The only source of light in the room was dancing around in the air as soft crackling sounds were heard. The fragrance of sweet jasmine had filled the room and it's heavenly scent would make anyone who entered the room inhale. I would appreciate the scent too, if I hadn't been in the state that I was in at the moment.
My fingers flicked through the candle flame, playing with the fire. I was having thoughts about the damage it could bring us. It was only the truth that it could go from being a small flame to setting my whole room on fire. It could cause my whole house to burn down. Just a small flame..
It was almost similar to my life changing because of one sole person...
"Enough, I will open the curtains and turn on the lights." I heard Dania say in the background as she stepped around in the room. I could sense her move towards the window while my attention didn't move from the candle placed on my dressing table.
Not long passed before the bright sunlight almost blinded me through the window and the daylight was welcomed into the room.
I stared at the window in front of me and tried to adjust my eyes to the light. The annoying light gave me a second to think about readjusting my dressing table. I remembered how I had excitedly put the table in front of the window a few years ago. I had thought it would be the perfect spot for it. I didn't know at that time that I would be annoyed with it a few years later. Annoyed at the light falling upon me...
A soft groan left my lips and I pushed back the candle on the table and leaned down on my arms, hiding my face from the light.
"You seriously can't be that depressed over such small matter!" Dania exclaimed, her words made me lift my head and turn to look at her.
"Small matter? She told me we would pack our bags and leave if she ever saw me talking or seeing him again." I said, the panic clear in my voice.
"She's your mother, she cares about you. She was angry at the moment because of what she saw. She will get over it." Dania replied, her words making me readjust in my seat on the stool.
"He won't leave me alone. Once she realize that, she will take me away from here." I let out, stopping myself from cursing at my fate. "It's not even the right time for all this to happen. It's been two days and I haven't seen him once. I don't know anything about his condition."
I hated the helpless feeling, but it was the second strongest emotion I was feeling at the moment. The first one being guilt. I was feeling guilty because it had all happened because of me. Not enough with marrying me to save me from that man, he also got shot because of me.
"Why do you care?" Dania asked, as if trying to get a reaction out of me. "You're giving out very mixed signals. One second you claim you don't ever want to see him again and next - you miss him and care about him."
"I don't miss him." I corrected. "It's just that he got shot because of me. I'm the one at fault."
"Yeah, it's your fault he forced you into a marriage." She nodded ironically. "And it's your fault he made you the daughter-in-law of that Mafia family."
Her words made me raise my eyebrows at her. "Mafia family? Stop this nonsense." I said, shaking my head in disbelief.
Dania let out an audible sigh and made her way towards me before she kneeled down in front of me. She took my hands in hers and squeezed them in comfort.
"Your mom's anger isn't what you should be worried about. That Mikael guy shot Walid, he tried to take his life. No one knows about it at the moment but when they do find out? What will happen then? Do you think the Aydin family will let it go? There will be war, blood will spill. You should be worried about yourself."
"What does that have anything to do with me? Most people don't even know about our marriage." I stated, getting up from the stool and walking around the table. I stopped by the window and stared out at the three houses. One of the houses was little grandma's. I could see her sitting in her garden by her roses.
I couldn't see Walid's house since my room was by the back. It annoyed me because I had waited for his curtains to open for two long days. I just wanted to see a glimpse of him. To make sure he was alright.
"Still, I'm scared you will end up in the middle of everything." Dania sighed. "I overheard that guy with the navy suit, talking to the blonde guy."
"You mean Pasha and Isak? What were they talking about?" I asked, turning around to face her.
"About the things I told you, they are planning a lot of things against Mikael. I can't even talk about it..." She said, her voice breaking at the end. I watched her carefully and felt my heart sink. If Dania was scared, the situation was serious and dangerous for sure. "They were also very mad. Apparently Walid had worn that bulletproof vest because he was going with them later that day to some kind of training, I didn't really understand what kind of training but they said God saved him that day, like always."
My heart did a faint jump as the thought about what would happen if he hadn't planned on going to that training, took over my mind. I composed myself and tried to stay positive as I walked up to her. I wrapped my arms around her and hugged her tightly. "Don't worry about it, please." I said, not wanting to lie by saying that everything was going to be okay.
"I'm worried about you." She said, pulling back.
"Don't be, I will be alright." I forced a smile and gave her a reassuring nod.
She watched me for a moment before nodding in defeat. "If you say so."
"I know so. As long as I have the friends that I have, I can get through anything." I chirped, making her cringe.
"Yeah, yeah whatever." She let out and both of us laughed at her lack of emotions. That was Dania for you. She cared the most but showed very little emotions. Even to her closest ones.
Maybe like Walid.....
"Jasmin!" I flinched when the door to my room suddenly swung open. I watched Raina as she stood by the doorway and let out heavy breaths, like she had ran up the stairs to my room.
Both Dania and Raina had arrived together at my house almost an hour ago. I had heard them mention how they were craving my handmade dessert. I had then decided to bake it for them. However, I had noticed I was out of some ingredients which then Raina offered to go to the shop nearby and get.
She was finally back and I could see from her expression that there was something she needed to share with me. "What's wrong?" I asked, walking closer to her.
"The curtains!" She said while panting heavily, making me furrow my eyebrows in confusion. "Curtains opened." She added, pointing behind her.
It didn't take long before I understood what she meant and a wide smile spread across my face. My feet automatically moved and I exited the room through the door.
I felt my heart beat faster as panic took over me. I didn't understand how it was possible to feel nervous, excited, scared, angry and happy all at the same time. It felt like I would burst with emotions.
I managed to find my way to the stairs leading to the terrace and I hastily stepped upstairs. I pushed open the doors and stepped barefoot into the terrace. The burning hot sun had heated up the floor, making my feet almost burn as I ran towards the white stone railing.
Letting out a heavy breath, I leaned forward and tried to look into the living room of the house across. A frown appeared across my face when I noticed I wouldn't be able to see anything from the terrace since I was so far up and he was only at the ground floor.
I swung around and ran back to the door. I pushed it open and stepped downstairs. As I hastily stepped down to the second floor, I almost bumped into Dania. "Easy, you will fall." I heard her say but I ignored everything and ran towards my little brother's room.
I opened his door and rushed towards the already open window. I stared at the house across but the curtains had already closed. A heavy breath left my lips and I turned around in disappointment. My eyes landed on the two kids who were seated on the floor, their eyes focused on me.
"Are you ghost hunting?" Sammy asked, his words making his friend, who was seated in front of him, giggle. My eyes moved to the ludo board in front of them and then back at Sammy.
"Be quiet and focus on your game." I scolded and stomped out of the room.
Crossing my arms, I stepped downstairs and found Dania and Raina by the hallway. "Let's make that cake now shall we." I said, trying to put on a smile.
Both my friends shared a knowing look with each other, but decided against commenting anything. I gave them a thankful nod before we made our way to the kitchen.
~
Later that evening, I made my way upstairs. I stepped up the last step on the staircase leading to the second floor and stopped. I looked at my left, the small hallway leading to my room. I was used to just take the left and continue until I reached the doorway to my room.
However, this time, my steps moved to the right. I entered the small hallway and felt a sudden shiver run through my body as I stopped by the only door in the small hallway.
My eyes started burning as my mind reminded me about a precious memory.
~Flashback~
"Ansara! Ansara!" I called out, making my way to the small hallway. I walked up to the already open door and stopped at the entrance.
My eyes landed on the bed. My older sister was laying on her back, with a book in front of her, her face hiding behind the book.
"Before you start ranting, I want you to take a deep breath." I heard her say, her book still up in front of her, covering her face from me.
"Deep breath? How can I take a deep breath when my life is a mess?" I let out, stepping inside and walking up to her bed.
"You're thirteen." She pointed out.
"So what? Can't my life be a mess just because I am thirteen?" I asked, crossing my arms as a huff escaped my lips.
I waited patiently until she finally sighed and sat up. Her long beautiful hair followed and fell on her back. She lowered the book and I could finally see her face. My sister was the most beautiful eighteen year old I had ever met. Not just because she was my sister, but because she was beautiful and it was a fact.
Her perfectly sized blue/green eyes surrounded with long lashes stared lazily at me. "Okay, I understand. Tell me then, why is your life a mess." She finally spoke. I noticed the side of her full pink lips twitch when she realized my haircut.
"You know exactly why! See, you're laughing at me. I don't understand how she can cut my hair so short. I told her I want my hair to grow like yours!" I spoke, feeling tears form in my eyes as I sat down a bit away from her on the bed, turning my back on her.
"I wasn't laughing at the length of your hair, I just noticed one side is longer than the other." She blurted out.
I turned around and gritted my teeth in anger. "That made me feel so much better."
"I'm sorry." She quickly said. "And it's not that short, see it's coming to your shoulders." She said as she got on her knees and moved closer to me. I turned around and held myself from crying.
I didn't understand why my mother always had to cut my hair. She never let it grow properly. She had promised me she wouldn't cut it much, she always promised. I should've not let her touch my hair ever again.
"It is short! I look like Dora, she even cut my bangs like her." I complained. I felt my sister wrap her arms around me and hug me from behind.
"You look beautiful. It's just hair, it will grow again. Mom cuts it short because you know it yourself that you don't take care of your long hair." She said softly, her fingers caressing my bangs away from my eyes.
"I do. I just don't brush it sometimes when I'm tired. My hair is uneven now."
"I'll take you to Aida, she can fix it for you. She's good at it." Ansara suggested, mentioning our neighbor living across from us.
"No, mom will be angry." I said, straightening. It was a good idea, since I had school the day after. I had to fix my uneven hair. But I knew my mother would get mad again.
"She won't, why would she be angry? I'll ask her for permission right away." She said, standing up. "You go and get ready." She added as she exited the room.
A sigh left my lips and I looked around the room. Her room was very bright. You couldn't see any other color than white and beige. I liked it. It was peaceful and soothing.
My eyes suddenly landed on the book she was reading moments ago. I reached out and picked it up from the middle of the bed.
"A Walk to Remember..." I read out the title, a giggle escaping my lips while I examined the cover.
My fingers flicked the pages in boredom until a letter suddenly fell from one of the pages on my lap. My hand reached out to take the letter but someone else beat me to it.
I looked up to see Ansara standing in front of me.
"That's not for you." She said, putting the letter in the pocket of her jacket and zipping it close.
"I wasn't going to read it." I lied, standing up.
"Yeah, you weren't." She smiled sarcastically. I rolled my eyes and threw the book on her bed. "Easy there, that's schoolwork." She warned, taking the book and caressing it as if it was the most precious thing. She put it on her bedside table and turned to me.
"What kind of schoolwork?" I asked.
"You've started to ask so many questions." She said, putting her arm around my shoulders and pulling me with her out of the room. "I told you to get ready. I saw little grandma from the window, she just went home. If we're lucky, we won't encounter her on the one minute trip to Aida's house." She said as we made our way to my room.
"We are never lucky. She will catch us outside and give us an one hour lecture on how and why we should stay away from boys. I mean, why should I stay away from boys. Some of them are my friends." I shook my head and picked up the sweater I had put on my bed before putting it on. I walked back to my sister who was smiling at me.
"She is just dramatic." Ansara said, her words making me nod.
"Yes, she is." I said. We walked together side by side out of the house. I stared up at my sister for a moment and thanked God I had her in my life. She always turned any situation into a good one. She was the first person I went to when I had a problem. I wished to be just like her when I grew up.
Ansara looked down at me, as if feeling my stare on her. She smiled warmly, making me smile back at her and turning back to look at the house ahead of me.
~End of flashback~
I wiped the lone tear that escaped my eye and turned around. I truly missed my sister a lot these days. If only she could've been with me right now..
I composed myself and tried to stay strong. She was in a better place now. She was in peace...
I left the hallway and walked to my room. I entered through the doorway and closed the door after me. I felt a bit dizzy, the discomfort making me want to take a shower before going to sleep.
Picking up my nightwear, I made my way to the bathroom and took a long shower. I got changed and towel dried my hair before leaving it open. I put on my pink robe and left the bathroom. I entered my bedroom and looked around in the darkness.
My body and brain was drained for no reason at all. I felt too tired and didn't bother do anything else than go straight to bed. Which was very strange, since the last two days I had walked around with a few hours sleep only.
I pulled aside the covers and laid down on my stomach on one side of my big bed that was put in the middle of my room. I didn't move for a few moments until I let out a heavy sigh and turned around. I sat up and pulled out my robe.
I had my robe in one hand and stretched suddenly as a yawn escaped my lips. I knew I would get a good nights sleep since I was feeling extremely exhausted...
The robe was taken from my hand suddenly, making me freeze. I gathered all the courage left inside me to look at my left side, where I noticed a movement.
Just as I was about to scream my lungs out, a masculine hand covered my mouth and pushed me back down on the bed. I felt my heart flip in fear and I almost saw my life flashing in front of my eyes. "Shh, don't scream." I heard the familiar voice.
My body relaxed and I finally looked up in the darkness. I couldn't see him but I felt him close to me. He moved his hand away from my mouth and moved away. My robe was beside me on the bed, making me reach out for it and put it on.
It didn't take long before the lamp on my bedside table turned on, causing enough lighting in the room.
Walid turned around and my eyes locked with his. It had been two long days since I had last looked into those captivating dark eyes. I didn't know how I was supposed to feel. I just knew that my heart started beating faster and I felt like bursting out in tears for whatever reason.
My eyes moved to the wound between his shoulder and neck and he still had the white plaster on. I couldn't see the wounds on his chest because of the black sweater he had on.
I gulped and tried hard to compose myself. "What are you doing?" Was the first thing I asked. I was confused and a little bit scared. If my mother had seen him...
"I thought you were handing me your robe." He shrugged, sitting down on the bed, making me back away.
"How did you come here? And why! You should be resting." I said, even though I could tell that he had recovered a lot than the last time I had seen him.
"I came to see you." He said, his words making my heart beat even faster. Suddenly I remembered our whole situation and why my mother had warned me against seeing him. How he had treated me that day...
"You saw me. You can go now." I forced out and turned around and laid down on the bed. I had my back facing him as I pulled the covers over me.
If he thought I would just forgive him for every mistake he committed, he was wrong. Or maybe he wasn't. I would probably end up melting in his arms like always if he didn't leave that instant moment.
"I will go. I just-"
"Goodnight. Goodbye. Sleep tight." I interrupted, pulling the cover over my face, in a way to show him I wanted him away from me.
I was still shocked he had managed to sneak into my room. My mother had been very alert. It was a hard task to enter our house without her noticing but it was Walid we were talking about after all, I could expect anything from him.
"I will, with you beside me."
His words made a shiver run through my body. How was it possible to be that affected by a person? Only a few words coming from his mouth could make me feel tingles.
I kept silent as I felt him move closer. "Your hair smells so good." He started. I tried to move forward but it was too late, he had already grabbed the lengths of my hair. I put my head back down on the pillow and made sure to hold the cover tightly over my head.
"Leave." I tried to speak sternly, but the strength of my voice deceived me.
I heard him release a heavy sigh before I was welcomed with complete silence. I had a hard time keeping my eyes open just moments ago. Unlike now, I couldn't even close my eyes because of the adrenaline like rush I was feeling.
The silence continued until I couldn't take it anymore. I removed the covers from my face and sat up. I turned to face him and my heart did a flip when I looked at him, sitting just inches away from me, his back resting against the headboard.
"What do you want?" I finally asked.
"I want to talk about what happened." He replied, his honesty surprising me.
"What's there to talk about? You couldn't handle me talking to Jalil, without even knowing the reason behind my words. You're good at nothing else than judging people. Is that what you want to talk about?" I tried to keep my voice low, but it felt impossible.
"No. About what happened after. I didn't want to hurt you..." He trailed off, moving forward to face me. "I'm gonna hate myself for saying this but usually, I have no problem in staying calm. But when it concerns you, I don't know what happens. There's this bell ringing in my mind as soon as I feel like you're going away. A screeching sound takes over in my right ear, I loose control completely. I go mental. I know you don't understand me, or what I'm trying to say. I don't understand myself either, but just know that sometimes I just can't control it. I try, but I can't."
I sat still on the bed, not daring to move. It had been the first time he had tried to explain his actions to me. His emotions. He had never been that honest with me before. "Are you okay? You don't have a fever, do you?" I asked, my hand reaching out to his forehead.
The skin contact made me feel tingly, making me realize. I retreated my hand and slumped back. "You're really here." I said, looking up at his dark eyes, which were already fixed on me.
"What?" He asked, making me straighten.
"Nothing, I thought for a moment it was a dream." I explained, strangely feeling happy that it wasn't a dream. "But yeah, I understand. The thing is, you don't understand....that I want to sleep and you should leave me alone." I turned around and laid down on my bed, pulling the covers over my head.
"I waited two days, two long days only for you to not listen to what I have to say?" I heard him say.
"How does it feel not being listened to?" I let out from under the covers.
"I always-" He stopped his sentence midway, knowing well that he couldn't win the argument. "It doesn't matter. I'm here now. Let's talk."
"Maybe it's too late now. My mom will literally lose it if she sees you here. Please leave." I said, feeling exhausted.
I had already listened to my mother's lectures for the past two days, I couldn't take more of her anger. I didn't want her to worry or be angry. She was honestly not the one at fault for reacting so extremely. I had explained to Walid many times that she was more than just protective over me. She just wanted me to be safe and happy..
"I'll talk to her when the time is right. She have to understand-"
I pulled away the covers from my face and sat up. "She doesn't have to understand anything. You are the most selfish person I've ever met. How can you just expect people to understand you and your actions?" I asked as I stepped down from the bed and walked to the other side where he was seated.
"I am Walid Aydin, I don't expect anything from anyone. I take what belongs to me, without asking - without expecting and without having to f*cking explain myself to anyone." Something flashed in his eyes as he abruptly stood up, causing me to take a step back.
"Well, as long as I remember, you don't have anything in my house that belongs to you. Which is why I don't understand what you're still doing here." I said curtly, crossing my arms in a way to try and pretend that I wasn't getting affected by the change in his expression.
"I don't?" He asked, taking a step forward. My heart did a flip and I gulped as I watched his eyes darken and his eyebrow furrow.
"Yeah, you don't." I challenged, my voice not coming out as stern as it was supposed to. I tried to discreetly step back a bit, but it obviously didn't go unnoticed.
"I don't?" He asked again, this time with his eyebrows raised, giving me a look that made me want to slap myself for not keeping my mouth shut.
Walid took another step, coming closer to me. His movement made me take a step back myself. I knew that I would be trapped soon. I knew that my back would hit the wall soon and the mere thought made me panic.
I had been in similar situations before and I knew exactly how it always ended. "Look, j-just leave. My dad, I mean my mom comes to check up on me at this time every night. So leave before she comes and sees you." I lied, stepping back as he walked towards me as if I was his long lost prey.
"Answer the question and I'll leave." He continued until my back finally pressed against the wall. He stopped a bit away from me, his eyes digging holes into mine.
"What question?" I breathed out, not being able to focus on anything because I felt breathless all of a sudden.
"You know what question." His words made my heart beat even faster and he stepped closer.
"S-stop." I stuttered out. My fingers started shaking lightly and it felt like my heart would burst from how fast it was beating when he finally came close enough for our bodies to almost touch.
My eyes dropped and I stared at the other side of the room, trying to ignore his tall frame in front of me. "You shouldn't play with me. You will be the one being played, you know that already, don't you?" I felt his fingers on my jaw, his thumb caressing my skin. Even though his touch was so light, it felt like my skin was on fire.
I opened my mouth to say something but closed it again when nothing came out. Suddenly, his fingers gripped my chin lightly and forced me to look up. My eyes met his dark ones and I tried hard not to get lost in those eyes. I always did when they stared at me from so closely.
"So we're not gonna talk?" He asked, his fingers slowly pushing my hair behind my ear, exposing my neck. "Whatever. I like the language of touch more to be honest."
"I-I...." I uttered, feeling a shiver run through my body when he leaned closer. My eyes closed shut when his lips touched my jawline, lightly and teasingly. "Walid." I wanted to stop him, but I wasn't sure if I could. I was scared. Scared about the fact that I was feeling so much for him. Only a touch from him made me an emotional mess.
"Yes?" He spoke against my skin, his lips slowly moving down to my neck. My hands moved up and grabbed his shoulders for support. It felt like I would fall on my knees any second.
"We shouldn't.." I stopped myself from gasping when his lips touched a very sensitive area on my neck. The marks he had left on my skin a few days ago, had just started to fade.
However, from the looks of it, I knew there would be more of them by the morning.
"We shouldn't what?" He teased, his voice sounding extremely attractive.
He continued kissing my neck, making me feel all kind of ways. It felt like I was in a whole other world. A blissful place, free from problems and worries. Although I knew that it wouldn't last long. He would stop and I would come back to reality. His warmth would disappear and I would yearn for even a glimpse of him, just like I had been doing for the past days.
It didn't take long before it happened. He stopped and pulled away. My eyes opened, the little light coming from the lamp welcomed me back to reality.
I tried to control my heavy breathings as I watched him stand in front of me. I pulled my hair back in place and realized how much my hands were shaking. It felt like a cold wind had blown on my face when his warmth disappeared from me.
My eyes followed his hand as he ran his fingers through his hair. "Are you leaving?" I finally breathed out when he moved to turn around but stopped upon hearing my question.
"I have to." He replied shortly, making his way towards me.
"Why?" I asked when he stopped in front of me and cupped my cheek with his hand. I closed my eyes when he leaned down and left a kiss on my forehead. The gesture made my stomach do a flip.
"For your own good." His words confused me but I didn't question anything. I simply nodded when his touch disappeared from me again.
However, seeing him turn around to leave triggered something inside me. Without thinking, I stepped forward and pulled on his arm, making him turn to me. I wrapped my arms around him and embraced him tightly.
I felt his arms wrap around me tightly until I was standing on my tip toes. I felt safe and happy. Even though the guilt didn't leave my body. I was deceiving my mother. Which is why I probably was the worst daughter on this planet. Although, deep down I did have hope. Maybe Dania was right, maybe my mother would get over it. Maybe the time would come where she got to know Walid. Maybe then she would stop seeing him as the man who forcefully married her daughter.
I could only hope and pray for that day...
It felt like an entirety passed until both of us finally relaxed. I rested my head on his chest. The sound of his heart beating reached my ear and I couldn't help but smile.
My smile dropped when a thought entered my mind and my eyes opened abruptly. "Will this happen again?" I asked, looking up at him as my hand reached his neck. My fingers traced the white plaster and the painful memories appeared in my mind.
"Yes." Walid admitted, his eyes piercing into mine.
"Will Mikael come back?" I asked, the fear clear in my voice.
Walid sighed, as if knowing exactly what I was thinking about. "Come here." He grabbed my hand in his and lead me to my bed. He motioned for me to sit down. I moved ahead and sat down.
He pushed me back lightly until I laid down and he pulled the covers over my body. I watched him in silence until he turned the lights off, making the room pitch black. I felt him sit down beside me.
"He won't come back himself, but it doesn't mean that it ended. You shouldn't be worried though, nothing will happen to you." He spoke, his fingers playing with my hair, making me close my eyes.
"I'm not worried about myself." I managed to say even though I was drifting off to sleep.
"What are you worried about then?" Walid asked.
"I don't have to tell you everything." I said, turning on my side, having a hard time to stay awake. "But it's you. I'm worried about you."
My eyes finally closed and I drifted off to sleep, forgetting about all my worries, thanks to that one person...