Marlene Styles:
I sit beside my best friend in the car on my way to London, I haven´t seen my mother, sister and brother in a while and sense I know that the little fucker (Harry) has gotten a famous boyfriend, so now I have to take the talk with the dude. I hate this but it has to happen and we all know it.
“Are you sure this is a good idea? I heard that he is a bad ass that wouldn´t listen to anyone.” I look over at my friend Lilly who is driving, I don´t know why she is worried I have heard so many good things about Louis from Louis so I don´t really believe in what the media says about him, he makes my brother really happy.
“I am not worried, he loves my brother and I know Harry wouldn´t let him hurt me because I would cut his balls off and make him eat them.” Yes I just said that like it´s the most normal thing in the world because really it is, and I don´t give a flying fucking fuck.
“Maybe he is bad for your brother, what if he makes your brother get in to drugs or something.” I know Lilly only mean well because Harry is like a little brother to her, but I also know that Louis isn´t doing drugs… anymore. He did before but he stopped years ago after he was put on rehab. I know I trust Louis because a person wouldn´t tell you something like this if they didn´t tell you the truth. I trust Louis with Harry because I remember when Harry called me in the middle of the night telling me how he felt like his world was perfect just because of Louis.
“How are things with Gemma?” I look at Lilly and give her a sad smile, I know that Gemma isn´t good she is unhappy and it´s all his fault, and I also know she is doing stuff she shouldn´t. But I know she is getting a little bit better.
“She is slowly getting better.” I say and look down at my hands. I feel bad for not being there for my family, but I can´t just drop my school and get home, because I am finally in a place where I belong, where everyone is as smart as me. I am going to a school for 15-25 year olds who is smarter than normal people. I´m a little genius, it´s sad that I only have a year left until I graduate.
Gemma Styles:
“Marlene is coming home over the weekend!” I hear how happy my mother is, she is so proud over how far in life Marlene has come, she is like the perfect daughter. I just wish I was a little bit more like Marlene so I wouldn´t be the sad face of the family. It sucks.
“That is great. I think I am going to go out for a while.” I say and take my jacket to get out, I can´t take it being home when everything is about getting everything ready for Marlene. She is a smart kid and everyone wants to be her, she is the family’s proudest person, I am the disappointment.
I walk in to my favourite café because I know that I will need a hot coffee with taste of caramel. I walk over to the front disk and order one of the coffees and a cupcake. I pay and sit down where I always sit.
I take up the little black book that I always have in my bag… My diary. This is the only place I can write without anyone looking.
I pretend I´m fine, and sometimes I even fool myself with how good I pretend. I almost feel fine sometimes. I just wish it could be for real. Why did he ruin me so? I am not okay and I want to be. It´s like I´m empty and I don´t know what to do about it.
It´s like a black hole is swallowing me, I sometimes wish it would, so I didn´t have to suffer. But I don’t want to leave, I don´t want him to know that he won because I won’t let him win. I want to be the stronger one here… but it´s just hard.
It´s hard to pretend that you are okay… but it´s harder to tell someone that you´re not, so you just keep pretending like everything is like it always has been. I try so hard to make everything go back to like it was before, but it´s getting harder. I just wish I would drop everything and go back in time, go back in time till I was okay, go back to before it happen so I could change everything.
“Stay Strong” That´s what they say, but how do you stay strong when you are too weak to even stay normal. I try to stay strong but it´s harder than people think. Harry knows everything but he don´t realize that he can´t save everyone, he tries but he can´t be a hero all the time.
I need to keep going for Harry, because I know he trust me on this, I know he looks up to me. I can´t lose the only person who still hasn´t given up on me. Harry is the only one who understand that I´m trying.
I tried to stop with the drugs… it´s going pretty good I haven´t done it in a few weeks which is good because I feel better now, I´m not feeling that feeling of need… well I do… but it´s different, it´s not the need of drugs it´s the need of closeness from someone that loves me.
-Gemma
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I would have updated earlier but my Internet has been a mess and wouldn´t work but now here you go!!