Through Thick and Thin
[the one where luke and niall have been through it all by each other's side — set at various points through time]
Four Years Old
Niall walks into the classroom without anyone by his side that day. He isn't nervous, even though Daddy and Papa say it's okay if he is. He just wants to make friends with everyone like he had in playgroup, and like all the people in Papa's school where he works. They all wanted to be his friend.
Here, though, everyone is just pushing past him and he's smaller than them so it takes a lot just to stay on his feet. He's thankful that the classroom is less busy than the hall, stopping in the doorway and looking around the room for a moment.
Harry and Liam told him that if he gets scared then he can ask the teacher to get them or he can find them on the playground at play time. He's starting to feel like he should go and get them, because there are lots of other kids in the room and they're all already talking and playing with each other and he's all by himself.
He has Danny, his friend from playgroup. They go to each other's houses sometimes and that's fun. But Daddy and Papa said that Danny won't be at school until after lunch today and he goes home at lunch, because they don't have to stay all day yet.
He spots another boy with blond hair a little darker than his curled up in the beanbags in the corner. Unlike everyone else, he's by himself too.
Niall walks straight over to him and sits on the same beanbag, not a care in the world for personal space at four years old. The boy looks a little worried so he smiles.
"Hi," he says, and the boy stares at him for a second before he smiles back.
"Hi."
"I'm Niall. What's your name?" He asks, because in playgroup the first thing everyone always does is ask him what his name is.
The boy looks a little less worried then. "I'm Luke. Are - are you scared too?" He asks.
Niall shakes his head after a second of hesitation. "Not anymore," he says, glancing across the room and grinning when he sees the playhouse in the other corner where a couple of other kids are playing already. "Wanna play in the house?" He asks, not waiting for an answer before he wraps his hand around his new friend's and tugs him to his feet, all but dragging him across to the playhouse.
The two of them take charge of the kitchen area, flipping pretend pancakes and giggling when they bite down on imaginary burgers.
By the time their parents come to pick them up, neither of them want to leave. Luke hugs him just like Danny always does, only he holds on a little tighter.
"Thank you for bein' my friend," Luke whispers in his ear.
Niall hugs him back, tiny arms wrapping firmly around his friend. "Uh-huh. We can eat lots more 'visible burgers tomorrow," he promises.
They do just that.
Eight Years Old
It's the first day back to school without Danny. Niall feels like he's four all over again, because he still has his cast on his arm and everyone is staring at him when he walks into the room and this time, he really is nervous.
Harry and Liam aren't there with him this time. They're both in high school now; and even though Daddy is only in his classroom down the hall, he doesn't want to be a baby and go to him.
He chews his lip and stays quiet, eyes skimming the room as everyone sits down at their desks and carries on their conversations, losing interest in him quickly enough. Nobody else has a cast, but Marianna has stitches in her chin and Jacob has crutches.
He takes the desk in the far corner and pulls out a chair, tugging his feet up onto it and pulling his knees into his chest. He remembers what Papa told him, about how Danny won't be at school today or ever again, because he's a soul now and he might come back as anything else. He watches the door and waits for him to walk in anyway.
Then the chair next to his is pulled out and somebody is sitting beside him. He jumps a little, turning his head quickly and letting out a small breath when he sees Luke sitting beside him. His friend smiles, dirty blond hair sweeping over his brows.
"Hi," Luke says softly. Niall manages a small smile back.
"Hi," he replies.
"Can I sign your cast?" Luke asks, already holding up a marker.
Niall grins at that. He only has to wear it for one more week, and his brothers have been drawing plenty on there. There's a drawing of a sheep for no particular reason, and rows of heart drawn by Harry alongside the message that says 'you're the best', and then the words 'Harry smells' written by Liam that has then been crossed out with a single line.
He nods and holds his arm out. Luke takes the cap off of the pen and gently presses the nib to the hardened bandage, beginning to write.
"Does it hurt?" His friend asks as he writes, glancing up for a moment.
Niall shakes his head. It did at first, when he was on the coach it hurt a lot but he hadn't really been thinking about it then, and when he was in the hospital it hurt a lot too, but he was mostly sleeping so it didn't matter too much. Now, it just feels heavy and sometimes it itches.
"Not anymore," he says softly, still getting used to having his voice back even though it's been a couple of weeks. He talks a lot at home. School just feels a little different.
Luke nods. "Good. I never had a cast before, so I didn't know. I had to have my 'pendix out when I was really little though. I think that hurt," he says, turning back to the cast as he carries on writing.
Niall just nods and chews on his lip, watching his friend for a moment before he looks around the room to where everyone else is sitting down and talking. There's only one seat free.
He turns back to Luke, finding his friend staring at him with his eyes kind. "My Mum said that you didn't talk for ages, your Dad and Papa told her. You don't have to talk to me if you don't want to," he says quietly.
He shakes his head. "I want to," he murmurs, drawing his arm in to read the new addition to his cast.
'You're the best friend ever, love Luke and Danny'.
He reads it before he looks up at Luke with a wobbly bottom lip. Luke looks momentarily alarmed.
"Sorry, I can cross it out if it makes you sad -"
Niall throws his arms around his friend and squeezes him tightly, sniffling as Luke hugs him back.
"Thank you for being my friend, Luke," he whispers against the taller boy's shoulder.
It's just the two of them now. He hopes that's okay with Danny.
Eleven Years Old
Luke's parents get a divorce during the summer before they start high school together. Luke comes over a lot but they don't really talk about it much — it isn't that Niall doesn't care because he does, a lot, but whenever he tries to bring it up, Luke gets annoyed.
"I don't want to talk about it!" He snaps, and so they don't.
They do other things instead. They play in the garden (though they refuse to call it 'playing' anymore, they call it hanging out even though they're climbing trees and playing tag most of the time). Sometimes they watch movies or play video games. It's a lot of doing and not a lot of talking.
Niall can't sit in one place for long though, and they're halfway through watching a movie on the TV in the living room when he starts to get restless, tapping his fingers against his knee. He sits forwards eventually; they have the lights out and the curtains drawn so the room is dark except for the light from the TV screen, a blanket draped over their legs and snacks on the coffee table.
"Wanna go outside for a bit?" He asks, frowning when he doesn't get an answer, peering through the dark at his friend's face and frowning when he sees that the other eleven year old has his hands covering it. He reaches forwards to grab the remote from the arm of the couch, pausing the movie and lifting a hand to rest on the top of Luke's nearest arm. "Are you okay?"
The last thing he expects is to hear his friend sob — he's seen Luke cry before plenty of times, over sad parts in movies and that time when he fell over in the playground when they were little and he managed to cut up both his knees and his elbows. But this is different. His cries sound almost pained, and Niall can't stand it.
He instantly closes the space between the two of them and hugs him tightly. Luke leans against him, taller and broader but still small enough that it isn't awkward or uncomfortable. He keeps his hands over his face, cries eventually turning into sniffles.
"Is it because of your parents?" Niall whispers hesitantly after a few moments of silence, keeping one arm around Luke as he sits up and tries to dry off his face.
Luke hiccups and gives a small nod, face crumpling again. "They - they just fight all the time when they're together and - and I never see my Dad anymore because his new flat is - it's so far away, Ni. I just wish things were the same as before," he explains through his tears.
Niall remembers the time his Dad and Papa has spent the entire summer not talking and fighting whenever they did try to talk. He had hated it, it had felt like his entire world was falling apart. He can't imagine how it must feel for it to be like that all the time until eventually one of them just leaves.
"You can share my dads. I got two," he offers, making his friend let out a wet laugh as he hugs him again.
They're eleven and neither of them really know what to do or say to fix things completely, so Niall just hugs Luke and Luke hugs him back.
And this time, that's more than enough.
Thirteen Years Old
Niall doesn't like meeting up with Luke outside of school when all of his other friends are there. They remind him that Danny isn't there even after all of this time. It's part of the reason why he becomes friends with James and ends up caught in this downwards spiral in the first place. In the process, Luke gets pushed away.
He goes to class high again. Coke this time. He doesn't care how much. It's probably too much because he feels shaky and off, or maybe that's how it's meant to feel. He never knows anymore. But it's better than feeling too much or nothing at all. A middle ground of the most dangerous kind.
Luke sits beside him, frowning at him for a few seconds before he tugs out his textbook and scribbles down what's in the board. "Are you okay?" He asks eventually, the moment the teacher tells them to start on the task and keep the chatting to a minimum.
Niall takes a moment to process the words, heels tapping up and down and up and down over and over again beneath the desk before he swivels his head around to his friend. Best friend, even if it hasn't felt like that lately. It takes a moment for his vision to catch up with the movement.
"Fine," is all he says. He wishes people would stop asking him that.
Luke doesn't give up easily. He stares at him for a while longer before he looks away with a frown. "You didn't come to mine over the weekend. You said you would. I thought maybe you were sick or something. Are you? You look sick," he rambles, and Niall sighs, lifting a trembling hand to rub at his face.
Truthfully, he feels sick. Maybe he'll ask to go to the bathroom and throw up until he feels better or gets sent home.
Luke is still waiting for an answer. For whatever reason, tears spring to Niall's eyes and he looks down at his own textbook, willing the rush of sudden emotion to leave.
"Talk to me, Ni. You're...you're disappearing on me. I don't wanna lose another friend," he murmurs.
Niall decides he hates himself in that moment. He knows the pain of losing a friend, they both do — he would be the most hateful person alive to put Luke through that again.
But he can't help it. He keeps on fading.
Months down the line when he's clean off the drugs and due to start at his new school the following week, Luke spends the night at his house. The two of them sleep in the living room with blankets and pillows on the floor in front of the TV, like they're little kids in a pillow fort all over again.
They're ready to fall asleep by the time three AM rolls around, Niall facing his friends back, blanket balled up in his fists beneath his chin, watching the even rise and fall of the taller boy's shoulders, half expecting him to be asleep when he whispers his name.
But then Luke rolls over to face him, mirroring his position. "What's wrong?" He whispers, eyes dragging over Niall's face.
Niall shakes his head because nothings wrong but nothing feels right either. "I didn't disappear," is all that escapes his mouth.
Luke smiles, slipping a hand out from his own blanket and fumbling around beneath Niall's until he finds his hand, gripping it tightly.
"I'm glad."
Fifteen Years Old
Luke is observant, Niall has always known that much. Whilst he has always been fast-paced and talkative and active, Luke has been the type to fade into the background and just watch. He never used to understand it, except now, with the hyperactivity lying dormant inside of him and his brain turning zombie-like, he understands the pull of simply watching.
He watches from his bedroom window as people walk by — groups of friends laughing and shoving each other, older couples with their arms linked together, young families with tired parents and misbehaving children. He watches in the halls of his school — boys squaring up to each other, girls laughing and whispering to each other every time someone walks by, teachers talking about students when they think nobody is listening. He watches at home — how Harry still flinches when someone walks behind him even three months after moving back home, how Liam will constantly watch Gracie when she isn't even in his pool of vision, how Dad and Papa will watch him with a sad look in his eyes when they think he can't see them.
But he sees. He sees a lot.
He sees the bruises on Luke's forearms almost instantly when he walks in one day, shrugging off his jacket as they head up to his room just to hang out and catch up. He watches his best friend laugh and roll his eyes as he speaks about some new kid at school and the entire time, his mind is focused on those bruises on his arms.
"What happened?" He blurts out eventually, interrupting the other boy in the middle of a sentence.
Luke stops and frowns, looking confused. "What?"
Niall swallows the lump in his throat and reaches across the bed; he sits against the headboard whilst Luke leans against the railing at the foot of the bed. He takes Luke by the hand and pushes up his sleeve, looking up at his expression when the bruises are revealed, smudges of purple and green.
He looks nervous. But not afraid the way Harry had when Niall had noticed his bruises.
"It's okay —" he starts to say, and Niall shakes his head immediately because it isn't. It's never okay for people he cares about to be hurt.
"No it's not."
Luke looks across at him with gentle eyes, shaking his head. "It really is, Ni. My - my Mum had this boyfriend and he was an ass -"
Niall feels his heart drop. "He hurt you?"
"Yeah, but, only once. I told straight away, okay? They were dating for a couple months and he was always a bit of a dick, but he never hit me or anything. Last week he grabbed me because I smashed a plate, and yeah, it scared me and everything but as soon as he went out, I called my Dad and he called my Mum and now her boyfriend is gone so it's all okay," he explains quickly.
It does nothing to ease Niall's worry. "But he still hurt you. Are — are you okay?" He presses, because he sees the effects of Brad's abuse on his big brother every single day, even the good days. He doesn't want Luke to go through that too.
Luke stares at him for a moment before he gives a small shrug and drops his gaze slightly. "I mean — it wasn't fun and I don't think I'll ever trust any of my Mum's future boyfriends ever again," he attempts to joke, but it falls flat and he winces and swallows loudly. "But — I mean, I'm okay. Really. Mum's done nothing but fuss over me and she pretty much said she won't get another boyfriend until I'm twenty-one if it helps so..."
Niall stares at the taller boy and lets out a small breath, scratching absently at the inside of his wrist beneath his sleeve, nails catching on scabs painfully. He barely feels it.
"You can be upset though. I'm — I'm here. You don't have to act like it doesn't bother you," he says, and Luke nods.
"I know, Ni. I can always talk to you, and you can always talk to me. Trust me, okay? I'm just glad he's gone and that he never hurt my Mum -"
"But what about you?"
Luke sighs then, reaching out and catching Niall's hand that's doing the scratching, pulling it away and wincing at the bloody fingernails. Niall glances down with a frown, the pain finally catching up to him in a high pitched sort of sting.
"Oh," he breathes.
Luke winces. "Wait there," he says softly, leaving the room for a moment before he comes back with the bathroom flannel, slightly dampened and wrung out. He takes Niall's hand and wipes the blood away like he's taking care of a little kid, before dabbing gently at the cracked scabs on his other arm; the blood stops quickly.
"I didn't mean —"
"I know," Luke says with a nod. "Do you need me to get your Papa from downstairs?" He asks, and Niall quickly shakes his head.
"It's okay. You're here," he states, and he doesn't have to offer much more than that.
Luke sets down the flannel in the bedside table and presses his lips together. "I worry about you too. So I'll come to you when I need to talk and you have to come to me too...but for right now, I think I'm okay. I wasn't scared of him really, I just — I guess I'm more paranoid than anything that he'll come back or something to hurt my Mum for leaving him. That's why I haven't been 'round much, I don't like leaving her on her own. She's at my aunt's house today," he explains gently.
Niall can hear the honesty in his tone and he lets out a small breath and nods. "I'm sorry he hurt you. Why are there so many bad people out there?" He questions with his brows furrowed.
Luke lets out a breath and shrugs, moving around on the bed to sit next to him rather than opposite him. "I dunno. But you're not one of them, so — so stop punishing yourself," he breathes.
And if Niall reaches out to take his hand and Luke keeps it there, then that's their business.
Sixteen Years Old
When Niall figures out that he's asexual, Luke is the first person he tells after Harry. He doesn't really mean to, and he isn't sure why; except Luke is his best friend and there's something inside of him that makes him feel warm inside whenever they're together and cold when they're not.
He figures it's important that he knows, is all, because Luke is important.
The two of them are at some kid's park near the coffee shop where Harry works, and they're both in their school uniforms, sitting on the swings next to each other. Luke eventually breaks the silence, digging his heels into the groups to stop himself mid-swing, turning to look at him with a concerned frown.
"You haven't been this quiet since things were really bad. Are things really bad again?" He asks softly.
Niall shakes his head quickly, then stops and lets out a breath. "No, not bad. Good, I think," he says, mulling over all the feelings and words in his head with his brows pinched together.
Luke looks confused and maybe a little more concerned. "Okay...you think? Just, you haven't been yourself the past few weeks and I — you know I worry about you, Ni -"
"I know. You don't have to," he says quickly.
Luke scoffs at that. "I care. I'm not going to stop caring because you say I don't have to, idiot," he states with a smirk, making Niall looks up at him with a small laugh.
"I just..." he swallows, knowing it really isn't that big of a deal to everyone else but it is to him. This is a huge part of him that he hadn't really thought much about until recently and it kind of changes everything in a way that he still hasn't fully come to terms with. "I thought there was something wrong with me. Because, y'know, everyone else our age has had relationships in high school and stuff or they've at least been interested in doing things with people, like — you dated a few people and all that -"
"Only two. And they weren't serious or anything," Luke says quickly. "So, if you think there's something wrong with you for that then there isn't, because loads of people haven't been with anyone, some people haven't ever had a single relationship and — oh. Yeah, that's you."
Niall laughs at Luke's attempt at reassurance, shoving him slightly so that his swing sways a little before he halts it again.
"That's not it though. I mean, I — I haven't ever been interested in other stuff that guys are mostly interested in. Like, you know..." he trails off, cheeks warming up a little.
Apparently Luke figures out what he means too because his cheeks grow a little pink. "Like sex stuff?" He asks.
Niall nods. "Yeah. And I think about it, with guys and girls and there isn't a single part of me that wants that. With anyone. Like, maybe ever."
Luke's expression morphs into something Niall hadn't expected. Not confusion or teasing. He looks disappointed.
"Oh. So...like, you would never want a relationship or -"
He shakes his head quickly. "No. No, I think I'd like a relationship. Just...without all the sexual stuff?"
Luke hesitates for a moment then before he smiles a little and nods. "Okay. Okay, that's...I mean, what about hugs and kisses and stuff?" He asks, cheeks warming up a little, his gaze never quite meeting Niall's.
Niall feels his own face growing a little warm as he nods. "Yeah. Cuddles are — cuddles are good," he says with a nod.
He isn't sure why he feels the way that he does in this moment, heart thrumming in his chest, his entire body warm and soft — Luke has made him feel like this since they were maybe thirteen years old but they're just friends. They've always been friends, ever since he walked into that classroom when they were four years old.
Luke smiles. "And holding hands?" He asks.
His face warms up some more. "Yeah. That's good too."
"Okay. Can — can I hold your hand?" Luke questions quietly, eyes finally meeting Niall's — and they're gentle and warm and as kind as they've ever been.
Niall remembers how Harry had wanted to hold someone's hand when they had been little, how giggly and innocent he had been at the time, all blushing and shy. Now he feels the exact same way.
To him, the sexual stuff isn't appealing. He doesn't really ever want to experience it. But holding hands and all the other affectionate little actions that come with a relationship...well, he likes the thought of that. Especially with Luke.
Now that he thinks about it, there's nobody other than Luke he would like to experience those other little actions of affection with.
So he nods and holds out his hand. Luke lets go of the chain of his swing and wraps his larger hand around Niall's, lacing their fingers through each other, rubbing his thumb gently, hesitantly, over the back of his hand. He stops for a moment and looks up with his eyes still soft.
"Is this okay?" He asks softly, and it means more to Niall than he's sure the other boy will ever know that Luke is taking the time to ask for consent over even the smallest of things.
He nods. "Yeah. Yeah, it's — it's definitely okay."
So they hold hands as they sit on the swings, talking quietly as if nothings really changed and they're the same four year old best friends they had been way back when.
And it is definitely okay.
It's more than okay.
AN:
i actually love this chapter if i day so myself, i almost died of the cuteness while writing it — hope you enjoyed it too ;) niall and luke are both precious boys who need to be protected at all costs.
coming up we have;
>> the 'insulin incident'
>> snapshots of a childhood winter (a.k.a a ton of fluff)
>> harry and his diabetes throughout time
>> and a hell of a lot more, these are just the ones i plan to write and post next, though possibly not in the order above! i actually have over twenty planned so yup, lots more to come :)