The next few months dragged by for Megan. She fell into a routine mindlessly and felt almost numb as she did chores in the empty house. Every day she simply got up, got dressed, made breakfast, cleaned, helped in the barn, made lunch, and supper, cleaned and went to bed. The neighbors had all pitched in to help, even though most of them had their own calving cows to deal with. Surprisingly, it had been a good year so far and they had only lost one calf. Megan was thankful for that, but also couldn't make herself care. She missed Tate more than anything and each night agonized over whether she had made the right choice or not. Maybe she should have just gone with Tate. He was right; she would have been surrounded by his family and wouldn't be so alone.
"Megan? Is there anything else you want me to do before I leave?" Phil, one of the guys who was helping out around the ranch, popped his head into the kitchen. She noticed the tired lines surrounding his eyes and immediately felt bad that he had to help her too.
"No I'm good. I'm sorry for inconveniencing you but I do appreciate everything you guys have done for me." Her throat tightened, but then again it was often tight nowadays and she often seemed at the brink of tears.
"It's not a problem. You should know by now that we aren't going to turn our backs on you. Your dad helped enough of us out of scrapes that we wouldn't have survived otherwise. You have a good night and I'll see you tomorrow." He tipped his hat to her and left, leaving silence behind him. It was May, and most of the calving was done now. Megan calculated how many they had left as she stared at the counter, also thinking of the cows that soon would need to be brought out to pasture. She knew she wouldn't be able to help. She hadn't been able to get in the saddle again ever since Tate had left.
"What are you going to do Megan?" She had taken to talking to herself to fill up the emptiness in the house. It seemed like the silence would suffocate her sometimes and she strongly felt the absence of Tate, her dad, her uncle, and her grandmother. Sometimes she fell into a numbness that would last for weeks, one that allowed her to work on autopilot and not feel a thing. When she came out of that she would cry herself to sleep for a few days, aching deep with the pain of loosing yet another person she loved. She knew she wasn't coping well and she also knew she should be stronger but she couldn't seem to drag herself out of the darkness that had descended the night Tate had left. Her phone rang beside her and her heart jumped. Every time it rang she hoped it was Tate, even though he hadn't attempted to contact her at all, nor she him.
"Hello?"
"Hello honey. How are you doing?" The familiar thick, southern drawl came over the line and Megan's stomach clenched. It wasn't Tate, but it might as well have been from the pain that hit her hard in the chest.
"Caroline. I'm... doing alright." She struggled to breath and keep her voice normal at the same time. The sound of this woman's voice, the one who had treated her like a daughter, had Megan breaking even more inside. In it she heard everything she gave up. Family, love, acceptance, warmth. But she also heard in it what she couldn't give up. Her mom, her ranch, her place.
"Oh honey. You don't have to pretend with me." The motherly tone in Caroline's voice broke Megan and tears started running down her cheeks.
"I miss him. I miss you guys." She finally got out through her sobbing and she heard Caroline's exhale that spoke of a deep sadness.
"I know baby. We all miss you too."
"I couldn't leave here. I can't leave what's left of my family. This ranch..... it's home." Megan knew her words were garbled and she also knew that she probably shouldn't be sobbing to her ex-boyfriends mom. Right now though, she just needed someone to justify what she did too, someone to tell her that she did the right thing.
"I know. None of us blame you Megan." There was a long silence and Megan attempted to collect herself. When her sobs quieted and she finally could speak somewhat normally again, she forced her next question out.
"Is there something wrong? Why did you call?" She heard Caroline sigh again over the phone.
"Nothin is wrong. I just wanted to check in with you because if you are doin half as bad as he is... You're strugglin." The words hit Megan in the chest like a ton of bricks but this time she couldn't even cry. It was just a strong, steady ache deep in her chest that showed no sign of ever going away.
"Yeah." She choked out the word, but it was all she could seem to get out.
"Megan, I want you to know that he isn't taking this well. Whatever else my son might be, he is a person who loves hard and I can tell you right now without a doubt that he loves you. He loves you more than anything Megan and I wanted you to know that. He's been angry, distanced, and upset all these months and.. well... he drinks a lot too." Megan squeezed her eyes shut tight against the pain and wished that she could hear his voice. Just once.
"He left though." She whispered. She knew it sounded selfish, but she had assumed that when Tate left, it was his way of telling her that he didn't love her enough to stay.
"He did. And it tears him up inside. It's just that, he couldn't see how he could stay away from us and now that he's back he doesn't see how he can stay away from you. He's torn between the people he loves the most and he is tryin to work out his decision." Caroline's voice was quiet, and not judgmental, but Megan felt as if this whole thing was her fault.
"You think I should've came with him. You think I should've given up my home and my family, because like he said, they are all gone now."
"No honey. I don't think anything. What happened is between you two, but I just know that you guys love each other dearly. I knew you must be struggling, and I wanted to call and tell you that you ever need me, or even Tate, just call. We will always be here for you even if you two never find your way back together. But also remember that he loves you and true love will always find each other. I believe that the good Lord will bring you two back together, but we just have to remember that it will be in His time. Everything will work out in His time." It was silent as Megan pondered over her words.
"Thanks Caroline. It means a lot." She finally whispered.
"Anytime honey. Anytime you need I'm here." With that they hung up and Megan went about doing her everyday things again. The ache in her chest had increased tenfold, but she also found herself hoping again. Because maybe God would guide them back together after all.
*****
Tate stared down at his bottle of whiskey in a fog. He had started frequenting the local bar again, ignoring the locals who still blamed him for Jake's death. Eventually after he showed up for a few beers every week, they had gotten used to seeing him and mostly left him alone. It had been almost three months since he had left Megan and in that time he hadn't heard a peep from her. For all he knew she was dead, but he knew that was very unlikely. He had spent the last few months in an anger induced fog. He worked, he drank, he hurt. He didn't even seem to have to energy to be with his family, even though they were the ones that he had left her for.
"You've got to be kidding me man." A hand slapped Tate's shoulder hard, and he pitched forward on his stool. He turned around, anger blazing and ready to kill whoever had pushed him. He had managed to stay out of most of the bar fights, but he wasn't against beating someone to a pulp if they asked for it. He stopped short at the sight of Cole standing there, shaking his head and looking very disappointed in the mess Tate had become.
"Look who's back. Win anything?" His words were slurring a little and the room tilted. It had been an especially hard week as he had tried to move on from Megan. He had put on a pretense of happiness, spent a lot of time with his family, and then had gone to blow some stream off at some girl's house that had moved to town sometime during his absence. He didn't know her and that was fine, but his conscience burned him and drove him to drinking even more than usual.
"You know I did. That isn't the point here. The point is is that I'm gone for three months and I come back to find you back here and drunker than a skunk. Without Megan. And getting with some other girl. What is wrong with you?" Cole was mad and Tate knew that instantly. However, he hated that he was always acting so perfect when Tate knew that Cole was a borderline alcoholic and a huge player himself. Most bull riders on the circuit were.
"Ay none of your business. I stay out of your problems don't I?" Tate turned and took another long swig from his bottle before it suddenly disappeared out of his hand. He turned slowly to see Cole holding it away from him.
"Come on. You're what? Over half a dozen whiskeys in? Are you trying to kill yourself? And I unfortunately seem to have to continually clean up your messes like the good friend I am. It ain't my fault you just screw yourself over." Tate wanted to protest, but he was swaying as he stood. Suddenly the room tilted and the last thing he remembered was whispering Megan's name.
*****
He woke up with a pounding headache and knew that he had drank way to much the night before. He stumbled to the kitchen of the creepily empty house, pouring coffee and sitting down to nurse his headache. Suddenly, the door slammed open and Cole appeared, shaking rain off his head like a dog.
"Your folks went to town. Pleaded with me to whip your sorry butt into shape by the time they got back. So get dressed and let's get a move on." Tate groaned, but also knew that he wouldn't get out of work. Slowly and painfully he got dressed and met Cole out in the pouring rain to saddle up their horses. Cole worked Tate hard all day. He seemed to find the tiniest, yet most menial tasks for him to do and sat there and watched with no remorse as he sweated, cussed, threw up multiple times, and painfully got the jobs done. Finally they were heading back to the house after the longest day of work Tate had ever had.
"I thought you were against me being dead." He groaned as he dismounted. Cole just shook his head.
"Maybe you'll learn not to drink yourself into a stupor over your mistakes." Cole was pissed, that much Tate could tell. Finally he was sober enough to care.
"Why are you bein so hard on me Cole?" Cole gave him a once over and shook his head.
"I heard what happened with Megan. I get how hard a situation like that would be. But come on man! You need to work your problems out, figure out what you want more. Her or your family. You have to understand that you will have both even if you do move back to be with her. Your family ain't going anywhere and they are only a drive or flight away. What you can't do is sit here and drink away your problems. Ain't gonna figure out what you want like that." Tate sat there for a long minute, pondering what Cole said. Finally he turned to look at him.
"What if I go back there and can't stand being gone again? I love her, and obviously can't live without her, but you don't understand what it was like after we went back. I grew to hate it there man. That ain't fair on her or me." Cole just shrugged.
"I get it. But if you love her enough and you need her enough you can do it. You just have to remember that lovin Megan ain't takin your family away. Her movin here will take her family away."
"Yeah I guess so." Tate knew he had a lot to think over and he also knew that drinking and sleeping with random girls weren't helping him to make his decision.
*****
Hey guys! So this is the second last chapter of this book! There will be one more (probably short but I don't know yet) chapter and then the epilogue. I also want to thank you guys SO much for 2.2K reads. I have never had that many reads before and I can't tell you how excited it makes me to know that people actually have interest in this book and my writing and ideas! So thank you so much!!! ~S