25. Séparé
Separated
Alice stepped through the school halls, keeping her eyes low, her usual Travers smile missing from her face.
"Alice!" a voice called from behind her, but she continued to walk.
"Alice," they repeated, falling in step beside her. It was Hugo Fleming, one of the students who had replaced her as prefect when she graduated. "Mr Farrow asked me to print him some papers, but I can't figure out the copy machine. Can you help me?"
"Sorry, Hugo, I have to hurry," Alice replied, trying to remain civil. He pouted, opening his mouth to protest, but Alice sighed, knowing he wouldn't give in. Sometimes she wondered how Sierra Grammar would survive without her.
"One hour," she said. "I'll meet you in the staff room, okay?"
He grinned, muttering a thanks, but Alice had already turned the corner.
With New Year's out of the way, the January Round 1 offers for university would be released in a week. Which meant tonight was Alice's last opportunity to change her preferences before all spots filled.
She'd already been accepted into her top preference, or rather, her parents' top preference—business at ANU. Really, she shouldn't even be thinking about university admissions anymore. Her future was set. It was all going according to plans.
And yet, when Mrs Riddle reached out to her, when she asked Alice if she'd be making an appointment about university applications... She couldn't help but book in a meeting.
Alice was tired.
Yet, she kept walking. She was running late for her appointment.
Alice took another turn, barrelling down an old, stone staircase before pushing into an office, the door labelled 'Guidance Counsellor'.
The waiting room was empty, so she walked directly up to the secretary at the front desk.
"Hi, I have an appointment with Mrs Riddle." She smiled politely, anxiously tapping her fingers on the counter.
The woman glanced at her over thick glasses, then turned back to her computer, her long nails clacking loudly against the keys. "She'll be with you in just a moment. Take a seat."
Alice nodded, thankful she wasn't late, and turned to sit in one of the uncomfortable leather couches. It squeaked beneath her weight and she sat uncomfortably upright. She crossed her ankles, attempting to drone out the annoying tapping of the woman's keyboard.
Instead, she mentally revised her French studies.
Si le réchauffement climatique continue, il n'y a pas—no, she thought—il n'y aura pas. Yes, that sounded better—il n y'aura pas un monde habitable. Dans le futur proche—
"Travers."
Alice jumped, the breathy voice in her ear causing her to squeal in surprise. Her eyes immediately shot up to see the secretary glaring at her from the desk, causing Alice to blush in embarrassment. She spun, finding a highly amused Finn Cauley watching her.
"Finn," she hissed, whacking his arm as her face grew increasingly more red. "You scared me."
"You seemed quite deep in thought there." He smirked, hopping onto the couch beside her with an embarrassingly loud squeak of leather. "Thinking of me?"
"No, Cauley. I was actually thinking about French," she said, raising a brow. The smell of mint flooded her, and she pursed her lips. "Gum, Cauley. Just because you've graduated doesn't mean you can do whatever you want. This is private property, you know."
He ignored her, continuing to chew his minty gum as he scrunched his nose. "French?"
"Yes," she said haughtily, defending herself. "And it would probably do you some good to think of something other than yourself for once."
"I think of you, sometimes." He smirked, lowering his voice, and she blushed further.
"I meant your future," she said quickly, crossing her arms, growing flustered. "How else are you going to remember the insights offered by the languages of the world?"
"I remember them well enough, Travers," he said, quirking a brow.
Alice blinked, remembering where they sat. "Why are you even here?"
"January offers are coming up," he said, shrugging.
This piqued her interest.
"You're applying for university?" She paused, laughing to herself. "Well, of course you are. Our parents would never allow otherwise."
"Right," he said, clearing his throat. He avoided her gaze, and her eyes widened with realisation. She was always good at spotting when Finn was hiding something.
"Cauley." She turned to him. "What will you be studying?"
"Studying?" he paused, his eyes falling to the floor.
Alice blinked. It was a rare occasion that Finn Cauley was speechless. "Is it something embarrassing, then? Let me guess... gynaecology?"
She paused, smiling, waiting for him to laugh, but he didn't. Instead, he dragged his eyes up to meet hers, his cheeks pink.
"English literature, actually."
Alice's eyebrows rose. A moment passed. She hadn't expected that.
"Literature," she repeated slowly.
"Right," he said. "Mrs Riddle thinks I've got potential."
"But your parents," Alice said finally, furrowing her brow.
"They'd never allow it." He laughed, shaking his head, though his eyes flashed with hurt. "It doesn't hurt to try, though, right? I mean, USYD already accepted me for business in the December rounds. I'd might as well try for something else in these last ones."
"To try," she parroted, blinking. She'd never considered going against her parents' wishes for her future.
Alice's life had been planned out for her before she was even born.
First, she'd graduate from Sierra Grammar, just like her father. Top of her class. Then, she'd attend ANU, majoring in business. She'd spend a year interning in Paris, and then inherit her father's business. She'd take over the French branch, live there for a while, until her parents would marry her off to a wealthy family friend.
Then, her husband would take over the business as she moved onto other ambitions—like having children and spending a fortune on ugly designer clothes.
That was Alice's life. Start to end.
She'd accepted it... when? When had she decided she'd follow her parents' plan? When had she agreed not to create her own ambitions? Her own dreams and goals?
She couldn't remember.
Suddenly, Alice felt very small sitting beside Finn talking about their future.
"What about you?" Finn said finally, breaking the silence.
Alice blinked slowly, her voice weak. "ANU," she said blandly. "Business major."
"Is that what you want?" he asked, seeming to immediately catch on. He'd probably heard the same spiel from his parents a million times before. He probably remembered Alice's parents talking about it for her entire childhood. His voice grew gentle. "Or is that what your parents want?"
Alice's eyes dragged up to meet Finn's. He watched her carefully, his mouth pressed into a thin line.
"I don't know." She sighed. "What's the difference?"
He gripped her hand, his voice lowering. "You don't have to do what they want you to do."
"But I don't know what I want to do," she said. "I don't know what I like." She paused, furrowing her brow. "How did you figure it out?"
Finn sighed, then shrugged. "I don't know, Alice. I like to write. I like stories and reading." He paused. "I'm writing a book."
"A book?" she asked in wonder. "Really?"
He nodded, his cheeks turning pink—an unusual look on him.
She perked up immediately. "That's amazing, Finn!"
His eyes widened, as if in surprise. "What?"
"That's incredible," she said, grinning widely. "I think it's incredible that you found what you like, and you went after it. What's it about?"
He blushed further and averted his gaze. "I'm not telling you."
"Oh, come on, Finley." She groaned. "I can't live with the suspense."
"No way." He shook his head, stubborn. "I won't tell."
She sighed, "Fine. Can I read it, at least?"
"When it's done," he said quickly. "When it's finished, I'll let you read it."
She smiled, squeezing his hand and earning another blush from him. She liked seeing him like this—passionate and ambitious and flustered.
"I can't wait."
He smiled at her, opening his mouth to say something when a voice interrupted them.
"Alice Travers."
She turned to see Mrs Riddle at the door to her office. Mrs Riddle was a tall woman with long, knotted red hair and an unusual sense of style. Today, she wore a colourful, patchy cardigan over an ankle-length skirt and a white sweater.
She smiled at Alice, her eyes darting between Alice, Finn and their intertwined fingers.
Alice blushed, pulling her hand from Finn's and standing quickly.
"Right," she said, nodding awkwardly. Finn smirked at her reaction, immediately reverting back to his usual self. She turned to him, nodding a goodbye, and turned to follow Mrs Riddle into her office.
"Sorry about that," Mrs Riddle smiled, shutting the door and sitting behind her desk. "My meetings have been running overtime all day. Everyone's worried about these January rounds. Spots usually fill up pretty quickly after this."
"It's okay." Alice smiled, settling herself in a polka-dotted armchair.
"So," she began, raising a brow. "Your future. I'm glad you agreed to come in. You have a lot of potential, Miss Travers."
"Right," Alice nodded, her business-face on.
"I know that you've been accepted based upon your first preference, however, I'm wondering." Mrs Riddle cocked her head to the side in curiosity. "What do you want to do next year?"
"Next year," she began, but paused, Finn's words ringing through her ears.
You don't have to do what they want you to do.
But what did Alice want to do? She had a lot of extra-curriculum activities, sure, but she'd always done them out of duty, not fun. She viewed them as more of a chore or a necessity than a hobby.
She shrugged, blinking. "I mean, business. At ANU."
"Right." Mrs Riddle's brow wrinkled, and she folded her arms on her desk, leaning towards Alice. "All the way in Canberra, huh? Seems like a big step for you. What do you want to do after your degree?"
"Intern for my dad. Take over the business," Alice said robotically. She paused, frowning. The words felt too big in her mouth. Looking up, she met Mrs Riddles eyes. "Can I ask you a weird question?"
Mrs Riddle laughed, gesturing to the room around the two—to the abstract art on the walls and the colourful trinkets that lined her bookshelves and windowsills.
"Nothing is weird to me," she said, grinning. "Ask away."
"Well," Alice began. She shifted in her seat, her eyes dropping to her fingers which wrung at the hem of her skirt. "How did you know what you wanted to do? How do people just know what they want? For themselves?"
She warmed as soon as the words left her mouth. They sounded a lot sillier when spoken out loud.
Mrs Riddle hummed.
"Well, that is a tough one," she said slowly. "I believe the future is fluid. You have so many opportunities to try new things out. And if you decide that you hate it, and it's not for you, you just try and try again."
Alice pursed her lips. That didn't help her at all. Mrs Riddle sighed and sent her a gentle smile.
"Let's start here," she said. "What did you want to do as a child?"
Alice's mind flashed to the book Finn had gifted her on her birthday, a leather travel journal. She thought of the globe she'd kept beside her bed as a kid. She'd spent years obsessing over travelling the world, experiencing different cultures, volunteering, helping others, trying new things—but she'd never actually considered doing it.
No, her parents would never let her. If anything, she thought maybe she could travel when she was older, married with children, the business already passed on to her husband or son.
But was it possible? Was it an option?
"I liked travelling," Alice said finally.
"Travelling," Mrs Riddle echoed. She leaned back to type something into her computer. As she typed, she asked, "Anywhere in particular?"
"Hong Kong," Alice said immediately. She thought of her grandparents' home. Homecooked meals. The smell of food flooding the air. Her responsibilities were different there. It wasn't like when she visited Paris and had to network, had to attend her father's offices. Nobody knew the Travers' name there.
There, she could just be Alice.
"And you're interested in business," Mrs Riddle thought aloud.
Alice felt the urge to correct her—her parents were interested in business—but it didn't really matter. She typed a few more things into her computer, then turned the monitor towards Alice.
"A double degree?" Alice voiced, squinting at the screen.
Mrs Riddle nodded. "A flexible double degree at ANU. You'd get a bachelor's in business administration, just as planned, but also a bachelor's in international relations. It would combine your interest in business with international studies, allowing you to study a language too, if you wanted."
She paused to point at the screen.
"And see here?" Mrs Riddle asked. "Year in Asia. This degree includes a year studying in an Asian city. You could choose Hong Kong if you wanted to."
Alice's eyes widened. A double degree with an international exchange. She'd never even considered the possibility. Her parents wouldn't really be able to argue over it either, considering it included the degree they wanted her to pursue anyway. The only potential issue would be spending a year in Asia.
She could handle that.
"Would I be able to get in?" Alice asked. Mrs Riddle nodded, smiling.
"I doubt you'd have any trouble at all," she said. "Your ATAR is high enough and you've already been accepted on the single degree anyway. I'd be very surprised if you weren't offered a place."
Alice stared at the screen, blood rushing in her ears. This seemed entirely possible and impossible all at once.
"Well, it seems that everything is on track for you," Mrs Riddle said delightfully. She paused, furrowing her brows. "Although, I don't mean to be nosey, but I noticed you and Finley Cauley out there a moment ago."
Alice blinked, blushing, and swallowed thickly. "Yes, well, we did actually begin dating... recently."
"Oh!" Mrs Riddle exclaimed. "Goodness, I didn't mean to pry! I was simply wondering. I wasn't expecting you both to attend colleges so far away."
Alice furrowed her brows, confused. "ANU is only in Canberra."
"Right, sometimes I forget what school I work in." She chuckled to herself. "For Sierra Grammar students, I suppose ten thousand kilometres is nothing."
She paused, her heart beginning to race. "Ten thousand kilometres?"
"Yes." Mrs Riddle smiled, obliviously. "I must say, it was a surprise when Mr Cauley insisted on the University of Iowa, but they do have one of the best writing courses in the world and—"
Her voice seemed to fade as Alice processed the words.
The University of Iowa.
Iowa, America.
Alice blinked, slowly. No wonder Finn had turned quiet when she'd brought up college, when she'd brought up how excited she was to see him at their parents' parties and dinners. He wouldn't be attending for much longer.
No, he'd be across the world in Iowa while she followed her perfectly planned destiny in Canberra. Potentially, in Asia.
Alice swallowed thickly, the world around her blurring.
She'd just got him, and now he was planning on leaving her.
Ten thousand kilometres away.
***
Alice sat in her car outside of the towering building, her fingers tapping on her steering wheel as she stared up at the house.
Her head was pounding. After speaking with Mrs Riddle, Alice had gone straight home and readjusted her preferences before her tutoring lessons for the evening. By sunset, Alice was starving and desperate for a nap.
And now, here she was, staring up at the Cauley Manor.
The gardens had changed since her last visit years ago, but she remembered the weathered, brown bricks and iron gates. She recognised the large double doors and multi-floored building, large windows lining the walls, all curtains drawn. The Cauleys had always been a private family.
Her eyes immediately drifted to the window on the second floor, on the far-right corner of the house.
Finn's room.
She warmed. Was it strange that she'd showed up to his house unannounced?
No. No, she was his girlfriend. They were dating. This was normal.
Besides, she'd come over hundreds of times in the past. She'd spent days sleeping over, chatting with him and Emily until they'd pass out some time around dawn.
She nodded, sucking in a deep breath, and steadying herself, building her confidence. She wanted to see him. She wanted to speak to him. She'd driven all the way over here, hadn't she?
Slipping out of the car, she handed the keys to the valet and turned, making her way towards the main entrance. The doors were pulled open by the butlers and she stepped in with a graceful smile.
"Miss Travers," one said, his face wrinkled and weathered with age. "It's lovely to see you again after all these years! Look at you, you've aged so wonderfully!"
Alice smiled, meeting his eyes. "Gerard." She beamed, blushing at his compliment. "Thank you, it's lovely to see you too. I'm sorry I haven't visited in a while."
"No, no, I'm sure you've been busy," he glanced over his shoulder at the main staircase—marble and covered with red carpet. "You remember the way?"
Alice's face grew hotter, and she nodded wordlessly.
He smiled at her, his eyes twinkling. "It was nice seeing you Miss Travers."
"Thank you," she muttered, turning and striding up the steps.
She reached the top of the staircase, her heeled shoes clicking against the wooden flooring. She turned right, her steps remembering the way clearly.
It was as if she were ten years old again, creeping through the Cauley hallways, sneaking out of the guest room and into Finn's bed past midnight to giggle over some story or new Disney movie.
She took another turn, noting the portraits and paintings she passed along the way. No longer did she have to bounce on her toes to read the titles of the artworks. The potted plants had grown a little taller, and so had she. It felt like she was seeing the halls from a new perspective.
She reached the end of the hallways and paused, faltering at Finn's door.
She brought her hand up to knock but hesitated.
What would he say when he saw her?
She could imagine his lazy smirk. She could picture him teasing her. "Couldn't keep away from me?" Yes, he'd probably say something like that. She felt her face heat at the mere thought, clenching her fists. He really was insufferable.
Before she knew it, she was banging on the door, much louder than she'd planned. Her mother would probably whack her fingers for being so uncouth.
But the damage was done, and the door flew open, revealing Finn's fuming expression.
He ripped the door open, his brow furrowed and eyes on fire before realising who stood before him. He blinked, his expression softening.
"Alice?"
She opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out.
"Sorry," he said sheepishly. He glanced past her shoulder, as if looking for someone else. "I thought you were my father."
"Does your father often bang on your door like that?" she asked, teasingly.
"No, actually," he began. "Normally he just barges in as he likes."
Alice blinked, not expecting him to actually answer. A heavy silence settled over the two.
Mr Cauley had always been a very strict, traditional man. Worse than Alice's father. He'd often shouted at Finn for playing in the dirt or not properly greeting his guests. Finn had never been very good at politesse, and Mr Cauley loathed that fact.
However, Alice had never thought him to be the type of man who would barge into his son's room.
Her brows drew together as she considered it.
Things had really changed since Year Eight. Her eyes drifted to Finn, who watched her carefully with sharp eyes and his chiselled jaw.
Finn had really changed.
"What are you doing here, anyway?" Finn asked finally. He stepped back, trailing into his room.
Alice lifted a brow, taking the gesture as a signal for her to follow him inside. She stepped in, quietly closing the door behind her.
Finn's room looked almost exactly the same as when they were children.
His parents had never allowed him to decorate with dinosaur bed sheets or race car posters. His desk had more books on it and his bookshelf had become a little fuller. His toy box had disappeared from the foot of his bed, replaced with a small, red velvet ottoman.
Choosing better than to sit on his bed or stand awkwardly, Alice drifted across the room and settled herself on the ottoman. She sat elegantly, her back upright and her hands gently resting on her knees.
Finn was on the left side of the room watching her expectantly, leaning against his desk nonchalantly.
He was waiting for an answer, but Alice had none. She'd driven here on impulse, not for any specific reason. Or perhaps she did have a reason. She just didn't want to admit it.
"I didn't see you after the guidance counsellor today," she said finally, turning to meet his stare.
He blinked, narrowing his eyes as if seeing right through her façade. "I went home. Figured your friends would be waiting for you afterwards."
He was right, so Alice just shrugged, her mind faraway.
Finn stepped closer, arching a brow with a lopsided grin. "Don't tell me, you were disappointed that I left, Miss Travers?" She blinked, speechless, and he took another step. "Is that why you're here? You missed me?"
"I meant—" she began her protesting, but her face grew hot at the thought. "No!" she burst, finally. "I'm here because—" She cut herself short, slouching uneasily.
"Oh?" he quirked a brow. "So, you do have a reason after all?"
"I just—" she swallowed thickly. She'd given herself away. "I did something crazy."
"What?" Finn asked, his curiosity piqued. "A Travers doing something crazy? What did you do, iron press your blouse instead of steam press?"
"Ha. Ha. Very funny," Alice deadpanned. She sighed, pressing a hand to her forehead. "I applied to university."
"You have a funny idea of crazy," Finn said.
"I mean, I applied for a bachelor's in international relations," she said slowly. She paused to meet his eyes. "With a year in Asia."
"What?" Finn sputtered. A smile pulled at his lips and he stepped towards her. "That's incredible!"
"Well, I mean, it's not for sure yet, but it's my top preference, and it's a double degree with business, so I don't think my parents would have an issue but... I don't know. And," she paused in the middle of her rant to meet Finn's eyes. "It's so far away from America."
Finn froze.
"University of Iowa," Alice said carefully. She jumped from her seat, losing herself completely. "How could you apply for Iowa? That's—That's thousands of miles away!"
She paused, watching him blink. His mouth bent into a frown and his brows drew together.
"How did you find out?"
"Mrs Riddle told me," she said, her voice coming out like a croak. "I just—" she turned her eyes up to meet his. "How could you leave me?"
Finn crossed the rest of the room at that moment, wrapping his arms around her in a tight hug. She crumpled into his chest and he rested his chin on her head.
"It's not that I want to leave you," he said eventually with a sigh. He pulled back to meet her eyes. "I want to be a writer, Alice."
"So, write here." She sniffled, frowning.
"Iowa is a great college," he said lowly—gently. Before he could continue, Alice interrupted.
"Your parents will never let you," she said with wide eyes. "They—they'd be against it."
"They don't know," Finn said. His voice turned grim, his eyes becoming dark. "They won't know until I do. Until I'm accepted."
"Then—" Alice paused, her heart racing. Her eyes grew even wider with desperation. "Then I'll tell them! They'll stop you. You won't be able to apply, and—and—"
"Alice—"
"No, Finn! It's not fair! I'm going to—" her voice faltered, and she found herself wringing her fingers, such an unladylike habit of hers. She chewed on her lip, her eyes darting around the room as she thought frantically.
"I'm going to tell your parents," she mumbled to herself. "And then you can stay here and—"
"Alice—"
"We'll go to university together, and—"
Finn sighed, rubbing a hand over his weary face before resting it onto her shoulder. "I want to study as Finn. Not the son of a CEO. Not a Cauley." He paused. "Just... Finn. The writer."
Alice blinked, slowly. Her mind whirred.
"You want to get in on your own." She said in measured realisation. "You don't want to use your parents' connections."
He nodded, his eyes kind as he watched her. He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and smiled gently.
"That's why I need to go to America. I want to study without thinking about my responsibilities or family duties. I don't want to attend soirées or network or schmooze old men."
Alice crinkled her brow. His words sounded so familiar—so close to home, yet so distant at the same time. She was a hypocrite. Wasn't she applying to study in Asia for the exact same reason? Except, Asia was so nearby. America... She folded her hands, sighing.
Finn paused, noticing her furrowed brow, and let out a bright chuckle. "Besides, I might not even get in."
"You'll definitely get in," Alice said assuredly, her expression brightening. "You're an amazing writer."
Finn barked out a laugh, shaking his head. "You've never read any of my writing."
"I remember your stories," she said quietly, thinking back to their childhood together. She glanced around the room. She could almost picture their tiny bodies huddled in the corner of this very room, Finn's shadow dancing as she animatedly told tales while Emily and Alice giggled, watching in awe. She laughed to herself. "I remember laughing myself into stitches every night. I remember crying at your tragic tales."
She paused to meet his eyes, smiling. He watched her, his face expressionless.
"You were always an amazing writer, Finn." She sighed, shaking her head in resolve. "You have to go to Iowa."
He blinked, surprised. "What?"
"You have to go," she repeated. "I have no right to tell you not to. If it's what you want, I think you should go."
"But," he began, "You—" He cut himself off, unsure what he'd planned to say.
"I'll be fine." She smiled gently. Her lips twitched up into a smirk. "Besides, I lasted four years without you, didn't I?"
"If only it were longer," he teased right back, earning a punch to the arm. He laughed.
"It'll just be another four years." Her smile faltered at the sound of her own words. Four years. That sounded long. "You'll be in America and I'll be here."
"Not for long," Finn said. "You'll be living it up in Asia."
Alice snorted. "Like my parents would ever allow me."
"They can't stop you," Finn pointed out. "You're an adult. If you want to go, you should go."
Alice sighed. "It's not like I have much of a choice, Finn."
Finn sighed, running his fingers through his silvery hair. His dark eyes met hers and he pursed his lips.
"You always have a choice."