e/c- your eye color
》Loki's POV
I couldn't seem to catch sleep. I kept on changing my position, fixing my pillow and forcing my eyes closed.
No matter what I did, no matter how much I tried, there was nothing that could make me sleep. There was this void in my mind. I kept thinking that there was something missing.
Once again－after shifting my position for the hundredth time－I closed my eyes, finally starting to fall into slumber. A face appeared in my mind, a pair of desperate, e/c eyes. There were several bruises and cuts on her skin. I watched how her lips turned blue and her eyes darkened, blood oozing from her nose. Her corps fell cold and lifeless onto the ground. She was dead and 12 little mortal children screamed from afar. My eyes shot up to find how three blood-thirsty Chitauri terminated the innocent human children.
I woke up from sleep with a gasp. It was the first time I had such a disturbing dream. I remembered the midgardian girl and her students, I presume. She had begged me not to to hurt the children and hurt her instead.
Something about that moment had made me stop, like I had no control over what I did. I couldn't let them kill the children and I was not cluel enough to touch an innocent mortal girl who was only trying to protect the kids. I just couldn't.
Thinking about it I didn't know what happened to her after I told Thor and the Avengers that I had left a hurt mortal in the museum. It was still night and I didn't think Thor was yet asleep, so I decided to get out of bed and put on a robe. I walked through the corridors until I found my brother's room. I knocked on it before I entered. There were some guards rooming the corridor, looking at me with pronounced frowns. The door opened and Thor was just like I had thought, awake and still dressed in his uncomfortable looking attire. "Oh, brother! What brings you to my presence?"
I started to regret coming, but it was also too late to just walk away. "I wanted to speak with you. But in private..." I said, eyeing the annoying guards. It had only been two days since I started my probation time, and I was already close to stabbing the obnoxious guards.
"Sure, come in!" Thor smiled, slapping my back and letting me into his room.
When I was finally left alone with my brother I was calm enough to address what I had come to talk about. "So, brother, what is it?" Thor sat down on the edge of his bed, looking up at me with his brotherly smile and his blue eyes.
"How's the girl?" I blurted out. Thor frowned in questioning. "What girl?"
I felt embarrassed as my brother looked at me with a hideous expression as he wiggled his brows. "Have you fallen in love brother?" I heard joy and excitement in his voice. I grimaced, my mouth twisted into a snarl.
"No, Thor, I meant the girl I told you to look for. The midgardian girl with the mortal children!" I said, my voice rising a bit in annoyance. Thor's mouth shaped in to an 'o', as he figured what I meant. Sometimes I really do question if he is even worthy of becoming a king. All he has in his mind are dumb romances and beer.
"Ah, yes, Lady Y/N. She was successfully rescued and brought in time to the hospital. We visited her not too long ago. Her children are fine and unharmed. Why do you ask?"
"I just wanted to know that I at least did a little good." I stood up and walked to the heavy, gold and wooden doors of his room.
"Goodnight, brother." I heard Thor say from afar. I didn't answer, but just walked away.
I didn't mind the guards as I started to walk down the corridor. "My Prince, where are you headed to?" I heard one of the guards ask. Without looking back, and still walking, I answered: "To the balcony."
I could hear the irritation in my voice; I could even bet they were doing this to see how long I could stand them until I snapped. They were waiting for me to make a mistake to watch me get punished. I rolled my eyes, I might have been short tempered and revengeful, but I would endure as long as I had to. There's always a way around laws and commands. Just like I found my own way to travel through the realms without the bifrost, I could also do what I wanted, using the rules against them. I'm the god of mischief, not a dumbass.
When I was outside the night breeze hit my face, my long, black hair dancing behind me. I realized I was not alone tonight; mother was standing, facing the bright city of Asgard. Her golden nightgown swayed with the wind. "Not able to sleep tonight dear?" She asked without even catching a glimpse of me. I hesitated for a second but I still came to her side.
"I'm afraid not..." I finally replied, looking at her calm expression. Her eyes were actually closed. I silently admired the woman that had been my mother, though not my birth mother. "What disturbs your sleep?"
I didn't want to answer that, but I didn't have too, she always knew everything. "How about you mother? Can't you sleep?"
She laughed as if I had told a joke. "I just came to enjoy the beautiful night. The stars shine brighter tonight, now that my two sons are here, together back in Asgard. It looks like a billion galaxies have united to greet the princes." She opened her eyes and looked at me lovingly, just like she always did.
"But mother, your eyes were closed." I retorted and she shrugged. "I don't have to see to be able to know that even the universe welcomes you home." I didn't know how until now she still believed I was her son, she still treated me like I had done nothing wrong. She still looked at me the way she looked at me as a child.
"How can you still call me son after everything? You know the truth, you aren't my mother." I told her and she still smiled. I could see the hurt in her eyes at my remark. We had both created a mask when it came to disappointment and heartbreak.
"I still call you my son, because even though I didn't birth you, I still became your adoptive mother. I was the one who saw you take your first step, heard you speak your first word. I am the one who saw you grow, and cry, and hide behind your brother's shadow. I taught you all you know about magic and tricks. You are my son, blood related or not. You might have not come from my womb but I was still the one to watch you become who you are today. You say I'm not your mother, then why you call me so?"
That hit me hard and I couldn't look into her eyes. She was always right about everything. She was my mother and I couldn't reject the truth. Though it burned and I hated how right she was, I couldn't find a way to duel with her words. I took my mother's hand and kissed the back of it. "I must go sleep mother. Please go rest."
My mother turned away again. "I will my dear. I'll see you again in the morning."
I slightly bowed my head as I dismissed myself from her presence. I let the guards escort me back to my chambers, I was too tired to avoid them.
I finally got to sleep. There were no more nightmares the rest of the night.
》Y/N's POV
I entered the psychologist's office, Natasha by my side. The woman at the desk turned around and smiled at us. "Hello, you must be Y/N L/N. I'm Amanda Webster, I'll be your psychologist, please call me Dr. Webster. And thank you Nath for bringing her today."
Natasha nodded her head, "No problem Doc." She turned away and closed the door leaving me alone. I turned to Dr. Webster, she seemed to be around her 30s. She was tall, her skin a rich brown and her hair dark brown, long and curly. She had a bright smile as she sat down and pointed at the sofa for me to sit.
I quickly took a seat and waited patiently for her to talk first. Today I had been forced by Bruce, Steve and Natasha to come and see Bruce's psychologist; Apparently she was one of the best. I didn't want come to be honest. The reason was because I didn't like burdening people with my petty problems and stupid feelings. I should be able to fix things on my own. Steve thought it would be better for me if I sought professional help to rid myself of my stress and my depression. But they all knew I wouldn't do it so, ironically, Natasha was the only one that got me to come here.
At that current moment Tony was getting my medicine to help me sleep, which I had also refused to buy or consume.
"So, Y/N, tell me about what's been going on these days for you, after the invasion." Dr. Webster asked, opening a notebook and clicking her pen.
I sighed and decided to talk, I couldn't do anything more than this. "Well, I lost my job after the attack and that has been quite a shock since. I was prohibited from working until the next school year starts again."
"Why is that so?" She asked, tilting her head to the side.
"There were a lot of complaints from the parents of my students due to what happened during the invasion. I was unable to get the students to full safety and had to resort to violence to be able to protect them... Some parents said that their children were mentally and emotionally affected by what happened. I accept that I did kill the creatures in front of the kids and it was wrong to do so."
Dr. Webster finished writing that down and looked at me understandingly. "I personally think that you did an excellent job on protecting the kids. Maybe there could have been a different way to keep them safe, but at the moment you had to resort to fighting. Despite violence, you did your job and the kids went back home safely and unharmed. From what I heard, the students actually considered you a hero."
I nodded, remembering the sweet letters they all wrote for me. "Going to the job topic, what have you done about it?" She asked me, crossing a leg over the other.
"I've tried getting a part time job, maybe tutoring, but not many care about history, so no one really needs a history tutor. I was thinking about working as a waitress but most restaurants in the city are closed or getting rebuilt because of the attack." The doctor nodded.
"Do you have any other hobbies or capabilities besides teaching?"
"Well, I can use a sword... my father taught me swordplay and defense. I was never too fond of regular activities. I was almost always studying with my father and I was fascinated by history and mythology. What can I say? I'm not such an interesting person." I blurted, feeling a bit nervous and realizing how boring I must be. Maybe that's why my relationships never worked in the past. I never had anything interesting to talk about. And keeping a sword on display at home wasn't too attractive either... I am my father's daughter in deed...
"Maybe you could work as a defense trainer." I frowned at the suggestion and Dr. Webster laughed. "You could ask Mr. Stark to let you work in the Avengers' Tower as a defense trainer. The heroes could use a helping hand to train once in a while."
"But what good am I? I'm not strong. I would embarrass myself in front of them." I said, becoming fidgety. There was this uneasiness settling in the pit of my stomach. I couldn't train 6 superheroes! I was weak whilst they had professional training and were capable of things I wasn't.
"You should give it a try. It won't hurt to try. It won't be forever, but it will help you get through until the new school year starts." I sighed and nodded, Dr. Webster was right. If I gave up it was just an incompetent loss.
"Tell me about your nightmares." That caught me off guard. Sleepless nights replayed in my mind and I suddenly felt like I was out of oxygen.
"I, ah..." I started to stutter as I tried to somehow answer. Dr. Webster placed a hand on my knee. "Take it easy, take your time to tell me."
I breathed in and out, trying to form the courage to explain my dreams. "In my dream I'm being choked my a Chitauri. I die and I watch as my students get killed. I tried to move, I tried to do something. I felt so useless, so hopeless and guilty. The man who saved me never came."
"Man who saved you?"
"Ah, Loki. He saved me instead of killing me." I confessed, shifting on my chair a bit. The doctor looked startled and confused.
"Loki saved you?" She asks like she's trying to understand what I said.
"Yes. I thought he would kill me, but he made the creatures go away and leave me and my students alone."
She wrote that down with an unreadable expression on her face. She then looked up at me and proceeded to talk about my dream like she wasn't shocked two seconds ago. "The meaning of your dream might represent your fear. You are still recovering from the attack. It is normal to have some flashbacks of the fight. Your mind and body still need time to get over what happened. So for now you'll still get these dreams, because you fear failure. You fear not being able to help or save the innocent. Your mind is showing you what you fear the most in the moment. So please take your medicine every night because it will help with sleep. It won't stop from making you dream about the horror, but it will surely control it."
I nodded, I had to stop trying to avoid what's good for me. I hadn't slept correctly for days. "Okay, I'll try everything you have suggested today. When should I come back?"
"You should come at least one or two times a week. If needed you can come whenever it needs be."
I nodded, standing up and thanking her for taking her time today to see me. I made my way out of her office and headed.over to my appartment.
Bruce, Natasha, Steve and Clint were sitting at the table eating and talking. "How was it?" Bruce asked and I gave him thumbs up.
"How does it sound if I become some sort of trainer for the Avengers?" I asked, plunging myself into a chair next to Clint.
"A trainer? You can fight? Wait the dead and beheaded Chitauri at the museum was your doing?" Clint asked and I hummed a yes.
"How did we not know that?" Steve asked and I shrugged. "No one really asked."
"You fought those things with a samurai sword all by yourself, getting outnumbered and having to protect 12 kids?" Bruce asks.
"Please, it isn't such a big deal! Bruce you are The Hulk! Natasha you are a Russian spy, you are 10 times better at fighting than I am. Steve you are freaking Captain America, you have fought a bunch of men at the same time. And Clint you are great with a bow and arrow. You guys are awesome, I am just a random human, that happened to know how to use a sword because her father taught her to use one."
"Are you kidding? We worked as a team to be able to handle those things! I wouldn't have been able to hold them off on my own." Natasha blurts.
"Bitch, that's one big ass lie." Clint piped in.
"Language!" Steve scolded.
*(A/N: I had to add this joke.... sorry not sorry...)*
Natasha narrowed her eyes at Clint, "I might be able to hold off a couple of them, but I am human too Clint. I get tired and hurt too. Just like your arrows have an end too."
"True, I can't argue with that."
"I think that it is an excellent idea to have Y/N as a trainer. If she can fight those things with a sword and all alone, then she can teach us to persevere during our worst." Bruce said and Steve agreed.
Natasha and Clint looked at each other like old friends do and also agreed to what Bruce said.
Clint stood up and got some drinks from the fridge, handing one to each of us. "To a new start for Y/N." He raised the drink and we all cheer at that.
That night when I was handed my medication, I finally got to sleep alright.
A/N:
This was my attempt at understanding Loki and how he thinks.
I had to put the "language" joke, I couldn't resist it...
Anyway that's all for this chapter! Don't forget to vote if you liked the chapter.
Thanks for reading!
God bless you all!
-Random Potato♡