Seize - Sixteen
The house was every bit as quiet as it always was when Fay came by. Puppy had taken it upon himself to perch on the edge of the nearest piece of furniture, head tilted as he waited for pats. Fay couldn't help but smile to himself as he pet the calico.
Eden wore a long sleeve similar to every other one that he always wore around the house. It seemed to be his sort of comfort. Fay wondered if the beanie was apart of his comfort as well. He had yet to take it off, which progressively made Fay more and more curious as to why.
It went the same as it had pretty much every other time Fay came by. The stairs creaked as they made their way up them, kissing messily when they reached the top. The door closed loudly behind Eden before they landed on the bed.
Things escalated from there, the room beginning to grow dark as the sun began to set. They both sat in bed, Cigarettes wedged between their fingers as silence consumed them. Fay could watch out of Eden's window from where he was on the bed, watching the tree outside of it sway with the late wind.
No conversation took place this time around. Fay was thinking about what happened during lunch, wanting to ask more questions about it. But Eden clearly didn't want to answer any questions about it, or else he would have done so hours ago. There were other things that Fay could have used as conversation starters, like where Eden was getting his cigarette supply, or where Destiny was that time. But he didn't bother with any of that. Instead, he kept quiet and blew out smoke.
Waiting for the cigarette to come to an end, the sound of Be More Chill Pt.1 pouring out from Fay's phone startled him to no avail. He quickly leaned over Eden, trying to get to where it was sat on the nightstand before the ringtone ended. However, he ended up having to reach too far and stumbling, nearly falling to the floor. Eden grabbed him to try to get him to not take him down with him.
Plucking the phone off of the nightstand and deciding to just sit down right by Eden's feet rather than climb back over to his side of the bed, Fay checked the caller I.D. It was Maman.
As he brought the phone to his ear, Eden was moving his legs. It caused for Fay to automatically glance in the direction of his legs. That was all it took for Fay to nearly drop the phone.
In his dramatic effort to reach for the phone in time, then plop back down on the bottom of the bed, he had pulled the blanket off of Eden. For the first time, Eden hadn't bothered with completely dressing yet, resulting in his exposed skin to show to the world. How had Fay never noticed that before? They had sex on so many occasions, and yet he never once looked.
"Fay?" His mother's French accent caused for Fay to snap out of the daze he had found himself in. Eden had his legs folded into a crisscross pattern, arms covering what had startled Fay so much. "Lafayette?"
"I..." He tired to find his thoughts, but he couldn't. Standing up from the bed he furrowed his brow and stared at Eden. Pulling the phone away from his mouth, he said, "What the hell are those?"
The image of thin white stripes lining the inside of his ankles, traveling the length of his leg all the way to his mid-calf. Some were faded, other were still vibrant and rigid. He hadn't gotten a good enough look at them to tell whether there were any really recent ones, but the ones he saw were old enough to have turned white.
Eden didn't say anything, taking in a large breath of smoke, the grey air tumbling out of his nostrils. His green eyes were downcast and unfocused. Fay didn't know what to say. Why would Eden do that to himself?
"Lafayette!" The distant and small voice of his Maman forced him to listen in on the phone again and stop focusing on Eden.
"I'm sorry." He told her, unable to look away from the other boy. "I'm here now."
"It's getting late, you didn't tell me where you were going." Maman sounded worried, and Fay could practically see her frown as she said it.
"I know, I'm sorry." Fay said, but he wasn't really in the conversation. His mind was still stuck on one thing. "I'll be home soon, Maman. Je vous promets."
Maman sighed into the phone before replying. "Alright. Be careful and I expect to hear about where you went."
"I will. See you soon."
"See you soon."
Then he hung up the phone and all went silent. Fay didn't want to be the first to speak, because he didn't know what he was meant to say after what he had seen. It was something that he knew people did, but he never knew someone who did it. Or maybe he did. There was no way of knowing unless he saw it firsthand.
"It's not my fault." Eden finally said, the cigarette being pressed into the ashtray beside his bed. He adjusted the beanie and finally met Fay's eyes.
"How is that not your fault?" Fay asked him, gesturing to Eden's ankles. "How could you do something like that, E?"
"You don't fucking get it, so don't pretend that you do." Eden told him, eyes set. "You think I wanted to do it? She made me-"
Eden quickly cut himself off, seemingly startled by his own words. Fay didn't understand. Who was she? Someone forced Eden to hurt himself? Fay was trying to wrap his head around the whole situation but it wasn't easy when Eden was giving him so little to go by.
"Who made you do that?" Fay inquired.
Letting out a long breath, closing his eyes for a moment, Eden tried to collect himself. Then he stood up, moving around Fay to grab his clothing. "My sister, alright? She was fucking insane. She thought cutting was a way of humbling people. I was too weak to stop her, so I went along with it. Now I have those stupid fucking scars."
"Your..." Fay had to stop for a moment to think.
Eden apparently had a sister who wasn't mentally stable. Where was she now? How could she make her brother cut himself? Those scars were deep and plentiful. They were practically on top of themselves with how many there were. How long had it gone on for?
"I don't do it anymore." Eden sat back down on the bed, fully clothed and clearly annoyed. "You can go now."
"What happened to your sister?" Fay couldn't stop himself from prying that time. Eden's story with too obfuscate. He needed to understand. "Where is she now?"
"Oh, fuck off." Eden rolled his eyes. Something in him was permanently closed off. "Like you give a shit."
"Of course I do!" Fay snapped without meaning to, immediately regretting doing so. "Eden, you're hurting yourself."
"Do you even hear anything I say?" Eden retorted. "I don't do it anymore. Piper's dead now, she can't hurt me. She killed herself."
With every word that Eden spoke, the boy only grew more complicated. He was like a labyrinth of elaborate memories and happenings. Fay would never have been able to predict just how convoluted Eden really was. There was so much more to him than he would have ever known.
"You don't do it anymore?" Fay had to repeat the question, needing to be completely sure that Eden wasn't lying. What scared him even more was that he wasn't sure if he would have been able to tell a lie from the truth even if he tried.
"God, are you deaf!" Eden suddenly exploded, as though all of his pent up emotions suddenly spilled out over the edge at once. "I'm not going to fucking do it anymore. I stopped. It's done. Do you want me to repeat it in French for you?"
Fay blinked, slightly pissed off. He should have been more patient and forgiving since he had been dealing with Charlot for the majority of his life, but hearing someone else treat him like shit broke a fuse in him. "J'ai fini. I think I can handle it."
"Alright, say it with me in English this time." Eden cooed sarcastically. "I'm done."
"I'm sorry that I care about you." Fay snapped.
"What a load of self-righteous bullshit." Eden laughed humorlessly. "We're not even friends, Fay! You don't care about me. This-" He gestured between the two of them "-is just a quick fuck. That's where it ends. You don't have the right to care about me."
"Friends or not, you're still a fucking human being!" Fay replied exasperatedly, completely taken aback by Eden's mindset. "I have the right to care about a fellow human, E."
"Quit calling me that!" Eden stood back up, standing a solid inch or two above Fay. His blonde hair peeked out from beneath the beanie, green eyes emotionless. "My name is Eden, not E. Why don't you just leave? I don't need your help."
Swallowing down a slew of words that Fay wanted to yell at Eden, he stepped back and pulled on what remained of his clothes. "Pardon de me soucier de mes proches!" Was what he let out before leaving the room and rushing out of the house.
His phone was still tucked in his palm, the sky now a dark shade of blue. He took his time walking home, too pissed off and worried at the same time to make sense of everything that had happened. Why did he let Eden get to him? He was supposed to be stronger than that, yet he was too pathetic to handle a little argument.
The front door let his presence be known when he pushed it open. Maman was sat on one of the couches, sitting straight when she heard Fay enter the house. "Where were you, mon trésor?" She asked.
"Sorry about not telling anyone where I went." Fay apologized, walking towards her and crouching to lightly hug her. "A friend of mine really needed some help." He lied.
"Are they okay?" Maman replied.
"Yeah, they're alright now." Fay lied again.
"That's good. Make sure to tell me where you're going next time." Maman said. Fay felt bad, because he knew he wasn't going to follow that rule, and he already hadn't been for a long time. Maman was often busy with work, so it wasn't that hard to sneak out and do as he pleased.
"I will, I'm sorry." He told her, pulling back and walking towards the stairs. She wished him a goodnight before he disappeared up the staircase.
As Fay made his way down the hallway towards his bedroom, Charlot could hear the sound of his footsteps on the ground. It resulted in him sitting up in bed to listen to his brother walk passed. Char found himself standing up.
He walked quietly across his room, cracking his door open. He had been doing nothing more than staring at the ceiling before Fay had come home. Char was a bit tired from struggling with sleep and the constant mood swings, but he carried on nonetheless.
When he was sure that Fay was safely in his room, Charlot opened his door the rest of the way and made his way across the hall. His knuckles were soft against the door, pulling back to listen for a response.
"Come in." Fay's voice called out, so Charlot took the opportunity to enter the room. The door clicked shut behind him.
Inside, the walls were painted a soft shade of periwinkle, a pride flag hanging on the far wall above his dresser and fairy lights strung up above his bed. Fay was sat on the foot of it, watching Char with concerned eyes. Char could tell by his posture that he wasn't in a very good mood.
The rose gold shag carpet was soft on Charlot's bare feet as he walked over to Fay and sat beside him. Sighing deeply, Char leaned his head against Fay's shoulder. "Can I talk to you for a bit?"
"Of course you can." Fay wrapped his arms around Charlot's neck, lightly playing with some of his light-brown hair. "What is it?"
"Have you ever like-liked someone before?" Char asked him, hands playing with the bottom of his sweatshirt.
Fay was quiet for a moment before shaking his head. "No, not that I wanted to be with."
"Then how can you be sure that you like who you like?" Charlot sounded desperate. He had too many questions rolling around inside of his skull but not enough answers to silence them all.
"I've never had much when it comes to romantic attraction to someone, but I definitely know a thing or two when it comes to sexual attraction." Fay shrugged a bit.
"That's gross, Fay." He scrunched up his nose, a small smile on his lips as he rolled his eyes.
"It's natural, and we're both teenage boys, Char." He laughed at his little brother. "You should be fantasizing about sex."
Charlot quickly shook his head. "No way. It sounds... weird."
Fay had to pause and look at his brother with a confused expression. Charlot looked back at him with a confused expression of his own. He didn't understand the appeal of sex, finding the whole thing to be a bit gross. He had no problem having crushes on people, but the idea of going that far didn't seem pleasant at all.
"Wait, are you serious?" Fay eventually asked.
"Yeah." Charlot said, not understanding why it was so weird.
"Are you asexual, Char?" Fay wondered aloud.
"What does that mean?"
He waited patiently for Fay to explain it. Charlot had never fantasized about sex before, finding the whole ordeal to be alien and bizarre. The idea of going on dates and holding hands seemed nice to him. That was what he wanted. Not what happened after.
"It's when you don't experience sexual attraction like everyone else does. You still have romantic attraction, though. Which makes sense since you liked Sonya, and I suppose Reggie now. Usually people who are asexual will still engage in sexual activity to please their partner." Fay did his best to have it make sense. "And people who are aromantic are the opposite. They experience sexual attraction, but not romantic."
Charlot thought about it for a moment, things suddenly making sense. Maybe Fay was right. He had never thought about it before, but intimacy of that sort never intrigued him. It was always the concept of romance that had. Char found it to be a weird sort of conclusion to come to, but relieving to find that others felt the same way as him.
"Sorry about getting you sidetracked." Fay apologized. "What did you originally want to ask me?"
Charlot thought about it for a moment, but soon came up empty-handed. It annoyed him a bit since he had something important he wanted to talk about, but now he couldn't even remember what that thing was. "I don't remember."
Fay laughed a bit before shuffling away from Char and asking, "Want to watch a movie or something?"
It was rare for Charlot to be in control of himself, so he embraced the opportunity with open arms. Smiling softly, Charlot nodded. The pair spent the rest of the night watching movies. Though he wasn't acting like it, Fay was still thinking about the white stripes decorating Eden's skin.
In the pale blue house down the street, Eden found himself studying the scars on his ankles. The image of his sister's crazed smile as she handed him the razor blade wouldn't fade. The words she said echoed throughout his aching skull. Curling up beneath his bed sheets, Eden tried desperately to fall asleep.