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I was all dressed and I was ready to leave for work. A big part of me wasn't ready to face Jungkook yet, but missing work is very unprofessional. I had no genuine reason to leave work anyway. I wasn't sick, so as to stay home on medical leave. So with very nervous spirits I bid my parents farewell and make my way to the bus stand. As I got on the bus I put my voice cancellation headphones on and started reading an article on Pacu fish. It's is an omnivorous fish with a close relation to piranha. Reading about animals, mostly fishes, takes my mind off things that make me nervous. Getting an insight on the various lives that live amongst us gives me a pleasant feeling of getting more familiar with them. Although fishes don't a very developed brain, other many mammals do. So it makes me wonder that are they just as curious about us, as we are of them? Do they share the same empathy about us? Science can measure their ability to think but it can't determine their thoughts. So the perception will always be ambiguous. Time passes as I get indulged in the article and soon I'm at my stop. From there I take a cab to my office and it takes about 15 minutes until I reach my destination.
Ma Yoona at the reception desk greets me when she notices me walking in the building. I greet her back with small bow and make my way to the lift. I wait patiently until it's completely empty before I get in. I don't like stepping inside crowded lifts. More people means more brief light touches which makes me jumpy and uneasy. People often expect me to get used to it by now, but it wouldn't be a disorder if I could just change the way I am. It's really amusing just how dense some people can be.
When there are finally no people around to get on the lift, I step in and am greeted by lift man Jang.
"Good morning Mr Kim." He greets.
"Good good morning." I greet back as I briefly glance at his side.
"It's a nice day today isn't it. Great weather." Mr Jang says sticking a conversation.
"Oh no it's exactly the same as yesterday. Very similar. Nothing special." I said.
"Well then yesterday was a great day too." He states. I turn to look at him as I consider his point, then I nod as I acknowledge he was right. Much to my dismay the lift stops at the 6th floor and the door opens to reveal as many as 5 men waiting to get in. I slightly shake in my place as I get anxious that they would soon crowd the lift. Just before they could get in Mr Jang stops them with a very stupid argument.
"Oh gentlemen you all shouldn't get in. There's something wrong with the lift. It's only going up." Mr Jang counsels. This makes them all halt in their place as they process what Mr Jang had said.
"Really?" One of them asks.
"I would never lie." He counters as the door of the lift starts closing.
"Wait! But isn't it supposed to go up!" It was too for them to do anything since the lift had already started. I giggle at their stupidity and I turn to look to at Mr Jang to make brief eye contacts with him.
"Thank you Mr Jang. You're a nice man. A very nice man." I complement him.
"And you're a sweet young man my child. Those men get on the other lift, it isn't a big deal for them." Mr Jang said as he winks at me. I don't know why he did that since winking is considered a flirtatious action but I am sure he would never flirt with me so I just shrug it off as him being old. We soon reach to the 13th floor where Mr Jeon's office was and so was my work desk. As soon as I get off the lift, I get nervous all over again so I scurry hastily to my desk. I open my laptop and get right to work.
I'm 20 minutes into my work when Jungkook rings the bell to call me into his office. Scratching my head as I think of something, I take a file from my desk as I open it and lift it in front of my face. I keep it there as I make my way to his office. After knocking on the door twice, I get in stand right in front of his desk.
"Yes Mr Jeon. You called, you called for me?" I asked as I turn a page of my file that I had kept in front of my face.
"Keeping that file in front of your face to avoid looking at me while you try to not make it obvious that your avoiding me by pretending to read it makes it even more obvious Taehyung." Jungkook said. I scratch my head as I take the file away from my face and sigh in defeat that I wasn't very good at acting.
"Hmm. Now that I can finally see your face, can I ask you why you fled away from me yesterday Taehyung? Jungkook asked.
"My body's nervous system took over. There was a high release of adrenaline and as a result my body reacted with an increased circulation to my heart and muscles in preparation of fight or flight and unfortunately my brain chose flight." I answer.
"I get it Taehyung. You panicked."
"Well if you look for a one word substitution then yes." I said.
"I had already figured that much out Taehyung. What I wanted to know was the reason why you panicked. If you didn't have an answer then you should've just said so." His voice was so soft like always that all my nervousness was suddenly vanishing.
"You had given me time to research. You told me I had time. My research hasn't finished yet." I said as I watch Jungkook stepping closer to me.
"And by courting you I will help you with your research. We'll get to know each other better. And then you can decide if you actually like me or not. If you want to date me or not. Believe me I won't court you to propose you for a marriage. Our courtship will a different kind of courtship" Jungkook said with a chuckle.
"What if we kiss before we start dating? Wouldn't it be wrong, very wrong to do that without any official title. Will we have rules? We should. Rules are important." I asked him. He starts laughing at that and I stare at him with slightly parted lips.
"If we kiss then we kiss. We're both adults Taehyung. And I promise you I will never force myself on you. I will never make you do anything without your consent." Jungkook said looking right into my eyes.
"Oh no you won't be able to force me. No you won't. I will spray pepper spray on you. My mom gave it to me. She did. She told me to use it on people who ever bullied me. But no one did. Not physically. They said bad words but I can't pepper spray them for that. No I can't. So it was always useless, very useless. Their words hurt me anyway. They thought I was too stupid to understand anything. But it was them who didn't understand that I did. They were stupid. I'm not a sped. I'm not. No I'm not. I'm not." I start muttering the same words over and over I start shaking in my places. I shake my head furiously to make the words go away that were now clouding my memories. People like me who suffer from Asperger's Syndrome are particularly sensitive. Yes we can't decipher figurative thoughts very easily but that doesn't mean words don't hurt us. We're smart, we understand verbal abuse and it affects us more than it would hurt a normal person. We panic more easily. Our ears start ringing, the earth starts revolving as we do anything to escape the situation. But it's harder for us to escape. Everything's more difficult for us.
I feel Jungkook's arm wrap tightly around me to stop me from shaking. He did nothing else, he said nothing else. He just stood there hugging me tightly, his arms providing a firm pressure that I always need. It was as if he knew exactly what I wanted. I start to calm down as his perfume clouds my olfactory system.
"It's okay Taehyung. No one is here to hurt you know. I'm here. I'll protect you." Jungkook's word held an unspoken promise. A promise that I knew he couldn't keep. No one could. The world is too big to protect me against. One person can't do that. But I didn't to say this to Jungkook. It makes my parents happy to assure me that they can protect me. Maybe it'll Jungkook happy too. I would like to see him happy.
I don't say any other word as I just stand still and let his arms engulf me. It felt good.
"You like this? Should I put more pressure?" Jungkook asked.
"Sounds good. Pressure sounds good." I reply and with that Jungkook hugs me tighter. No it wasn't a bone crushing hug. It was just tight enough to make me feel comfortable and safe. Minutes pass but I make no attempt to break free.
"I have a meeting in ten minutes." Jungkook said.
"Oh I know that. I know. I had scheduled it myself. I did." I tell him.
"So that means I have to leave now. We can continue this after the meeting. Is that okay?" I giggle shyly at the fact that Jungkook had asked me for permission. I nodded a few times as an answer, so he unwraps his arms around me.
"See you soon Taehyung. You should get to work too if you feel better now." Jungkook counseled.
"Oh yes. Yes I'll get to work." I said and immediately make my way to my work desk. I giggle in embarrassment as I hide my face behind my computer screen. Brushing the thoughts away I get back to work and start writing emails to some of the companies Jungkook wanted to talk with.
Jungkook's meeting took longer than usual. By the time he came back it was afternoon already. After coming back he had given me a tight hug just like he had promised me and soon was on his way to yet another meeting. We didn't see much of each other after that and before I knew it, it was time for me to leave. Packing up my stuffs I walk towards Jungkook office and knock on his door.
"Come in." I hear him say before I make my way in.
"It's my time to leave now. If you don't need any more help of mine then I will take my leave. I will go home now." I inform him.
"I'm done for the day too. Would you like to eat dinner with me at my place?" Jungkook asked.
"Oh no I can't. I'm sorry I can't. I have a meet up appointment with my friend Jimin. Park Jimin. He must be waiting for me at home. I can't cancel my appointment. That's wrong. I won't do that." I tell him.
"If you're meeting your friend then it's just a meet up. You don't call it an appointment Taehyung. And it's fine, we can eat together some other time." Jungkook said with a smile. I walk towards him as I wrap my arms around him and hug him. I break free after a few seconds only find Jungkook with a shocked expression on his face. I give him a short wave before I take my leave. I had so many questions to ask Jimin. I can't waste anymore time.