certain age, I never thought about it but, that first night dad came back, after everything happened, I couldn't sleep, I had a dream that he'd never come back and was still 'dead', so I woke up, and I was about to turn so I could see him with mom but, I stayed still because I heard heavy breathing.
I had no idea what was going on. I just, kept still, trying to figure out what was happening with my parents, and then after they stopped talking to each other in low voices, everything went quiet again, and I couldn't stay up any longer.
What in the heIl?
________________
I remember running my butt off afterwards, trying to figure out how I felt about my parents having sex only like...a foot away from me when I was 10, and ended up just thinking about how to get over it the rest of the day.
It was a little weird being around dad the first time afterwards but, I'd learned that the past was past long before that. So, it didn't bug me for more than a few minutes after we started tending to Violet and the rest of the animals.
"I am not fully recovered nor socially equipped to participate in the steps you are teachin', let alone do I feel the urge to engage in this spectacle that resembles a barn dance."
"Shut up and get up man." Tara tugs Eugene from his seat and I laugh at how weird he looks trying to keep up with everyone else thats actually dancing to the CD player.
"Do you want to try?"
I look up partway to see grey hair in loose waves gently resting against Spes' large sweater that falls like a tent around her which makes me remember how tight her waist actually is, despite the way this old piece of clothing hides it. Meatier than a lot of the girls I'd seen before in this apocalypse, but still slender and thin.
Thinking about it now, I subconsciously compare her waist to mine. How it has more of an indent, how her stomach width is smaller than mine...
I'm not ready for this. Not right now. I can't even look at her without blushing.
"No." I mumble and wipe my hands on the side of my bent legs, the jeans my only cleaning cloth for now after getting some sugar on my palms.
"Why not?" She almost sounds offended, or maybe angry, but I can tell she's trying to control it. "It's fun."
"I don't like dancing." I half shrug half frown.
"Well I need someone to dance with."
Seriously? Why is she giving me the attention all of a sudden? Do I have a sign saying I'm in need of some dance lessons with a difficult snob?
"Dance with Jesse."
"He's too tall."
"Well I don't give a sh1t. I'm not dancing." I get up before we raise our voices too loud and head outside, still successful in not looking at her face until I'm on the last outdoor step and a hand spins me around.
What the-
"Why are you avoiding me?"
"I-I'm not!" I look away from her as quick as possible.
"Yes you are! You just turned your head! Look at me!" She hurries to race in my line of sight but I don't let her have her way just yet. "What the heck is that?!" She frowns.
"What's what?" I really don't want to be here. I keep feeling like I should apologize. Fvck, that'd be one screwed up apology. Sorry for yanking to you, I saw you naked and couldn't help it since you were my first eye full?
HelI no.
"If you're not ignoring me, then prove it." I can hear the smirk in her voice and almost scoff my disbelief when she folds her arms.
"Ha...Why do you care anyway?" I smirk back, the sudden line of, why exactly does Spes care if I pay her any mind or not, makes me feel proud at the fact it shut her up, and I happily stare into her silver gray eyes that are almost wide with uncertainty.
Feeling extra confident, I raise my eyebrows to get a response quicker.
"Ah-I don't care?" She laughs. "It's just really rude. And I was curious."
"Well you have your answer. I wasn't ignoring you. You're just not my top priority of attention."
I can practically smell the burn from my words on her ego.
Really weird, but I'm glad I'm talking to her, for some reason, awkward as heIl, I still feel happy that she's upset I didn't speak to her today. There's also something extra at the fact that she was pissed off that I looked away from her too.
I didn't think she'd notice me enough to notice if I was looking her way.
Just like I thought though. I'm looking at her left breast without being able to help it. She hasn't seemed to notice though, and it's a good thing because I'm picturing her on her knees again, the silhouette of her feminine body teasing my imagination that I have to look at the sky to recover.
"What were you doing out here?" She changes the subject instead of getting mad, and I have absolutely no clue how to answer her.
"I don't know. Just, being alone?"
"Don't you have enough of that already?" She slowly paces towards the dirt trail and then taps her foot.
"I guess? I don't know. I just wanted some fresh air."
"Or you were running away from me? You really didn't wanna dance huh?"
"I used to dance a little in classes for graduation ceremonies. I was the kid who stepped on girls toes." I smile and she takes a second before laughing a little.
"I was the girl who got my toes stepped on by guys." She shrugs. "So, why don't you come over here and step on my toes?" She jokes and I have to give in, a little nervous at the idea of putting my hand on her waist that she doesn't even know I saw bare from clothes.
I can't help how badly I want to touch her though. When did I even start to want to?
-Spes' P.O.V.-
What the heIl am I doing?
I don't even know. I mean, what are we gonna dance to? Crickets? Yeah, no. Not normally, but apparently today is the day that I mark a new chapter in my life, of dancing to natures music.
It's creepy how much I want to dance though. It's that simple. I want to dance with Carl. I would appreciate it if he didn't step on my toes, but there's something attractive about the thought that he's probably never danced with a girl my age before since the world shut down.
"If I break anything, it's not my fault." He grins and I give him a 'Really?' look before he shrugs and lines up with me to gently grab hold of my hand.
Oh. Right. He has to touch me for this to work. Sh1t.
I almost give him a weird look when he spreads his fingers apart, just waiting for me to lock our hands together instead of cupping each other's palms the normal way, but he seems pretty adamant about our different sized fingers entwining that I go along with it.
"Whoa." I scoff under my breath.
"What?"
"No. Nothing." I chew on my lower lip, all of Estela's commentary that has been downloaded into my brain for future situations start's embarrassing me at the situation I'm in right now. "It's just I've never held a guys hand before." I shake my head at how stupid that sounds before he smiles at the confession.
"Not even in grade school?"
"HeIl no." I widen my eyes which just makes him laugh at me some more. It's when our faces find each other's, his height and mine, pretty much the same that you couldn't tell who's taller and who's not, that I feel my heart suddenly drop into my stomach when he looks at me every passing second while his hand slowly pushes the fabric of Jesse's large sweater up against my waist, and he adjusts his palm so that it's resting against the thinnest spot on my stomach.
"And this?"
If I haven't held a guys hand before, there's no way I've been touched like this on my waist before. We both know that, which is why the question only scares me that much stronger.
Gosh. His eyes are so...alive. Even in the dark I can see them glowing their natural color towards me. Maybe that's what hypnotizes my arm to slide up and rest on his shoulder, looking at him and asking without words if it was ok to do that.
"Do you think your dad is worried?" I don't move yet. Just look away before braving to look back, knowing he's already facing me. Him and his lips...The heck am I thinking!?
"Yeah." He answers as if he's programmed to say just 'yeah', too focused on pushing my body a step back that I nearly fall at my lack of attention to his body slowly easing closer, past the air between us.
Why am I dancing with him? What the heIl is going on right now? I should be on my way to D.C. I don't have time to attempt a side-step with some random kid, so what gives?
This is all I'm thinking when I find myself laughing at the attempts we keep failing at, or rather he keeps making me fail at, when he smiles at our footwork, his eyes refusing to leave our shoes even though I tell him it won't help anything, and we just stumble around, barely touching each other because there's room enough for another person to go between us.
Simply, I don't know why I'm dancing with him. I don't know what the heck is going on right now. I should be on my way to D.C. I know that. But, I can say right now, even though before I didn't like to admit it, and when I did, I said it in an insulting way, but Carl is different. He's not some random kid; he's actually, what is quickly beginning to look like to me, a one of a kind type of person.
Hmm.
So, I ask myself why, and being near Carl, makes me answer 'I don't know, and I don't care.'
How odd.
___________
-Carl's P.O.V.-
I was a little hard to convince at first, but when Spes told me to screw off because she needed to go to the bathroom, I came back inside, my heart still thumping like it was charged with electricity from earlier, and I'm here now, laying next to my sister in her crib, thinking about the girl I just left outside. Alone.
Well, Abraham just went outside, so I guess technically she's not alone, but I'm still worried about her coming in without seeing a walker.
I can't seem to get her off my mind.
And...I think I know why.
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Uh oh. Abraham and Spes are outside all alooonnneee...
So, who ships, as Hayley or rather Carlsis has dubbed them, Sparl yet? Anyone?