Quinze - Fifteen
Rory sighed to himself, watching as all of the other football players walked away. It annoyed him that they were so caught up in their own shit. It seemed that whenever he mentioned anything other than something that seemed mainstream at the time, they almost got disgusted by it.
All he had brought up was the play that was going to be performed in a few weeks, wondering if anyone had plans to go. Everyone quickly dismissed his attempt at a conversation and switched it to some drama that happened with the cheerleaders. Rory knew a bit about it, but he wasn't good at remembering those things, because he hadn't been bothering to care.
Out of boredom by the current conversation, Rory found himself surveying the lunchroom for a particular someone. The boy was sat by his usual friends, a smile on his face as he listened to whatever Mia was saying. Just looking at him made Rory's heartbeat speed up.
Then he suddenly felt sad. His crush was something that he was never going to be able to act upon. It was just a pipe dream that would one day disappear, or at least be suppressed even further until it was a distant memory. But for the time being, Rory didn't see the harm in just looking.
As he was so deep in thought, staring at Jordan because he simply couldn't find it in himself to look away, someone walked right in front of his line of sight. That someone was a boy he knew fairly well with the name of Fay.
Those two weren't exactly friends, but Fay was impossible not to know. Especially when he was amongst the popular crowd. Since Rory was on the football team, it wasn't shocking that he had his fair share of conversations with Fay. He was also a bit jealous of him.
The boy was so uncaring about expressing himself that it annoyed Rory. He wished that he was able to show people that he wasn't the perfect straight boy that everyone wanted him to be. Fay was wearing a white blouse with cuffed jeans and daisy barrettes in his hair. Though Rory didn't really have any interest in wearing things like that, it still bothered him that Fay was able to be so open when he couldn't even admit to his own sexuality out loud for fear of what may happen.
As Rory continued to stare, Fay continued to walk out of the cafeteria. He was completely unaware of the eyes on him, in deep thought about all sorts of things. The essay due next hour that he wasn't sure was good enough, whether or not his shirt was as wrinkled as he thought it was, or how his face looked. Then there was also the more important list of things.
Like how Char was currently doing, the upcoming play, or how much Maman was overworking herself. He wanted to calm himself down and stop stressing over pointless things, but it seemed impossible. It felt like he couldn't do anything for Charlot no matter how hard he tried, and Maman was her own grown person. Then when he added worrying about a high school performance of Romeo and Juliet to the list, he felt that his problems were meaningless.
People had so many more pressing concerns, and yet that was the worst that he could think of. Fay forced himself to quit the constant worrying, and instead focused on what was ahead of him.
The hallway was pretty quiet since most people were in the lunchroom. There were motivational quotes strung up along the walls, and though they were meant to have some sort of purpose, there was no real weight behind the words. Instead of properly reenforcing motivation, the school - like many others - opted for colorful and lackluster card-stock paper taped to otherwise empty walls.
Fay turned into the bathroom, expecting to see the usual group of teens that occupied it during this hour. Typically what people labeled as the stoners would be sat in the bathroom, taking edibles to see who could get higher. It was rare to see them elsewhere, but Fay wasn't upset that they weren't there.
Ever since he had come out, boys would usually throw around accusations about how it was weird to share a bathroom with someone who could potentially be interested in them. Obviously, that was ridiculous. Fay didn't have any convictions about sleeping with most of them, but that didn't make him a fucking creep. It was the same for locker rooms. That was part of the reason that he had gotten out of gym class as quickly as he possibly could.
It was always funny to him. Everyone seemed to like him at surface value, yet they still said and did things like that. It didn't make sense, it wasn't like he was going to start creeping out on other boys as they tried to use the bathroom. That was just ridiculous and farfetched. Some people out there might have been that bizarre, but Fay was definitely not one of them, and nor was most other gay people.
As his mind ranted to itself, he did as he came there to do and then approached the sink. The school's bathroom had the sort of faucets that seemed to have no control over where the water was sprayed. Small things like that gave away the fact that it was a public school.
Wiping away the water from his hands, the red nail polish caught his eye. It was already a bit chipped from when he did the dishes the other day, but he didn't really mind it. Painting his nails was more of a way to pass the time rather than an important accessory. Besides, he just liked it because Eden had done it.
Just as that thought occurred to him, he heard a familiar sound. It took him a moment to understand what it was, but as it fell quiet, he knew exactly what it meant.
That was the sound of someone throwing up in one of the stalls.
He hadn't even noticed that someone else was in there. It had been completely silent, they must have been waiting for Fay to leave. They probably thought that Fay had left since he had gone quiet as he studied his nails. But what bothered him more was that something told him that it was Eden.
The sound was exactly the same as the time at the mall. Making sure to not make any noise, Fay turned towards the stalls to see if he could catch a glimpse of the person's shoes. He wasn't leaning over or anything like that, but he still felt that he looked weird trying to see who it was.
Combat boots with the laces undone. That was all he needed to confirm his speculation. They were facing the toilet as Fay assumed Eden crouched in front of it. Fay couldn't stop himself from trying to help.
Something was clearly wrong, and that feeling had been plaguing Fay ever since he first met Eden. He felt stupid for never even asking the three worded question that everyone seemed to ask.
Approaching the stall door, he knocked softly on it and spoke up, "Are you okay?"
That day hadn't been a nice one for Eden. It had been spent surrounded by food. Or maybe he was just hungrier than usual. Either way, all he could think about was eating all day. The idea of stuffing his face to get his stomach to stop screaming at him sounded nice. Yet, as soon as he looked at a lunch tray, he felt sick to his stomach.
How was he meant to get over this if he couldn't even look at food somedays? Just the sight of his tray triggered an onslaught of memories. The untouched food left on a chipped table, that pair of shoes left beside her empty chair. The things he found behind the door. And that was only one memory.
Then there was the other one. The ringing of his ears as he tried desperately to calm down the raging beast, the food that had been thrown at his head. Years of torment was all it took for a lifetime of fear every time that he thought about eating.
Now there he was, hovering over a toilet in the school bathrooms as he puked up nothing but stomach acid since he had nothing else in his system to purge. His whole body had begun to ache from the constant abuse he was doing to himself. Sometimes he wanted nothing more than to get help, but other times he reminded himself that he was capable of fixing things himself.
He had to just keep repeating the words inside of his head like an everlasting echo. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it...
"Are you okay?" The sound of a familiar voice and a small knock on the door alerted Eden that he wasn't as alone as he had thought he was.
Thankfully, he didn't think that he could puke anymore than he already had. There was simply nothing left in his stomach to get rid of. He was truly empty, and he was really starting to feel the effects of it.
"I'm fine." He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, quickly flushing the toilet before turning to open the stall door.
Appearing collected and fine wasn't as hard as it should have been, but he had been doing it for such a long time. She had taught him how.
Eden did his best to not face Fay, walking straight for one of the sinks and turning the water on. It got the front of his shirt a bit wet, but he hardly even noticed it.
"Are you sure?" Fay pressed.
Eden glanced up at the mirror, seeing Fay's face staring back at him. He seemed so unfazed by everything all the time. Fay always seemed to keep his cool. Though Eden could tell that Fay wasn't perfect all the time, he never showed it. While Eden was stuck with his sunken in ribs and tired eyes, Fay still had groomed hair that he even decorated with daisies.
"I'm sure, just not feeling well." Eden assured him. But the words had as little weight as the ones decorating the hallways. How could he be sure of something like that? Eden knew that he wasn't okay, he knew that he was a mess of problems after problems after problems. However, it wasn't a complete lie; he really wasn't feeling well.
"Okay." Fay said hesitantly, glancing between the doorway and Eden as though he had something else to say but he wasn't sure how to. Then finally he added, "If you need anything, I'm here."
The paper towels cleaned the water from his pale hands as he chewed on the inside of his cheek, trying to battle his own mind. Tossing the soaked paper into the garbage, Eden turned around and loosely tucked his hands into the pockets of his black jeans.
Fay was shocked by just how fine Eden looked in that moment. The way his posture hung comfortably, and the calm expression on his face. It told a completely different story then the one that Fay thought he knew.
"Come by my house tonight." Was all Eden said before walking right passed a dumbstruck Fay.
There was a long moment where all Fay could do was stare at where Eden had disappeared. That boy was so unbelievably complicated, and Fay never even made an effort to try and begin to understand him. All he knew was that there was so much than what was on the surface. It both intrigued him and scared him. Fay told himself to quit gaping and accept the fact that Eden was simply different than he was.