You'll notice that this is an unusual chapter. It doesn't connect to this part of the story and doesn't have the usual title. This is a little extra, I guess, that I felt like I needed to write. You could call it an alternate chapter for one at the beginning, whatever works. Read the author's note at the end for an explanation.
Alexandria's pov
I wake up to someone knocking on my door. I roll over and wait, but when they don't go away, I groan and sit up.
"Come in," I say in a raspy voice. I clear my throat and say it again. I flop back down and close my eyes as I hear the door gently open and close.
"Alexandria," I hear Christina say. I shake my head, roll over, and curl up even tighter.
"No."
"Alexandria, do you even know what time it is?"
"Nope, and I don't care."
"It's one."
"Why so early!" I roll over to see a fully dressed Christina. "What-"
"No. One p.m.," Christina says. I sit up and stare at her.
"Seriously?" I ask.
"Yeah. I let you sleep as long as I could, but we started getting worried you had died or something." Christina laughs and I awkwardly chuckle, pulling my sleeves down as inconspicuously as I can.
"Please tell me I didn't make you guys miss anything important?" I ask her. She shakes her head.
"Nope, today was an off day. Lucky you." She smiles then heads towards the door. "Just be down in less than an hour," She says, then walks out and closes the door. I sigh then lay back down.
I'll get up in a second... I tell myself. Next thing I know, I'm being jerked awake by someone bursting into my room. I quickly sit up and turn over. When I see Lisa, I relax and lay back down.
"What," I say when she shuts the door.
"You were supposed to be downstairs thirty minutes ago."
"Sorry, I fell back asleep," I respond without moving. I see a flicker of worry cross her face and she comes and sits down on the bed next to me.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah." She grabs my hand, forcing me to look at her.
"Great. Now the truth?" She says. I sigh.
holditinholditinholditin
"I'm fine."
"Okay, but I'm staying in here while you get ready," She says. I roll my eyes and drag myself out of bed. I walk into my closet and grab the first thing I see. A pair of grey sweatpants and a black cutoff tee. I run to the bathroom and change, then throw my hair into a messy bun and brush my teeth super quick. I walk out and flop facedown on my bed. When I look up, Lisa is looking down at me somewhat amused, somewhat something else. Concern, maybe?
"C'mon, downstairs." I nod and grab my phone, then follow her out of the room.
Amy's pov
"Is Alexandria okay?" I ask Christina. She was supposed to be ready an hour ago.
"I'm not- actually, there they come," Christina responds. Lisa emerges, then a tired Alexandria comes out behind her. She's just wearing sweatpants and a tee. Something's up. I look around at the other girls and can tell they all think the same thing. Her eyes are slightly puffy and have dark circles underneath them, she has a ton of bruises on her arms, legs, and a large one all the way up her spine from what I can see, and she's wearing a ton of bracelets. She just kinda flops down on the couch and goes on her phone.
"Band meeting!" Christina calls out, so we all make our way around the living room. Alexandria puts down her phone as I sit down next to her. We all start talking, but all I can think about is the empty shell sitting next to me. She's barely said a word all day, I don't know if she's even smiled. Okay, I'm officially worried.
Lisa's pov
Something's up. I'm not an idiot. But I think I'm just gonna see where this one goes than immediately intervene.
Christina starts talking, and I see Alexandria starting to drift off into la la land, so I elbow her.
"Ow. Thanks." She winces. I nod and seem to look back at Chris, but I can no longer focus.
Dani's pov
I see it. I know what might be about to go down. We can't leave her alone. It's too risky. Chris ends the meeting and we go about our day as normal. Well, mostly normal. You can tell everyone notices but nobody wants to say anything about Alexandria. We all gather in the living room after dinner- that Alexandria only ate two bites of, then ran off to the bathroom- and start talking. It's eight by the time I realize that Alexandria is gone, and I have no idea where she is or how long she's been there. I jump up and everyone looks at me.
"Alexandria's gone!" I exclaim and they all look mildly worried but don't understand. I roll my eyes and run up to her room.
Alexandria's pov
I went to the bathroom during dinner and threw up. I can't take this. I'm ending it before anyone is too attached. Maybe Lauren will never know how I feel about her, but it's probably for the better anyway. I sneak up to my room and lock the door, then start writing and hope nobody notices I'm gone.
Dear Cimorelli's,
I'm sorry. This wasn't your fault, it started way before I ever met you. Really, this is better for all of us You don't have to pretend to care anymore (it's okay, everyone does that), and I don't have to live. Win, win. I'm sorry it had to be this way though. You guys are my idols, and I hate that I couldn't be good enough for you. I'm sorry for staying up too late, and waking up too late, and being too loud, and basically everything else. I didn't wanna taint y'all's house, so I'm not doing it here. Hopefully, by the time you see this, I'll be long gone and our troubles will be over. If I'm not already found by then, I wanted to see the sunset one last time. That's where I am. I really am sorry, but I'm running out of time before the sunset is over. None of this is your fault. I love you, goodbye.
I set the pencil down and fold up the paper. I write their names on the outside, then check the time. six-thirty p.m. I've got time to see the sunset. I grab my phone but turn the ringers off, then quickly and quietly climb out my window and drop to the ground. It kinda hurt, but whatever. I look around, then take off running.
Katherine's pov
Dani went running up to check on Alexandria. I guess I am a little worried, she's seemed so out of it lately.
"What was up with Dani?" I ask Lauren.
"No idea, she seemed scared though."
"Yeah, almost like she thought-" I'm cut off by a chilling scream. I feel my blood run clod, and jump up and run upstairs, the other girls close behind.
"No. No no no no no. No! Oh God! God, please, no! God! Holy... aghh!" I hear Dani yelling. I'm getting a really bad feeling. We bust into Alexandria's room and see no Alexandria. Dani in on the floor next to an open window, reading a note. I have a really bad feeling now.
Christina's pov
Oh God. Oh God, why. Why didn't I say anything? No. No no no no. I read the note as tears run down my face. I read it for the other girls and we're all crying.
"Wait! I know where she is!" Lauren yells. She jumps up and takes off at a sprint, the rest of us following.
"Where?" I yell.
"The treehouse!" She yells back. Of course!
"I'll drive!" Dani yells and we all agree. We all jump in and take off, each of us taking turns reading the note.
Alexandria's pov
It took me about an hour to get here for the sunset, but I arrived just as it started, right around seven-fifteen. I climb up into the treehouse and quickly tie my knot so I can watch the sun in peace. I sit on the window sill, rope hanging above me, and I feel more clarity than I've ever felt before. The sunset ends at around eight-thirty. I walk around, taking deep breaths, and calming myself before I do it. I finally go back to the windowsill and hear people coming. I put the rope around my neck and fall. I start instinctively clawing at my neck as I hear a blood-chilling scream. The last thing I see is the panicked, tear-streaked faces of Lauren and Christina Cimorelli, then I black out.
Lauren's pov
I run into the clearing just in time to watching one of my best friends fall from a ledge with a noose around her neck. I scream and fall to my knees, sobbing. Dani in right there next to me and we hold on to each other as we watch our little sister suffocate. Amy and Kath run in and see this little girl hanging dead, and both silently fall to the ground. Lisa and Christina come in last but Christina has aa giant pare of fence cutter and Lisa stands under the girl. I realize what they're doing right as they do it.
Dani's pov
I knew it. I knew it I knew it I knew it I knew it. God, what have I done? I see my best friend and maybe crush hanging from a noose. I'm watching her die. She's still. I've failed. I've failed her. I fall to the ground next to Lauren and we hold each other and cry. God. God, why?
Amy's pov
I should've seen it coming. I was seeing every sign, I just didn't want to deal with it. Now my baby sister and one of my closest friends is dead. It's not a dream, she's dead. I watched her die. Oh my God.
Katherine's pov
Oh my God Oh my God Oh my God Oh my God Oh my God Oh my God. She's gone. I did nothing. I'm an idiot. I'm a terrible sister. Oh my God. Amy and I fall to the ground in silent shock. I look at the note then her over and over again. I make myself pull my phone out and take a picture to show her just in case she makes it.
Christina's pov
I feel awful. I've gotta save her. I have to. I have to get her down. I feel like the world is in slow motion, and I can tell Lisa feels the same. I just have to breathe. I want to throw up and cry. I have to go. I have to save her.
Lisa's pov
I see her hanging there. I'm watching her die. But I've gotta keep going. If I stop, she will die. I feel like curling up into a ball and crying for a year straight, but I have to try. I have to for her.
I stand under her and try not to collapse as I see Christina reaching out.
snip
Christina cuts the rope in one swift motion and Alexandria comes crashing down. I catch her with the help of Dani and Lauren, then lower her to the ground. I take the rope off her neck, then thank God I know CPR and start doing it. Christina is back down and everyone is holding their breath. Including me. If this kid dies, I don't know what I'm gonna do. After what felt like three hours but was only a minute or two, Alexandria takes a sudden shallow breath. I almost stop and start crying, but I keep going until her breathing is a little more even. Then I stop and cry. I hug Alexandria and my sisters, all of us sobbing.
Alexandria's pov
I am jerked from peaceful blackness and am suddenly hit with a huge rush of cold night air and the feel of someone giving me CPR. Then I hear girls crying and realize the Cimorelli's must've found me. I curse myself but am also relieved. I was meant to live. I open my eyes to see Lisa's concerned brown ones staring down at me. I realize she's crying, then realize that I'm crying. She hugs me and the others follow suit. I can't bring myself to speak, and can barely move, so Lisa caries my back to the car. (I guess I have lost weight.) She lays me on one of the back seats with my head on her lap and legs on someone else. I realize it's Katherine after a second.
We get home and I am taken to my bed and someone lays next to me. All the other girls leave to go get things to sleep on- sleepover in my room! I know that because I heard Amy talking. When the room is quiet, Dani leans down and whispers in my ear.
"You can make it one more night."
A/N: Okay, so I wrote this bc I've been struggling lately. I've been having so much trouble with depression and an eating disorder, and have even been having some suicidal thoughts. I wrote this chapter as a reminder to myself and other people who might be going through what I am that dying is not the answer!!! This chapter came from a very vulnerable, real place in me. I wrote it all in one sitting as it just came out. Growing up is hard, and killing yourself just make sit harder on every single other person. If you are going through something like this, PLEASE reach out to someone. Anyone. If you don't wanna talk to an adult, then message me. I'll always be here for anyone. I really hope this chapter helped you, or at least made you feel something. As always, thanks sooooo much for reading. I really, truly, always love every single one of you. Please never commit suicide. I love you! -Amy <3