Micah Bell X Female Reader
Summary: Micah Bell being touch starved? He would never admit it, he would probably never even realise it. Then he starts to develop feelings for you? No way! It couldn't be!
Word Count: 2800
It all started not long after you joined the gang, Micah finding himself seeking you out, even if he wasn't conscious of it. You had just been woman in need of somewhere safe to stay, kindhearted but capable with a gun, it's what made Dutch offer you a place in the gang.
Micah had mostly ignored you, still sizing you up, then he would start to bother you as much as he bothered the others. All until one unfortunate run in with him. You had walked into him, neither of you paying attention, and that was the first real interaction you had with him. You had laughed it off, placing your hands on his arms as you smiled up at him, apologising for not looking where you were going.
He had just mumbled for you to pay more attention before you walked away but he could swear that he could still feel your hands on his arms. You had held him so gently, something that he was so unused too. Of course, he shook it off and carried on with his day, ignoring the feeling.
However, that was the start of the strange behaviour you were starting to notice. The way that Micah always seemed to be around you. When you first joined the gang, you never talked to him and only ever saw him from a distance, you never really took much noticed of him. Not until he always seemed to be around.
When you were discussing a plan with Dutch, Micah would be standing beside you, his arm occasionally brushing against yours. When you were sitting at the campfire, he would sit beside you, his knee sometimes touching yours for just a second. He never mentioned it so neither did you.
You found that you didn't mind it when he was close, for whatever reason it was. You also didn't miss the way he sent you glances when he was already sitting at the campfire and you didn't sit beside him. Since you started noticing the longing glances, you started taking the initiative when it came to sitting beside Micah, standing beside him, or just finding reasons to be close to each other. You still didn't understand, but you did it for him.
- - - - -
You were sitting at the campfire by yourself, considering it was pretty late at night and most people were asleep. You had just been clearing your mind before heading to your tent but those plans were wiped from your mind when Micah sat down beside you, a little too close to be accidental.
At first Micah hadn't even been conscious of the way he sought closeness from you but by this point he had noticed his own behaviour. And, apparently, you didn't seem to mind and surely you had noticed it as well. As long as you never spoke about it, he would continue to do what he was doing. If a brush of the arms was all he could get, he'd take it. He still didn't understand why he desired being close to you, why he just wanted you to touch his arm again, but he did, more than anything. How could such a simple gesture have such an effect on him?
His unexplained behaviour, as welcome as it may be, was tiring. You knew that it would never go beyond proximity seeking, unless you did something about it.
In a small moment of courage, you subtly reached out and cautiously took his hand in yours, waiting for a negative reaction. Micah's hand instinctively flinched away before he realised that you weren't trying to harm him in some way.
"What are you doin'?" Micah asked, looking at you with a furrowed brow, sounding almost offended by your action.
"Just relax for five minutes" you murmured as you laced your fingers through his, holding his hand in your lap.
Micah fell silent as you rested your head against his shoulder. For a little while, the two of you just sat like that together, watching the fire. You couldn't help but let your thoughts wander to Micah's behaviour, how he flinched at your touch, could he really be so unused to such simple affection?
"Micah?" you asked after a while of surprisingly comfortable silence.
"What?" his voice was tense and low. He was defensive but you could work with that.
"When was the last time somebody gave you a hug?" you asked, ready for him to actually be offended by your question.
"I..." Micah started but he didn't even know what to say, he certainly hadn't expected you to ask that. However, now that he thought about it, he honestly couldn't remember the last time he had hugged somebody or received a hug or if he even ever had. Maybe his brother once when they were young? "I ain't exactly a hugger" he scoffed, who would want to hug him anyway and why would he want to hug somebody?
"Well, I think I'm going to turn in for the night" you nodded slowly, thinking about your next move. You pulled away from him and released his hand as you stood up.
Micah instantly missed your touch, your closeness, and he internally cursed himself for it. He didn't know why he stood up as well but he did.
"Goodnight, Micah" you smiled as you stepped towards him. You closed your eyes as you wrapped your arms around his waist and hugged him, you weren't sure whether he was going to allow it or just push you away.
Micah froze, arms hanging uselessly at his sides. What was happening? Coming to his senses, he slowly wrapped his arms around you and, without even noticing it, buried his face in your hair. You couldn't help but smile some more as he returned your embrace. Maybe you were making progress.
"Goodnight" you spoke softly as you pulled away from him. You gave him one last smile before turning and walking away, leaving him at the campfire.
Micah watched as you walked away until you disappeared into your tent. What on earth were you doing to him? He just grumbled to himself, trying to shake you out of his mind yet again, and went to get himself a drink.
- - - - -
It was another late evening in the camp and you were just going about your business, just planing on having a drink before turning in for the night. But then you noticed Micah sitting on the outskirts of the camp, by the edge of the cliff. Most of your longer interactions happened later on in the evening, when less people were around to witness it, so that he wouldn't pretend to be completely disinterested in you.
You considered your options before grabbing another bottle of beer from the crate and walking over to the strange man, who's company you had been enjoying more than you may care to admit.
"Mr Bell?" you alerted him to your presence, making him look up at you.
"Micah is just fine, y'know that" Micah told you before taking another drag of his cigarette.
"'course, Micah" you smiled. "Do you mind if I join you?" you asked and he just shrugged.
That was good enough for you so you sat down beside him and held out one of the bottles of beer towards him. Micah stubbed out his cigarette on the ground and flicked it away before taking the bottle from you.
A moment of silence passed, Micah subconsciously leaning into the warmth emitting from your body, the movement barely noticeable. In fact, you didn't notice it, neither of you did.
"Micah...can I ask you a question?" you finally spoke.
"Depends on the question" Micah hummed, drinking from his beer.
"Why...uh, why have you been trying to get close to me recently?" you asked and he instantly tensed. "Don't get me wrong, I don't mind, I rather enjoy your company...I'm just curious" you assured him, trying to bring his defences back down.
"I dunno what you're talking about" Micah mumbled.
"I think you do...but I don't think you know why" you confessed, knowing you were pushing your luck.
"Oh and I'd love to hear your thoughts on it" Micah said sarcastically.
"I know you're being sarcastic...but I do have some thoughts, if you'd genuinely like to hear them. Otherwise, I won't bore you with them" you told him, waiting for his encouragement.
"Go on then" Micah sighed and took a swig of his beer.
"It's nothing groundbreaking, I think you just want, need, some physical affection...or affection of any sort" you didn't risk looking at him, not sure what his reaction would be.
"I get plenty of physical affection, thanks for your concern" Micah scoffed.
"I mean real, honest affection, not a night with a working girl in the saloon" you rolled your eyes but kept your voice soft. "Y'know, just something...soft, real, I dunno" you shrugged when he didn't speak.
"You think I'm soft of something?" Micah asked, distancing himself from you again.
"No, of course not" you shook your head. "I just mean...it's something that everyone needs, even if they don't know it. I just don't think that you're the monster that you want people to believe you are, you're human, and you have normal human needs. I...well, I guess I think that you've been deprived of genuine affection and that something within you craves it, even if you don't know it or won't admit it" you explained yourself.
"Yeah well, I don't need nothin'" Micah scoffed but he didn't leave, that had to be a good thing right?
"Okay, I'm not going to argue with you. Those are just my thoughts, I could be completely wrong" you shrugged, letting him forget the comments even if that wasn't what you wanted.
"Yeah, you could be" Micah mumbled, taking another drink.
A cool breeze blew past the pair of you, making you shiver and shift closer to Micah, he didn't seem to mind. Taking another step, you rested your head against his shoulder and felt him tense slightly.
"I'm cold" you whispered. You were a little cold but it was mostly an excuse to be close to him, to give him an excuse to accept the proximity without freaking out.
"Well...we can't have that" Micah smirked slightly to himself as he wrapped his arm around you, and you relaxed in his hold.
It was weird, thinking that Micah could simply want this, somebody to be close to and to show him gentle affection but you had no other explanation for his strange behaviour. You had spent so long trying to understand and this was the most reasonable thing you could think of. There was also the question of why he sought out you. Was it because you had been new to the gang and didn't know him, so you wouldn't instantly reject him? Or was it something else...could Micah Bell actually have some sort of feelings for you?
You sipped from your beer before placing the bottle down on the ground beside you. Shifting a little closer to him, your craned your neck slightly and nuzzled your face into the crook of his neck. You pressed the lightest of kisses to his neck, so light that he wasn't even completely sure he felt it but his hold on you still instinctively tightened, even if only slightly.
Okay, so, you weren't exactly sure when you started having feelings for Micah Bell but it had happened and you had accepted. His proximity seeking behaviour had made you think that maybe he wasn't as bad as the others thought he was, maybe there was something else hidden under his cruel outer shell.
You gently wrapped your fingers around his hand that sat in his lap. Just like last time, he flinched at your touch but slowly relaxed into it.
Lacing your fingers through his you brought his hand into your lap, using your other hand to trace little circles on the back of his hand. You noticed how he shivered but neither of you commented on it.
You felt like you were walking a thin line, one tiny mistake could lead to Micah pushing you away and snapping at you. But the possibility of what else could come from this, it gave you the courage to keep gradually moving forward.
As you pulled away from his neck and lifted our head from his shoulder you noticed how his grip tightened on your hand, making you smile. You gave his hand a small squeeze, silently reassuring him that you weren't leaving, something that you didn't think you would ever have to do.
Micah still wasn't looking at you, just staring off into the distance and occasionally drinking from his beer. You, not so subtly, watched him, chewing slightly on your bottom lip, thinking about your next move. He would never make a move, he probably thought it would show to much vulnerability, so you took the initiative, something a little dangerous to do when it came to Micah Bell.
With your free hand, you reached out and gently took the beer bottle from his hand.
"What the hell are you doin'?" Micah asked as he watched you take the bottle away from him, but he didn't stop you.
"Just shush" you placed the bottle down on the ground beside yours. Micah raised an eyebrow at you, wishing he could ignore everything that your touch did to him, wishing that he could just treat you like everyone else.
Acting before you could talk yourself out of it, you reached up and brushed your fingertips along his jaw, then over his cheek. Micah still just watched you, not knowing what you were doing or how to react but it took all of the strength that he had to not lean into your touch.
You slowly lent forward and let your lips brush against his, cupping his jaw in your hand as you stroked your thumb against his cheek.
Micah didn't even notice it but he forget himself for a moment and lent into your touch, that was when you closed the space between you and kissed him properly. He responded to your kiss for a second before pulling away, ripping his hand away from yours.
You internally panicked, this was exactly what you were worried about. Think! What do you do?
"Micah" you spoke softly, lifting yourself up onto your knees and placing your hands on his shoulders. "Please listen to me" you pleaded, voice still soft. His jaw clenched but he nodded. "It's...it's alright, nobody is watching. Nobody can see and I ain't gonna tell anyone that you aren't a monster. Tell me to stop and I will" you promised him as you moved yourself to straddle his lap.
Micah didn't speak so you took that as a go head.
You cupped his face in your hands and lent in, kissing him again. This time he kissed you back instantly and let his hands rest on your hips.
Micah wasn't sure what to think, nobody had ever kissed him like that. So soft and sincere. All his kisses in the past had been rough and aggressive, all clashing teeth and biting lips, most of them filled with near disinterest. But not you. This was slow, careful, and deliberate, like you were savouring it. Kissing, something Micah had done plenty of times in the past but something that never really interested him, it was just a means to an end in his experiences, but this one was different. That's all he could describe it as. Different, something he couldn't remembering ever experiencing.
He focused on every little touch you gave him. Your soft lips against his, your fingertips caressing his cheek and jaw, affectionately brushing your fingers through his hair. God, when was the last time somebody touched him like that? Never. Not that he could remember anyway. He couldn't even remember wanting it but maybe he really did.
You pulled away from the kiss and rested your forehead against his. He tried to hide it but he was breathing heavily now, honestly ashamed of the effect you had on him.
"Micah...how long has it been since somebody was gentle with you? Since somebody showed you affection?" you asked quietly.
You felt him pulling away from you so you kissed him again, it lingering for a moment but you pulled away, bring him back to you. You had no idea how much control you had over him in that moment. It terrified him.
"...never" Micah told you, his voice barely above a whisper.
"Nobody deserves that" you frowned slightly, running your fingers though his hair. "It's okay to want it, y'know? We all need it from time to time" you assured him.
"Not me. I can't...I don't" Micah shook his head.
"You do...you can" you corrected him. "Why can't you?" you asked, even though you knew he was wrong.
"It ain't for me, doll" Micah scoffed, pulling away slightly.
"It could be, if you let it" you told him, gently guiding him back to you, he didn't fight it. "If you let me show you" you whispered against his lips.
Micah seemed to think over your offer before nodding, making you smile before meeting him in another kiss.
You could get used to this, as could Micah, he just wouldn't say it out loud. Though, with the embarrassing effect you were having on him, you might have been able to pull it from him. Maybe another day. For now, this was a good start.
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