Chapter 48
The euphoria Kris felt after she and Genesis had made up faded over the next few weeks. They didn't fight again, though they did come close, but she hardly saw him. She had known it was a probability, but somehow, she hoped that it would have been better than it was. Not to mention that she had a nagging feeling there was something important he wasn't telling her.
On the day he had to leave, Kris made a point of going to headquarters early to see him off. It was bittersweet, as they had no privacy and very little time. She stood and watched the truck trundle away from her with a growing pit in her stomach. She didn't move to go upstairs even after they were out of sight. It was a long time before she felt safe to face another person.
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Genesis stayed in contact with Kris every day as they traveled to the far western continent of Wutai. It took them nearly two weeks to get there, and every day they got closer, Kris felt that something was weighing her down. Despite his constant assurances that everything would be fine in the end, she couldn't help but think that there was something she was missing.
She wasn't sure if it was because of the constant worry or something else, but she started having nightmares again. However, these were different. Some were easy enough to understand, like the ones where Genesis was walking away from her, and she could never catch him. Others were more abstract and far more terrifying. She saw flashes of Genesis totally devoid of color. She also saw images of him flying away without looking back. When she tried to think about them while she was awake, her fears seemed ridiculous. Still, there was a feeling that always accompanied the dreams that was more than the images could account for.
Once they made it to Wutai, it took them several more days to rendezvous with the troops already stationed there and then move to the newly appointed location. They were going to be pushing the Wutainese as much as possible.
It was two days after they had settled into the new encampment that Genesis didn't call her for the first time. Kris stayed wrapped in her blankets on the couch all night with the phone in her lap. The feeling that she had been trying to explain away would no longer be ignored.
Zack found her huddled up and sleeping the next morning with still damp tear trails. A feeling of impotent rage burned through him. He knew she was more worried than she ever had been before, and he was among the many that reassured her daily. Despite his personal feelings toward the man, the Commander was one of the best. He knew that valid circumstances could have prevented Genesis from calling, and it had only been one day. That didn't mean he had to like what it was doing to his sister. She never acted this way, and part of him worried that there was more he wasn't seeing.
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Three more days passed, and Kris was finding it hard to concentrate on either of her jobs. Mr. Alexandros was understanding and made a point of staying most of the day to help her. Kris appreciated it more than she could describe. Not only did it help things get done, but it ensured that she didn't focus on the lack of communication while he was there.
Working with the Soldiers was more difficult. They were a daily reminder of Genesis and the fact that he had not been in contact with anyone. As bad as she felt about it, that was the only thing that kept her going. It wasn't that he had decided to forsake her. She was still overcome with worry. He would never abandon his post. He took too much pride in the fact that he was one of the elite. When she found out that not even Angeal or Sephiroth had heard from him, she nearly broke down. She didn't know how much longer she could handle things before it finally happened.
It had been nearly three weeks since Genesis disappeared, and Kris had finally become numb. She went through the motions of everyday life, but she wasn't really there. She had locked part of herself away just so she could function. She couldn't think about the possibilities. The times that she did usually ended with her tears. She knew Zack hated seeing them, and the rest of her friends didn't care for them either, so she did her best to not let them know how hollow she felt. She hated that even Angeal and Sephiroth seemed to walk on eggshells around her. No matter how hard she tried to reassure them that she wouldn't break, they still were careful not to mention anything about the missing man around her.
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Zack was standing in Angeal's office, staring at the thing in his hands with revulsion and shock. He couldn't make sense of it, even after Angeal explained again. It was impossible. As much as Genesis pissed him off sometimes, Zack knew there was no way he would die and leave Kris behind. The man was too damn stubborn. And yet, he was holding what had once been the Commander's prized duster. It was ragged and ripped across the back, and there were splashes of blood across it. The rusted brown splotches stood out starkly compared to the red parts that weren't covered in grime.
He swallowed and looked up at Angeal. "I can't believe this. 'Geal, are you sure?"
Angeal sighed and rubbed his hand down his face roughly. He had to swallow before he could respond. "They didn't find his body, so there is still hope, but it doesn't look good. Given the... mess they found near that, they have decided to declare him KIA. I convinced them to wait until tomorrow for the official release. We can tell Kris first."
Zack sat down hard and felt lost. He could tell that this news was hard for Angeal as well, but it would kill Kris. She was always genial with most people, but she didn't let many close. She hadn't told him, but he knew she loved Genesis. She was already a shadow of who she used to be. He wanted to cry for the first time since he was a boy. He had no idea how to tell her in a way that wouldn't shatter her.
Angeal stepped up and put a hand on his shoulder. They stood like that for several moments before his mentor cleared his throat. "She should be done with her current classes soon. Let's go before she leaves for lunch."
Zack looked up with a touch of fear. "Should we tell her here?"
Angeal sighed. He had a feeling it wouldn't matter. Her reaction was not likely to be pretty. "If worse comes to worst, we are closer to the infirmary here. She's still a Shinra employee, even if it is part-time."
Zack stood in a rush. "The infirmary?"
Angeal wasn't sure that it would be that bad, but he was always a proponent of being best prepared. Plus, he had something to give her as well, and although he hadn't looked into the package, he had a suspicion that it would not help her mindset. He clapped Zack's shoulder again. "Just a precaution." Zack still didn't look convinced, but he clenched the tattered leather in his fists and followed Angeal out and to the classroom where Kris was teaching.
They got there before she was finished, but Angeal wanted to get it over with. He called out and got her attention before he dismissed the Soldiers and told them to pass on the word that classes would be canceled for the rest of the day. Kris gave him a sharp glance at that but didn't comment. The Soldiers all gave him curious looks as they filed out. Some of them glanced back to their instructor with pitying looks that she thankfully missed. They all knew she had been dating Commander Rhapsodos, and given Commander Hewely's grim face, they knew what was coming.
Once they were all out of the room, Angeal asked Kris to sit. Despite his insistence, she refused to. There was a feeling churning inside her that would not allow her to be still. She tried to contain it to tapping her fingers against her leg as she looked between Zack and Angeal. It was made worse by the fact that her brother was there and looked like he had already been run over by a bulldozer.
Neither of them looked like they knew how to start. Kris almost demanded that they just get on with it, but as soon as she opened her mouth to speak, Zack grabbed her in a tight hug. He held her so that she couldn't see what it was that he was holding as he whispered. "I'm so sorry, Kris."
She didn't need him to explain. The air left her lungs, and her eyes burned, but nothing was moving. She couldn't move or think. Time seemed to stand still in that horrible moment as the realization of all her nightmares crashed down on her.
The moment finally snapped, and she pushed away from him hard enough to break his grasp. "NO!" Her breath was heaving, and her tears had finally started. "No." Her second denial was no less heartfelt than the first, but she had caught sight of the red in Zack's hands. She stepped forward and took it from him. She let the length of it fall, so she was able to see the mangled mess. She could picture the duster so clearly in better days; on Genesis, on her closet door, across her floor.
When she finally looked up, she felt even worse. Zack looked lost, and for the first time, she had no idea how to lead him. She couldn't lead herself out of this waking nightmare, how could she help her brother. Her thoughts were fragmented, and she didn't even realize how much her pain was the cause of his look.
She was engulfed in another hug that she didn't push away. She didn't have the strength to. Zack held her like that for several minutes before he finally pulled away, and Angeal stepped forward. He looked more uncomfortable than she had ever seen him. It took her several moments to realize he was holding something out to her. He didn't speak until she finally accepted it. "Genesis gave me this for safekeeping. He told me it was something he wanted to give to you when... when he returned."
Kris nodded numbly. "But since he won't be, you are instead."
Angeal cringed at her blunt statement but nodded anyway. She stared down at the tiny box and wondered why it was blurry. When she realized it was because tears were still streaming down her face, she wiped them and tried to open the box. Her efforts didn't help her see better as they were instantly replaced, and her hands were shaking. Finally, Zack gently took it from her and opened it before he handed it back.
It took her a few moments to comprehend that it was more than a slip of paper. The paper was sitting on top of a ring that had a chain running through it. She pulled out the paper and the chain and let the box drop. She was almost mesmerized as she watched the ring spin in front of her eyes as she held it up.
Under different circumstances, she might have only admired its beauty. It was a thin band of white gold with a single diamond that was circled by a ring of tiny garnets. What it symbolized was the thing that had her frozen. It was an engagement band. She finally dropped her hand and wiped her eyes again so she could read the note that was with it.
Love, under different circumstances, I would have given this to you myself with all the adoration you deserve, but life is never as easy as we would like it to be. The fact that I cannot be there with you, to build a future with you, that fact will forever haunt me but do not allow it to ruin you. Your fierceness in the face of all adversity is an inspiration to many. Do not let this dim your flames.
I would ask that you wear this near your heart as a reminder of better times and know that mine will forever be with you. As much as it pains me to say, I hope that you will someday find a love that can stand with you and be worthy of you. When that day comes, do not forget me, but do not allow my memory to hold you back.
Until our next lifetime, remember that you are genuinely beloved by the Goddess and by me. May we be so lucky as to meet again.
Forever yours, Genesis
After she read through it twice, Kris stared at it, not seeing the words for several minutes. Both Zack and Angeal watched her anxiously as she stared out at nothing until the slip of paper slipped through her nerveless fingers and fluttered to the ground aimlessly. She still continued to stare at nothing.
The silence dragged on for so long that Zack started fidgeting. Kris had stopped crying, but her vacant stare worried him more than her tears had. When he took a step to close the gap between them, her head shot up, and he froze. She turned and glared at Angeal.
"He knew."
Angeal flinched under her accusation, as he had suspected the same thing but hadn't wanted to voice it. Zack missed the look and tried to comfort Kris. "Of course, he couldn't have known. There is no way he would expect to be killed."
Kris ignored him and continued to stare at Angeal. "His letter. He knew he wasn't coming back. He kn-"
Her voice had gained in strength, but she cut off mid-sentence and clutched her head. Both Zack and Angeal rushed forward as she dropped to her knees. Zack tried to help her back to her feet, but she looked up with wide eyes. He could tell that she wasn't seeing him as she started screaming. He tried to hug her close, but she instantly started fighting him. It felt like he had grabbed onto a thunderstorm, but he didn't want to let her go. He was scared she might hurt herself.
He looked over at Angeal, and his mentor looked just as lost as he felt. He could finally understand words in Kris' screams, and he looked down in fear. She was screaming for him to let her go, to stop hurting her. He nearly dropped her, but Angeal was by his side and helped him pin her arms. His look was more than concerned when he caught Zack's eye.
Angeal was debating on knocking her out just so she wouldn't hurt herself, but before he could follow through on that thought, Kris let out a piercing scream and went slack in their arms. Zack lifted her limp body and gave Angeal a worried look. Somehow, he doubted all of that was just because of the news about Genesis. Maybe it had been a good idea that they were close to the infirmary. Neither man spoke their worries aloud as they carried her up to be looked at.