To the people who might antsy after reading this chapter, I can't just wipe the plot in a jiffy. The chapter may have contradictory actions of both sidnaaz. so read at your own risk. Constructive suggestions and healthy criticism is always welcome. I aim to improve .
HAPPY READING ❤️
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His steps were agonizingly slow as he made his way towards me. My heartbeat dropped , at the same time blood rush was coursing through my entire body. My eyes were shut tightly, dreading the moment I had wanted so much for the last seven and a half months but now that it's finally happening , all I felt was horror and guilt because as much as I might try to be in denial, I know I wanted this. I wished this sin to be true when I hated it simultaneously.
Is this what people call conflicted emotions?
He must have plopped himself on the bed , as I felt it dip and my surroundings felt hotter. His warm breath fanning over my face . I don't know how long I sit there in the unbearable silence and anticipation of what was going to happen. After what seems like forever, his big palms held my sides of my face to calm me and I realised I was hyperventilating. From fear . From guilt. I couldn't do that to Rohanpreet. I wouldn't do that him.
"Hey , hey.. baby. Calm down" Sidharth pulled me into himself, my head dug deep in his chest. His touch caressing my back as I moped for I don't know what reason. Or maybe I did.
"Why are you doing this to me '' my voice is almost a whisper , getting shushed in his embrace. But the emotions surging through me needed an answer.
He doesn't say anything though , and continued with the never-ending job of relaxing me from my weeping sessions. I sigh admist my sobs, these needed to stop seriously.
My nerves calmed down under his soft touch and my jittering body relaxed. "Please go, leave me alone'' I choked , my mouth felt thick and the insides of my nose almost burned. I needed sometime to myself. It was all too much to take. To much to accept that I wanted another man's touch when I already have a boyfriend. He stilled, stopped patting my back, he didn't rock me to and fro further. And then his lips touched the top of my head. Pressing a soft kiss , he left. I looked at him, searching his face for answers but all I found was a blank , unreadable emotions. His eyes did not meet mine, as if almost lost in deep thoughts. I hugged the knees to my chest, arms wrapping around the shin. I kept my head on my forearms that kept my legs intact by holding them to my chest.
Silence, I feel it. And I can't fathom what he is feeling. He retreats slowly but then.
"Oh ..and baby. I'll have my way. I'll kiss you when I want to , just not now'' Sidharth winks and marches out of the room.
What? One moment he is comforting and in the next infuriating. But I am grateful for the time at my hand any how. I needed to clear my thoughts.
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Rohanpreet called late in the night . I was surprised but picked the call up nontheless.
"Hi shehnaaz. Tussi thik ho na abhi?'' he is such a sweetheart. Always so concerned
"Han''
" Great, to Kal I'll pick you up then take you somewhere''
"Where?'' I asked surprised. I didn't know we'd be going on dates but then isn't outing implied when you date someone?
"just .. somewhere'' I could picture his lips curving upwards. And I find myself smiling too.
"Good night shehnaaz''
" Good night Rohan'' I hang up smiling. And then that is where I form the decision. Such a sweet and cute guy like Rohanpreet doesn't deserve to be treated half- heartedly. I will give my everything in this relationship and for that I'll just have to do two things.
1. Stay away from Sidharth
2. Remember the first.
With these thoughts in my mind , I go to bed. Still at unease. Sidharth's actions confuse me. And hurt me all the more. A kiss? Is it all that he wants me for? Am I some kind of a bet to him when he considers me nothing more than a friend. I may be younger than him but I am almost 30 too (minus 3 years) . Isn't that when you reach maturity? Of course I am still carefree and do stupid things but that doesn't define my love for him as a childish infatuation.
Wait.. why am I thinking about him ? Urghh.
Rohan ...Rohanpreet . Should be my focus. !
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My boyfriend is about to come to take me 'somewhere' and I feel blush crawling up my cheeks. I decide to wear a sleeveless yellow knee-length sundress with a beaded neckline. I don't know why but I prefer myself in light touch-up now. So that is what I do with my hair in soft curls at the bottom. I wear flats because of my injured foor which is better now. My face heats up as I see Rohanpreet staring at me when he comes to pick me up. Compliments that earlier used to please , now flatter me.
"Woah.. you look amazing'' he says handing me a bouquet of white lillies. Okay! That's sweet.
"Thank you. You look good too'' and he did. In a simple jeans and sweatshirt. I think he looked cute.
Rohanpreet doesn't say anything , neither do I during the car drive. He sings certain Punjabi numbers , swaying to the summer beat. I do steal glances at him from the corner of my eyes amused at him.
He halts the car in front of a building and takes my hand once I get off the vehicle. We enter into a spacious and pretty flat. I am guessing it is his home. It's beautiful. It is. Not as alluring and strategically organized by a 'particular' interior designer degree holder I knew but yes it was nice. 'Boys' it screamed . It was so evident. He had indeed cleaned it but the pizza boxes and cans forcefully stuffed here and there made me laugh. He gives me a sheepish grin and that makes me laugh harder . Rohan and I sit on the couch still giggling like five year olds and then suddenly he's over me. His expression solemn as he intently gazes at me. I don't know but I feel he is sad for some unknown reason but I brush those thoughts away as his lips meet mine. I am dazed but lean into his touch nonetheless. Rohanpreet's eyes were closed and so were mine , with my arms encircling his neck while his wrapped around my waist.
The kiss broke in the middle when my phone abruptly rang , giving way to the awkward tension between us. I arranged my hair, composed myself and glance to check who was calling. The caller ID showed ... Sidharth.
Does this man has no other job than calling me these days ?
"What?" I bark, clearly irritated.
"Woah..Fiesty much ? I like fiesty. Anyways. Picked up on the third call .. missed me baby?''
I am sure he has his signature smirk plastered all over his face . Such an arrogant jerk. Where is my funny , sweet and understanding Sidharth. What happened to my kullu?
"Get lost please '' and I cut the call and put the phone on silent to not to be disturbed with my boyfriend.
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The evening was pleasant , with Rohanpreet I realised I did not cry. I didn't know if I was content or not but alreast I wasn't downright sobbing which happened all the time with Sidharth these days. Rohan made me happy in a way I haven't felt in quite a lot of time. Maybe I can be happy with him if I'll let myself loose. Which is why I agreed when he asked me to go out somewhere. Again.
"Do you want to change ? Hum twadde ghr jaa k waha chal lenge!'' he asked.
I looked at myself. Sure , the attire was simple and I wanted to feel comfortable and not pain myself with heels and heavy outfit. Also, there's the gash on my right foot.
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Rohan led me to the entrance of a club in some unknown part of the city. The music blared and with the shouts and hoots that were audible from outside , it was evident that a party is going on. Okay! Sounds like fun.
His mobile phone beeped and he ignored it again. Geez, his cell had been ringing the entire ride . I had asked him if everything is okay. Rohan had just smiled and nodded, keeping his hands on my knees. My insides warmed at his touch and I felt myself smiling too .
As soon as I entered , my mood instantly upgraded. Not that I was sad. Rohan had that effect on people . He spread happiness like confetti. I walked towards the counter making small talk here and there. People were so into themselves they barely recognised each other. Which I was glad for.
"Hey, why are you standing alone here ?" A guy asked me , he was tall probably in late twenties. He had dark hair and thin uneven lips . His lips reminded me of someone else's. No . Not Rohan's .
Urgh. That damn man did not leave me , even with my thoughts. He was just always here.
"May be because I am not in the mood to entertain anyone '' I replied to the man sipping my drink. I scrunched my nose, this liquid was strong and bitter but then I was tired and I wanted to let myself lose for once. I hope Rohan comes back soon . Where is he anyways ?
"I'm Utkarsh , by the way nice to meet.. would you like to go for a coffee?'' woah he's fast. Too bad he is trying on the wrong girl. This one already had a boyfriend and ... And a man she loves. I had to admit it , reluctantly though .
"Um.No no. I have a boyfriend . I am sh--'' I was just about to reply him when I feel the familiar intoxicating smell I could never get out of my system.
"So , this is why you haven't been picking up my calls!"
I turn around to meet the set of 'particular' deep brown eyes that I wasn't expecting. At all.
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Eid Mubarik! 🥰💕
(I can't believe this is the first Eid that doesn't have a lot of buzz in my home. It's saddening)
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