🎵 Maria - HWASA
= Everyone's trying so hard to hate me. If you break me down, does that feed you? I don't have the strength to be angry and I don't have the time. What's so upsetting for you? Just go on your way. =
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Feeling grouchy, I jerked up from the bench that I was lying in and shot Jaehyun a death stare. He raised up the book he was reading to cover his face, revealing only his eyes sheepishly. We ended up at a comic book cafe called Better Comics, a place where people could read, eat, drink, or take naps at your own space, but clearly the naps weren't working out for me.
It's been four hours since we got here and I barely got to sleep. Though I had a cushion bench to sleep on, I kept couldn't fall asleep thanks to the distraction around us. I had forgotten that this was partly a cafe, and many customers come and go. From time to time, I heard glasses clinking, people talking, and occasionally, some bursts of laughter. I was so paranoid that I eventually flared up to the sound of Jaehyun flipping a book page.
He hid his face behind the book again when I cast him another nasty look, knowing that he should be guilty for bringing me here. Dang right he'd better be apologetic.
"No more next time," I hissed at him right after we left Better Comics. It was 5 pm soon and I had to drop by home to get my camp bag before making my way to SM.
"Come on," Jaehyun replied, studying my face seriously. "Pandas are cute too."
I wanted to hit him but he was quicker to dodge it. "Jackass, come here!" I demanded, and chased after him with my palm wide open.
...
As an apology, Jaehyun accompanied me to SM carrying my bag for me. This time, I packed a shitload of clothes and self-care amenities to prepare for the two-week training camp. And it was heavy enough to get a lean guy like Jaehyun complaining about the weight every other minute.
When I was back at SM myself, I scanned the main hall in search of a familiar face. Day 0 of our training camp was about to start but I couldn't get excited like before. Must be the fatigue.
"Jisoo! Over here!" Lia waved up high. I spotted her and Hera easily, waved back, and ran towards them with my heavy duffle bag.
"Aye," I exhaled, dropping the weight off my shoulder and letting it thud before dropping to the ground myself.
"The camp hasn't even started but you sound dead," Hera said.
I sank half my face in one hand and sighed more. "Don't remind me, some jerk ruined my one and only chance to sleep."
"Jerk who~" Hera teased.
"Just a good friend," I waved it off but Hera didn't seem convinced.
"I don't think so~" She kept smiling.
"Jesus," Lia wondered out loud, approaching me to take a better look at my face. "Your eye circles are really dark. Or did you get punched?"
"Nobody got punched, Lia," I cracked up a little. "I've been a hardworking student in the past week. But my exams are over now so I'm finally waiting to graduate," I proudly announced.
"Omo," Hera shifted towards me, reaching out for a handshake and giggled. "Congrats, you're soon to be unemployed."
...
At 6 pm sharp, all of us hopped on the company bus that would take us to our training base. I can't believe I actually thought the camp would involve pitching tents and circling around a campfire. Boy was I naive because it turned out to be way better than that.
The entire camp base was grander than I expected. It was an oval-shaped park, fenced up with tons of natural green trees and little ponds surround. In the center of the oval-shaped land were 3 low-rise buildings lined side by side and named by alphabetical blocks. The middle one was the grand theatre for film and performance (Block T), and the two beside it was our dormitory (Block D) and the practice facility (Block A) each.
Seriously, why did I think of tents and campfire?
Day 0 was a bonding night for all of us before the real drill starts the next day. We played games like Charades and dodgeball at the outdoor court behind our dorms until it was 10 pm, and I actually had fun for the first time hanging out with a bunch of girls I wasn't too familiar with (besides Hera and Lia).
Still feeling the post-exam fatigue, I decided to chill and back out for most games, except one where I volunteered myself to have a face-off with Yuri. It was a round of dodgeball, and the both of us were cursing loudly for every ball we targeted at each other.
TMI, but hey, I won in the end.
Dormitory arrangement was randomised too, sadly. There were 4 bunk beds to a room and 16 of us, so the probability of me being with Lia and Hera was... let's just skip the math. I also heard that we would be changing roommates halfway through the camp to 'maximise the opportunity' to bond with the other trainees, which isn't exactly good news to me. At least for the first arrangement, thankfully, I was assigned a room with Hera (yay), Seol Ah (Yuri's chipmunk), and the mole-on-the-cheek girl whose name I finally knew - Nanhee.
After calling it a day, we grabbed our bags and headed to our rooms. I was dog tired by the time I crashed in bed and I couldn't bother washing up.
Dirty I know, but Jongdae's not here so who cares.
"Hey Jisoo," Seol Ah tapped me on my shoulder when I was already motionless in bed, face flat down on my pillow. I was instantly annoyed at the disruption of my sleep.
"What?" I raised my head to take one look at her, frowning because I couldn't help it.
"I erm," she stuttered, taking her time. "I just wanted to say..."
"What do you want? Just say it or don't. I want to sleep," I responded grumpily.
"I just..."
"Hey don't bother," Hera popped in, hooking her arm around Seol Ah. "Whatever you're going to say, do it tomorrow if you don't wanna get lashed by her." She giggled, dragging Seol Ah away from me. I dropped my face back down to my pillow and called it a night.
And I have to say, Hera was starting to know me well.
...
6 am and the sun has yet to rise. We heard a whistle blow continuously for minutes until all of us were forced out of bed, and then came the very first announcement through the speakers that were installed in our rooms.
"Good morning, ladies. This is Sohee speaking. Today is day 1 of our training camp, and your first task from me so listen carefully because I won't repeat myself. You have 30 minutes from now to wash up and get to Block A. We have breakfast for you at canteen A located at basement 1 so grab a quick bite before you report to Hall B, that is the largest hall on the second level where we will gather from now on. Come in your training gear and be there by 6.30 am. The time is ticking so get moving!"
All the girls groaned with their sleepy eyes and morning hair while they started to prepare anyway but I returned back to bed. Just a little more, I tell myself. The girls would probably be snatching the toilet to wash up too and I didn't want to be part of it.
"Get up, Jisoo. We don't have time." Hera shook me hard but I refused to budge.
"Just 15 minutes more," I mumbled with my eyes half-open. For the first time in weeks, I slept for a good six hours and it never felt better. I would hibernate if I could.
"You can't be late. You better not be. Get your ass up," she insisted, smacking my butt.
"Really, just 15 more minutes," I flipped over in bed to face away from her. "I don't need breakfast. I just need 10 minutes to wash up and get there. You go first," I mumbled, my eyes fluttering close again.
"Ugh, you're a helpless pig," Hera whacked my butt once more. "I tried my best so I don't care what happens to you if you're late okay." She shut the door behind her and left me to sleep a little more in peace.
Exactly 15 minutes later, I heard an alarm clock ringing below my bunk bed that was far from my reach. Damn Hera must've put it there to make sure I get out of bed to turn it off, but deep down I thank her for doing that much for me. As much as I procrastinated, I managed to be ready by 6.25 am and was down at Block A in time for our first schedule.
That's when I encountered a problem. I couldn't remember where the reporting venue was. I recalled Sohee mentioning A and B so now I was debating.
Hall A or B?
I looked at the directory on the ground floor and contemplated. Hall A was on the far right of this level and B was upstairs. Now regretting for not listening to Hera. I couldn't even make a phone call since our phones were confiscated. I searched around me for a soul to enquire and that's when Yuri walked by, making eye contact with me. Of all people... she was there. I obviously wasn't pleased to see her but decided to ask her anyway.
"Hey," I started, "which hall are we supposed to go? A or B?"
She seemed surprised that I talked to her first.
"Didn't you hear the announcement just now? They said Hall A by 6.30," Yuri answered in a superior tone. Yeah yeah, she's arrogant as always. I debated if I should thank her but I decided not to and went my way.
"Then where are you going?" I stopped and turned when I noticed her heading in a different direction. It certainly raised my suspicion because we were supposed to go the same way. If she was lying to me, I swear I'll make her pay for it.
"The restroom, duh." She rolled her eyes. "Why would I want to walk into the hall with you anyway? It ruins my image to be with you."
I ignored her childish remark and continued my way. If that's what really mattered to her, so be it. "You don't have an image to begin with," I mumbled lowly only for myself to hear.
...
I burst through the door of Hall B, panting hard. The air turned silent as all eyes landed on me, the girl who was out of breath and eventually... late. My eyes went from Hera who looked concerned, and then to Yuri who was sniggering.
"Jisoo," Sohee grabbed my attention talking in her strict voice. "Which part of my instruction wasn't clear enough?"
"Sorry," I said. "It won't happen again."
"It's only the first day so let's be clear. What happens if you're late again?" She probed, making me more nervous than usual. I didn't know what to say. "Must I still emphasise on punctuality? That's basic discipline for you guys." Sohee said to all the girls and looked at me again. "Dare to be late again and I will disqualify you. This applies to everyone. Now come join us, I'll deal with you later. I'm about to give everyone your individual grades..."
Uh, I actually forgot about the grading because I was too occupied with school in the past week. I sat down beside Hera and Lia who gave me comfort through their eyes and waited for Sohee to announce our grades.
...
I looked down at my grading card that revealed a 'B', and I couldn't contain my smile. There was just one thing that I wasn't pleased with, and that was Yuri and her grade. That girl did not have what it takes to attain a B like me, and I'm not saying it just because I hate her. It was truth that anyone could tell, except Yuri herself.
"Must be the connections," Hera mumbled to me in distaste. "I mean, how can she get a B when her singing lacks so much more than us? Even a dog can tell the difference!" She ranted more when we were having a break time. The three of us gathered again for our little talk. Lia got the A this time and I agree that she deserved it, while Hera remained a B with me.
"Have you ever thought about a problem?" I wondered back to her. "If she was set for debut, then... what about us? If we really get to debut as a group... with her... oh god, that's disgusting."
I didn't even want to imagine.
"I can't believe you're making me stressed over that problem..." Lia ruffled her hair in distress. "I don't want to deal with Yuri either," she mumbled, revealing the sheepish side of her.
"Don't think too much yet, guys. We don't even know what the debut plan for this program is. All we're told is to practice our ass off or we'll be kicked out," Hera sighed, letting the real stress sink in.
According to Sohee, this training camp was a big test of our abilities. If we couldn't attain a minimum B grade by the next evaluation, we will be ousted from the program. It's scary to think that the C grade trainees right now are at a risk of elimination.
"Do you think we'll end up in the same group for the next project?" Lia wondered, because different grades do not separate us anymore. The next project to be revealed in a minutes' time was a dance evaluation, and this time, we would be randomly allocated to a song.
...
I hoped for nothing much but just for Yuri not to be the same team as me.
But I think Yuri and I have a twisted fate or something. Because the more I didn't want it, the more it came to me. I was staring back at her in denial as the 8 of us gathered in a circle to discuss the project that we were given. Apparently, the groupings followed the rooms we were arranged in. My roommates and Yuri's ended up collaborating for the same song. Since Lia was from another dorm room, she was working on a different song this time.
The song given to us for the dance evaluation was Want it! by ITZY.
"This is going to be a challenge," Hera sighed heavily, diverting my attention away from Yuri.
"Why would you say that? The dance isn't that complicated," Seol Ah replied to Hera.
"It's not about the dance moves," I said, easily picking up Hera's point. "It's challenging because we have to outperform the original group. Don't you know? When it comes to sharpness and coordination, ITZY is one of a kind."
Hera nodded back when I hit the nail right on the head.
"It's just dance, take it easy. I don't see what's the problem," Yuri sat back eyeing her manicure.
"You are the problem," I muttered back, a little louder than I planned. All the girls managed to hold back their chuckles except Hera.
"Did you just laugh?" Yuri sat up straight, frowning at Hera who quickly covered up with a poker face. "And you," she turned to me. "Don't talk like you're everything. I can bet on my neck that you'll be eliminated soon."
"It's no fun to bet on your neck. Let's bet on your hair instead," I challenged. "You go bald if I debut." Yuri went blank for a second, but hey, my revenge hasn't even started.
"Hey, that's too much," Hera waved off in an attempt to cut us out of our glaring competition.
"And if you don't?" Yuri answered me in a voice less firm than before.
"Then I will go bal-"
"GUYS can we please not bet on that?!" Hera jumped in, louder and more frustrated this time. "I don't care how many bets you make but think about what the consequences are, would you? No one is going bald for this. We're all here for the same dream, not a haircut."
Yuri crossed her arms, looking back at me arrogantly. "Why not? Jisoo's the one who suggested it. I'd like to see her bald."
"It's not even fair bet. You're betting on her debut, what about yours?" Hera reasoned in front of the rest of the girls. It was the first time I saw her talk back in such a bold manner.
Yuri seemed so tempted to self-proclaim her victory as if her debut spot was fixed but she was holding back this time. She obviously couldn't say a word about it unless she wanted to openly reveal that the program was rigged for her.
She couldn't, but I could.
"Of course it's not fair." I fakely sighed out loud. "You've got nothing to worry about because of your connections. Why don't you just tell everyone that you're already set for debut? Your precious uncle would do that much for you since he adores you, right?"
"Shut your mouth, t-that's not true." Yuri clenched her jaw.
"Which part of it isn't true? Your connections? Your pre-planned debut? Or that your uncle doesn't adore you?"
"This isn't about me, Kim Jisoo. You're just saying all that because you're intimidated by me. You're not up to my level."
"Why would I downgrade myself to you?" I sneered. "But you did surprise me there. I thought I'd never hear you say that something isn't about you."
"You're good at twisting words, but it doesn't make you a better person. I'm most glad to let the whole world know that this isn't about me, Jisoo. It is you who violated a rule and I can promise that you will be kicked out of this program soon."
Yuri was using the same arrogant tone as she did previously. And I wasn't dumb to not get the hint. From the way she talks, she definitely knew something about me and Jongdae. It intimidated me a little, but not entirely. Because if she knew that there was a thing between us, why isn't she saying it to my face?
I wasn't going to back down from this argument. No way I'd let her scare me.
"Why? You think my debut is on the line because of a guy?" I revealed to all the girls in the circle, including Hera whose mouth was wide open by now.
"Is that the new rumour you're going to spread about me?" I challenged more, satisfied that I succeeded in making Yuri lose some confidence. It was written all over her face that she least expected I would confess like that.
"It's not just a rumour-"
"Who is it that you suspect? Say it," I cut her out, waiting several seconds for her to answer me but she didn't. Yuri wasn't telling not because she didn't know who it was, but because we both knew that no one would believe her. I figured that she was all talk but she had no evidence against me.
"What makes you think you know me and who are you to judge? Whether or not I have a man in my life or if I'm dating... it doesn't concern you. Don't even think about threatening me with your groundless rumours. If you have so much time to waste, may I advise that you spend it on training? From what I know, you have a LOT to work on."
And that was enough to shut her up for the rest of the day.
Shortly after that heated conversation, we got down to actual practice. Hera was voted to be our group leader after everyone saw how brave she was for being the mediator between Yuri and I. Reminds me of the first few times when Hera was all sheep behind Yuri. It actually makes me happy to see her outgrow that.
Our group called it a day after roughly managing the whole dance. There were tons of loopholes to work on, but for a first day, I thought it was a big achievement. Each of us had different learning speed, where some caught the moves at first glance and some needed much longer. Dancing wasn't my forte either but I was able to keep up with the team so it was a good start. The ones who needed real help was none other than the loser, Yuri.
"Someone's gotta break it to her," I muttered sadly to Hera who was beside me, sipping water from my paper cup as we watched others trying to teach Yuri the moves. "She can't dance," I sighed. From the side, her teachers looked more hardworking than the student herself. It was fifteen minutes to 10 pm but neither of us had left the practice room.
"Let's not talk about her," Hera shifted her attention to me. "I think we should talk about you."
"Me?" I pointed to myself. "What about me?"
"What were you thinking just now? How could you bet your hair with Yuri? Wait till Lia hears about this, she'd be so shocked." Hera shook her head profusely.
"You stopped me because you think I would lose the bet and go bald? So you think I won't debut?" I probed back.
"Don't twist my question, you know that's not what I mean. The bet isn't even justified so why risk it? Nothing good will come out of Yuri, so just stay away."
"She's the one who started it!"
"And you don't get it? You're playing the game that she created against you."
"Who says I'm playing her game? I'll be the one to ruin her," I gritted my teeth, staring at Yuri through the mirror. She was focused on practice now so she didn't notice me glaring.
Hera exhaled heavily. "Next question, Jisoo. You answer me honestly."
Uh oh. It sounded like something very confidential. "Shall we leave now?" I rose from my seat but Hera pulled me back down.
"What Yuri said isn't a rumour, is it?" She said softly, only for us to hear.
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